Nenia Campbell's Reviews > The Bourne Identity

The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum
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Mar 06, 14

bookshelves: espionage
Read from April 21 to 23, 2012

This book started out so promisingly, I'm still a little shocked at how quickly it descended into fail.



Jason Bourne starts off as a John Doe whose bullet-ridden demi-corpse is fished out of the sea. Since the fishermen figure he's a lost cause anyway, they give him to the local quack doctor who's been known to kill as many patients as he saves.

HI EVERYBODY!



HI, DR. NICK!

The doctor, who is considerably more lucid and pompous than most drunk people I've had the pleasure of meeting, says, "Gee, No-Name. You're super strong and muscular (no homo, bro), your face shows evidence of plastic surgery, your teeth are fab but not military, you speak several fluent languages, you can dissemble a gun in thirty seconds, and golly-whiz, but you're super swell at judo. What do you think that means?"

Jason: ...I'm a professor at a liberal arts college in a bad part of the city?

Doctor: No. Guess again.

Jason: Policeman.

Doctor: No.

Jason: Superman.

Doctor: No.

Jason: ...um...

Doctor: You also have no personality, and you're super wooden. Does that help?

Jason: OH! OH! I got it! I'm Edward Cullen!! :D

Doctor: FFS. DUMBASSES LIKE ARE YOU ARE THE REASON I DRINK.

I kid you not, it was like watching an episode of effing Blue's Clues. But for old men.

WHERE IS THE CLUE, MEN?



Derp. I don't know. Tell me, Steve.

I get that Jason's identity crisis is a huge part of the plot, but having to CONSTANTLY read about him going, "Who am I?" "What am I?" "FML." Got real old, real fast.

Also, the SEXISM pissed me off royally. Jason takes a hostage for basically no reason. She gets raped because of him, but because he saves her from being killed as well she is SO GRATEFUL that she decides to sleep with the son of a bitch. Never mind the fact that while she was being raped, he just stood around and watched for a couple seconds to "figure out what to do."

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry, but no. I have trouble believing that any self-respecting woman - especially a professor - would allow a man to treat her in such a horrible manner. Yes, she might sleep with him if he threatened her. But willingly? Please. Don't buy into the Edward Cullen stereotype, that criminal behavior is OK if the man is a babe. A creep is still a creep, even if he's good-looking. He'll just be a good-looking creep - and probably all the more arrogant because of it.

Hence Jason Bourne.
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Reading Progress

04/22/2012 page 154
27.0% "Sooo... even though Bourne kidnapped the female, they're now lovers because he stopped someone from killing her (but not soon enough to stop her from being raped). Makes perfect sense, right?" 1 comment

Comments (showing 1-34 of 34) (34 new)

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message 1: by Misfit (new)

Misfit Man, I haven't read his books in years and years.


Nenia Campbell Misfit wrote: "Man, I haven't read his books in years and years."

It would be interesting to see what you think. You always write such detailed and honest reviews. :)


message 3: by Misfit (new)

Misfit No thanks. I'm definitely off of reading the spy thriller stuff.


message 4: by Anna (new)

Anna  Matsuyama I have trouble believing that any self-respecting woman - especially a professor - would allow a man to treat her in such a horrible manner.

...so if she would have been a hairdresser or sale assistant it would could have been more believable?


Nenia Campbell No. The book just made a point of her being female and a professor, and being extremely feminist. So I felt as if this was highly contrary to her established character.


message 6: by Brooke (new)

Brooke What a disappointment..i hate when books start out good then its like the author just gave up!


message 7: by Anna (new)

Anna  Matsuyama Nenia wrote: "No. The book just made a point of her being female and a professor, and being extremely feminist. So I felt as if this was highly contrary to her established character."

ah, the case of man-being-so-hot-he-cured-that-silly-nonsense-feminism


message 8: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus "...I'm a professor at a liberal arts college in a bad part of the city?"

My son just asked me why the heck I'm laughing so hard back here.


Nenia Campbell Brooke wrote: "What a disappointment..i hate when books start out good then its like the author just gave up!"

Proof that resorting to tropes is never a good idea.


message 10: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell Anna wrote: "Nenia wrote: "No. The book just made a point of her being female and a professor, and being extremely feminist. So I felt as if this was highly contrary to her established character."

ah, the case..."


Now you get it!


message 11: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell Deborah wrote: ""...I'm a professor at a liberal arts college in a bad part of the city?"

My son just asked me why the heck I'm laughing so hard back here."


I'm glad I could make you laugh, Deborah!


message 12: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus ...and I just grabbed my son and showed him this review, and now our neighbors are asking what all the noise is about.

Now all I have to do is show this to my mother-in-law the next time I see her, and you'll conquer three generations and win the Internet.


message 13: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell YOU MEAN...I COULD WIN THE INTERNET?????

At long last, I will be able to wear this badge with pride:





message 14: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus Oh, criminy, I'm laughing almost too hard to type. This is the greatest GR moment ever.


message 15: by Shae (last edited Feb 25, 2014 04:55PM) (new)

Shae now I lol'ed and my sis asked what was going on, so I showed it to her, and she lol'ed, and my cousin on the phone heard, and...at this rate YOUS COULDZ WINZ THE WORLD.

 photo OZPU3_zps423c5428.gif


message 16: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell

THIS PLEASES NENIA


message 17: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus She's making the world a happier place, one My-Little-Pony pic at a time!


message 18: by Shae (last edited Feb 25, 2014 05:08PM) (new)

Shae Deborah wrote: "She's making the world a happier place, one My-Little-Pony pic at a time!"

PLUS, MANY SUSPECT SHE IS A UNICORN.

 photo ba63f0b0-1629-48d2-92f2-05dbb65f298d_zps9a7abedf.png


message 19: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell Shae wrote: "PLUS, MANY SUSPECT SHE IS A UNICORN.

"


OMG THAT IS AMAZING I MUST SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.


message 20: by Shae (last edited Feb 25, 2014 05:12PM) (new)

Shae WELL, YOU RULES IT, APPARENTLY, SO YOU MAY SHARE WHAT YOU LIKE WITH IT!!!


message 21: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell I POSTED IT ON A STATUS UPDATE.

https://www.goodreads.com/user_status...

YOU ARE MENTIONED AT THE BOTTOM BECAUSE THIS WORLD MASTER APPARENTLY SUCKS AT HTML


message 22: by Shae (last edited Feb 25, 2014 05:20PM) (new)

Shae SO NOW I CAN BLAME MY OWN TERRIBLE HTML ON OUR WORLD MASTERS'. YAY!!!!!!
That and this new capitalization thing I've started since I met you. ;)


message 23: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus Brilliant work, Shae! WORTH SHOUTING ABOUT!

(speaking of work -- this is *way* better than whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing right now...)


message 24: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell EVERYTHING SOUNDS MORE MATURE AND INTELLECTUAL WHEN TYPED IN CAPSLOCK.


message 25: by Susan (new)

Susan That pony creeped me out.


message 26: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell Susan wrote: "That pony creeped me out."

But it's Pinkie Pie! She's awesome!




message 27: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus PINKIE PIE!!! :D


message 28: by Shae (last edited Feb 25, 2014 07:08PM) (new)

Shae "Debora wrote:"(speaking of work -- this is *way* better than whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing right now...)"
goodreads has become my favorite word substitute for 'procrastination.'

Nenia wrote: "EVERYTHING SOUNDS MORE MATURE AND INTELLECTUAL WHEN TYPED IN CAPSLOCK. "
I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT CAPS-LOCK IS NOT A WAY TO TYPE-IT'S A WAY OF LIFE ^__^


message 30: by Susan (new)

Susan This is a flashback to a Weekly World News cover, "Horse Born With Human Face." There was a picture of the poor mutant animal trying to graze, and its face wasn't long enough.


message 31: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus I used to have a serious Weekly World News addiction...(sorry, Nenia -- we seem to have wandered a bit away from the point, which is that your review is awesome)


message 32: by Nenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Nenia Campbell Old news is old. I firmly place my seal of approval on this digression. :)


message 33: by Susan (new)

Susan Oh, Deborah, a kindred spirit! How I have missed alien babies and all things Bat Boy since Weekly World News went away. Perhaps it wasn't the most credible news outlet, but writing for them was my dream job!


message 34: by Deborah (new)

Deborah Markus Yes! Bat Boy -- and who was that cranky advice columnist, the one who yelled at everybody who wrote to her? I *loved* her!


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