thanks to mindy for calling this book back for me. time to re-read.
Many years ago this was the primary textbook i went to when the message that i (and other well intentioned white women) got from the women of color in our community was: "Look. Racism is your construct. You wanna understand it, do the work. We do not owe you an education." I mean of course they DID educate and explain and challenge and sigh and laugh and get fed up, etc etc. But i learned the real nature of respect from their naming of what my good will did not entitle me to.
Years later i faced a group of men from my family who wanted to talk about this whole sexism thing and i said, fine, but understand that this is an act of generosity on my part. And if you really care about this, you will do your own work to understand it.
I found my mind in feminism, but at the heart of my change of heart were the women of color, naming it. naming it. naming it.