Katrina Passick Lumsden's Reviews > Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James
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Dec 04, 13

Read from June 03 to 06, 2012

Yeah, I've continued with the series. Why, you ask? Why, when I so thoroughly despised Fifty Shades of Grey, would I do this to myself?

Why, for the fun factor, of course! Bad writing tends to make me giddy because I'm much better at being a horribly judgmental person critic than I am at....well, most anything else. Reading books this awful actually brings a certain amount of joy into my life. Plus, I had a few people tell me they couldn't wait for my reviews of the second and third Fifty books. Alas, here I am. Unfortunately (for me), Fifty Shades Darker wasn't quite as bad as as its predecessor. Don't get me wrong, it was still awful, but the rage-inducing badness of the first wasn't quite as powerful here. Or maybe I've built up a bit of an immunity. No matter, it's still bad, and I'm still going to have a hell of a lot of fun writing about it. Now, the first installment in this series made me so angry, I could barely write a coherent review. I'll be using more source material this time around (but don't worry, there will still be gifs).

Very first sentence:
"He's come back. Mommy's asleep or she's sick again."

My reaction to that sentence was a snort of laughter.

We begin with a prologue of Christian Grey having a night terror regarding a childhood memory. I simply couldn't help laughing when his mom's pimp treated me to six utterances of, "You are one fucked-up bitch." In a row.

After the prologue, we're right back in Anastasia's head (it's a good thing there's room for us in there). We're treated to a chapter of her wallowing in depression and self-pity while wasting away because Christian isn't there to remind her that eating is a fundamental aspect of survival. We're also introduced to Ana's new job at SIP, a small publishing company, and to her new boss. Mr. Jack Hyde.

Mr. Hyde? Really?

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Psst! He's a villain! It isn't at all obvious, either. Total surprise.

After what seems a rather generous amount of whining from Ana, she and Christian are back together. Yay! All that screwed-up physical violence forgotten. It's so sweet, too, their reunion. Christian asks Ana why she didn't safeword in the midst of his assault (which occurred at the end of the first book), and she admits that she was overwhelmed and just...forgot. Call me crazy, but to me, this is understandable. You're not used to this consensual punishment thing (not to mention the fact that you never explicitly consented in the first place) and your man is enjoying viciously turning your ass into a slab of raw beef, and you forget there's an easy way out of it. I get that. Christian, not so much. He asks how he's ever going to trust her again. And Ana? She apologizes.

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Was I angry when I read that? Shit, yes, but thankfully, things ended up taking a turn. Ana sort of starts to stand up for herself and Christian begins to catch on that he's a total d-bag and maybe he should tone it down. This is where the story changed for me. It went from all-out rage-inducing (like the first book), to incomprehensible hilarity. I had thought the first line was good, but in comparison, lines like this are pure comedic gold:

"I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."

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Oh my, it's my dream man. He's crazy with a side of fries and he utters the worst romanticisms this side of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

The sex scenes are tamer in terms of their content, but they're also extremely limited in terms of content. The same thing happens every time; Christian flashes Ana a "look", during which his eyes darken (he might have a serious ocular condition), desire "pools in her belly", some undressing occurs, then there's nipple teasing, he blows, sucks, nips, licks, whatever, and she is usually pretty passive, save for her gyrating hips, which were once "caught up in his cool vanilla spell" (I couldn't make this shit up), and then....Ana explodes.

WARNING: Graphic Visual Interpretation of Christian and Ana's Sex (view spoiler)

Oh, and she apparently loses consciousness after every orgasm. Why is this happening? She might be anemic. She should get that checked out.

There was one really gross sex scene, though. The ice cream scene. Christian is dripping ice cream all over Ana, and I was going, "Ewwww!" because I really hate the stickiness of sugary foods anywhere on my body, and can you imagine that shit getting in your hair? (Oh, hush). Whatever, that's not the point. The point is, this doesn't sound right: "He shifts lower and starts eating the ice cream in my belly..."

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It's the Zombie plague! It's got hold of Fifty! It's Fifty shades of viscera!!
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RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Aaaanywho, where was I? Oh, right, the sex. Boring. Even more boring than in the first book because the same wording is used for nearly every scene. And since there are a lot of sex scenes, I experienced no less than 15 instances of deja vu. Even my inner voice sounded bored; "He slides his fingers in and swirls, blah blah blah, erection digging into my hip, yadda yadda, gotta remember to pick up milk at the store tomorrow..."

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The tiresomely redundant writing would probably be a little easier to deal with if not for the fact that the majority of it is used to express the thoughts of what is unquestionably the dumbest character in the history of literature. Ana is a mental midget. This is not about her choices, it's about her inability to comprehend even the simplest of concepts. I think my favorite demonstration was during a charity auction Christian's parents were hosting. One of Christian's "ex-subs" (that's ex-submissive for those who aren't in the know *wink wink*) is wandering around, apparently armed and gunning for Ana. Or Christian. We never really know for sure, but anyway, because of this threat, Christian has hired more security. Taylor, Christian's chief bodyguard, now has three guys under his command, and all four of them are cruising the party, keeping an eye out for Ms. Small, Dark, and Nutsy. After watching a fireworks display (during which Ana was awed like a fucking four-year-old), I was treated to this exchange:

Christian: "Stay with me a moment. Taylor wants us to wait while the crowd disperses."
Ana: (thinks) Oh.
Christian: "I think that fireworks display probably aged him a hundred years."
Ana: "Doesn't he like fireworks?"

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That's not even the best part, though. The best part is Christian's reaction:

"Christian gazes down at me fondly and shakes his head but doesn't elaborate."

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I had a really hard time not imagining what went through Christian's mind. You know what I'm talking about. "Oh, darling, it's a good thing you're hot. Otherwise I'd take you up in Charlie Tango right now and push you out somewhere over the Space Needle."

There were times, of course, when the idiocy wasn't restricted to Ana and her vacuous noggin. At one point, Christian and Ana are discussing his crazy ex-sub, Leila, and Ana can tell Christian is holding something back, so she snaps at Christian to tell her what's going on.

"She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday."

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Really? I know E.L. James is a Brit, and yeah, maybe she views this as the United States of Barbarity, but you can't just wander into a fucking gun store and ask for a goddamn CPL. In fact, in Washington state, it can take up to 60 days for an out-of-state resident to receive theirs, and that's after the background check. The stupid doesn't end there, though.

"Oh shit. I gaze at him, blinking, and feel the blood draining from my face as I absorb this news. I may faint. Suppose she wants to kill him? No. “That means she can just buy a gun,” I whisper."

Well, sure, if she wants to be all obvious about it. I kinda figured she'd go the subtle route and get herself a bunny.

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It was during moments like that when I wished I knew Ana in real life, simply for of the amount of fun that could be had fucking with her.

"Ana, you don't understand. It's so much worse than that. A concealed weapons permit means she can buy a concealed weapon. Concealed weapons are....invisible."

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Did I mention Ana's dumb? Well, guess what? She also has the emotional maturity of a fruit fly. It's worse than hanging out with a love-sick 14-year-old. Why? Because it's hanging out with a love-sick 21-year-old with the emotional maturity of a fruit fly. I thought I made this clear. You know who else made it clear? E.L. James. I was beaten over the head over and over and over again with Ana's self-doubt and insecurities. She's so unsure of herself, in fact, that she keeps asking the reader questions; "What is he trying to tell me?" "What does he/she mean?" "What is going on?" "What should I do?" "Where is our relationship going?" "What was that about?" "Where are we going?" "What is he planning?" "What is he gonna do?" "How does he know?"

Hey, Ana! Guess what?!

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When she's not whining, crying, giggling, getting railed, or giving herself a migraine trying to think, she's going on and on in these relentless inner diatribes about how hot/sexy/adorable/god-like/beautiful Christian is, and joy is erupting inside her every time she realizes she's with him, and she gets a warm feeling whenever she thinks about how much she lurves him, and on and on and ooooon. Her inner goddess (ridiculous metaphor for her vagina) is still annoyingly present, and her subconscious has gotten even bitchier (just how Ana knows what's going on in her subconscious has yet to be determined). One of the best parts about her inner dialogue is that she's always telling us what's going on after we've had the scene described to us. And several times she reacts with astounded shock that someone *gasp* changed the subject. (No. I am not fucking kidding.)

Ana is that special friend you end up wanting to choke to death every time you talk to her, but you don't have the ambition to tell her to go fuck herself with a rake, so you avoid her when you can, and when you can't, you sit around listening to her inane babbling like...

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Her insecurity reaches monumental, mind-blowing levels, however, when she finds Leila (remember her?) in her apartment. Lord Fisterbottom rushes in to save the day, of course, but then Ana watches him go all "Dom" on Leila to defuse the situation. Then he ends up at Leila's side, stroking her hair, trying to chillaxe the crazy broad, and Ana starts getting jealous! Right there, I'm not kidding! She doesn't want to leave the apartment because she's afraid of what will happen between Christian and Loony Tunes! Taylor has to forcibly remove Ana from her apartment, and the whole time we're treated to Ana's bullshit thoughts regarding whether or not Christian is going to leave her for Leila.

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Fucked up, right? There's a time and a place for insecurity; that ain't it.

Oh, then she finds out Christian gave Leila a bath. What that has to do with the story, I have no idea.

So are you getting the gist? Lots and lots of melodrama. Well, we haven't gotten to Christian's melodrama yet, so prepare yourselves. He starts freaking out on Ana, telling her she can't leave, she means everything to him, he needs her, blah blah blah, and then....then he says, "I'm a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore - my birth mother."












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Say what? Normal reaction to this is revulsion and horror. To give her some credit, Ana is a little horrified. Does she leave?

"Then it hit me like a wrecking ball. If he's a sadist, he really needs all that whipping and caning shit. Oh fuck. I put my head in my hands. "So it's true," I whisper, glancing up at him, "I can't give you what you need." This is it - this really does mean we are incompatible."

Oh, for fuck's sake.

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That is not the proper response to your boyfriend's revelation that he likes to abuse and sex you because you look like his mom! This is:

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*Sigh*

There's also a helicopter crash, a marriage proposal, a showdown with an ephebophile, and an attempted rape. Why? Because why the fuck not?

I don't even know where to go from here. This book is ridiculous. Even more so than the first since it's trying to sell the reader on this impossible scenario. You cannot change an abusive man, and it is dangerous folly to try. Quit romanticizing it. Fantasy is one thing, impossible delusions are quite another.

I suppose I'll close with one of my favorite lines from the mind of the magnificently inept Miss Steele:

"Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham, and - Yes! - peas from the freezer."

Yes!
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Peas!!!
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Word Count:
"Oh my" - 47
"Crap" - 36
"Jeez" - 84
"Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)" - 124
"Whoa" - 30
"Gasp" - 44
"Gasps" - 17
"Sharp Intake of Breath" - 5
"Murmur" - 91
"Murmurs" - 194
"Whisper" - 140
"Whispers" - 113
"Mutter" - 71
"Mutters" - 48
"Fifty" - 95
"Lip" - 47
"Inner goddess" - 58
"Subconscious" - 59

And I'm out.

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Click here to read my review of Fifty Shades of Grey
Click here to read my review of Fifty Shades Freed
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Reading Progress

06/03/2012 "Haven't started it yet. Still recovering from the first. Unlike the people who became addicted to this series, I'm having the opposite reaction. Do I have to? Ugh, I suppose I do..." 10 comments
06/03/2012
1.0% "A few pages in and I'm laughing.

"His mom, the crack whore?"

Lol, who PHRASES it that way?"
06/04/2012
17.0% "79 Notes Marks. Yeah, already.

Christian: "Well? Your last meal?"

Me: "Is he finally going to kill her?!?!?"

Alas, no:("
06/04/2012
28.0% "118 Notes and Marks. I can't help it, there are so many things wrong with this.

"...and the thought of someone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."

*Choked laughter*

If a guy said that to me, I'd call him a vagina and walk away laughing." 2 comments
06/05/2012
58.0% "Oh myyyyyy....is this ever going to end? I mean, holy cow!" 1 comment

Comments (showing 201-250 of 798) (798 new)


message 201: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Gabrielle wrote: "I forced myself to read all 3. I am soooo glad I did, because it makes these reviews that much more awesome!!"

Thanks!


message 202: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Chris wrote: "I would just like to say, you truly are a genius Katrina!"

Thank you, Chris!


message 203: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Amy (Turn the Page) wrote: "I'm crying from laughter - this review is amazing."

Thanks, Amy:)


message 204: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Danielle wrote: "You are HILARIOUS thank you so much for these reviews"

Thanks, Danielle, it was no trouble at all:)


message 205: by Katrina (last edited Jul 19, 2012 06:54PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Alejandra wrote: "My friend Laura doesn't have an account but wanted to leave you a comment so I'm doing it for her. She says:

"Katrina, This is everything I was thinking, but you are funnier than I could write! I ..."


Well, thank you, Laura, and thank you, Alejandra!

Nope, Leila was the ex-sub, the ex-domme was Elena. The names are so similar, it's easy to get 'em mixed up, though. Now I'm wondering who the ex-sub was when this was Master of the Universe (with the Twilight names). I know the ex-domme was originally supposed to be that chick that Edward hung out with in Canada. I think. It's been so long since I read Twilight, I don't even remember. Thank god. Lol.

The Britishisms were ridiculous! "Tossing her toys out of the pram"? Seriously? She would "ring" someone on the phone? Yeah, the soccer thing was fantastic. He enjoys hunting, fishing, and drinking beer. I don't like to stereotype, but soccer for that guy? OK.


message 206: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Jacklyn wrote: "That 50 Shades of Suck tumblr thing is hilarious!"

Isn't it fantastic?


message 207: by Katrina (last edited Jul 19, 2012 12:43AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Megan wrote: "So I absolutely love love love these reviews. I read them all then went to make dinner for me and my daughter and was still laughing about your comments! My aunt told me to read these- and I heard ..."

How long have they known each other? Uhh...before they jump in the sack? Like maybe three days, all told. And remember, part of the reasoning behind her giving him her virginity is that she's convinced eventually he might feel more for her than just lust. I really don't like that. Because if he never had come to care for her and she'd gotten her heart ripped out of her chest, she would have made him out to be the biggest asshole on the face of the planet for not loving her when he never made her any freaking promises to do so in the first place!

Why are some women so intent on putting themselves into these situations?! And we wonder why a lot of men roll their eyes whenever a chick claims "no strings attached".

Her spiral of depression for their week-long breakup was utterly fantastic. I've battled with depression and anxiety since I was about 12, never have I gone an entire week without eating. That's not depression, it's a disorder.

Ana has the mind of a child. She really does. I was skimming through my Kindle's notes and marks earlier looking for a line, and I came across the part in the third book where they're leaving for their honeymoon. She's thinking something like, "I can't believe that, at 22, I'm finally leaving the country! And going to London, of all places!"

Seriously, bitch? Yeah, 'cause everyone knows that it's like, required that you take a trip out of the country by at least the age of 20. God, get with the times, loser.

And "London, of all places"? London is a rather popular vacation destination, nimrod. Now maybe if you were going to, say, Timbuktu or something, I could understand this inference to the silly odds, but not London, sweetie. No.

I really think this whole thing might be a piece or erotic fanfiction written about a creepy rich weirdo and his fetish for the mentally handicapped. 'Cause seriously...peas?

I'm glad I was able to make you laugh, Megan:) I've loved meeting all these people who feel the same way I do, it makes the world a lot less lonely.


message 208: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Jennifer wrote: "Please tell me you're reading the last one!"

Definitely not again! Lol. I already read it, review is up. Not as entertaining as this one because that book nearly killed me, but it's up.


message 209: by Jennifer (new)

Jennifer Crispin Yes! Peas!


message 210: by Nicole (new)

Nicole BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Well I, for one, am truly happy you read the second book, this review is funnier/better than the one for the first book


Mihaela Florentina ROFLMAO!!!!!!


message 212: by Rhonda (last edited Jul 19, 2012 04:03PM) (new)

Rhonda Another smashing review Katrina!
I will NEVER read these books, as I said I tried to read the first one but I borrowed it from my public library so hence not a dime was spent on my part.
I feel really sad about these books being touted and lauded by the, yes I am going to say it, emotionally retarded. And I am also sad by the fact that anyone with a laptop and spellcheck thinks that they can write a book.
I am beyond tired hearing women wax lyrical about who should play Christian Grey... Charlie Hunnam, Michael Fassbender a young Brad Pitt.... EGADS I just want to scream!!! If only people put this much effort and interest into trying to making the world better!!!

I do not want this film made, but sadly it most likely will be.


message 213: by Jill (new)

Jill The peas bit at the end caused one of those beverage spitting from my mouth moments.


message 214: by Miss (new)

Miss Louise Oh that's it, you've convinced me, I'm reading #2 and #3. It sounds freaking HILARIOUS.
I've realised my disappointment with #1 was due to my unrealistic expectations that while the plot may be crappy, the sex scenes would be a good read.
I've been doing it wrong. It's not Mummy Porn, it's Comedy!


message 215: by Rhonda (new)

Rhonda oh and I must add that the gifs that you add only make your reviews so much the better! : )


message 216: by Rhonda (new)

Rhonda Miss wrote: "Oh that's it, you've convinced me, I'm reading #2 and #3. It sounds freaking HILARIOUS.
I've realised my disappointment with #1 was due to my unrealistic expectations that while the plot may be cr..."



Maybe one should read these books whilst listening to the Benny Hill theme music? ; )


message 217: by Miss (new)

Miss Louise Rhonda wrote: "Miss wrote: "Oh that's it, you've convinced me, I'm reading #2 and #3. It sounds freaking HILARIOUS.
I've realised my disappointment with #1 was due to my unrealistic expectations that while the p..."


I had no idea what Benny Hill was, so I googled, and Yes. Yes, you are totally right, that music sums up my interpretation of "Ana" and her inner dialogue perfectly.


message 218: by Rhonda (new)

Rhonda For those who would like a sound track to listen to while reading The Shades of Grey books here you go. ; )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXM...


message 219: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Jennifer wrote: "Yes! Peas!"

*Fangirl squee*

I love you, peas!


message 220: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Nicole wrote: "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Well I, for one, am truly happy you read the second book, this review is funnier/better than the one for the first book"

I get that a lot;) I think it was because I'd gotten over the initial shock of how terrible all of it was, and then there was some just insanely funny shit in the second.


message 221: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Mikky wrote: "ROFLMAO!!!!!!"

=D


message 222: by Katrina (last edited Jul 19, 2012 07:00PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Rhonda wrote: "Another smashing review Katrina!
I will NEVER read these books, as I said I tried to read the first one but I borrowed it from my public library so hence not a dime was spent on my part.
I feel rea..."


I didn't buy any of them, either, and for that, I will be eternally grateful. I've had some trolls on my first review trying to put me in my place by mentioning the fact that I helped make their hero richer, and I always get this insane amount of pleasure telling them that I did not in fact buy them. It's like the best bragging material ever.


message 223: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Jill wrote: "The peas bit at the end caused one of those beverage spitting from my mouth moments."

Haha, I'm sorry!


message 224: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Miss wrote: "Oh that's it, you've convinced me, I'm reading #2 and #3. It sounds freaking HILARIOUS.
I've realised my disappointment with #1 was due to my unrealistic expectations that while the plot may be cr..."


Well, #2 is comedy. #3 is...a little bit of comedy, but it gets pretty tiring. It was just boring to me. I hope it entertains you more because if it doesn't, you're gonna have a long, hard time slogging through it. But it's worth it in the end. You really get the full picture that way. Not a Picasso, more like a finger painting made by a drunk chimp with a nervous tic and missing digits.


message 225: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Rhonda wrote: "Miss wrote: "Oh that's it, you've convinced me, I'm reading #2 and #3. It sounds freaking HILARIOUS.
I've realised my disappointment with #1 was due to my unrealistic expectations that while the p..."


Oh, my god. I'm so going to try that.


message 226: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Rhonda wrote: "oh and I must add that the gifs that you add only make your reviews so much the better! : )"

=D


message 227: by Alexandra (new)

Alexandra Anthony You should publish your reviews in a book. I'd rather pay 12.99 (or however much EL James is making from her rip-off fan fiction) to read your reviews with the GIFS. I've passed this on to many Facebook friends-I even posted your first review of Fifty Shades of Grey on George Takei's FB wall because you made me laugh so hard.
Oh my!


message 228: by Kate (new) - added it

Kate The best review of the year!


message 229: by Marni (new)

Marni This is the greatest review on Goodreads or anywhere I have ever read in my life. You are my hero!


message 230: by Sam (new)

Sam This is the best book review I have EVER read! Thank you So much for saving me from the fifty shades trilogy. If only you had saved me from twilight *Sigh


message 231: by Kelly (new)

Kelly Ok, I have to admit that I read all intervals of this and all I could think was "why am I doing this to myself?" I am still befuddled ss to why it was three books. (Money) Why there was such a fuss over the sex (repetitive, yawn session s of cut and paste.) Thank you for this laugh... the word count is killing me....oh my.


message 232: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Alexandra wrote: "You should publish your reviews in a book. I'd rather pay 12.99 (or however much EL James is making from her rip-off fan fiction) to read your reviews with the GIFS. I've passed this on to many ..."

Ha, I thought about posting it on Takei's wall myself (because he's featured), but it felt like shameless self-promotion, and I shy from that. So thanks! =)


message 233: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Kate wrote: "The best review of the year!"

Thanks, Kate!


message 234: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Marni wrote: "This is the greatest review on Goodreads or anywhere I have ever read in my life. You are my hero!"

Lol, that's quite a compliment (or two or three!).

Thank you! =)


message 235: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Sam wrote: "This is the best book review I have EVER read! Thank you So much for saving me from the fifty shades trilogy. If only you had saved me from twilight *Sigh"

I don't think anything could have saved any of us from Twilight, Sam. It's OK, though, we came out stronger, amiright?

Lol, thanks =D


message 236: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Kelly wrote: "Ok, I have to admit that I read all intervals of this and all I could think was "why am I doing this to myself?" I am still befuddled ss to why it was three books. (Money) Why there was such a f..."

I think the only thing that kept me going were the reviews I was writing in my head as I was reading. If I weren't the type of person to rant through the written word, I probably would have given up before I was even through with the first book. And yeah, it's three books for the $$$$. Trilogies are in right now, unfortunately. Really, I'm getting tired of it because I keep reading trilogies where you can tell the author is just using filler to stretch it out to three books. I just wanna scream, "Look, if you can tell your story in one or two books, for the love of everything sane, tell it in one or two books!"

You're more than welcome, thanks for stopping by! =)


message 237: by Leah (new)

Leah Will you marry me?

This made me lol many times. On to the final review!


message 238: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Leah wrote: "Will you marry me?

This made me lol many times. On to the final review!"


You're in luck! I'm building a harem! Lol.

Thank you, Leah =)


message 239: by Akshara (new)

Akshara What's the harem address? Will join you just after reading the last review.


message 240: by Shiku_K (new)

Shiku_K I think Ana has MPD.

"My subconscious looks up from her Jackie Collins"..
REALLY!!!!!!!!


Lindsey Cook Really it's a shit summer read for shits and giggles. If you sat down and cut a porn set by set it would be no differnt you'd find plot holes and a whole lot of SEX!!!! It's mom porn and if you think your going to get some deep meaning to it good luck finding it! I think it's not as bad as you put it some parts are awful yes but if you get throught he first chapter and think you are going to be reading the next best book well your as dumb as ANA is lol. The topic it's self is taboo and it's thats to shock and thats the point so read it for what it is and enjoy the simpleness of the books and that it's a SUMMER read or don't and shut up about it if you hate that much why read it to blog about now thats stupid


message 242: by Marissa (new)

Marissa Hahahahahaha! Gosh, reading your review is so much fun. XD


message 243: by Leanne (new) - rated it 2 stars

Leanne can i get a word count on 'release' please? i feel like it should be up at least over 25...


message 244: by Suzanne (new) - rated it 1 star

Suzanne Stluka I had some of the exact same thoughts as you while I read these first two books, and yet here I am halfway done with the third! You expressed my sentiments perfectly.

And your review of the first book had tears of laughter streaming down my inner goddess's face (or was it my subconscious?).

Thanks!


message 245: by Bella (new)

Bella Rosso Now I know I love you...and chicks don't normally do it for me.... XD


message 246: by Gemma (new)

Gemma well its official, your 50 shades reviews are the funniest things EVER !
I have never read any of the 50 shades books but did have a grim curiosity but u have now satisfied these and i will stick to my "lifes too short for bad books" policy and continue to avoid them like the plauge


message 247: by Justin (new)

Justin I am still laughing from these reviews, that gif of Bloo perfectly summed up my reaction to some of this stuff. Either that or Tyrion tapping the chair, or Spongebob and Patrick snickering.

Good lord, you're awesome.


Lindsey Cook For some one who hates the book you sure go out of your way to bash it and if you hate so much why did you read the whole trilogy?? I's a summer mom porn read. If you cut up a movie porn you'd find hole in the plot people don't watch porn for the story line and the same for this book you don't read it for it be be the best book of 2012 you read it because it's taboo and risky so if you hate it so much don't read it why waste your time on a book you hate when you could read tons that you love and blog about how good they are. I just think for a book you hate you sure put alot of time into it and I find that funny


message 249: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Akshara wrote: "What's the harem address? Will join you just after reading the last review."

Don't know yet. I'm thinking we'll meet "on the green"...somewhere. Just 'cause I like the way that sounds.


message 250: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Shiku_k wrote: "I think Ana has MPD.

"My subconscious looks up from her Jackie Collins"..
REALLY!!!!!!!!"


*Snorting laughter*


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