I finished this book a while ago, but it took some time to put together my thoughts. Once I got over being mad at how much time I let this suck up (bookclub ladies, YOU OWE ME!), I think I finally have a semi-coherent review. It's only slightly more coherent than my initial reaction of "WTFHOLYHELLOMGBBQ!!!"

With that out of the way, here's the review:

This was an exercise in hate-reading. Never heard of hate-reading? It's a lot like hate-watching: as in watching shows like Glee or Smash, when you loathe every.single.character, but can't seem to tear yourself away from the trainwreck. Fifty Shades of Awful is a dirty, messy, Grade A hate-read.

I'm not going to bother with a detailed plot summary because by now everyone knows the basic plot: Ana the Idiot meets Christian the A$$hole and much (mildly kinky) sex ensues. What KILLS me about this book is how terribly written it is. James is the reigning Queen of the Verbal Tic, repeating pet phrases ad nauseum. I texted a friend at one point and commented that if Ana the Idiot referenced her medulla oblongata one more time, I was going to step into the book and punch her in the medulla oblongata. It's a good thing (I think) I purchased it as an ebook. Otherwise, the physical pages would have been rendered unintelligible from the amount of red pen, and the covers would have been smashed from repeating chuckings across the room.

Related to the poor writing, there is WAY too much telling, rather than showing. Seems like a silly complaint for an erotica novel, since they're all about showing (cue skivvy porn music). However, to SHOW, rather than TELL is something you learn in about second grade when you start writing your own stories. (Though the fact that this is self-proclaimed Twilight fan fiction, any claim to creativity is highly suspect.) It shouldn't fall to Christian to TELL Ana (and therefore the reader) that the sub has all the power. It just makes him more of a commandeering Alpha A$$hole and makes Ana the Idiot seem even weaker and more wishy-washy than she already is. ANYWHO, pretty much all the major emotional revelations are told to the reader, further distancing the characters and undermining any relatability.

Another major issue was inconsistency. Not a single character remains consistent. All the description, interaction and build up spent on creating a personality is undone by random, and bizarre twists of behavior or inner thought. Even Ana the Idiot's angel (subconscious) and devil (inner goddess (vomit)) are inconsistent representations of her inner turmoil. (This is beside the point that having this entire construction further renders Ana as a cartoon character with no agency or mind of her own.)

Many others will be able to write at length about the feminist issues within this book. They will do a much better job detailing just why Ana the Idiot and Christian the A$$hole are destroying the world. I just know that I like my heroines a little stronger and a lot less idiotic, and my heroes much less a$$$holish.

What I DO find interesting is Fifty Shades of Awful as an example of viral marketing and word of mouth. If I was back in college and in Francesca Coppa's Lit & Mass Media class, you can BET I'd be all over this! Alas, I just have these Goodreads reviews for ranting and raving.