Ashley's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Jun 09, 2012

did not like it
bookshelves: contemporary, bdsm
Read in March, 2012

** spoiler alert ** I have no idea why the heck these books are popular. They are poorly written, poorly researched and generally annoying and disturbing. On a side note, I do actually love this genre and have an interest in the subject matter. The subject matter is not what I have a problem with.

This is what I DO have a problem.

1. Bad writing and bad dialogue. Totally personal opinion but when a guy calls a woman Baby all the time, it drives me UP THE WALL. I'll even take Babes or Babe over Baby. That and once she start using Fifty Shades that she starts calling Christian "Fifty" in her head all the time. I just found it annoying.

2. Ana is incredibly juvenille and acts out by doing things she knows will piss Christian off. It makes it hard to feel sorry for her when when she happens to not like the reprocussions.

3. Stalking is never cute or sexy. It doesn't mean he loves her, it means he is obsessed. Anyone who says it is sweet that he wants to protect her and loves her has very obviously never been stalked by a boyfriend. I have. It is not sexy, it is incredibly frightning.

4. This is not about BDSM. This is about a psychologically damaged man that uses some aspects of BDSM to both protect himself and work out his own issies. This is unhealthy and abusive even by BDSM standards. You NEVER enter a scene with a sub when you are angry. Spanking or causing pain is not because a Dom wants to punish or inflict pain, it is because their sub gets off on pain and they in turn get off on providing a sexual high to their partner. Bondage is used because some subs enjoy feeling weightless and enjoy putting all their trust and control into their Dom. It is not used because the Dom can't bare to be touched as a result of some childhood trauma. And fucking and spanking women that happen to look like your dead prostitute mother so you can get 'revenge' for the fact that she neglected you and allowed you to be abused? Don't even get me going on that one. BDSM is not therapy. It is a sexualy lifestyle that people choose. BDSM is about trust and Christian often betrays that trust.

5. There is the whole fanfic debate which argues that this is not original but basrd on an established fanbase (Twilight) and had the help of multiple authors in the development and creative phase so can hardly be 100% attrubuted to the author.

6. Like Twilight, 50 shades fans tend to be obnoxious about it. Many of them do not regularly read erotica and know little of BDSM. They re passing it along to all their other friends based on hype and the following of Twilight when much better erotica on this subject exhists. This is mind please feel free to go read Cherise Sinclair, Joey W Hill, Megan Hart, Maya Banks, Emma Holly, Shayla Black or Chris Owen.

And finally, situations like this in real life do not get a happily ever after. Yes I know it's fiction, but it is also unhealthy. Women gushing and thinking it is hot not only do not understand BDSM but they deminish the struggles of women in abusive and controlling relationships that Don't have the luxury of a happily ever after ending. It is disrespectful to those women to have all these silly fans running around saying, OMG I would sign Christian's contract any day.

So go forth and read truly well written and sexy erotica not this bad example of kink. Because even trashy happy sexy romances can be well written and executed and those are the authors that deserve your support. Not something riding on the coat tails of something as bad as Twilight. And yes Twilight was crap too. It sets a bad example for young girls. It is not ok to abandon your friends for a boy, and putting your self in physical danger to feel closer to him is unhealthy and unsafe to say the least. Pretty much all of New Moon is an example of an unhealthy reaction to a breakup.

In case you think I have no idea what I'm talking about, I do know people who like the lifestyle, I have been restrained and spanked and do get off on pain. I also have trust issues because of a man who I loved who abused that trust, stalked me and used his own power and influence to have me followed for 'my own good'. So the fact that people are gushing about this makes me sad on a personal level.

Now feel free to disagree with me but there is no way I will ever acknowledge this as anything other than 50 shades of shit.

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Comments <span class="smallText"> (showing 1-19 of 19) </span> <span class="smallText">(19 new)</span>

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message 1: by Jane (new)

Jane Wow, interesting review. First time I think I've heard from a reviewer who admits to being into BDSM - about which I know nothing.

I haven't read this book, but its success astounds me. What makes people buy it? I keep looking at the reviews to find a clue, but so far on GR reviewers have been unanimous about it being a poor reading experience.

?????????


JadedlilFecker 4. This is not about BDSM. This is about a psychologically damaged man that uses some aspects of BDSM to both protect himself and work out his own issies. This is unhealthy and abusive even by BDSM standards. You NEVER enter a scene with a sub when you are angry. Spanking or causing pain is not because a Dom wants to punish or inflict pain, it is becausetheir sub gets off on pain and they in turn get off on providing a sexual high to their partner. Bondage is used because some subs enjoy feeling weightless and enjoy putting all their trust and control into their Dom. It isnot used because the Dom can't bare to be touched as a result of some childhood trauma. And fucking and spanking women that happen to look like your dead prostitute mother ao you can get 'revenge' for the fact that she neglected you and allowed you to be abused? Don't even get me going on that one. BDSM is not therapy. It is a sexualy lifestyle that people choose. BDSM is about trust and Christian often betrays that trust.

The most comprehensive BDSM complaint yet. Thank you for illustrating that so vividly. It was about his internal pain being a disorder, not about her enjoying the pain as a constant, despite that he does use orgasms as a means to gloss over her lack of willing participation in the pain. The difference seems to be--that he enjoyed her pain, even when she did not. That's outright abuse and from what I understand of BDSM, it's supposed to be mutual.


Ashley Jane wrote: "Wow, interesting review. First time I think I've heard from a reviewer who admits to being into BDSM - about which I know nothing.

I haven't read this book, but its success astounds me. What make..."


people are buying it because it is Twilight fanfic. It is riding on that uccess and that is why it is getting a ton of media attention. There are much better erotica novels out there. Its not like this is anything new.


Ashley Mermarie wrote: "4. This is not about BDSM. This is about a psychologically damaged man that uses some aspects of BDSM to both protect himself and work out his own issies. This is unhealthy and abusive even by BDSM..."

It is supposed to be mutual. Doms get off on getting their subs off. They are always in control and have to maintain that control in situations that could be dangerous. Subs get off on giving up control and feeling taken care of. Having their needs met.

Thanks for the feedback.


JadedlilFecker You're welcome, as I've been suddenly the BDSM relationship lately, and it appears that we're being targeted and conditioned to see those who practice the lifestyle as dysfunctional, damaged and potentially violent. I think the author snagged bits of stereotypes and molded them into a Twilight knock-off, when she clearly has no concept of BDSM other than the misinterpretation she manifested into the book itself. If anything, BDSM partners should be outraged she's misconstrued S/M relationships for violence and childhood baggage.

I used to date a guy in college, who was similar to Christian Grey, in the 'damaged' sense. His mother abused him during his childhood, and when he was in his mid-teens, he had to provide as a caretaker for her bedridden state. Luckily, I left that behind, after realizing his truer interests in intimacy revolved around demoralizing and subjecting women. He was studying here(originally from Israel), and has since left the country. XD


message 6: by Rebecca (new) - added it

Rebecca Huston Thank you for writing this review. You pinpointed exactly why these books bother me so much. I haven't read the book quite yet, but intend to, even though I know that it means I'll be gritting my teeth and not throwing my Nook through the wall. Ana sounds like the sort of sub I despise the most, the SAM.


Ashley Mermarie wrote: "You're welcome, as I've been suddenly the BDSM relationship lately, and it appears that we're being targeted and conditioned to see those who practice the lifestyle as dysfunctional, damaged and po..."

The author has openly acknowledged that she is no research on the subject. I have a serious issue with that considering most people reading this know nothing about the lifestyle and are taking this as a normal interpretation of BDSM.

Sorry to hear you too had a bad experience. I dated a police officer who had convinced himself I was hiding something from him and had me followed to makecsure I wasn't doing something like cheat on him. He follwed me and some of his cop friends did as well, so I know how terrifying it can be to have an unstable violent partner.


JadedlilFecker Oh wow, that's just awful. You would think his cop buddies would cut him off after that kinda craziness..but they perpetrated it. =.= I was never physically stalked, but he did send me some things in the mail, that I wasn't too comfortable with. If any girl thinks that's romantic, more power to them..but I like feeling safe in the security of my own home.

A couple years ago, he contacted me to point out how young his girlfriend was, and how old/washed up I was... o.o? You know what was so weird about that all? Two weeks after the split, someone on Facebook randomly messaged me, and his 'interests' mentioned woodcraft, hunting/fishing, etc. He ask me if I'd like to see his paddles, he'd like me to try them out..and not thinking, I assumed he meant boat paddles. Yeah, needless to say, he wasn't a whittler. lol


Ashley Mermarie wrote: "Oh wow, that's just awful. You would think his cop buddies would cut him off after that kinda craziness..but they perpetrated it. =.= I was never physically stalked, but he did send me some things ..."

I learned very early on that not all cops are emotionally stable. It is an incredibly high stress job with a high divorce rate. Some deal with the stress better than others. His friends found nothing wrong with helping him make sure I didnt cheat by keeping an eye on me. He actually left me handcuffed to a metal desk once for about 4 hours while he had lunch with a friend. He thought it was funny. I was terrified.


message 10: by Rebecca (new) - added it

Rebecca Huston Oh Ashley, that's -awful!- I was stalked by my ex during the divorce (and probably after), but getting out of that toxic relationship is one of the best things I ever did. I wish I could understand why some people out there are such raving monsters.


Ashley Rebecca wrote: "Oh Ashley, that's -awful!- I was stalked by my ex during the divorce (and probably after), but getting out of that toxic relationship is one of the best things I ever did. I wish I could understand..."

Getting out is the best thing that I ever did. It took me a long ime to gt over the fact that his issues were not my issues. A friend who read this series actually thaught it was sexy that he caredeniughto have her followed so she wouldnt get hurt by his ex. I felt like slapping her upside her head. The fact that many of the fans of these books feel that was disturbs me more than the books themselves.


message 12: by Rebecca (new) - added it

Rebecca Huston I am with you there. In fact, most books that try to be about BDSM are pretty awful in that they rely on stereotypes and bad behaviour. I felt the same way about the Beauty books as well.


Ashley Rebecca wrote: "I am with you there. In fact, most books that try to be about BDSM are pretty awful in that they rely on stereotypes and bad behaviour. I felt the same way about the Beauty books as well."

The Beauty books were just silly. If you are interested check out the Deviations series by Chris Owen unless you think reading a m/m story would bother you. It is a great example of a loving BDSM relationship that not only deals with trauma and life challenges but shows how good a lifestyle it can be when done correctly.


message 14: by Rebecca (new) - added it

Rebecca Huston I haven't heard of the Chris Owen books. Reading m/m stuff doesn't bother me at all. And yes, it can be a great lifestyle if both parties involved have their heads screwed on straight.


message 15: by Ashley (last edited Jun 09, 2012 09:51PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Ashley Rebecca wrote: "I haven't heard of the Chris Owen books. Reading m/m stuff doesn't bother me at all. And yes, it can be a great lifestyle if both parties involved have their heads screwed on straight."

OMG go read them. They are great.

http://www.goodreads.com/series/49894...


message 16: by Rebecca (new) - added it

Rebecca Huston I'll give the first one a try and then see about the rest. I do recommend Laura Antoniou, she writes very smart, very real BDSM fiction that doesn't suck.


Katrina Passick Lumsden "And finally, situations like this in real life do not get a happily ever after. Yes I know it's fiction, but it is also unhealthy. Women gushing and thinking it is hot not only do not understand BDSM but they deminish the struggles of women in abusive and controlling relationships that Don't have the luxury of a happily ever after ending. It is disrespectful to those women to have all these silly fans running around saying, OMG I would sign Christian's contract any day."

Thank you!

I'm really getting tired of the "it's just a fantasy" excuse because really? This is what some women choose to fantasize about? An abusive relationship?

*Sigh*


Ashley Katrina wrote: ""And finally, situations like this in real life do not get a happily ever after. Yes I know it's fiction, but it is also unhealthy. Women gushing and thinking it is hot not only do not understand B..."

lol I know right? I can think of a lot better things to fantasize about than a seriously effed up boyfriend/husband with mommy issues.


message 19: by Mary (new)

Mary Thank you. Really, thank you for writing this. I skimmed this "book"/fanfic and it took me very little time to understand that the BDSM element was not handled properly in it. It is clear that the author doesn't understand it, and is giving a very very bad example to young girls out there who will enjoy this book. Your insight on this is very much appreciated and I am very glad that there is someone out there (you) who speaks the truth. Now let's hope most readers would stop and think about what you had to say.


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