Jennie's Reviews > Husband Hunting 101

Husband Hunting 101 by Rita Herron
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's review
May 31, 2012

did not like it
bookshelves: fluff, i-want-my-money-back
Read in May, 2012

I do not know why I continue to torture myself with reading shitty romance novels. Because this book is exactly like every other romance novel ever. Here's my summary:

Jenna: Oooo... I'm only 27 but my biological clock is ticking! I have to find a husband!

Zack: I just wanna sleep around. Committment = panic attacks.

Jenna: Zack is so dreamy, too bad he doesn't want to get married.

Zack: I can't stop thinking about how HAWT Jenna is. Let me draw her naked, even though we aren't intimate.

Jenna: He kisses so well, I just can't think about any other men. Le sigh. I'm falling for him.

Zack: I can't stand the thought of her being with someone else. Maybe I have feelings for her.

Jenna: Oh, I'll just sleep with him once and that will SHOW him I love him.

Zack: Hmm, that sex was mind blowing. I'd like to see her again.

Jenna: What? Sex didn't make him love me? I guess I'll start trying to date. No one will ever compare to this man who doesn't care about me but is terrific in the sack.

Zack: How dare you not be where I want you to be when I want you to be there. You are having dinner with another man? NO. Just fucking no. Come out with me tomorrow and everything will be perfect.

Jenna: Le sigh. One date. Maybe he will change and we'll get married.

Zack: Of course I changed. Let's get married!

I mean, come on, right? You have got to be fucking kidding me here. No? You aren't kidding? This is really what you think ROMANCE IS? No, no, no. There are girls like Jenna, particularly in the south. But you know what? Those girls are husband hunting in college and by the time they are in their senior year they have a fucking engagement ring and a candle ceremony with their sorority. The type of girl who is hell bent on being married and starting a family by a certain time in her life is ruthless in her pursuit of marriage and she doesn't wait until she's 27 to start.

Also, why is every romance heroine, ever, innocent? Do these authors really think men only like the innocent type? Because I've met lots of men and its only the super creepy and terrifying ones who give two shits about a woman's lack of experience in love. My best advice is: if a man wants to know how many other men you've been with you should run away. You are an adult and you have a past. His questions should be more of the lets go get tested and be cautious type. Further, how many commitment-phobic men are there out there in the world? Because if you read romance novels, its apparently ALL of them. Men aren't idiots, and they aren't emotionally stunted. Most men are open to the idea of meeting the person of their dreams and settling down, even if they aren't looking for it at this moment. In my life I've met maybe 2 men who were afraid of commitment and 1 of those wasn't really afraid of commitment, he just didn't want to commit to me. Let's be fucking honest, here. If a man is "afraid of commitment", he just doesn't want to commit to YOU! And if you don't believe me, please stop reading my review and go read He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.

Romance novels are possibly the least romantic things on the planet. There is nothing romantic about someone proposing to you on the third date. Argue all you want, but LOVE doesn't happen in three dates. Lust does. Liking someone does. And a proposal where the dude is having a panic attack and is chowing down on antacids is NOT FUCKING ROMANTIC. He clearly doesn't want to get married, you've just pressured him into it. You know what's romantic? A man getting up early and clearing your car off for you so you don't have to. A man making you breakfast in the morning because you are running late and he knows you have a big day. A man meeting your friends and making room for you with his friends and family. A man who misses you when you have a girls night out. A man who sits in the waiting room at the ED with you when someone you love has an accident. A man who is honest with you about his feelings and doesn't play games with your emotions. NONE OF THIS EVER MAKES IT INTO ROMANCE NOVELS. EVER.

And forget about the sex in romance novels. Seriously, its awkward (much like that word) and there is always not enough between making out and vaginal penetration. And then they have sex like 42 times in one night. I mean, really. What functional adult has sex 42 times in a sober night when they have to get up and go to work in the morning. Most dudes would need a bit of "help" to make that happen and after a while the vag just can't take that kind of friction. And what kind of "mind blowing sex" doesn't involve her having multiple orgasms? Who are these people who have simultaneous orgasms the first time they have sex?

Sex in romance novels is just weird and uncomfortable. Either you are an erotic novel or you aren't. And clearly you are uncomfortable with your kinkiness so you are NOT and erotic novel. In this case you should just not try so hard. They had sex. They enjoyed it. No need to draw it out and have the world see how terrible your idea of great sex is. Frankly, you should be spending your time on character development and building a relationship that I can actually fantasize about.

What are you waiting for, romance novelists? Go get on that. You're welcome.
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Comments (showing 1-9 of 9) (9 new)

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message 1: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Wow. Can I shout from the rooftops how much I like this review? Guess not. But I am going to 'point' to it in my group, More than Just a Rating.

Jennie Glad you liked the review, Cheryl. I'm sure it will make some romance fans angry but I just hate the genre too much to care. And this book was a particularly bad specimen.

message 3: by Diane (new)

Diane Thanks to both of you

The Pirate Ghost (Formerly known as the Curmudgeon) I liked it too!

Deidre LOL! I'm digging your review even while currently reading the book. It's like a train wreck. . . I just can't stop reading it even though it's so freaking obvious what's going to happen.

Jennie it's like a train wreck in slow motion =) hard to look away from and easy to see where it's going.

Deidre When I finish and the debris field is clear, I'll be sure to let you know just how scarred am I from this experience. ;)

message 8: by Carrie (new)

Carrie Thank you for this review, now I can save myself sometime and read a good book and not this one.

Jennie You are more than welcome. I hope you find something wonderful to read!

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