Ian Paganus's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Dec 28, 13

bookshelves: reviews, read-2012, reviews-2-stars, erotica
Read in May, 2012

Fifty-Five Shades of Graye

When poet, personal trainer, dorm mistress and real estate agent Ana Stasia reads an opus-type review by the reasonably successful middle-aged donut store franchisee Ian Graye on GoodReads, she finds him attractive, enigmatic and intimidating, if a little bit geeky.

Convinced her first post on one of his threads went down badly, she tries to put Graye out of her mind - until he happens to turn up at the out-of-town sports carnival at which her daughter is playing a team coached by his athletic and amply-breasted wife, F.M. Sushi.

The otherworldly, relatively innocent Ana is shocked to realize she wants this 55 year-old renaissance man, and when he warns her to keep her eye on the game, it only makes her more desperate to unclothe him.

Unable to resist Ana’s outspoken beauty, wit, independent spirit and tits that are even bigger than his wife’s, Graye admits he craves access to her - but only every second weekend.

Shocked yet thrilled by the prospect of Graye's fortnightly but otherwise erratic tastes, Ana hesitates until she detects the awesome swelling in his pinstriped potted plants.

One Swallow Does Not a Summer Make

Yet, and there is always a yet, for all the trappings of botanical and literary success – his multinational friends and followers, his vast girth, his loving cyber-family – Graye is a man tormented by the fact that he can’t get lavender or basil to grow for more than one season, he hasn’t read Dostoyevsky’s “The Demons” and he is consumed by the need to write excessively long book reviews on GoodReads.

When the couple embarks on a passionate, physical and daring group read between weekend assignments (and/or assignations), Ana learns more about her own dark desires, as well as the real secret of the appeal of Ian Graye that is hidden away from public scrutiny.

Can their relationship transcend their passionate physiques? Will Ana find something of Ian's permanently embedded in herself? Will this aspiring Head Mistress submit to the self-indulgent Master? And if she does, will she still find that the extra-curricular sub-missionary position is what she loves?

Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, "Fifty-Five Shades of Graye" is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and distress you until you realise that Ana and F.M. Sushi were made for each other, they piss off that extraordinary wanker Ian Graye and indulge in hot lesbian sex for the rest of the trilogy.



Soundtrack:

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dig Lazarus Dig

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxWS1u...
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 151) (151 new)


message 1: by Jason (new)

Jason Ian wrote: "Will Ana find something of his permanently embedded in herself?"

Ack! My eyes!! My poor wee eyes!!!


message 2: by Whitaker (new)

Whitaker I refuse to believe you actually read this.


message 3: by Jenn(ifer) (new) - added it

Jenn(ifer) did you really read this? I saw someone reading it on the train the other day. Then I looked it up and I saw this quote "I'm fifty shades of fucked up" and said to myself "that must be one piece of shit book."


message 4: by Bennet (new)

Bennet You are so bad.


message 5: by Steve (new)

Steve I can understand the temptation with Fifty-five Shades of Graye. It's a publishing tradition to go with what's working. Hope you have more success than Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, A Tale of Three Cities, The Four Musketeers, Slaughterhouse 6, Nine Types of Ambiguity, Catch-25, 108 Years of Solitude and 1996.


message 6: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Whitaker wrote: "I refuse to believe you actually read this."

Sorry, Whit/(Jenn), no correspondents will be entered into.


message 7: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Jason wrote: "Ack! My eyes!! My poor wee eyes!!!"

I love the progression in your exclamation marks, Jason!!!!


message 8: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Steve wrote: "Hope you have more success than Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, A Tale of Three Cities, The Four Musketeers, Slaughterhouse 6, Nine Types of Ambiguity, Catch-25, 108 Years of Solitude and 1996."

I would love to do a Legendarium of Eleven Tales.


message 9: by Traveller (last edited May 10, 2012 11:55PM) (new) - added it

Traveller oh... my... GAWWWDD... Warning: DO NOT try and drink any beverage while reading this review. You might find your keyboard liberally spouted full of said beverage every few seconds.

Now my only problem in giving this a liberal dose of 'likes' (ok, or maybe just one) is that three star rating. That needs to go down at least 2 or 3 stars. I'm assuming the 3 stars are for the original 50 Shades of Grey, since that is the title next to the stars?

If you made your version a separate book, I'd rate it a 5 star.

Hhaha, you simply need to read the first few paragraphs of the (actual) book to realize that it should never have crept out of the garbage pail. The entire setting is just so laughable and the actual writing so sophomoric that only a teen can really feel attracted to it.

(Not your version Ian - yours is by far superior)


message 10: by Traveller (last edited May 10, 2012 02:13PM) (new) - added it

Traveller Can their relationship transcend their passionate physiques? Will Ana find something of Ian's permanently embedded in herself? Will this aspiring Head Mistress submit to the self-indulgent Master? And if she does, will she still find that the extra-curricular sub-missionary position is what she loves?

Sppluuurtt!!! Bwahahahaha! Ian you crack me up. No, my name is not Humpty Dumpty. *


until she detects the awesome swelling in his pinstriped potted plants. If your mischievous intent was for us to read that as "pants" the first time, you caught me, sir!

* and please don't make pun jokes on cracks up, I couldn't take it. ..but since we're talking S&M pillow talk here, you'd want me to "take it" hmm?


message 11: by Ian (last edited May 12, 2012 12:00PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Traveller wrote: "please don't make pun jokes on cracks up, I couldn't take it. ..but since we're talking S&M pillow talk here, you'd want me to "take it" hmm?"

Thanks, Trav, sorry that my response has been tardy, but you seem to have tied my hands here. Denied the obvious retort, I've been sitting on my reply for so long, you must have been wondering whether I was hatching an egg or a plot.

The truth is that no counterstroke, come back or wry post came to mind. Now I fear I've lost the opportunity to parry your lunge with a quick thrust.


message 12: by Traveller (new) - added it

Traveller Did I crack your crack joke for you? Ah, my apologies at my prematureness.
I shall submit my review of your situation when circumstance permits. And what a submission it will be!

After you're done poking around the pot plants.


message 13: by Traveller (new) - added it

Traveller (Where have you been, btw? Busy week? )


message 14: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Traveller wrote: "(Where have you been, btw? Busy week? )"

Let's call it a mid-wife crisis.


message 15: by Traveller (last edited May 13, 2012 12:03AM) (new) - added it

Traveller Oh dear. Hope it's nothing too serious.
(I hope that was a pun on midlife and wife, and that there's not a real midwife as in having a baby involved)

But knowing your proclivity for puns, I'm assuming that is just a pun.
I hope it has a positive conclusion.


Laima Ian wrote: "Sorry, Whit/(Jenn), no correspondents will be entered into."

Ian, did I read what I think I read here??? hahaha!


message 17: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Laima wrote: "Ian, did I read what I think I read here??? hahaha!"

Ditto message 4.


message 18: by Sue (new)

Sue you always amaze me! i don't believe you read this :-/


message 19: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Sue wrote: "you always amaze me! i don't believe you read this :-/"

Yee of little faith. You don't become a man of the world by fat books alone.


message 20: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Traveller wrote: "Now my only problem in giving this a liberal dose of 'likes' (ok, or maybe just one) is that three star rating. That needs to go down at least 2 or 3 stars."

Trav, I've reduced my star rating to two, in the hope that you'll like my review.


Allison If you actually read this book, I promise my already good opinion will sail to new heights. Oh my goodness, my cheeks hurt from smiling at that review. Ally fans herself with her hand while the ice cubes readjust themselves in her glass of sweet tea. So Fifty shades is fan fiction to Twilight, I thing you should write a fan fiction to Fifty shades. Make it a novella. But I wanna read that book.


message 22: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Thanks, Allison, your review and Elzabeth's thread are actually making me think I should read it...more thoroughly. Should I?


message 23: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Allison wrote: "Oh my goodness, my cheeks hurt from smiling at that review."

P.S. My apologies about what I did to your cheeks.


message 24: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Jason, I accidentally deleted your post, would you mind reposting, sorry.


Allison Depends, do you think FM Sushi could handle it? Make no mistake, it's porn. But in some weird way it cracked off a layer of Virgin Mother that had begun to crust around me. It's not Marquez. It's a bit Herman Hesse though.


message 26: by Jason (new)

Jason That's ok, I was just doing a Leslie Nielsen, God rest his soul.

Jason wrote something like: "Shirley you can't be serious!"


message 27: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Allison wrote: "Depends, do you think FM Sushi could handle it? Make no mistake, it's porn. But in some weird way it cracked off a layer of Virgin Mother that had begun to crust around me. It's not Marquez. It's a..."

I'm torn between writing One Hundred Grayes of Solitude and Steppenwerewolf.


Allison You think I'm kidding but you could be the weird Al Yankovic of literature.


message 29: by Ian (last edited Jun 04, 2012 03:40PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Better still, for the lovers of equestrian erotica, what about My Melancholy Horse.


Allison I think you'll lose the suburban moms with that one.


message 31: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Allison wrote: "I think you'll lose the suburban moms with that one."

Sorry, Allison, that title might have come across as more suggestive than I intended it to be.


Shovelmonkey1 hey i already liked this review but now its saying that i didn't. is something wrong with the goodreads likeometer machine?


message 33: by Jason (new)

Jason Just like it again. That's what I usually do.


Shovelmonkey1 Done that thanks but I don't want to have to retrace my steps and re-like all the other things I've liked recently.


message 35: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus GR often unlikes my likes of Paul Bryant reviews. Have you found my review of The Butcher and The Fatal Bodice?

After finishing Gravity's Rainbow, I went on an erotic spree.

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...


message 36: by Jason (last edited Jun 05, 2012 03:24PM) (new)

Jason There you go, Monkey. I was in a "liking" mood just now. It happens.

But you're wrong on Life of Pi, though.


Shovelmonkey1 Wrong about this

Life of Pi may also be interpreted as the musings of a young boy on the nature of tragedy, spirituality and survival and about how you come to terms with things when the unspeakable happens in an unthinkable way.

or wrong about the one star?


message 38: by Jason (new)

Jason Wrong about the one star. :)


Shovelmonkey1 I just didn't feel the love. Sorry: (


message 40: by Jason (new)

Jason I'm only joshing, anyway. A good chunk of my friends who read it hated it and somehow we are still friends.


message 41: by Aloha (new) - added it

Aloha I have yet to read this. My lady friends who are into PNR and romance really dig this. So, if it's getting the sexy ladies' motor revving, you gentlemen should rethink your poor view of this book.


message 42: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus If it's getting your sexy lady's motor revving, I'll rethink my poor view of this book.


message 43: by Aloha (new) - added it

Aloha I'll let you know after I read it. ;o)


message 44: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus You should read some of my erotica first (see post 35).


message 45: by Aloha (new) - added it

Aloha LMAO! They're elegant and worthy eroticas. Better than any I've read. You should try to make some extra bucks by competing with E.L. James.


message 46: by Traveller (new) - added it

Traveller Boo! I'm obviously not a sexy lady then, just a lady. Obviously an un-sexy lady. :(


message 47: by Aloha (new) - added it

Aloha Meow!!! Hiss, hiss....


message 48: by Traveller (last edited Jun 06, 2012 01:13PM) (new) - added it

Traveller Aloha wrote: "Meow!!! Hiss, hiss...."

Ha ha. Is that for me, becos I don't like 50 Shades.. ? It's mainly the style that makes that I can't even properly get to the sexy bits. I roll my eyes too much to get turned on, honestly, and it's just so unrealistic besides the bad writing.

Not Ian's version, mind... ;)


message 49: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Paganus Traveller wrote: "Boo! I'm obviously not a sexy lady then, just a lady. Obviously an un-sexy lady. :("

Let me know if you want to discover your sexy un-ladylike inner self.


message 50: by Traveller (new) - added it

Traveller Ian wrote: "Traveller wrote: "Boo! I'm obviously not a sexy lady then, just a lady. Obviously an un-sexy lady. :("

Let me know if you want to discover your sexy un-ladylike inner self."


I'll send you a PM only if you promise not to tell anyone.


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