Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish)'s Reviews > Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire
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's review
Nov 03, 2012

did not like it
bookshelves: wtf-is-wrong-with-you-people, we-deserve-the-apocalypse, ugh-young-adult, ugh-first-person, speshul-snowflake, self-published, probably-wont-read, pathetic-and-or-stupid-female-lead, lowest-common-denominator, judging-you, i-hope-the-mayans-were-right, wtf-is-this, chris-brown-would-be-proud, this-is-not-a-romance, male-lead-who-needs-a-junk-punch, drank-the-haterade, author-needs-a-muzzle, not-for-realreal-just-for-playplay, curiosity-killed-the-cat, my-masochism-is-not-the-sexy-kind, for-the-very-first-time, why-we-cant-have-nice-things, trees-died-for-this-crap, supports-theft-s-and-s, should-have-flounced, me-and-ranty-mcgee, fire-your-editor-from-a-canon, caused-me-rage
Recommended to Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) by: The Troll in the dungeon
Recommended for: Anyone who want an article written on her that ends with, "And then she turned the gun on herself."
Read from April 28 to November 03, 2012 , read count: 1

11/3/12: Man, that was a long three months. At least it felt long when I was trying to read this. Proper review, or something approximating one, to come.

8/02/12: Okay, DON'T call my family. They don't need to be notified. I have changed my mind and I'm going to push through this because Atria saw fit to give this woman money to mass produce this thing and now Warner Brothers will be making some generic show or movie based on it. So, let's see what they thought was worth that money.

4/28/12: Well, the plan was to attempt to read this. I only managed to get a few pages in before the physical feeling of hearing nails on chalkboard became unbearable, and thinking about what was to come in the story I lost the will to live. So, for my sanity, I will not be continuing this one. If, someday, I do – please be worried. Someone in my family may need to be notified.

See comments for more.
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Reading Progress

0.0% "Guess I have to restart this now since someone couldn’t wait. If I crack up because I’m trying to get through this and Modelland at the same time, we all know who to blame. This is going to require way more alcohol than I have on hand..." 16 comments
2.0% "“What were thinking you idiot?” America yelled, yanking my arm.

I have a feeling that is going to be a big theme of this book.

And nothing is as hot as a guy treating some girl as disposable garbage. Right, Abby?" 4 comments
2.0% ""He oozed sex and rebelliousness with his buzzed, brown hair and tattooed forearms, and I rolled my eyes at his attempt to lure me in."

4.0% "“You’re only making it worse by brushing him off. He’s not used to that.”
“What do you suggest I do? Sleep with him?”
America shrugged. “It’ll save time.”

What a great best friend." 10 comments
6.0% "Hahaha, is this girl from Mayberry or something? She is freaking obsessed with his tattoos as sign of him being ~ohmigod so dangerous~. Really? And I just love that Travis is a "bad boy" because of the tattoos, hair cut, and – oh holy crap – he rides a motorcycle! Color me unimpressed."
6.0% "“They’re laughing about me having to take you to dinner, first. It’s not usually…my thing.”

That's so damn classy. Fuck me now, Travis!" 1 comment
6.0% "Ah, not Mayberry. Wichita. Apparently they don't have tattoos and motorcycles in Wichita."
7.0% "So, from the first time I've heard of this book people were accusing it of being Twilight Fan Fiction. Now, there's no actual proof of that anywhere. It was never posted as such. But...there is just no denying it when you read this thing. It's approaches Carrier of the Mark in being freaking obvious. Rameau has caught some similarities, and I've caught others. This one...this one KILLS me..."
7.0% "Travis is helping Abby study...for BIOLOGY. “…and somatic cells use mitosis to reproduce. That’s when you have the phases. ...
“Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase and Telophase.”

Twilight: ...we had to separate the slides of onion root tip cells into the phases of mitosis they represented and label them accordingly. (Quote continued in comments. I looked it up. It sounded that familiar.) I'm DYING." 9 comments
8.0% "It had always been a dream of America’s for us to date friends, and roommates-slash-cousins, for her, was hitting the jackpot.

...what? Just, what? Why? I don' know what? Never mind. I think trying to understand this will only give me a headache." 2 comments
8.0% "I love that Abby's known him for five minutes and yet no one knows him like she does now. And now she's like a snarling animal defending him."
8.0% "“He does. Everyone thinks he’s this asshole, but if they only knew how much patience he has dealing with every girl that thinks she can tame him…he can’t go anywhere without them bugging him. Trust me; he’s much more polite than I would be.”
WHAT?! And I suppose you believe Travis does nothing to encourage this? Like, say, screwing any vagina that comes within 3 feet? No, it's all on the girls." 4 comments
8.0% "And less than a minute later he ditches Abby to chase after a short skirt."
9.0% "“Every time!” America said. She looked at the woman. “How are you surprised by this? He’s Travis fucking Maddox! He is famous for this very thing, and every time they’re surprised!”
Look, NGL, I agree. If she's not an idiot she should know better and I don't feel bad for her. But are you fucking kidding me it's ALL the girls' fault? And not TRAVIS-FUCKING-MADDOX FOR BEING A DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT?! RAAAAGE." 7 comments
10.0% "“You’re not sleeping on the couch or the recliner. You’re sleeping in my bed.”
“Which is more unsanitary than the couch, I’m sure.”
“There’s never been anyone in my bed but me.”

Uh, exactly. You think crabs don't travel? How does Sheply live like that? That apartment must be like:

No, that's too clean. More like:
10.0% "While, yes, on the one hand you can see it as nice (and I'll even give you that it partly is) there is such a total lack of boundaries with this guy. He goes through her stuff and walks in on her in the shower without even a knock. But all this idiot can do is smile at how "sweet" he is! Ugh." 7 comments
11.0% "I reached across the bed and pulled open the drawer, finding three pens, a pencil, a tube of KY jelly, and a clear, glass bowl overflowing with packages of different brands of condoms. Revolted, I grabbed a pen and shoved the drawer shut.

You just touched that! *douses herself in bleach at the thought*"
11.0% ""He leaned in close and whispered in my ear. 'I don’t want to sleep with you, Pidge. I like you too much.'"
First, I don't understand why. Girl has no personality.

Second, "I couldn’t help but feel deficient in some way knowing he had no desire to even try to sleep with me."
What an idiot! She did everything but scream from the rooftop that she wouldn't and she keeps getting insulted he won't try." 4 comments
13.0% "“First of all…I have standards. I’ve never been with an ugly woman. Ever. Second of all, I wanted to sleep with you. I thought about throwing you over my couch fifty different ways, but I haven’t because I don’t see you that way anymore. It’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I just think you’re better than that.”

I can't even put my disgust into words right now.
15.0% "Everything he's said and done...and is doesn't matter because he said she's beautiful. You're an idiot, Abby." 3 comments
16.0% ""I don’t know what’s going on with you and Travis, but I know that he’s going to do something stupid to piss you off. It’s a tic he has. He doesn’t get close with anyone very often, and for whatever reason he’s let you in. But you have to overlook his demons. It’s the only way he’ll know."

But it's never incumbent upon Travis to be a decent human being. Or seek help. Lots of help." 2 comments
17.0% "She totally just changed because he commanded her. *facepalm*" 7 comments
18.0% "Travis’ mouth stretched into a wide grin. “If you win, I’ll go without sex for a month.” I raised an eyebrow and he smiled again. “But if I win, you have to stay with me for a month.”

19.0% ""The monkey grass that lined the sidewalk weaved in the gentle breeze, reminding me of the sound the ocean makes when I wasn’t quite close enough to hear the waves breaking."

There's so much awkward or wrong word usage in this thing."
20.0% "I don't even understand what is going on here, really. All I know right now is that I want to punch Shepley in the face. Once again, blame Travis for Travis's behavior not Abby. They're all idiots."
21.0% "Okay, first of all, he just fucked two girls on that couch last night and they're sitting on it like it's cool. Ew. Second, his emotionally healthy way of dealing with...whatever the hell happened, was to go get drunk and bring home two girls to screw so she'd hear and her biggest concern is that she thought he wanted her out?! Then forgives him to keep the peace because...I don't...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE???"
22.0% "Has it ever occurred to Shepley that maybe he hasn't been losing girlfriends because of Travis’s actions but because he keeps defending Travis’s actions like a moron? And would rather see a girl stay in a crap situation for his comfort instead of doing what’s best for her? Dumbass."
22.0% "I cringed at his explanation. I hadn’t stopped to think how it would make him feel to hear me talk about how wrong for me he was, and now the situation was too messed up to salvage.

So it's her fault for pointing out he indiscriminately brings home women to screw on his Body Fluid Receptacle aka couch! OF COURSE IT IS."
22.0% "I really hate the world in which we live that anyone considers this YA appropriate. It's one thing for kids to get their hands on something, it's another to market something this damn inappropriate to them. Now Atria and the WB are pushing it as YA, too. I suppose I should be happy that at least these characters are adults. YA books coming out about 17 year olds seducing people and now this crap. Ugh."
24.0% "Travis slammed the door, and I had to jerk my head back before it caught me in the face. “What?” I snapped.

His reaction to her talking to another boy. Because she should be alone while he goes out and does ALL the girls. This type of behavior is also, apparently, not a red flag for her. He almost slams her face in a door, and everything is cool." 5 comments
27.0% "But...I...what am I reading? So now she's being eyed as a whore for juggling two guys when she isn't juggling two guys and Travis is...apparently there's nothing wrong with Travis." 6 comments
29.0% "Your "friends" interrupt the end of your date being idiots because you're making out with this guy. And you're all "I have to go." You don't have to do anything but tell them to "fuck off". And then Parker, seeing the tenuous situation with a violent drunk just takes off instead of staying to make sure she's okay? McGuire couldn't write a single decent person into this story?" 3 comments
29.0% ""Haven’t you ever made out with someone, Travis? Haven’t you just messed around without letting it get that far?”
He frowned and shook his head as if I was speaking gibberish. “What’s the point in that?"

Are there even words?" 6 comments
29.0% "He doesn't want to know if she sleeps with Parker. He can't deal with it.

Keep in mind he fucked two girls at the same time on the couch not too long ago so she'd hear.

I'm just sayin'." 2 comments
29.0% "Yes, God forbid someone doesn't lose their virginity while they're still a child. It's totally something about which someone should feel shame." 3 comments
30.0% "Saying the word "virgin" in front of this asshole is apparently the same thing as waving a red flag in front of a bull.

What in the hell is going...ASDGHJLASLDGNLDJFLGHDFABLLSKDJAGSB!" 2 comments
30.0% "I raked my wet hair back with my fingers. “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t like the way we said goodbye last night..."

You didn't. You took off and left her with the angry, violent drunk.

Oh and look, he sure showed up Travis giving her an ostentatious diamond bracelet after they've been dating a week. It's not so much a "Happy Birthday, Abby!" present as a "Fuck you, Travis!" present. Ugh."
31.0% "“Who in the hell let me drink that much last night?”
America sneered, “You did. You went out and bought a fifth after Abby left with Parker, and killed the whole thing by the time she got back.”

Gets all A's without having to study. Has a perfect body without exercising. Gets ALL the girls with no effort. And apparently is impervious to alcohol poisoning." 2 comments
31.0% "Travis’ eyes unfocused, scanning his memories of the night before. I worked to stifle my temper. If he didn’t remember pulling me from the car, he wouldn’t remember how close I came to handing my virginity to him on a silver platter.

There's no part of that paragraph that doesn't have me wanting to set these characters on fire."
31.0% "I had been divided into two separate people; the docile, polite person I was with Parker, and the angry, confused, frustrated person I turned into around Travis.

And yet, who will she choose?!" 2 comments
33.0% "“Happy birthday from the football team, baby girl,” he smiled, pouring each shot glass full of Petron.

That is not how you spell Patrón! /iratetequilalover

“This is really a waste, Brazil.” I said, wiping the corners of my mouth. “You shoot Cuervo, not Petron.”

EXACTLY, Abby. Exactly. Dumb kids. And that's still not how you spell it. It isn't spelled right once. Google is your friend, McGuire." 4 comments
33.0% "“I am totally hustling them. I’ve played this game with my dad since I was sixteen.”
“Oh,” he said, frowning with disapproval. “You drank Tequila with your dad?”
I shrugged. “It was his way of bonding.”

And much about Abby Abernathy was explained with that exchange." 18 comments
35.0% "I got thrown in Twitter jail during an epic rant. Bastards. So back to this crap.

Shepley and America got into a huge fight because he was pissed she encouraged Abby to drink over 15 shots of tequila at her party. I'm a little confused. He has the capacity to care about other people? Oh, no, he kicked his super drunk girlfriend out of the apartment and let her find her way home on her own. That's the Shep we hate!"
35.0% "“Easy, Pidge. He feels bad enough,” Travis said.

Nice to know Travis is just as much of a douchebag enabler as Shepley."
35.0% "“He called me irresponsible! Me! As if I don’t know you! As if I haven’t seen you rob your dad of hundreds of dollars drinking twice as much. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about!

Yeah, what an asshole! Being concerned for someone's welfare! I'm sure it's because she's not used to seeing that from him."
36.0% "“Travis threw you that party, Abby, and you go off and make out with Parker. And you wonder why everyone is talking about you!”

What in the hell, America? Worst best friend EVER. She kissed the guy she's dating! Not Mr. I Don't ~Do Relationships.

“I’m not mad at you. I just don’t associate with complete idiots.”

Long since passed the point of no return on that one. Look in the mirror."
36.0% "OMG, America is causing me so much rage with this idiotic tirade. The nerve that she just said that line about not associating with complete idiots is so ironic I want to vomit. This boils down to her calling Abby a cock teasing whore. Everything is her fault and Travis has done nothing wrong. WHAT IN THE HELL? OMG. And Abby is having a rare moment of clarity in the face of America's stupidity." 2 comments
37.0% "Oh Lord, they brought a puppy into this mess. That's...horrifying. And not because Travis is using him as an obvious ploy to manipulate Abby. I just imagine later, when Travis lets his psycho flag fly, that scene in Anchorman happening, when the dude punts Ron Burgundy's dog, Baxter, off a bridge. I have an angry, worried face." 6 comments
37.0% "There are all these moments that are supposed to be really cute (and could have been in capable hands) and yet my face is all:

37.0% "“There’s a rumor,” Shepley began. “Everyone’s saying that Travis took Abby home and…the details are different, but it’s pretty bad.”
How small is this school? Another reason why this reads like it was written in a high school setting, then changed later. Or I made a really good decision going to a giant university.
My mouth fell open. “Great! So I’m the school slut now?”
Yep. Abby, not not Travis."
38.0% "I'm kind of torn here. That was a pretty unhinged reaction from Travis. Red warning flags going up everywhere. But I can't feel all that bad for that Chris douche after what he said. Part of that no likable characters thing this book has going."
39.0% "“I meant what I said before. You need to walk away, Pidge. God knows I can’t walk away from you.”

That sounds awfully familiar, too."
39.0% "“I watch you sleeping a lot. You always look so peaceful. I don’t have that kind of quiet. I have all this anger and rage boiling inside of me—except when I watch you sleep."

So does that!"
39.0% "Travis lets Parker think he and Abby slept together. Now the entire school things she's a whore (because they also think she slept with Parker that night) and she says it doesn't matter. She's not mad. It's just loveable old Travis. That scamp!" 6 comments
39.0% ""I don’t want you thinking I’m some psycho that goes around attacking people over the tiniest thing.”

40.0% "Travis punched his palm. “Do you want me to go beat the piss out of Finch? Teach him a lesson? I’ll take him out.”

It's not a funny joke when that's a thing you actually do."
41.0% "Oh God. Cafeteria sing I watching a 90's Freddie Prinze, Jr. movie?

1.How often does Travis do this that Shepley knew what was coming?
2.People eat on those tables, Travis. Get your ass down.
3.Did McGuire get permission for those lyrics?
5.SO cheesy. I can't.
6.This writing, ugh.
7.Is this high school?
8.The irony of Travis singing he can't get no satisfaction." 2 comments
41.0% "Stepping back for a second. Hahaha this dedication: “For the fans whose love for a story turned a wish into the book in your hand.”

You forgot Lucifer, Jamie. He won't be pleased."
42.0% "I am so confused. They've basically become a monogamous couple in every way. The apparently don't consider themselves together, yet they're acting like they're breaking up because she's going back to her dorms. What is going on here?"
42.0% "I pressed my forehead against his neck, and he squeezed me tighter. “This is silly,” I said. “We’re going to see each other every day.”
“You know that’s not true.”
The weight of the grief we both felt was crushing...

This is giving me a headache. She's not dying or leaving the damn state. And since none of the logical reasons for not being together are a problem for them THEN WHAT IS THE DAMN PROBLEM?!" 5 comments
42.0% "You know what's fun? Reading a YA with sex scenes as explicit as my adult romance novels. (Apparently, others are even more so judging by some status updates and reviews I've seen.) The world today makes sense."
43.0% "I had thought once Travis slept with me his curiosity would be satiated, but instead he was talking about forever. My eyes snapped shut with the thought of his expression when he learned that what had happened between us wasn’t a beginning, it was closure.

Are you freaking kidding me?! If I hadn't already read Twilight I would wonder how someone could be so obtuse. HE HAS BEEN CRYSTAL DAMN CLEAR, ABBY."
44.0% "Christ, Travis is freaking psychotic. I actually think he has a right to be really pissed. Abby is an asshole. Who does something like that? But ripping apart the apartment? That's not a normal expression of anger. He has no control over himself. People think this is an 'OHMIGOD realistic' romance that would have a happy ending? And I love how America witnesses this and her first instinct is to push Abby TOWARD him." 2 comments
45.0% "Tell me, damn it! Tell me what the fuck I did to you to make you do this!”
I stood my ground, staring straight into his eyes. “You didn’t do anything to me. Since when is sex so life or death to you?”
“Since it was with you!”

Which is stupid fucking obvious. I'm not sure what's pissing me off more: her actions or the fact that I feel bad for Travis right now."
45.0% "That excitement I had in the beginning was noticeably absent, and I silently cursed Travis for taking that away.

46.0% "...we sat on the couch to watch a movie, but before the beginning credits were over, Parker had me on my back. I was glad I had chosen to wear jeans; I wouldn’t have been able to fend him off as easily in a dress.

48.0% "Abby does Travis then goes out with Parker, Travis calls, America, Parker, Abby, Travis...What am I even reading right now?? THERE IS SO MUCH MIND-BOGGLING, STUPID FUCKING SHIT GOING ON.

Screw this! I'm not catching up tonight. All my status updates right now will be nothing but ragey gifs."
48.0% "Sigh. KMN.

“Well, that’s a first. I’ve never had a girl sleep with me to get me to leave her alone,” he said, keeping his back to me.
“That’s not what it was, Travis,” I lied, ashamed that he had guessed my intentions without realizing how right he was.

You're a good friend, too, Abby. Also, what? What in the hell kind of logic is that?" 2 comments
48.0% "“How can you not know? It’s obvious to everyone else but you!” he said, exasperated.

Yeah, well, she's not that bright.

“I guess I’m just an idiot, then. You’re on a roll tonight, Trav,” I said, reaching for the door handle.

So, we're all agreed then.

He gripped my shoulders. “The way I feel about you…it’s crazy.”

So call me maybe?
(Sorry, couldn't help it!)"
48.0% ""I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything, ever. When you’re around, I don’t need booze, or money, or the fighting, or the one-night stands…all I need is you."

That is super romantic, yo. And you can tell it's a healthy love since he says she replaces all of his destructive vices. I can just smell HEA now!" 2 comments
49.0% "Toto scampered down the hall and wagged his tiny tail, pawing at my legs.

Yay, puppy! I swear this is the first we've heard of this dog since Travis tore the apartment apart. I really thought he did kill him or something."
49.0% "Dear Children,

Apparently, guys, even if you've fucked like five hundred women, as long as you've always worn a condom, you're clean! Because condoms never fail. Ever.

And ladies, mental math of your menstrual cycle figuring that the sex is occurring two days before your period is totally foolproof birth control. Always.

Go forth and copulate unprotected! Nothing bad will happen.

Jamie McGuire" 14 comments
51.0% "So...this guy makes some assholish but ultimately harmless wisecracks. And that was deserving of getting his face bashed in? And Abby encourages Travis to do this. And the cafeteria watches and no one does anything, not even call the cops. Because, you know, that was unprovoked assault. JFC. [More ranting in comments!]" 3 comments
51.0% "“You okay, Trav?” Shepley asked.

By all means, let's worry if Travis is okay and not the guy he left bleeding and broken on the floor.

Shepley shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m surprised you stopped.”
“Pidge said to teach him some manners, Shep, not kill him. It took everything I had to quit when I did.”

. . .stupid words and he would have killed him. I can't."
51.0% "“Now is not a good time, Parker. It’s a really, really bad time, actually. Travis and Chris got into it at lunch, and he’s still a little raw. You need to go.”

Do I even need to SAY what is wrong with this?!" 3 comments
53.0% "That reaction to some guy paying for her drink against her will is totally appropriate and not at all disturbingly possessive and over the top. Nope. All's well and healthy in this relationship. Nothing to see here. Move along now."
53.0% "“I wouldn’t have swung if I thought I could have hit you. You know that right?”

No, she doesn't know that, asshole. You have no fucking control of yourself. There was no reason to be hitting anyone in the first place and then you do it when she is in the way such that she ends up on the floor with the guy. All because you need to be that possessive and controlling. BUT THERE IS NOTHING UNHEALTHY ABOUT THIS."
54.0% "“I’m gonna fuck up. I’m gonna fuck up a lot, Pidge, but you have to forgive me.”

What?! Okay, now I want to fucking hit something. This book should come with a god damn punching bag."
54.0% "“I’m going to have a huge bruise on my ass in the morning! You hit that guy because you were pissed at me! What should that tell me? Because red flags are going up all over the place right now!”

“I’ve never hit a girl in my life,” he said, surprised at my words.

“And I’m not about to be the first one!” I said, tugging on the door. “Move, damn it!”

Uhhhhhhhhhhh... Yes? Yes, exactly. WTF?"
54.0% "And there goes "best friend" America trying to get her to forgive him the next morning.

And here he is on his knees.

“Let’s get something straight; you’re not a piece of shit, you’re amazing.

54.0% "“Do you know what co-dependency is, Abby? Your boyfriend is a prime example, which is creepy considering he went from having no respect for women at all to thinking he needs you to breathe.”
“It’s dangerous to need someone that much. You’re trying to save him and he’s hoping you can. You two are a disaster.”

Thank you, Kara, for being the only character with a modicum of intelligence. OFC you're the "bitch"." 5 comments
58.0% "Wait . . . what?" 4 comments
58.0% "“Mr. Maddox, think you could tone it down until after class?” Professor Chaney said, reacting to my giggling as Travis nuzzled my neck.
I cleared my throat, feeling my cheeks radiate with embarrassment.
“I don’t think so, Dr. Chaney. Have you gotten a good look at my girl?” Travis said, gesturing to me.

Excuse me, I just vomited a full day's worth in my mouth.

Love how the prof did nothing."
58.0% ""You’re going to push him too far and I’m not going to feel sorry for you when he puts his boot in your ass.”

Nice, Abby. Though Parker is getting even creepier and stalkerish. And you know the best way to get a girl you never had back is to call her a whore for being with her boyfriend. Worthless characters, the lot of them."
59.0% "“I’m not sure what I ever did without you,” he said, holding me up with one hand and unbuckling his belt with the other, “but I don’t ever want to find out. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Pigeon.”

You're 19. Calm the fuck down.

And why are these fools getting fully undressed to screw in the physics lab? Ugh."
60.0% "Bye bye, Body Fluid Receptacle! I can't freaking believe anyone actually sat on that couch like it was cool."
60.0% "They've been together five minutes and he's tattooed her nickname on himself. Not enough desks on which to bang my head.

“I love you. I want everyone to know I’m yours.”

And you can't think of any better way to do that than branding yourself? Okay." 4 comments
61.0% "Watching Divorce Court, Judge Toler nails it: "When a man is insecure, jealous, and angry, marriage does not fix it. It makes it worse. When a man has all of these things going for him, it's more dangerous to you. He's an angry guy, he's punching doors. It will get worse when you get married. It starts with the door." I wish I could have transcribed her entire speech." 4 comments
61.0% "“Pigeon,” he winced with his next words, “I don’t want you to be mad, but I can’t take you to my frat house looking like that. I’ll get in a fight the first five minutes we’re there, Baby.”

Or, you know, you could not be a fucking neanderthal and use your words like a big boy. Stop telling her how to dress, you don't effing own her. If you can't handle it, don't be in a relationship."
64.0% "Yeah, because it completely makes sense for a 19-year-old college student to just have $2500 in his wallet.

Wish I balled that hard in college. Fuck that, I wish I balled that hard now.

64.0% "Yay, it's abusive Daddy time! AKA, why Travis seems like a good bet to this sad girl.

Ugh, what a stupid storyline. And now they're going to roll off to Vegas in the middle of the semester and make a ton of cash that will wipe Abby out.

68.0% "You guys, WHAT AM I EVEN READING?! This is so ridiculous I'm laughing so hard right now."
69.0% "Hahah, this guy is a Vegas pit boss and even he's flummoxed by the tattoos. WTF."
69.0% "Well, of course Travis beat a man who got kicked out of the UFC for being crazy in a Vegas fight. OF COURSE. *cough*GaryStu*cough*" 3 comments
70.0% "~Perfect, super smart~ Travis doesn't seem to get what working for the mob actually means.

In related news, my eyes are starting to strain from rolling them so much." 6 comments
71.0% "So, she's breaking up with him while making him think she's just going home for the night. Because in using her big girl words she's afraid he won't "let" her leave, and she's so weak she'll convince herself to believe in what he's trying to sell her.

Okay, then. Sigh."
72.0% "“I don’t envy your life for the next week or so. I can’t imagine breaking up with someone that refuses to stay away. You know that’s how it’s going to be, right?”

Well, that just says it all, doesn't it? But in case you need the point driven home:

“He’s going to end up getting arrested or something,” she said."
72.0% "“If Travis hasn’t calmed down…good luck getting any sleep here. He made an Oscar-worthy performance in the hall last night. I’m surprised no one called security.”
“He was kicked out of History today. When you didn’t show, he kicked over both of your desks.

Once again, Abby is being an idiot by not talking to him at all, but come the fuck on now. youindangergirl.gif" 5 comments
73.0% "I closed my eyes. “We are dysfunctional, Travis. I think you’re just obsessed with the thought of owning me more than anything else.”

These moments of acute awareness kill me because I know, in the end, they amount to nothing.

If it ended here with them broken up, or if he went to therapy and/or anger management before they got back together, I'd maybe consider this a halfway decent book."
74.0% "She has to go to Thanksgiving at the Maddox house because she agreed to go and cook for them before she broke up with Travis?


*painful eye roll*" 4 comments
76.0% "You guys, my left eye is legit twitching. IT IS TWITCHING.

They're falling all over themselves because they finally have a woman cooking them Thanksgiving dinner.

Abby keeps agreeing to do things to keep up the pretense of dating Travis. It's so stupid.

76.0% "He had been very careful not to take advantage of the situation, and I found myself conflicted, both grateful and disappointed.

A-That's not true, he's used the situation to manipulate you in every way possible. B-Stop with the mixed signals crap. C-Haha, Travis's father is already calling her their sister...WTF?" 4 comments
77.0% "Sigh. And every little Travis manipulation works because she has no backbone. Also, that escalated from 'No, I won't kiss you, Travis!' to 'Yes, sex, Travis!' really quickly." 7 comments
78.0% "So when he's doing everything to manipulate her into taking him back she actually decides to, puts off telling him until the ~perfect moment, but when he finally lets go she decides it wouldn't be fair to him to tell him she wants him since he let her go. So they stay broken up. What in the actual fuck am I reading? Why is this girl so stupid?" 2 comments
79.0% "Is there a reason America can't go to these parties with her boyfriend and she has to force Abby to go against her will? It's a different kind of pathetic."
80.0% ""Before, I had spent so much at Travis’ that Kara’s insufferable comments and attitude were tolerable."

I know, poor baby, Kara's intelligence must burn you like hellfire."
81.0% "WHAT. THE. FUCK. So did Abby think he was going to spend the rest of his life in his apartment, alone, pining for her? So he's with another girl. YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM. She's acting like it's some slight against her. Now America has gone full tilt crazy and violent over it. Of all the times Shep defended Travis's terrible behavior THIS is what gets her to break up with him? When he did nothing wrong?! Fucking idiots." 5 comments
81.0% "“No. You’re my best friend. I can’t stomach what I saw tonight, and I can’t be with someone that will defend it.”

Nope, she can't condone a single man bringing a girl to his own apartment where his ex-girlfriend shouldn't be. But she could condone all the disgusting, violent shit he did before and even pushed her best friend toward him. That's it for me for the night. My head hurts."
83.0% "So, wait just a damn minute. She's out with Parker. The guy who has called her a whore I think more than once, and may or may not have been close to date raping her (I still don't understand WTF she meant there). Someone she knows wants her and she's going out with him? Oh "as friends". But come on now, Abby, what the hell is wrong with you?"
84.0% "Why, of course Travis shows up while she's out with Parker. Of course. But OMG, what a rude piece of crap this girl is. She's just going to up and ditch this guy in the middle of their not-a-date because her ex-boyfriend is all 'I NEED at my fight that's happening right now.' WHAT IS THIS SHIT?! This story is so damn dumb I want to punch something cute."
84.0% "“Are you serious?” he said, his eyebrows shooting up. “You’re just going to leave in the middle of dinner?”

I shrugged. “He’s my best friend, Parker. If he needs me there, I have to go.”

Yes, because she's a complete asshole."
86.0% "Silly, Alicia. Why would you ever think it wouldn't be something as cheap as Abby getting sexually assaulted to get her and Travis back together? Duh.

And Travis is going to kill someone some day and end up in jail. It's so ridiculously unrealistic that he never gets in trouble in any way for beating the shit out of people like he does constantly."
86.0% "“It wouldn’t’ve happened if I’d just let you stay with Parker. But I knew if I asked you, you’d come. I wanted to show him that you were still mine, and then you get hurt.”

While that dude attacking her was on him, I'm good with Travis feeling like shit for treating a woman like property. Dumbass."
87.0% "I was nothing more than a water hydrant; he had marked his territory, and I had allowed him to do it.

Yes, Abby, exactly. She's having the proper reaction to him being a douchebag again. And again, it's not going to amount to anything, will it?" 4 comments
88.0% "“It wasn’t a date, Travis. We were just eating. He won’t speak to me now, thanks to you.”

No, not thanks to him. You're the asshole who up and ditched Parker, Abby. Him being pissed is all on you."
88.0% "“They couldn’t look more bored if they were doing it on purpose,” America grumbled.
“Don’t forget…we didn’t want to come,” Finch reminded them.
“You could pretend, Abby. For me.

You manipulated them into going 'for you'. Now they have to tap dance for you, too? JFC. Great best friend. And I never remember America has long blonde hair. It's always spiky black in my head..."
88.0% "“To douchebags!” he said, gesturing to Brad. “And to girls that break your heart,” he bowed his head to me. His eyes lost focus. “And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her.”

That's not why you lost her, you drunken idiot. Yeah, he's doing really well without therapy."
88.0% "What the fuck am I reading? Travis is self destructing publicly. Instead of just leaving like she was going to Abby's dancing all up on any guy she can grab. To what end I cannot tell. And he thinks he has the right to grab her and literally carry her out of the party like a fucking neanderthal. And America finds it funny. She only gives two shits when he's not doing anything. WHAT IS THIS STUPID FUCKING BOOK?"
89.0% ""Do your worst, Pidge. I’m tired of your shit."

He's fucking kidnapping her! She's biting him trying to get away and that's his response. SHE'S NOT WITH YOU BECAUSE SHE'S TIRED OF YOUR SHIT, DICKBAG. ASSDFGHJKL;@@#$%%^*&^(^&%^#$@$^#&$@&%$! IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE BUT I'VE HIT MY LIMIT FOR THE DAY." 6 comments
89.0% "When the car slowed to a stop, I leaned forward. “Can you take me home, Donnie?”
Travis pulled me out of the car by the arm and then he swung me over his shoulder again, carrying me up the stairs. “Night, Donnie.”

Nope, there's no abuse here."
89.0% "SHE'S KISSING HIM!! He drags her into the house, dumps her on Shep's bed, tells her to sleep it off, they have this exchange: “You can’t tell me what to do anymore, Travis! I don’t belong to you!”
“WELL I BELONG TO YOU! ..."I belong to you,” he whispered."

Then she kisses him! Aaaand now they're fucking. But not before he makes her say she belongs to him. I...I want to kill everyone. With a shotgun."
90.0% "“I didn’t mean for last night to happen like that. I was a little drunk, and I followed you around the party like some fucking stalker, and then I dragged you out of there, against your will…and then we…”

And then she screwed and forgave you because this chick digs psychos. Funny the conversation starts like this and ends with her apologizing profusely for keeping them apart."
91.0% "Travis’ phone shivered, causing it to glide a few inches across the table.

Shivered? Whose phone shivers? Was "vibrate" too pedestrian for McGuire?"
92.0% "“I didn’t know you before. When you’re not there, I can’t concentrate. I’m wondering where you are, what you’re doing…if you’re there and I can see you, I can focus. I know it’s crazy, but that’s how it is.”

That's not frighteningly obsessive or anything." 7 comments
94.0% "What am I reading? Why is this still going? What is this melodramatic bullshit?

I'm actually kind of impressed she didn't run back into the fire for Travis, which is nothing less than I would have expected from her. So that was a surprise, but what in the actual fuck is this scene?"
96.0% "You only ripped up your fingers and you all inhaled a lot of smoke. But, no, don't go to the hospital. No one dies of smoke inhalation!"
96.0% "Feeling so at home in his arms had once terrified me, but in that moment, I was grateful that I could feel so safe after experiencing something so horrific. There was only one reason I could ever feel that way with anyone. I belonged to him.

97.0% "“Marry me,” I said without hesitation. I was surprised at how quickly and easily the words came.

Oh, Lord.

And they're going to do it tomorrow in Vegas. Everything about this makes SO. MUCH. SENSE. I want to post that Jensen gif again."
97.0% "“That was the real deal, you know. I just booked two tickets to Vegas for noon tomorrow. So that means we’re getting married tomorrow night.”

His eyes narrowed. “You’re going to be Mrs. Maddox when you start classes on Monday.”

You all should seriously see my face right now. *eye twitch*" 1 comment
98.0% "Oh, how serendipitous. He actually already bought her a ring (a suspiciously long time ago). And it's a giant diamond. Because that makes sense for a 19-year-old college student. All these boys just dropping cash on diamonds for this girl like ballas. *yet another eye roll*"
99.0% "EPILOGUE.

I'm almost done! I'm actually feeling giddy." 2 comments
99.0% "“Technically, it’s Abby Maddox, now,” I said, smiling at my new husband.

*retch* Visceral reaction of disgust. And now Ali-er-America is bitching about not getting to like, dress shop or whatever. Because these two hopefully sterile idiots eloping is all about her."
99.0% "“It’s not that crazy. We love each other. We have been practically living together on and off all year. Why not?”

“Because you’re nineteen, you idiot! Because you ran off and didn’t tell anyone, and because I’m not there!” she cried.

Oh, so close to getting that one completely right, America."
99.0% "I looked down at the beautiful black lines on my red and angry skin:

Mrs. Maddox

Congratulations! You're cattle.

99.0% "“I guess it’s time I admit it. I knew you were going to be my wife pretty much from the second I met you. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t been waiting for the day I could say it…so I’m going to abuse the title. You should get used to it, now.”

I'm think, all things considered, that McGuire is one seriously accomplished troll. "
99.0% "“I’m gonna fuck it up, Pigeon. You’re gonna get sick of my shit.”
I laughed. “I’m sick of your shit, now. I still married you.”

I told you so. There's just no accounting for her being stupid enough to marry you."
100.0% "Done!

Let us pray.

O Book Gods, while we cannot know your plan and why you test us with such unbelievably terrible popular books. We thank you for the good books that help ease the torment of reading drivel such as this.

Please guide me in my endeavor to review this book and make sense of pages of notes, too many highlights to count, and 138 ragey status updates.

In Good Books' name we pray.

Amen." 6 comments
04/11 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-50 of 54) (54 new)

rameau How does she walk anymore? You know, after repeatedly shooting herself in the foot. Continually.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Add in having to drag around that giant unearned ego of's amazing she can move at all.

message 4: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Just when I thought your FSOG reviews couldn't get any better. It's like you're a kindred spirit! This book made me so angry. I read this first, and thus couldn't muster up the outrage I should have had against FSOG. Because clearly this was something I was doing to myself. How far did you get?

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Sigh. Of course this was coming. Atria, I am SO disappointed, you don't even know.

@Kara: I didn't get that far. I was going to give it a chance on its own, but the writing compared with knowing what was coming just made me so mentally exhausted. I knew I should just stop.

message 6: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Yuck. What the hell? Isn't it already an e-book? What is the publisher doing? Giving this fuckery some credibility?

Seriously, I'm angry. I was so pissed that a) this book existed b) that I paid my precious $2.99 for it c) that I read it d) that other people did not see it for the shitstorm that it was. Now I can add e) further acceptance of this book in the "literary" community. Hopefully Atria will edit it at least. To quote another favorite heroine, jeez!

Good for you Alicia. It was so bad it made me recommit to writing my own book. At the very least I know I cannot create a worse piece of material.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Basically, so now there is more money and marketing behind it. I wonder what Atria is going to do about putting a muzzle on her. Or if they're really okay with how she attacks readers.

It probably doesn't take all that much to do better, the problem is, look at what's popular and making money. Quality doesn't mean anything anymore. SIGH.

message 8: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Im trying not to rant on your page but the only thing that pisses me off more than trash is trash that is passed off as pure greatness.
i kid you not this book is so bad my kindle is full of notes on what not to do when writing. I even plotted out some character sketches to see if i could fix it. i want to write a book about a dysfunctional relationship anyway so...

id be curious to see if atria edits it to the level it requires.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) They're not. It says they're releasing the ebook immediately. It's like what Vintage/Random House did when they acquired FSoG. Ugh ugh ughhhhhh.

message 10: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Why atria? why taint your hands with this nonsense??????

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Siiiiiigh. Good question.

message 12: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Excuse me while I go find a bridge to jump off of

they can't be serious

rameau Alicia, HOLD ME!!!

*deep breaths* We can do this. We can do this. We'll have earned all the olympic gold medals if we make through this book.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Kara wrote: "Excuse me while I go find a bridge to jump off of

they can't be serious"

I saw that on ONTD last night and had to wait to deal with it when I wasn't so sleepy. My brain still wants to ignore it. I'M SO SICK OF TERRIBLE PEOPLE WINNING. God, this world sucks.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Alicia, HOLD ME!!!

*deep breaths* We can do this. We can do this. We'll have earned all the olympic gold medals if we make through this book."

I'm scared! We shall do it together. And I really do think someone should give us medals when we do! And think of it this way, we'll entertain the hell out of other people.

message 16: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Even beyond the author drama, let's start with the basics - this was a REALLY bad book. Really. It didn't make any sense. And it was terribly written. I can't figure out how anyone in a studio read this and thought "YES I know how to turn this into a movie." Ugh. It's Friday, I refuse to have a rage blackout.

But I have a theory. Much like 50 shades of gray, there's nowhere to go but up with the story. You pretty much have a blank slate as far as little things like character development and plot! You just have to find two pretty people, call them Travis and Abby, set them on a college campus and the world is yours.

All together now: le sigh.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Kara wrote: "Even beyond the author drama, let's start with the basics - this was a REALLY bad book. Really. It didn't make any sense. And it was terribly written. I can't figure out how anyone in a studio re..."

Yes, on all counts. Hollywood is so pathetic and unoriginal. It's either a remake of a movie that came out not even 20 years ago, or any book that gets even a little bit of attention.

rameau Alicia wrote: "I'm scared! We shall do it together. And I really do think someone should give us medals when we do! And think of it this way, we'll entertain the hell out of other people. "

That'll keep us afloat. The snark will save the day!

Alicia wrote: "Yes, on all counts. Hollywood is so pathetic and unoriginal. It's either a remake of a movie that came out not even 20 years ago, or any book that gets even a little bit of attention. "

Speaking of remakes, Total Recall? Really? Why?! For the love of every ridiculous action film I've watched with my dad, why? And I saw an interview with Kate Beckinsale where she basically spoils the final twist of the original film. Yeah, not going to forgive her gorgeous (hate that word) arse for that.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "That'll keep us afloat. The snark will save the day!"

When are we going to do this?

Speaking of remakes, Total Recall? Really? Why?! For the love of every ridiculous action film I've watched with my dad, why? And I saw an interview with Kate Beckinsale where she basically spoils the final twist of the original film. Yeah, not going to forgive her gorgeous (hate that word) arse for that.

I kept thinking people were joking until I started seeing ads for the movie. I was probably seven when that movie came out. What in the hell is the point?

rameau Alicia wrote: "When are we going to do this?"

Whenever you'd like. I'll need to pace myself anyway.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Whenever you'd like. I'll need to pace myself anyway."

Haha, okay, maybe after I finish these library books.

rameau That'll give me time to read a few more "fanfics" yay.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "That'll give me time to read a few more "fanfics" yay."


~ Becs ~ Holy shit? A movie?? God help us.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) I know, right? I wonder how much of Travis's psychotic behavior they'll put in it.

message 26: by Lyndi (new) - added it

Lyndi Gawd... best update statuses ever and you're not even halfway through. This has to be more entertaining than the book itself.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) The thought that I'm not even halfway through this makes me want to cry so hard. HOW CAN THERE POSSIBLY BE MORE OF THIS?!

Paige (TheBookVulture) Your status updates about this book are fantastic. And I agree with absolutely everything you memtioned.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Thanks! I have to speak my pain.

Rebecca Espinoza Your status updates are effing amazing! Thanks for putting a smile on my face today!!

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Haha, glad to be of service! Sigh. I'll be getting back to this when I finish Gone Girl. Couldn't deal with two ragey books at once (though ragey for different reasons).

Rebecca Your status updates on the book...exactly how I felt. Hahaha you are hilarious.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Ugh, this is the most obnoxious thing to try and get through. Everything you said. Not just that it's dull, trite, cliché, etc. etc. but that is so irritating/rage inducing.

message 35: by Nermin (new)

Nermin I'm just wondering, is this something like fifty shades of grey?

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) No, it's nothing like FSoG. I can't, for the life of me, understand why they're advertising it that way. (Especially as YA demented is that?!)

The only thing they have in common is a possessive, violent male lead. And they're in the first person from the female point of view. Oh and this is an unprovable Twilight fanfic while FS is a Twilight fanfic.

As bad as this book is it isn't as badly written as FS. They have sex, but it's nowhere near as explicit. There's no BDSM. There's actually a plot here, a nonsensical plot, but a plot. This is written more on a YA/new adult level. Whereas FS is supposed to be adult erotica (it just reads like it was written by a semi-literate 12-year-old at a third grade level).

message 37: by Nermin (last edited Sep 28, 2012 02:10AM) (new)

Nermin well, thanks a lot, i was asking so that i could stay away from this book in case it was like FSoG.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) I don't recommend this book at all. Unless you have a thing for infuriating train wrecks.

message 39: by Nermin (new)

Nermin I don't:) so i'm probably not gonna read it. I don't know why some people find dominating, abusive male characters so appealing. they're definitely not my thing.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Me either. I run across them a lot since I read a lot of romance. But I never find the trait appealing and these taking to new and disturbing heights.

message 41: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara OMG you started reading again! can't wait to catch up on your status updates! oh, and, I'm sorry you're going thru this.

oooooh a line of BD-inspired someecards would be so much win right now!

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Ugh, yeah, I'm continuing in my sad, sad masochism.

I'm sure there are plenty of Someecards out there that apply to BD, haha.

message 43: by [deleted user] (new)

I will be reading it in the near future out of morbid curiosity. I guess I'm a masochist too -_- my thoughts are with you at this difficult time haha :)

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Becca wrote: "my thoughts are with you at this difficult time haha :)"

Hahahaha, I laughed so loudly in Starbucks when I read that.

Sandra *popping corn* I cannot wait for the full review. :)

rameau I just noticed, yours shows all your status updates from the start, mine only shows them from around 54%.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Probably because you have four times as many updates as I do, Ragey McRanterson.

rameau I practically forced everyone to read the book with me, no wonder it took you so long to finish it, you read it twice.

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Haha, well, GR keeps replacing the status updates you put up when there's more than one or two. So I missed a lot of yours because you kept posting them one after the other.

message 50: by rameau (last edited Dec 13, 2012 04:41AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

rameau You can still find them if you go look back for all my status updates. It wasn't that long ago, but there a lots of pages there.

EDA: Right now, my first BD status update is on page 31 and spreads out to the beginning about twenty pages or so.

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