Paul's Reviews > Holy Bible: King James Version

Holy Bible by Anonymous
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Apr 08, 12

bookshelves: god-botheration
Read in April, 2012

I realised that in my house books follow a traditional Christian path through their lives. They arrive here from a mysterious place far away (I call it Amazon) and spend a long time downstairs (on shelves, the earthly plane of existence). Eventually they come to the Day of Judgement (when I read them). After that the judgement is pronounced (Goodreads!) and they are sorted into the sheep (three to five star ratings) and the goats (one and two stars). The sheep ascend to heaven (the loft) where they keep company with other beloved volumes and angels sing continually (pigeons on the roof, very annoying, coo-coo-coo all the time). The goats are thrown into the burning fiery furnace for all eternity (Oxfam).

On rereading this, I see that in this analogy I am God. That's really not how I see myself. Not really.

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Comments (showing 1-20 of 20) (20 new)

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Manny On rereading this, I see that in this analogy I am God.

As Woody Allen says in Manhattan, you've got to model yourself on someone...


message 2: by Ian (new) - rated it 3 stars

Ian Paganus If Valley of the Dolls is typical, you seem to return from Oxfam Hell with books, some of which are presumably on the Index Librorum Prohibitorum.


message 3: by Paul (last edited Apr 09, 2012 02:51PM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Paul I sometimes like to re-enact the Harrowing of Oxfam. That was a one-man commando raid originally undertaken by my own dear son, but as we say in our house, "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together". (Isaiah 7.26)


message 4: by Manny (last edited Apr 09, 2012 03:03PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Manny That is most surprising. A reference to the Holy Trinity in the Old Testament! I thought the earliest mention was in the Epistle of Paul to John, George and Ringo, but I am no Bible scholar.


Paul Well, you know, sometimes I get things mixed up. I have a lot to think about. This is just between you and me but sometimes I make mistakes (don't tell the Pope). Just little ones usually, like giving mankind the illusion of free will, but sometimes really big clangers like allowing Jeremy Clarkson to be. I kick myself every day for that one. Regrets, I've had a few.


message 6: by Clif (last edited Apr 10, 2012 06:33AM) (new)

Clif Hostetler In an effort to push your analogy further, it occurs to me that books are sort of like souls and never die. More books are printed everyday, but (almost) none are ever destroyed. Those that don't stay on shelves at home end up at used book sales (Oxfam) and experience reincarnation. The few books that are accidentally ended (chewed up by the dog) in a sense live on in the memory of the reader (it's a spiritual thing).


Paul that is undeniable - if a book is chewed by the dog another identical copy is being read in some other household. But hmmm, I think we have strayed into Hinduism now.


message 8: by Denise (new)

Denise Hay There's something terribly appealing about rating the bible. And giving it 4 stars, at that. God is good, but not great, obviously. A just god would not allow Twilight to achieve such ascendancy, for example, so there's a star gone right there. And then an angel loses its wings. Although now I'm getting confused by that Jimmy Stewart movie. Who's more appealing than God, come to that, and could likely have written better than Stephanie Meyer. Or John Grisham. Or swathes of Revelations, where emotions clearly get the better of style. Awesome review as usual, Paul, if I may be fearsomely godlike in that word choice.


message 9: by Paul (last edited Apr 14, 2012 01:17AM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Paul I was wavering between three and four stars. I thought - on the day of wrath I can probably justify a three star for this strangely edited book, I can say look - mwhat were you thinking? this could have been done a lot better (and what about that ending? I couldn't make head or tail of it - let's see James Cameron try & film that) but then I though no, there are long stretches where the writing is ... well.. sublime.


message 10: by Rose (new) - added it

Rose What about the sheep you press on friends from here to Glasgow...?

I suppose with luck they return to their shepherd eventually (i.e. months later when I finally finish reading them).

"Strangely edited" - yes.

Irrelevant but I recently learnt that many Rastafarians consider that the Whore of Babylon, as in the Bible, is Queen Elizabeth II. I wonder if she knows that?


message 11: by Paul (new) - rated it 4 stars

Paul what does that make Prince Philip?


message 12: by Katy (new) - added it

Katy Paul wrote: "I sometimes like to re-enact the Harrowing of Oxfam. That was a one-man commando raid originally undertaken by my own dear son, but as we say in our house, "I am he as you are he as you are me and ..."

and Kumbaya around the campfire, he's the dj, and I'm the vampire....


message 13: by Katy (new) - added it

Katy Manny wrote: "That is most surprising. A reference to the Holy Trinity in the Old Testament! I thought the earliest mention was in the Epistle of Paul to John, George and Ringo, but I am no Bible scholar."

*laughing my ass off*


Eric Rickey That was a funny review. Thank you for that.


message 15: by Skye (new)

Skye Cooper Getting lots of strange looks on the bus as I'm laughing hysterically to myself while reading your review! Well done


message 16: by Paul (new) - rated it 4 stars

Paul tee hee - thanks Skye - maybe I should flag this review "not to be read while drinking hot liquids or on public transport"


Brigit "On rereading this, I see that in this analogy I am God."

I'm picturing it as a microcosm in which you are a god (of the Ancient Greek or Roman variation) who frequently descents to Earth (anywhere but the loft) to chase and steal away nymphs, pretty women and handsome young boys (that is, to purchase, lend and/or read books), only to return to Heaven (the loft) to continue partying extravagantly until the ungodly hours of the night with the half-gods (the sheep).

Also, I sense a hint of Hinduism and/or Buddhism in this analogy since the books do not actually suffer in Hell (Oxfam), but are given another chance (reincarnation) to be made into a sheep on the next Judgement Day (whenever the next owner goes onto Goodreads to review).


message 18: by Paul (new) - rated it 4 stars

Paul Oh yes, reincarnation.... it's true. In my eschatology the Oxfam goats get another shot. I am truly compassionate. Thanks for reminding me!


message 19: by Riku (new) - rated it 3 stars

Riku Sayuj Brilliant. But is there a 'by implication' here? where did this book end up?


message 20: by Paul (new) - rated it 4 stars

Paul Ah no, I still have three copies of the Bible!


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