Nilesh Kashyap's Reviews > Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
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Dec 04, 2013

did not like it
Read from April 20 to 27, 2012

Reviewing Twilight after reading War & Peace is definitely not the best thing.
By the time I’m posting this review most of the people have already read it and those who have not, perhaps never will.
After reading gazillion book-bashing reviews of Twilight there is no part of book left for me to bash upon (I see prospect for my bashing review in Fifty Shades of Grey)and perhaps nothing to add what all the reviewers have already said.
I’m writing this because it’s been sometime that I’ve written a review and I have nothing else to write about. So, where to begin...

First of all, two things
Twilight isn’t bad! *Please, don’t unfriend me*
And Twilight isn’t good either! *Now, we’re even. Eh?*

For first point:
Well, Twilight turned out not to be that bad as I was expecting it. After I didn’t enjoyed The Hunger Games, one thing that I learned is to keep my expectations really low to enjoy YA-novels. This wasn’t a hard job after reading umpteen 1-star reviews.
Also one of the main reasons behind reading it was, I wanted to see how bad, really how bad a book can get.
So I had my expectations really low, I was thinking it would be book to which giving even 1-star would be like inflating its rating. But once I started reading (keep in mind that I’ve not watched any movie in the series, just few random scenes), I was caught not-so-ready for the good parts of the novel that made me to give it 2-star rating.
To start with I liked the characterisation of the main characters Bella and Edward, they certainly felt like real human, which is in my view very unusual for a YA-novel. Many people just hate this novel because they think Bella is a loser, well, she certainly can’t be source of any inspiration but it is not necessary that for a novel to be good that its protagonist should be kick-ass or bad-ass or something in the line of ass.
Then Stephenie Meyer very cleverly chooses Forks as the setting of the novel, which assists the further things that she comes up in the novel.
Then she shows her creativity by giving new aspects to age-old existing norms of vampire by telling they sparkle in sunlight, though it’s funny but nevertheless it’s creativity.
And yes, the writing, I have heard a lot about Stephenie Meyer’s bad writing but for me it was kind of okay. Initially it was interesting too but then...

But then Shit happened...
Everything was fucked up, Bella was fucked up, Edward was fucked up, Stephenie Meyer’s writing was fucked up and the whole story was fucked up.

All so good Bella started stumbling, would just fall down every now and then.
“Are you referring to the fact that you can’t walk across a flat stable without finding something to trip over!”
“Obviously”

I think Stephenie Meyer would have read somewhere that every human has some shortcoming and fault in their human aspect, so she came up with this shit, BELLA STUMBLES! For no reason she would just trip over nothing. What image should I have of Bella in my mind, in movie Bella looks like this:
description
Beauty, isn't she!

But after all those stumbling and falling down in every nook and corner of Forks, I think of her as something like this:
description

Okay okay okay! I know that was way over the top but definitely something like this:
description
See, she even seems to be telling “I was supposed to play Bella until that bitch came and took both movie and Robert Pattison.”

No wonder characterisation is great, but not good since she takes 300 pages for this small task. In 90% of the book she talks about nothing but Bella and Edward. Bella talks about every body part visible of Edward: his topaz eyes, his nose, his hair, his teeth, his chest, his breath. She just knows that he is like some greek God and nothing beyond that, and so loves him. OMFG! This is what many people call the best love story ever.

And Edward, umm....
He is the most beautiful, a vampire, he sparkles, he is 108 year old so definitely a paedophile and yes a stalker. Stalking may look all cute and loving in an immature story but in reality it is really not cool, who goes sneaking into his girlfriend’s room to watch her sleeping. That’s friggin’ weird and creepy.
Oh! And he chuckles too, like Bella who keeps falling for no reason this Edward the 108 years old, keeps chuckling all the time, for no reason. I read a line today that said:
“Never trust people who smile constantly.They’re either selling something or they are not very bright”

For Edward, I don’t know...

And finally the story, actually Stephenie Meyer must have writing continuously for 300 pages how Bella and Edward love each other and how handsome Edward is, then suddenly she must have realised something is missing in the whole book: Oh yes! The story. So she came up with this GREAT STORY. They play baseball in thunderstorm (really?) and other vampire come to join them after hearing the sound of hitting (really?) and one of them(James) become obsessed with tracking and killing Bella, but in the end James dies. End of the story. Thank you!

Oh fuck it! Who am I kidding! 1-star.
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Reading Progress

04/23 page 112
26.0% "Finished the first quarter, I had kept my expectations really low, but I was at least expecting a story. Until now the things I know:
- Bella has tripped in every page till now, come on!
-Edward keeps chuckling, no matter what is happening around him, that too under his breath.
How does one chuckle under their breath?"
04/27 page 328
76.0% "After writing 300 pages, it looks likes, finally a story struck to Stephenie Meyer to write other than that vampire-turned-stalker Edward and swooning wannabe-vampire Bella (she forgets to breathe to such an extent that she faints, and I totally believe it)."
05/07 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-24 of 24) (24 new)

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message 1: by s.penkevich (new)

s.penkevich HAHA, GREAT review! I forgot to get around to reviewing this, I may just have to say: 'I second this perfectly accurate opinion' and link to yours ha. Glad you highlighted what made it work, but then crushed it with all that didn't. Because seriously, he was a creepy stalker and she was weak and gets pushed around. And people push this on their young daughters, gross.


message 2: by Ali (new)

Ali This should be liked by all the people.


message 3: by Nilesh (last edited Jun 11, 2012 06:42AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Nilesh Kashyap Thank you both S. and Ali.
'am so happy that you enjoyed it and think that it is 'perfectly accurate opinion'. And I wrote this review over two day, and on second day I was not in great mood, so the last part of review turned out so.


Robin Edman Agreed! Very, very bad book.


Nilesh Kashyap Robin wrote: "Agreed! Very, very bad book."

But you didn't liked my review, didn't you enjoyed it!


sanny When I read the book I thought it was ok (Got the book since it's a bargain at £3, so I was in a 'good mood' while reading). I agree with you that the first part was actually quite alright before everything started to unravel after that baseball game.

Twilight to me was the first of its 'kind': overprotective alpha male x damsel-in-distress *love* (ok when the stalker is hot, creepy when otherwise) so it's kinda appealing in that it's sort of 'original'.

Didn't remember much of the story except for Edward being obsessed with Bella's my-kind-of-heroin-scent. Am glad Twilight remained relatively ok to me since I didn't continue with the series. But, poor you, to read this after War & Peace.. Speaking of which, my sis brought me my W&P book home so I'll be reading it soon! *excited*


message 7: by Nilesh (last edited Jun 11, 2012 07:58PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Nilesh Kashyap sanshow wrote: "When I read the book I thought it was ok (Got the book since it's a bargain at £3, so I was in a 'good mood' while reading). I agree with you that the first part was actually quite alright before e..."

Initially everything looked good to me, the book was interesting but I think she just had no idea how to handle the story, so those 'everything' started getting repititive, boring and hilarious (when they were supposed to be serious).
I have already told you that I don't like YA-novels, but I have decided to read at least 5 YA-novels before I start truly hating them, this was second.
And I didn't read Twilight after reading W&P, I read it a month ago. I started writing review just after finishing W&P. And I am also excited that you will be reading W&P, it's just too good.


message 8: by Prashant (new) - added it

Prashant Fun Review Nilesh! I specially liked the line "By the time I’m posting this review most of the people have already read it and those who have not, perhaps never will."

I found the images a little gross though. But thinking about what you have endured reading this book, my discomfort is negligible.

Keep it up :)


Nilesh Kashyap Prashant wrote: "Fun Review Nilesh! I specially liked the line "By the time I’m posting this review most of the people have already read it and those who have not, perhaps never will."

I found the images a little..."


Thanks Prashant!
'am glad that you enjoyed this review.


Apatt Great review Nilesh! I gave it 2 stars but without a review because I don't usually review books I don't like. Two stars instead of one because it held my interest to the end in spite of being as awful as you said. I even briefly considered reading the next book but common sense prevailed :)


Nilesh Kashyap Well, I like writing reviews of books that I don't like 'cause they are simply fun to write and I also hope to save a few from the pain. I also enjoy bad books, there I find something to laugh at when they are trying to be serious. So don't be surprised if you find of reading Fifty shades of Grey next.
And thanks for taking out time to comment.


message 12: by Nandakishore (new)

Nandakishore Varma I'm wary of YA in general, because most authors of that genre seem to think that teenagers are congenital idiots with water on the brain. One more book to avoid. Thank you, Nilesh.


Nilesh Kashyap Nandakishore wrote: "I'm wary of YA in general, because most authors of that genre seem to think that teenagers are congenital idiots with water on the brain. One more book to avoid. Thank you, Nilesh."

I'm sure there are few good YA-authors but I'm unable to find them so far, but in general, yes they do not think very highly of their reader. Anyway I'm sure you would have avoided this book without my review.


message 14: by Apatt (last edited Jun 15, 2012 01:13AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Apatt A lot of Ray Bradbury's work were written with young readers in mind, fortunately they were published before the advent of this commercial YA category. So if you are looking for decent books for young readers Mr. Bradbury (R.I.P.) is your man :)

Also Robert A. Heinlein's "juvenile" books.


Nilesh Kashyap Thanks for recommendation Apatt, I will check out the books and only Heinlein's book that I have on my tbr list is 'Stranger in a Strange Land' which is an adult novel.
Also I have been hearing a lot of good things about China Miéville's YA-novels.


Apatt Perhaps C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia are YA books also? I guess the best YA books are the ones written years before YA existed.


message 17: by Nilesh (last edited Jun 15, 2012 03:22AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Nilesh Kashyap Perhas they can be considered as classics of YA-category. I also think best book for teenagers are from time when YA-category didn't existed. Maybe, when this category came into existence, it came with a set of unwritten but accepted-by-all rules like super-quick read or breakneck speed read, protagonist with don't-fuck-with-me attitude, shallow characters deprived of proper emotions, unnatural reactions and maybe love triangle and yes they always come out in trilogy.


message 18: by Mark (new)

Mark Great review. Have never read the series but ended up watching two of the films when a friend came to stay for a week last year. Whilst we watched the second film it appeared a tad disjointed and the werewolf bloke, the one who never kept his shirt on for longer than two minutes, kept having his hair change from short to long and then back to short again and we wonderered whether this was all to do with his powers. The plot seemed confusing but we thought, as two people in their late 40's, the film is not for us, its for youngsters, maybe middle aged folk are not supposed to understand or follow labyrynthine confusions of the plot. Then we realized my DVD machine had been playing up and jumbling up the chapters. It was at that point, when we had patiently sat and tried to follow the confusion that we decided not to bother to watch number three and i gave it to her daughter....who is 18 and probably quite capable of differentiating between crap created as a result of Hollywood and Stephanie Meyer and crap as a result of a faulty DVD machine.


message 19: by Nandakishore (new)

Nandakishore Varma The best YA book, IMO, is The Jungle Book. But I think Kipling, that "Colonial Gentleman" with his firm conviction of white supremacy, would have been scandalised to be called a "YA Author"! :LOL:


Nilesh Kashyap hahaha... I have heard from many people about their bad experience from Twilight but its first time I'm hearing that machines can have bad experience too, since your DVD player also refused to play this crap. And what were you doing Mark? Torturing your DVD player by playing two Twilight movies back to back. Is your DVD player alright? ;-)


message 21: by Nilesh (last edited Jun 15, 2012 04:45AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Nilesh Kashyap Nandakishore wrote: "The best YA book, IMO, is The Jungle Book. But I think Kipling, that "Colonial Gentleman" with his firm conviction of white supremacy, would have been scandalised to be called a "YA Author"! :LOL:"

It was after Apatt's comment I realised that even classics and old novels can be considered YA books. I have The Jungle Book on my tbr list, will read it soon.


message 22: by Mark (new)

Mark Nilesh, the DVD player seems to have recovered although it does give me fearful glances everytime I approach it with a new DVD. Before it would consent to work again I had to make a firm promise never to show t another Twilight film no matter how much the temptation


Nilesh Kashyap Thank God! I was really more worried about your DVD player than your friends daughter.


message 24: by Mark (new)

Mark Nilesh wrote: "Thank God! I was really more worried about your DVD player than your friends daughter."

lol. Rest assured both still appear to be thriving


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