Inge's Reviews > Torment

Torment by Lauren Kate
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To: Daniel Grigori
From: Inge
Date: May 27th 2012 – 6:59 PM
Subject: Fuck you

Dear Daniel Grigori,

Words can’t even begin to describe my feelings towards you, but I’m gonna have a go anyway. I feel like this is important. You need to know how people feel about you.

I have allergic reactions to you. You are so full of shit. Even in a book where you don’t appear all that often, it’s still all about you, you, you, isn’t it? You are by far the most selfish, self-centered, narcissistic bastard I have ever had the displeasure of reading about. You are even worse than Edward Cullen and Damen Auguste, combined. You put the ‘suck’ in ‘fun-sucking’. You put the ‘ew’ in ‘jiu-jiutsu’. I wish I could head butt you and drive a cactus up your ass, followed by one of those starshots. I want to drive that cactus so far up your ass, the person who's able to get it out will be crowned the next King Arthur. I want to do all kinds of painful things to you and not in a Fifty Shades of Grey way.

It must feel good, doesn’t it, knowing everyone is waiting for you to make the most important decision ever? The decision to tip the scale between good and evil. Everyone knows who you are. I bet it strokes your big fat ego. I bet your huge ego makes up for whatever is (or isn’t) down your pants. Why would anyone possibly want to be with you? Even someone as dense as Lucinda Price knows there’s something off about you. She kisses someone else, but do you take the hint? No, you just continue bossing her around and telling her what to do. Well, guess what? Welcome to the 21st century, Mr Grigori. Douchebaggery is no longer sexy.

Speaking of Luce: your relationship with her continues to define ‘asshole’ on a whole new level. You know she dies whenever you kiss her, but in the thousands of years that you’ve known her, did that ever stop you from thinking with your penis? Nooo! You just keep on chasing your pecker and kill her every time you lay your dirty old hands on her, ruining the lives of everyone around her. Sure, she’s not that interesting, but people have grown to love her and you take it away every single time. Don’t you ever learn?

The way you treat others astounds me. Why would anyone want to be around you? No wonder you have no friends. You’re a total downer and no-one wants to join your pity party. Even at the end of the book, when Luce just can’t get away from you quickly enough, you still act like the arrogant son of a bitch that you are, completely ignore all the others and decide that you know best, leaving all of them behind, wallowing in your arrogance and thinking you can do this all by yourself. Sure, you don’t need any help, because you’re so perfect, right? You’re just a fucking rocket scientist, aren’t you? I’ll tell you what you are. You’re an asshat. You’re a first-class, one hundred percent, royal asshat. Like Shelby said, you don’t even know this Luce. But she does, because she actually spent quality time with Luce without being a dominant prick. The Luce of this lifetime is obviously doing something right because she’s running away from you, which is something she should have done a looong time ago. If not in this lifetime at the very beginning when you gave her the finger, then in the lifetimes before this one.

You suck. You suck hairy monkey testicles. You are, essentially, a raging thundercunt.


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Reading Progress

05/21 ""Hell on earth. That's what it's like for Luce to be apart from her fallen angel boyfriend, Daniel."

Image and video hosting by TinyPic Oh, you and I are going to have so much fun together." 7 comments
05/21 page 18
4.0% "So in order to find out whether Book 1 had been a dream or not (if only), Luce pinched Daniel's bicep. Aren't you supposed to pinch yourself to see if it hurts, you dumb cunt?"
05/21 page 18
4.0% ""You're here," he whispered into her ear."
You're here."
"We're both here."

*sigh* Yes, you're here, I'm here, we're all here. What the fuck does that even mean?" 7 comments
05/22 page 69
15.0% "So now Luce is famous and she has a fanclub. That's just great, she really needed another ego boost! Sheesh."
05/22 page 90
20.0% "Why would people be freaked out over Luce sending out bland e-mails? Everyone knows she's made of boring."
05/22 page 113
25.0% "Daniel leaves Luce at some random school without any explanation, then gets jealous when she dances with other people. "Your dance card is full. For all eternity." Hello, Edward Cullen. Who are you to tell her who she can and can't dance with? Boo, you whore!"
05/22 page 116
26.0% "3 pages later, he's bitching about her colouring her hair. "This isn't you." How would you know? You've known her for what, a month? Let the woman change her hair, damn you!" 1 comment
05/23 page 161
36.0% "Ha, maybe Luce isn't so dumb after all. She finally realised that all she has with Daniel is a couple kisses, and that it's not enough for love. So is Miles becoming another love interest? Does that mean there are three guys who want her, even though she's nothing special? Oh, hey Bella, almost didn't see you there."
05/23 page 165
37.0% "Please tell me Luce isn't counting the number of 'physical experiences' she's had with Daniel. Could you be anymore pathetic?"
05/25 page 304
67.0% ""If you make the area large enough, the surface tension reduces by a ratio that allows for penetration." That's what she said." 3 comments
05/25 page 330
73.0% "Daniel is such a douche, I can't with this guy. Image and video hosting by TinyPic" 16 comments
05/26 page 399
88.0% "The end is near! Image and video hosting by TinyPic"
01/31 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-50 of 85) (85 new)

message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Ohhh, I have this to read, but as of yet, I have not found the energy to read. I found the first one okay, nothing spectacular, but I bought the next two anyway. I guess I'm a sucker for a pretty cover!

Inge Yes, the cover and the setting are the only things that are good about these books. I really liked Sword and Cross and how it was depicted, and Luce's current school is very fancy and I would love to go there myself! But so far, that's the only thing I like. She nags so much!

message 3: by John (new)

John Egbert Bravo, bravo. *applause*

Amanda The Book Slayer I love it! I love how you sent such a wonderful email to the most annoying character. Breathe and remember the torture is over. Tell me you are not planning on going on with this series. I have to say if you are you might just be a little gone with the wind.

Inge Thank you, John and Mommyseymour!

As a matter of fact, I will read Passion. It's not all bad, just most of it, and I want to know what happens. Though I'm not going to spend any money on this anymore. I bought the first two books before I knew they were crap.

Amanda The Book Slayer well I look forward to seeing your review on the next one.

Inge Thanks. I hope I won't have to write it for a long time :P

message 8: by Sarah (SB) ღ (new)

Sarah (SB) ღ no chiz! lmao! Now I have to check this out, your review is AWESOME! too funny

Inge Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it :D

message 10: by Sarah (SB) ღ (new)

Sarah (SB) ღ I bet! I'm reading 50/Darker right now, so the e-mail aspect really hit a funny bone ;) Excellent!

message 11: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge I could write an e-mail to Edward Cullen, Damen Auguste and Christian Grey too!

message 12: by Keertana (new)

Keertana The things I would write to Christian Grey in an e-mail would make the e-mail to Edward Cullen look incredibly polite...goodness, that fictitious character owes me back so many hours of my life! :P Anyway, great review Inge! It's creative, original, quirky, sarcastic, and provides great insight into the stupidity of this novel. Brilliant! :D

message 13: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Thank you very much, dear! :D

message 14: by Zuleeza (new)

Zuleeza "You suck hairy monkey testicles."

Oh dear Inge, lets be friend forever!

message 15: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern Dear Geegee,

this was the best review to ever grace GR.

I've made some popcorn and there's gay porn in the dvd.

You up for it?


P.s.: Don't make brownies today, I'm trying to go on a diet

message 16: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge @ Zuleeza: Why, of course! :D It's a phrase I've been using for quite some time now.

@ B: Thank you, dear lover. I am most certainly up for it. Count me in. I've switched to smoothies now, for the exam period. Join me?

message 17: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern You're most welcome, sxc lover. I shall join you for smoothies, yes. Where shall we go?

message 18: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Wherever you want, hot stuff.

message 19: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern Your room, perhaps? *wink*

message 20: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Follow me. *sways hips*

message 21: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern Way ahead of you, babe *licks lips seductively*

message 22: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Oh my, I can't believe I missed that post. So sorry, lover, I'll make it up so you with some special brownies *wink wink*

Anyway, people are telling me I have issues because of this review XD

message 23: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern People are WHAT? Uh, rude much? This review is perf. I say starshoot them all to hell, lovah. *laps suggestively at brownies*

message 24: by Sarah (SB) ღ (new)

Sarah (SB) ღ lol, y'all are hysterical, I keep getting your updates because I posted, like...umm, 13 posts ago. I feel sort of voyeuristic reading about your hips and lips though ;O

I love your review! Screw em!

message 25: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern LOL Partake in the perversion, Sarah, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO~

message 26: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge There's a reason we do this in public *winkwink*

Oh, it was just a harmless little troll, didn't even have the balls to do it in public. She sent me a private message. I should fix my issues before I try to take it out on a fictional character.

Pssh, I didn't try, I fucking succeeded, bitch.

message 27: by Sarah (SB) ღ (new)

Sarah (SB) ღ lol, I can think of a few fictional characters that deserve it.

issues shmissues!

message 28: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Daniel Grigori, Edward Cullen, Damen Auguste, the guy from Hush Hush (from what I've heard) Patch is it?

message 29: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern Bitter whore told you do fix WHAT? Oh gurl I am not gonna stand here while this happens. Who was she? I'll shank her. Swear to god, I will.

message 30: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge A girl named Lyla, she made her account this year and has read one book. Haven't heard from her since :P

message 31: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern Oh. Well we can shank her ghost self, then. What a ho!

message 32: by Inge (last edited Jun 10, 2012 12:21PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Hahaha :D I love you.

message 33: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern I love me too I love you too Geegee

message 34: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge You better

message 35: by Bern (new) - rated it 1 star

Bern Woah don't tell me what I can or can't do!

message 36: by Tavia (new) - rated it 1 star

Tavia OMG YES!!! I feel the same fucking way!!! WHY THE HELL IS THIS BOOK A BESTSELLER???

message 37: by Andie (new) - added it

Andie Heim Wow I haven't read yet - love the first book - but your critic is sooo epic!! :DDD Made my day.

message 38: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Thanks for the comments, guys! It's nice to see my review is being appreciated.

Victoria You just sum my words of Torment. :) Great review, by the way! :D

message 40: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Haha, thank you! :D Just the other day, I dreamt I was Daniel Grigori's girlfriend. Now that is a dream you want to stay away from!

Victoria Really? You have a dream of him? Wow, that's just unexpected. Have you been thinking of him lately? ;)
*nudges you* When you think of a guy many times, you tend to have dreams of him. *smirks*

message 42: by Teresa (new) - added it

Teresa Inge, you stole the words right out of my mouth. And if I ever have a dream of being Daniel's girlfriend, I wouldn't consider it a dream. Nightmares, Inge, nightmares.

message 43: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge @ Victoria: Don't even go there! It's probably just because I still get likes for this review every day, so I'm forced to be reminded of him.

@ Teresa: Yeah, that sounds better. *shivers*

Victoria *smiles* Well, okay. Whatever you say. :)

message 45: by Christina (new)

Christina Wilder (blows a kiss) You've captured it, all the anger at this asshole, beautifully. And the gifs are perfect! :D

message 46: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Christina wrote: "(blows a kiss) You've captured it, all the anger at this asshole, beautifully. And the gifs are perfect! :D"

Thank you very much :D

message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Hey this review. You've just captured Daniels chracter. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM? It's like he actually wants to kill all the versions of Luce... Wait, maybe he does. :S Anyway I've just got one thing bad about this... Damen isn't that bad, is he?

message 48: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge TheBookCrazyPurpleCheeta wrote: "Hey this review. You've just captured Daniels chracter. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM? It's like he actually wants to kill all the versions of Luce... Wait, maybe he does. :S Anyway I've just got..."

Maybe it turns out that Daniel is just some crazy psychopath who's fixated on Luce. Sorry, I think Damen is one of the worst characters I've ever had to read about. He's Edward Cullen 2.0.

Haleema The Kitty and Red gif was probably one of the most epic scenes from the show.

Nice, Inge.

message 50: by Inge (new) - rated it 2 stars

Inge Haleema wrote: "The Kitty and Red gif was probably one of the most epic scenes from the show.

Nice, Inge."

It really was.


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