Merary's Reviews > My Immortal

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie
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THE WORST FAN-FICTION STORY EVER MADE. Obviously!!

I just discovered this today, and I couldn't help but think that I had lived under a rock in the fan-fiction world!! Apparently this is the worst fanfic ever and I decided to check it out. And then I decided that I didn't want to read it, so I listened to dramatic readings online.

I LITERALLY LAUGHED TILL MY THROAT STARTED BLEEDING.

Tara Gilesbie, you are the biggest troll on the Internet.

The main character is this girl called Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

This is what she's supposed to look like.

She's an exchange student at Hogwarts(in case you didn't know, this is a Harry Potter fanfic)and she's a gothic poser Satanist, vampire "goffik". And she might have asthma. Why . . . I can't even . . . and she's the most stereotypical Mary Sue EVER. Don't believe me? She even said this!!:


UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHH.

And don't get me started on the several grammatical errors the story has. It was impossible to understand!!


Basically, Draco Malfoy and Ebony (Evony? Enoby? Her name changes during the story) start dating despite the fact that Draco is a "fucking prep". (In the story, "prep" is an insult.)


OH. SNAP.

So, they get caught by Dumbledore (Dumblydore? His name changes too) and they're sent to his office.


See how easy is for them to get out of situations? That's because THERE'S NO PLOT!!! And they pretty much spend half of the time naked.
Later she meets Vampire (an emo version of Harry Potter).


And there's a lot of unexplained sex scenes between Ebony, Draco, and Vampire (Vampire even recorded Draco and Ebony doing it!).


Epic.

Also, Draco and Vampire are bisexual!! They even dated each other!! And Ebony doesn't know who she's with!! (The fucking bitch even dares to ask Draco if it was okay every time he gets sad when he catches her cheating on him with Vampire!!)


Oh, and Lupin and a snake ( I know it's actually Snape, but whatever) have sex.

With Dobby watching!! OH NO!!

And nothing and everything happens and I don't seem to care.
(If you want to have a laugh, check this dramatic reading, starting here:
My Immortal Dramatic Reading )
(AND HERE. )

I will only read and/or hear this when I want my throat to bleed. Or to kill some brain cells.

AUTHOR'S NOTE(Geddit! Because . . . OH, SHUT UP!! ) 5/30/12: I just realized that Tara Gilesbie made vampires uncool before Stephenie Meyer made that popular with her atrocious book, Twilight. I suddenly hate Stephenie Meyer less.

UPDATE 6/5/12: This is my most liked review!! Whoo-hoo!!


UPDATE 8/13/12: Can you believe that I have read this horrible fanfic like SIX TIMES already? Huh, I guess this makes me a masochist, a psychopath, and really fucked up.

(100 points if you can guess what fanfic is the underline phrase based on!)

UPDATE 9/15/12: No. No. NOOO. This terrible fanfic was indeed turned into a book!! WHY? WHYYYYYY?!!!! And it has been translated into a dozen languages. *twitches eye* WHAT?
I lost all in humanity.
I may weep in my corner.
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Quotes Merary Liked

“He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair
“Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was...DUMBLYDORE!”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS! It was...........Dumbledore!
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" It was...........Dumbledore!”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT Hargirid paused angrily. BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT" Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.
I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed . . . Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then . . . he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.”
Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal


Comments (showing 1-28 of 28) (28 new)

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Nenia *Genghis Khan soaked in sherbet* I feel like I've read something like this on quizilla, back when it was still a story site in 2004. did the sorting hat not know which house to put her in because she was so speshul? and does one of the other characters try to rape her? because the gothic thing/outfit/draco-focused romance sounds SO FAMILIAR.

also, hi! you don't know me, but your review was funny. :D


Merary Pikachu wrote: "I feel like I've read something like this on quizilla, back when it was still a story site in 2004. did the sorting hat not know which house to put her in because she was so speshul? and does one o..."

Why, thank you! *blushes* I'm always 99.9% honest on my reviews(The other .1% way to brutal to be shown in a review). The funnier, the better!

And apparently, you can only be in Slytherin if you are a Satanist. *shudders* Damn you, Tara Gilesbie!


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

is this story even real? in book form i mean. really? the fuck?????!!!!!!


Merary J4n3 wrote: "is this story even real? in book form i mean. really? the fuck?????!!!!!!"

Unfortunately, it is real. And what's more real is the fact that this girl can't spell worth a damn.

(It's a fan-fic! X3 )


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

I heard of it as fanfiction. I didn't know it was made into a book.


Merary J4n3 wrote: "I heard of it as fanfiction. I didn't know it was made into a book."

Oh. It isn't. But imagine how many will buy it just to get a big, throat-bleeding laugh. XDD


message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

thank the goddess. I was about to lose the rest of my faith I have in publishers. lol


message 8: by Merary (last edited Jun 01, 2012 09:35AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary J4n3 wrote: "thank the goddess. I was about to lose the rest of my faith I have in publishers. lol"

I know there's been some atrocious authors in the publishing book world, but who in their right mind would've wanted to give that TROLL a publishing contract?


Nepeta Leijon How DARE you say that about Tara?

JK, JK, your review was hilarious. You did a really good review!


Merary Nepeta wrote: "How DARE you say that about Tara?

JK, JK, your review was hilarious. You did a really good review!"


My neuron-tortured mind creates the most twisted comedy. ;P


Nepeta Leijon Merary wrote: "Nepeta wrote: "How DARE you say that about Tara?

JK, JK, your review was hilarious. You did a really good review!"

My neuron-tortured mind creates the most twisted comedy. ;P"


True dat, true dat :D


message 12: by HєllyBєlly (new) - added it

HєllyBєlly absolutely hilarious review of a book I have no intention of reading (what has been read cannot be un-read...).
Merary - are those illustrations by you? They are fab!


message 13: by Kaytee (new)

Kaytee (Flirting with Fiction) hahaha best review ever


message 14: by Merary (last edited Jul 13, 2012 12:04PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary Merary - are those illustrations by you? They are fab!"

I actually found the comics online. I thought they were funny and creative, so I had to post them! ^.^
The real illustrator is from DeviantART. The name is ChazieBaka, and the full comic is here:
YAY!


message 15: by HєllyBєlly (new) - added it

HєllyBєlly Brilliant images - here is one of my faves to go with one of your quotes:

Dumbledore Gangsta


Merary Bad-ass! :D


message 17: by Christina (new) - added it

Christina Wilder HellyBelly wrote: "Brilliant images - here is one of my faves to go with one of your quotes:

"


I'VE FOUND MY NEXT TATTOO.


message 18: by HєllyBєlly (new) - added it

HєllyBєlly LOL, good luck!


message 19: by Helen (new)

Helen Eh, it got made into a book because it falls into "so bad it's good" category. Like "Eye of Argon", except it's done on a purpose. No one actually thinks it's a good story.


Merary Katherine wrote: "OMG, I was on Tumblr and saw this and thought of your review:
http://incestuouslesbianponies.tumblr..."


OH MY GOSH!!! XDDDD


Merary Helen wrote: "Eh, it got made into a book because it falls into "so bad it's good" category. Like "Eye of Argon", except it's done on a purpose. No one actually thinks it's a good story."

But still! Now you have to pay for something you find easily online!!
Kind of like FSoG. XD


message 22: by Helen (last edited Sep 15, 2012 10:11PM) (new)

Helen Merary wrote: "But still! Now you have to pay for something you find easily online!!
Kind of like FSoG. XD "


LOL

Well, if people want to pay, they can. I don't think it's complete p2p, and free version is peobably still somewhere around. I doubt it's even the author herself that published it. But then, how did they manage to get it published, even at Lulu?


Merary Helen wrote: "Merary wrote: "But still! Now you have to pay for something you find easily online!!
Kind of like FSoG. XD "

LOL

Well, if people want to pay, they can. I don't think it's complete p2p, and free v..."


Probably since it's fan fiction, it doesn't have that much copyright.
And where the hell has Tara Gilesbie has been? XDD


message 24: by Christina (new) - added it

Christina Wilder Either this fanfic was written as a parody or it's legit. I've seen enough bad writing to know that it's quite possible that it's legit.

But oh man, that Tumblr post. It's almost too damn awesome.


message 25: by Jazmin (new)

Jazmin OHMYGOD I had no idea my immortal even made it into goodreads. I remember reading it four years ago on fanfiction and screaming and laughing until I couldn't breathe. Honestly, it's really funny you just found out about it! Everyone I know via tumblr or Facebook has heard about this and therefore, the butt of every joke. You're have for even reading this!! XD!!


Merary Jazmin wrote: "OHMYGOD I had no idea my immortal even made it into goodreads. I remember reading it four years ago on fanfiction and screaming and laughing until I couldn't breathe. Honestly, it's really funny yo..."

I've read this 10 times already. O_O
It's too addicting! D:
Like a car crash. :o


message 27: by Christina (new) - added it

Christina Wilder I'm kind of afraid that if I read this, there will be no going back. Reality will be redefined.


Meera You're review is so awesome. I read it so sexily!


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