Michelle's Reviews > Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James
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's review
Jun 07, 2012

it was ok
bookshelves: how-do-i-get-talked-into-these-thin, book-club-selection, erotica-smut, fiction, kindle, romance, what-s-all-the-hype-about, would-not-recommend
Recommended for: no one
Read from June 06 to 19, 2012

The long and short of it, is I just didn't like it. Here is the formula for every single "steamy" sex scene in the book: "oh my," "oh baby," "arghh!" Why does Anna sound like a pirate every time she has an orgasm? The first time I read it, my first thought was "Are (Arghh) you ready kids? aye, aye captain! I can't hear your. AYE, AYE captain! who lives in a pineapple under the sea..." Not exactly "steamy," you know? I guess is Sponge Bob does it for you, I just don't know.

As for the uber rich, super stud, fucked up 50 shades of Christian Gray...wait for it, I don't find him sexy. There I said it. I don't care what he does to that idiot girl. As a person, I think I can kind of get him, and I kind of care what happens to him. He reminds me of someone I used to know, in that I will completely change for love personality. I see into Christian Gray's future and I see crash and burn. Which near the end of the book I thought I was going to get in a literal sense, but alas there is another book. I'm not sure why there is another book, but hell, I guess some people got into this and can't just give it up. I on the other hand am walking away. Maybe some day later I will revisit and find out what happens next, but right now, I don't care.

For all those people out there that have this insane idea that women who do not like this book are somehow prudes who can't handle a little bit of "kinky fuckery,": read a better smut(I like calling smut, smut, and will on occasion read really good smut) book please! The scenes in this book are not hot! I think the only reason Anna thinks the sex is amazing is because she's never had better (or even other). A much better series is the Sleepy Beauty Trilogy ;-)

As for me, I'm off to find something more stimulating to do...
Are ya ready kids?
Aye Aye, Captain!
I can't hear you!
Aye Aye, Captain!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
Spongebob Squarepants!
If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
Spongebob Squarepants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Ready? Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepaaaaaaaaants!
Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh!

....man, you'd think Spongebob would be a little hotter now :)

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Reading Progress

16.0% "please tell me this book isn't really 532 pages!!!"
16.0% "if he is so great, why is she thinking about the energy efficient light bulbs during?"
60.0% "this book will never end!!!"

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