Marvin's Reviews > What Pooh Might Have Said to Dante and Other Futile Speculations

What Pooh Might Have Said to Dante and Other Futile Speculations by Manny Rayner
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Apr 04, 12

bookshelves: humor
Read from April 03 to 04, 2012

"Hey, guys! Here's another book Marvin left out."

Maslow, Ashley and Fanci mustered up their cattish curiosity and sniffed the book.

"Is it about cats?" asked Fanci.

"I don't think so" replied Ashley. "There appears to be a bear on the cover and it written by some one called M-A-N-N-Y ...

"MANNY!", Maslow jumped up and down as much as a cat that resembled a bowling ball with feet could. "Manny Rayner? I know Manny!"

"You do?"

Well..I know the name. That name comes up on that Goodreads web site usually just before Marvin starts banging his forehead on the desk and screams, "Why didn't I think of that?"

"So what does this Manny do?", asked Fanci.

"He writes reviews of books."

Fanci scoffs. "So? Anyone can do that."

"You think so, Tuna Brain?" Maslow said. "Let's hear you write a review."

Fanci rose to the challenge. "Name a book."

"Madame Bovary"

"Does she likes cats"

"How the hell would I know?"

"But that is the defining characteristic of a human. Either she likes cats or she doesn't"

"Let's try another. Pippi Longstocking."

"Does she like cats?"

"I'm fairly certain she does."

"Five stars. A classic of the genre. A must-read and highly recommended to those who like cats."

Ashley made a sound not unlike a pig coughing on a hairball. "Geez, I can do better than that."

"OK, ancient one", replied Fanci. Let's hear it"

Ashley cleared her throat and started reciting.

"A good review is more than a rating of stars and a recommend/don't recommend attitude. In What Pooh Might Have Said to Dante and Other Futile Speculations, Goodreads regular and book critic extraordinaire Manny Rayner asks the important questions and bring new insight to books as diverse as The Three Musketeers to The Holy Bible. While relentlessly humorous, the many reviews in this little book manages to explore the YA marketing of Harry Potter, rewrite Hamlet as a feel-good Twilight -like tale and speculate on the sci-fi aspects of the New Testament. While it may be a bit alarming to notice how many characters in a Rayner review are considering having sex, it is even more intriguing to see where these unique musings wander, always keeping the reader entertained."

Even Maslow was impressed. "Not bad for an over-aged hairball."

"Why, thank you, He-Who-Makes-Pooh-Look-Like-Twiggy."

Fanci asked, "But how did you make up such a distinct review when you haven't read the book?"

"Easy, I just read the words Marvin is typing right now on the computer."

"CHEATER!" Fanci and Maslow howled and chased Ashley under the sofa."

I breathed a sigh of relief and typed my review in peace.
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Comments (showing 1-7 of 7) (7 new)

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message 1: by Michelle (new)

Michelle Love it! When's your book coming out?You guys should consider a two-volume set.


Marvin Thank you but I'll pass for now. I think multiple volumes of Goodreads reviews might be too esoteric for the common cat man.


Manny "Relentlessly humorous"! "Not bad for an over-aged hairball"! My marketing director wants to know if we can use these quotes for the blurb in the second edition. She's willing to pay.


notgettingenough "Madame Bovary"

"Does she like cats"


Why didn't I think of that?


message 5: by Marvin (last edited Apr 05, 2012 07:16AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Marvin Manny, feel free to blurb away. Just for the record, the "over-aged hairball" referred to my 17 year old cat named Ashley who was reciting the review and not you. But if the shoe fits...;)


Manny Look Marvin, you know what blurbs are like. A little out-of-context quotation is par for the course, and I'm sure it'll do wonders for sales!


message 7: by Nilesh (new)

Nilesh Kashyap Marvin wrote: "But if the shoe fits...;)"

You Marvin, have made a perfectly fitting shoe pretty cleverly so there is no question of not fitting.


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