Donna's Reviews > Throne of Glass

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
2465264
's review
Jun 25, 12

bookshelves: dnf, lulz, fantasy, young-adult
Read from June 09 to 12, 2012

For help with this review I'm going to shamelessly employ the use of Tom Hiddleston's face. It's come to my attention that he emotes rather well and his Loki faces will greatly enhance my feelings about this book. Shall we begin?

"Teen girl version of GAME OF THRONES?" Um, yes please. How excited was I for THRONE OF GLASS? I'm at a point in my life where I'm feigning some serious fantasy. Like GOOD fantasy that gives me writer envy and encourages me to write my own work. So of course I snapped this one up. Why wouldn't I?

I began reading and I was a little touchy. The character seemed a bit much but of course I'm going to keep reading. I'm only a handful of pages in.

06/12 page 9 2.0% "I'm definitely interested but I'm pretty much over the super awesome heroine with fantasmagorical skills of death. We'll see where this goes."


Except I didn't like where it was going.

06/12 page 11 3.0% "Okay, okay, authors? Can we please stop with the "this guy's a total douche but he's sooooooooo hot" bullshit? PLEASE? If a guy chains me in shakles and makes me a slave I'm not going to think him "achingly handsome." I'd want to chew his pretty boy face off. Gah! These forceful hints at romance are contrived and unnecessary."


Within a span of two pages I've already become enraged. I am not a romance reader. I've said that many, MANY times. But if you're going to insist on giving me romance in books that I am willing to read, at least make it make sense. At this point I'm starting to twitch.

06/12 page 11 3.0% "Wait…what?? Two pages ago you weren't going to feel embarrassed by being dirty because that's WEAK and now, under the eyes of supreme royal hotness, you are ashamed of yourself and bemoan your "miserable state for a girl of former beauty"??? Head, meet brick wall."


And we are ALREADY deviating from character. Eleven pages in. Super strong raging assassin bitch I DON'T CARE IF I'M DIRTY I HATE YOU ALL to OMG DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M HIDEOUS!



Apparently Celaena is unintentionally bipolar. So we have some character issues I can handle that. She's not too Sueish so far. I've read far worse . . .

06/12 page 11 3.0% "OMG OMG OMG I can't do it. Not only is she a super awesome, highly trained assassin but we get a paragraph about the gloriousness of her beauty? Excuse me. I'm going to go stab my expectations to death followed by a hunt of PNR for DARING to bleed into fantasy."

06/12 page 12 3.0% "And she was rich. Anything else? I don't want to give up after 12 pages. I WON'T give up after 12 pages."

06/12 page 12 3.0% "She single-handedly killed 24 people in her escape attempt? O_o *facepalm*"




I just . . . is this for real? Is this pompous little tart really for real? From the 100 pages that I've read Celaena's only flaw is hubris except 99% of the time it's only validated. Twelves pages. I'm TWELVE pages in. But no! I'm going to keep trying! I must! Because surely they're going to keep treating her like the prisoner that she is! Because anything else would just be contrivance and we can't possibly have MORE of that, right? RIGHT?

06/12 page 13 3.0% "Okay. If this girl is so insanely sooper speshul deadly, and they all know it, why isn't she bound up like Hannibal Ledger instead of being able to move in shackles, giving her the opportunity to "kill the prince in a second?" More importantly, if she's so sure of her skills why doesn't she actually take the opportunity instead of just running her brain about it?"


DAMMIT.



WHY is she being given her own rooms when they're so super afraid she's going to murder everyone? (And that's supposed to be Lecter, by the way, stupid autocorrect). WHY is she being given a mirror? Oh wait . . . obviously that CAN'T BE SHATTERED AND USED TO GO STABBY ON PEOPLE. WHY does she get a fork but not a knife? BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW FORK TINES ARE HARMLESS. In reality if this chick were so phantasmagorically awesome at killing she'd be treated as such. She wouldn't be put in shackles that she can move around in, because obviously she can do a lot with just an inch. She doesn't need the whole mile. And she certainly wouldn't be getting a pretty room. She's end up stuck next to that dude that Yahtzee's on everyone walking by.

On top of all of this Celaena apparently has the mental capacity of a twelve-year-old, asking inane questions and then name-calling when she's not pandered to.

06/12 page 26 6.0% "The Captain of the Royal Guard is unkind for not wanting to humor and arrogant 18-year-old as she talks endlessly about her awesomeness? How horrible he is, truly."

06/12 page 28 7.0% "Punch her, Chaol. She deserves it. Nice to know she's an arrogant ass and a petulant child. How can one be the supreme pizza topping assassin and have the mentality of someone five years younger than her? I guess maturity and assassinry are mutually exclusive."




Oh hey, you're still talking? You need to shut up now. Although I will say Chaol was a pretty good guy from what I read. He really didn't put up with Celaena's crap and her ensuing pissy fits as a result amused me. She actually called him mean for not responding to her. Meanie McWeenie! Nyah!

But wait! There's more Sue!

06/12 page 31 7.0% "And she's magic too? This wasn't forshadowing WHATSOEVER."




At this point I'm filled with so much chagrin I don't even know what to do with myself.



From the super Sue to the plot devices of epic proportions to situational contrivances that are so blatantly obvious Helen Keller can see them I just couldn't go much further.

06/12 page 33 8.0% "You are a piece of baggage to him, you dumbass. You are a slave serving a purpose. Did you expect high fives all around?"

06/12 page 38 9.0% "Of course. What would the story be without the douchebag love interest POV as he softens and sees her as something more than a thing to use? Sigh."

06/12 page 39 9.0% "Of course she totally empathizes with the slaves' pain. She feels SO BAD. And she totally ditched them to he the king's pawn, live in luxury and go back to killing. But she feels you, dog."




She gets you, man. *giggle* She's going to go weasel her way into someone's bed now. At this point it's not very clear whose she'd like to end up in. Chaol is obviously helping her out and we all know how indebted characters are to those that help them. But then you have your I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM BUT HE'S SO EVILLY HOT character that'll probably be the wrong choice for her and she'll realize it somewhere down the line when she realizes he can't really read after all.

06/12 page 39 9.0% "1) Oh look, a blooming love triangle. 2) The palace is really made of glass? Is there no hail in this world? Or are we talking safety glass? I can only imagine the amount of birds flying into it."

06/12 page 42 10.0% "This makes zero sense. They're anal about her escaping and going on a murdering spree so instead of putting her in a bare room they give her loads of opportunities in not one furnished room but five. Holy contrivance, Batman! Of course we can't have the pretty girl in a dirty cell anymore."

06/12 page 42 10.0% "Of course she has a mirror. Because it can't be broken and the shards used for a stabbing spree. Urg."

06/12 page 50 12.0% "Of course. What better way to ensure the young assassin doesn't get the mind to plot her escape than to give her a tour of the castle? NOTHING CAN COME OF THAT. How the Captain and the rest of his entourage haven't tripped and impaled themselves on their own swords is beyond me. Although I will say TSTL secondaries is refreshing. Usually that's reserved for the protagonist."




Damn right it's madness. A gas station is less self-serving than this. I'm not a fan of worlds bending to characters. If you have a character they need to exist within the confines of that world, be it fantasy or otherwise. When your plot starts serving your character I start getting cranky. If she's some crazy bitch assassin THEN TREAT HER LIKE A CRAZY BITCH ASSASSIN. At the tournament she gets a plain room/cell with ZERO opportunity to get all assassin-like. But when you get self-serving like this, the entire thing, from the world to the characters, gets inconsistent and you end up reading a story of hypocrites that say one thing and do another.

06/12 page 56 13.0% "Oh no. Mean girl competition. Couldn't see that coming."

06/12 page 64 15.0% "Okay, so NOW she grows a conscience about being a hired murderer? She who's so proud if her Assassin title doesn't want to kill at the beck and call of the king? Is the the wielder or words or is this a step away from people realizing Celaena is not saintlier a murderer than she'd try to convince herself?"

06/12 page 69 17.0% "Of course there are no knives. And everyone knows no one can do damage with a fork. That's just silly talk."

06/12 page 76 18.0% "Stop making excuses, little girl. You're not as magnificent and you thought yourself to be."

06/12 page 76 18.0% ""She knew better than anyone not to underestimate opponents based on their appearance." WTF? She just did that to all of her competitors."




Case in point. Literally, from one page to the next Celaena is passing judgment on everyone in the room with her, belittling men three times her size to nothing and then she says she knows better than to underestimate her opponents based on looks. How am I to trust a damn thing in this story if it's that inconsistent? From her looks to her actions her opinions are as substantial as a tissue in the rain.

06/12 page 79 19.0% "I find it hard to believe that Celaena lives as ling as she did being as arrogant as she is."

06/12 page 82 20.0% "At Celaena's fine humbling moment I'm tapping out. I'm far too disappointed in the character to keep reading."


Arrogance is a crap chute. And it usually gets people their comeuppance. Apparently hers was just being thrown in jail and living far longer than anyone else. Oh right. Forgot that part. She lived for a year in the mines, with an escape attempt, when people normally average about a month or three. OF COURSE!

Obviously I DNF'd this one. I just couldn't do it. But the thing is I do wonder if I'm some kind of defective.



Is my current reading funk grossly coloring my ability to read anything? Have I really turned into Stan Marsh and am now seeing everything as crap? I mean Publisher's Weekly gave THRONE OF GLASS a starred review. And even people whose opinions I trust love this title. Is something wrong with me? I'm definitely having a frownie face moment. But the thing is I'm definitely seeing Suethor fic here, coloring or not. Would I have been able to overlook it a little more had I not been in such a funk? Maybe. But inconsistencies are inconsistencies. I can't NOT overlook them because everyone else loves it and so should I. I could be wrong but, that's not my thing. Going with the flow, not not being wrong.

I don't go into books hating them. I was SO EXCITED to read THRONE OF GLASS I can't even tell you. I was talking it up at BEA. SO EXCITED. And this is what I get. GAME OF THRONES for the teenage girl?



Ooooo I don't think so. I think that's aiming a bit too high. SEVEN REALMS? Yes, teen GAME OF THRONES equivalent. THRONE OF GLASS? Guys, don't feed me chuck and expect me to rave as if it were filet. Not going to happen. I'm not going to love something because it already had a super awesome fan base built in before it was published. I love me my strong heroines but not at the sacrifice of logic. Celaena is so overblown even for her world I can't take her seriously. And the fact that her world caves to her makes me pull away from the writing as a whole.

I tried. I really did. But all I wanted to do was smash the thing. I had to stop before I actually did.

9 likes · likeflag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Throne of Glass.
sign in »

Reading Progress

06/12/2012 page 9
2.0% "I'm definitely interested but I'm pretty much over the super awesome heroine with fantasmagorical skills of death. We'll see where this goes."
06/12/2012 page 11
3.0% "Okay, okay, authors? Can we please stop with the "this guy's a total douche but he's sooooooooo hot" bullshit? PLEASE? If a guy chains me in shakles and makes me a slave I'm not going to think him "achingly handsome." I'd want to chew his pretty boy face off. Gah! These forceful hints at romance are contrived and unnecessary."
06/12/2012 page 11
3.0% "Wait…what?? Two pages ago you weren't going to feel embarrassed by being dirty because that's WEAK and now, under the eyes of supreme royal hotness, you are ashamed of yourself and bemoan your "miserable state for a girl of former beauty"??? Head, meet brick wall."
06/12/2012 page 11
3.0% "OMG OMG OMG I can't do it. Not only is she a super awesome, highly trained assassin but we get a paragraph about the gloriousness of her beauty? Excuse me. I'm going to go stab my expectations to death followed by a hunt of PNR for DARING to bleed into fantasy."
06/12/2012 page 12
3.0% "And she was rich. Anything else? I don't want to give up after 12 pages. I WON'T give up after 12 pages."
06/12/2012 page 12
3.0% "She single-handedly killed 24 people in her escape attempt? O_o *facepalm*"
06/12/2012 page 13
3.0% "Okay. If this girl is so insanely sooper speshul deadly, and they all know it, why isn't she bound up like Hannibal Ledger instead of being able to move in shackles, giving her the opportunity to "kill the prince in a second?" More importantly, if she's so sure of her skills why doesn't she actually take the opportunity instead of just running her brain about it?"
06/12/2012 page 26
6.0% "The Captain of the Royal Guard is unkind for not wanting to humor and arrogant 18-year-old as she talks endlessly about her awesomeness? How horrible he is, truly."
06/12/2012 page 28
7.0% "Punch her, Chaol. She deserves it. Nice to know she's an arrogant ass and a petulant child. How can one be the supreme pizza topping assassin and have the mentality of someone five years younger than her? I guess maturity and assassinry are mutually exclusive."
06/12/2012 page 31
7.0% "And she's magic too? This wasn't forshadowing WHATSOEVER."
06/12/2012 page 33
8.0% "You are a piece of baggage to him, you dumbass. You are a slave serving a purpose. Did you expect high fives all around?"
06/12/2012 page 38
9.0% "Of course. What would the story be without the douchebag love interest POV as he softens and sees her as something more than a thing to use? Sigh."
06/12/2012 page 39
9.0% "Of course she totally empathizes with the slaves' pain. She feels SO BAD. And she totally ditched them to he the king's pawn, live in luxury and go back to killing. But she feels you, dog."
06/12/2012 page 39
9.0% "1) Oh look, a blooming love triangle. 2) The palace is really made of glass? Is there no hail in this world? Or are we talking safety glass? I can only imagine the amount of birds flying into it."
06/12/2012 page 42
10.0% "This makes zero sense. They're anal about her escaping and going on a murdering spree so instead of putting her in a bare room they give her loads of opportunities in not one furnished room but five. Holy contrivance, Batman! Of course we can't have the pretty girl in a dirty cell anymore."
06/12/2012 page 42
10.0% "Of course she has a mirror. Because it can't be broken and the shards used for a stabbing spree. Urg."
06/12/2012 page 50
12.0% "Of course. What better way to ensure the young assassin doesn't get the mind to plot her escape than to give her a tour of the castle? NOTHING CAN COME OF THAT. How the Captain and the rest of his entourage haven't tripped and impaled themselves on their own swords is beyond me. Although I will say TSTL secondaries is refreshing. Usually that's reserved for the protagonist."
06/12/2012 page 56
13.0% "Oh no. Mean girl competition. Couldn't see that coming."
06/12/2012 page 64
15.0% "Okay, so NOW she grows a conscience about being a hired murderer? She who's so proud if her Assassin title doesn't want to kill at the beck and call of the king? Is the the wielder or words or is this a step away from people realizing Celaena is not saintlier a murderer than she'd try to convince herself?"
06/12/2012 page 69
17.0% "Of course there are no knives. And everyone knows no one can do damage with a fork. That's just silly talk."
06/12/2012 page 76
18.0% "Stop making excuses, little girl. You're not as magnificent and you thought yourself to be."
06/12/2012 page 76
18.0% ""She knew better than anyone not to underestimate opponents based on their appearance." WTF? She just did that to all of her competitors."
06/12/2012 page 79
19.0% "I find it hard to believe that Celaena lives as ling as she did being as arrogant as she is."
06/12/2012 page 82
20.0% "At Celaena's fine humbling moment I'm tapping out. I'm far too disappointed in the character to keep reading."

Comments (showing 1-23 of 23) (23 new)

dateDown_arrow    newest »

message 1: by Liz (new)

Liz Any book review paired with Tom Hiddleston faces is a MUST read. I will definitely be avoiding this book, since I'm unable to peel my eyes away from your gifs anyway. Thanks for the review!


message 2: by Heather (new) - added it

Heather This one cracked me up! I love this review. I doubt I'll ever pick this book up, so thank you!


message 3: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna LOL! Glad I could amuse! He just fit in so perfectly. And Tom is rather pleasing to look at, isn't he? :)


Gabrielle Carolina If you're crazy, then I am. These. Were. My. Thoughts. All of them. Chaol was the only reasonable character, but the tripping on the swords bit? Yeah. You to that right.

Spoiler alert- Chaol kills someone in the book an it's a big del, not because of the who, no one really cares, but because it was his first kill. Yep, captain of the guard's first kill. Also? The love triangle ultimatum was so In keeping with the contrivances, you would have loved to hate it.


message 5: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna So it would appear I didn't miss anything. And how does a "man" with clean hands become Captain of the Guard? Green much?


message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

Loved this review...for all the gifs


message 7: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna I think Loki softened the blow a little. Smidgen.


message 8: by Sai (new)

Sai Ahhh thanks for the heads up! Loved the Loki-ness, btw. XD


message 9: by Kerry (new) - added it

Kerry I was wondering how long you would last! Thanks for the laughs amidst the cruel suffering LOL. I recently read a book that caused me similar pain. Couldn't even bring myself to review it.


message 10: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna That's really bad. Some books, they just need to disappear.


message 11: by Sarah (new)

Sarah I didn't know that this was being plugged as GoT for teen girls.

....Wow.

There's so much wrong with that. So much, in fact, that I can't even rant. [insert Loki facepalm here]


message 12: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Haha! Oh yeah. That was in the blurb from NetGalley. It's so far off the mark I can't even articulate it. And I haven't even read the GoT books; I just watch the show. But the show is epic. This . . . not.


message 13: by Sarah (new)

Sarah If anything, the books are even more epic than the show. There are things that never made it onscreen due to time constraints. *shrug* But that's neither here nor there, since the show rocks as-is. :D

Anyhoo...

Publish a YA teen girl fantasy novel with lust, incest, violence, family vendettas, ruination of innocence, & the perpetual search for contentment. Then maybe we'll discuss GoT comparisons.


message 14: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Right? But that might make people's head exclude. Some get touchy just having girls talk about periods, let alone having people with a Daddy Uncle.


message 15: by Sarah (new)

Sarah True enough. I respect that some parents wouldn't want their kids reading about Daddy Uncles...though that begs the question of why you'd market a teen girl's book as GoT-like, since GoT is (supposedly) a show for adults only. *scratches head*


message 16: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Maybe just the fantasy element! "It's as super awesome as GoT but "safe" for teen girls!" I have no idea. I think it's just a marketing stunt to pull on one heinously popular thing to connect it to something else.


message 17: by Sarah (new)

Sarah You're probably right. *sigh* Nevermind that it's nearly as absurd as saying "It's just like Kushiel's Dart, but for grade schoolers!!!"


message 18: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna I do not get that reference but I can hazard a good guess at what you're saying. There is such a thing as aiming too high and perhaps methinks connecting ToG to GoT (oh look) was a bit of a stretch and may have given George RR Martin an apoplectic fit or two.


message 19: by Sarah (new)

Sarah Kushiel's Dart is the first of a high fantasy series that focuses around a BDSM courtesan. :D I've only read one so far; it was very good, but very not kid-friendly.

Methinks you're right. From what I've heard, GRRM is up-front about his series not being for kids. Heh.


message 20: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna I hate to say it but this is kind of what happens when books are culled from self-publishing sites like Wattpad or whatever. It's immensely obvious that the pub is going for money and not much else. Something like this, that already had a huge following to begin with, is as close to a guarantee as a publisher could get in terms of sales. Whereas your regular debut actually needs to build a fanbase from scratch and hope for the best, something like this already had the hard work done. It think it makes it obvious that something like this was acquired for quantity over quality and it just makes me depressed.


message 21: by Sarah (new)

Sarah I had no idea this was another "Carrier of the Mark" type signing. Good grief. Yet another reason that agentless authors have such a difficult time -- God forbid you simply write a good manuscript, mail it to a publisher, & have it picked up for the sake of its own potential. How dare authors not build their own fanbase beforehand!

*rolls eyes*


message 22: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Right? I look at my own manuscript and want to cry because I have no platform and it appears that publishers are looking for sure things. Boo.


message 23: by Sarah (new)

Sarah You & me both, sister. *sigh*

I'm shelving my YA manuscript for awhile (too many vamps out there at the moment, anyway) so I can knuckle down to submitting my other one. Blargh. Not looking forward to the Return of Teh Publishing Angst.


back to top