karen's Reviews > Fucked by the Lake Monster

Fucked by the Lake Monster by Brandi Burlington
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's review
May 26, 2012

it was amazing
bookshelves: books-are-dirrrrrrty, monsters-are-dirrrrrrrty
Read in May, 2012

okay, i know what i said about not reading any monster porn for a while, but this one was too good to pass up.


for those of you who don't know who champy is, he is the lake monster what lives in lake champlain.

i even have a choose-your-own adventure book about him:

The Lake Monster Mystery (Choose Your Own Adventure - Dragonlark)

which i have somehow never reviewed. watch for that, friends!

but so i was fascinated. gargoyle sex is one thing, bigfoot sex is another thing, but champy sex?? how is that even physically possible, anatomically speaking??

so i had to do it, i just did. DON'T JUDGE ME!!

and i was richly rewarded.

this is one of the best monsterotica books i have yet read. seriously. it is told from both the POV of the monster and the young woman of his dreams. the monster-POV parts are hypnotic and lulling like waves lapping at the shore of...oh, i don't know - some lake or other. and it is funny and gross and i guess sexxy, if you read these for the sexxy bits and not for the sheer audacity of their premises.

but gross, really.

she imagines herself taking the gold in the cock-olympics:

six men in a chlorinated Olympic sized swimming pool. A pool full of hard cocks just waiting to be fucked till the pool’s water would look like the last bit of milk in an almost emptied bowl of cereal.

ew, right?
but funny!

and the way she was able to get around the size-conundrum is nothing short of genius.

hint: there might be a bit of lake monster pole-dancing.

this book is full of win.

when contemplating the massive output of champy's seed:

It was like Niagra Falls but better because she had caused it.

love this story.

the female lead in this is a marvelous creation. she only enjoys sexual intercourse if it takes place in the water. like a mermaid or a stingray.

but she is also horribly cruel - she throws rocks at one of her lovers after their union, when he is clearly someone who has been missing in the woods for quite a while after having wandered away from some special needs camp.

and yet with champy, she becomes creative and selfless, giving him what he needs after he has been so generous in attending to her own. it is almost an inspiring love story of how love changes us, but not one that nicholas sparks would ever have the sensitivity to write. fucking hack.

if you are going to read one monsterotica in your life, and you are, read this one.

you can buy it here:


i actually paid for this one, and it was well worth the $2.99 for the enjoyment i have received. i am very curious about the person to whom this was dedicated, auralie vierge.... i have heard through the grapevine that she has her own story soon to be published, and it sounds great, and i cannot wait to read it. in fact, between me and you, there are some great things about to start happening in this genre, and we are going to go on a journey together, and hopefully you can spare the pocket change to help out a few young aspiring monster-pornographers.jonathan franzen is able to pay his bills, brandi burlington might need a little help. and you can proudly say you were in on the ground floor of this emerging genre.

cuz it's gonna be bigger than fifty shades. believe that.
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 53) (53 new)

message 2: by Bibliomantic (new)

Bibliomantic Ok, now I've seen everything.

message 3: by Rachel (new)

Rachel Hartman OK, but when are they going to write a monsterotica with the Piasa bird?

message 4: by Arthur (last edited May 26, 2012 11:24AM) (new)

Arthur Graham Champy does Nessie - or would that be too pedestrian? Kinda like that book where Frankenstein gets shish-kabobbed by Abbott and Costello... So vanilla!

karen i just don't know how he would get to her....

piasa bird looks amazing! someone write that already!

message 6: by José (new)

José Ernesto Amazing.

karen i know! these people have such great imaginations!

message 8: by Nicole (new)

Nicole I think you should just admit already that you can't quit monsterotica.

It is a part of you now.

karen there is just so much of it available! and more every day!

message 10: by Jason (new)

Jason Koivu So very judged!

karen noooo - this one is really funny! everyone should read it!

message 12: by Jason (new)

Jason Koivu karen wrote: "noooo - this one is really funny! everyone should read it!"

Well in that case I'll get a copy for Grandma!

karen she's probably already reading fifty shades. this is funnier.

message 14: by Lori (new) - added it

Lori I love your monster erotica reviews. There is no doubt that this will be bigger than 50 shades.

message 15: by Mosca (new)

Mosca zoophilia--reading improves your vocabulary

message 16: by Ashley (new)

Ashley Chen LOL! I never heard of monsterotica. When I saw your review on my update feed, I did a double take :P Great review!

karen thank you! it is a sensation - the monsterporn!

message 18: by Bill (new)

Bill in the okanagan, in b.c. we have a lake monster called ogopogo...don't know if any girls have had sex with him yet though. actually i lived there for 8 years and never saw him at all.

karen i have never heard of him!!!

message 20: by Bill (new)

Bill well, i must admit, i've never heard of champy either. and then, of course, there is the loch ness monster. everybody has heard of it, i would think.

message 21: by Bill (new)

Bill if you google ogopogo, there is lots of info.

karen i think this girl would want to google ogopogo...

message 23: by Bill (new)

Bill hahahahahaha!!!!

message 24: by Bill (new)

Bill that may be the first time the word google has been used as a sexual innuendo!

message 25: by Katie (new)

Katie I'm just going to assume from now on that you are lying whenever you say that this is the last monster erotica for a while. I think that's a safe assumption.

message 26: by Bill (new)

Bill and happy memorial day, karen!!!

karen i am such a liar, it's true. or is it a lie??

thanks, bill!

Paquita Maria Sanchez Ogopogo! A sequel! I can see it already...or, well, maybe I just want to see it.

message 29: by [deleted user] (new)

Wow....A book out there I haven't found yet;) Guess I will check out this Brandi Burlington! If you like it, it must be good. But...the quote about the six men, made me vomit a little in my mouth.

karen there's more where that came from!

message 31: by B0nnie (new)

B0nnie The monster on the cover looks so cute and innocent!

karen he was! until some dirty girl started skinny dipping....

message 33: by [Name Redacted] (new)

[Name Redacted] I had that Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book! My adventure did NOT turn out like this.

karen that's the problem with choose-your-own-adventure books - you will always miss one of the paths...

message 35: by Ruby (new)

Ruby  Tombstone [With A Vengeance] karen wrote: "that's the problem with choose-your-own-adventure books - you will always miss one of the paths..."

Apparently not, if you're Champy the Lake Monster..

That's it. It's time to break out my emergency fairytale porn stash. Onto The Princess & the Penis..

message 36: by Samantha (new)

Samantha Boyette I love this review and I love that Monsterotica exists! lol

message 37: by Jesus (new)

Jesus Saldivia Lake monster pole dancing... I'm gonna have to check this out.

message 38: by B0nnie (new)

B0nnie Bill wrote: "in the okanagan, in b.c. we have a lake monster called ogopogo...don't know if any girls have had sex with him yet though. actually i lived there for 8 years and never saw him at all."

oh yes I've sat on his back in Kelowna (it was strictly platonic!) - but with a name like ogopogo how could anyone fear this friendly creature?

karen ooooh! sat on his back! that is clearly code.

message 40: by Shovelmonkey1 (new)

Shovelmonkey1 I read this whilst watching Lake Placid on E4. Combine the two and you'd get monster snuff. Snuff said.

karen wait - you read the book, or the review?

message 42: by Shovelmonkey1 (new)

Shovelmonkey1 The review. No monster porn here. Subaquatic or otherwise.

karen damn.

message 44: by Shovelmonkey1 (new)

Shovelmonkey1 Sorry. my brain is not ready for it. i am too under evolved.

karen i hear you. it requires a very sophisticated mind, fer sure...

message 46: by Shovelmonkey1 (new)

Shovelmonkey1 I agree. Once I'm over the whole opposable thumbs thing I'll check out the monster porn.

message 48: by [deleted user] (new)

karen wrote: "http://typhonatemybaby.tumblr.com/pos..."

Hey, that pix was beautiful and you just made it dirrrrrrty..................

karen hahaahh i just understood the subtext!

message 50: by José (new)

José Ernesto hahahaha <3

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