Colleen's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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's review
May 04, 12

bookshelves: absolute-worst-book-ever-ever-ever, absolute-worst-books-i-have-ever-re, nook-books
Read from April 30 to May 03, 2012

The worst piece of crap ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever... I have no one to blame but myself. I KNEW what I was getting into. And I was too impatient to wait for a library copy to become available (currently 140 holds on 30 copies at our local library) so I bought it. Fifty Shades of Grey was terrible on so many levels, I don't know where to begin. How about we start with the word "crap"? I entertained myself while reading this incredibly dull story by tallying the number of times Anastasia said, "Crap." Are you ready for this? Not once, not twice, but 76 TIMES! I even considered charging her twice for using the words "double crap" but that's just getting too complicated. How apropos that the word "crap" is so prevalent in this book. OK, let's move on to plot. Come on, writers: Gorgeous-guy-loves-mousy-girl-to-her-utter-amazement is becoming the most tired plot. James supposedly based this story on Twilight, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised this is what she ended up with. And it was soooooo boooorrrriiiinnnggg. 391 pages of every waking thought (I take that back--we had to hear about her dreams too)of a twenty-something girl--aarrgghh (as Anastasia would cry out during sex). Bad plot cannot hold a candle to these horrid characters--a despicable man and a despicably weak woman. When I read a book, I need to like at least one of the characters. I liked none in Fifty Shades of Grey. I also cannot stand a weak woman who gives up everything for a man. Could there be a worse example of that than Anastasia? You add the obsessiveness of Anastasia and the possessiveness of Christian together and you end up with a very disturbing relationship. Dogs are treated better than Christian treats Anastasia. How terrible for the vulnerable young women who read this. Although perhaps I'm not giving them enough credit to see this relationship (and book)for what it is. So let's move on to the sex. I don't quite get the appeal of BDSM, but it really didn't bother me to read about it. To each his own. The problem is that it was laughably bad, not very believable, and at times, cliche (how many times do we have to read about a man sweeping everything off his desk and taking the woman right then and there?). The epitome of bad sex episodes (and there were so very many)was when Anastasia had an orgasm simply from hearing Christian say her name. Really! I'm not kidding! That just sent me over the edge (and not in an orgasmic way). I've previously worked as an editor and let me tell you, my inner editor (not my inner goddess) clapped her hands gleefully at all the work that needed to be done on this book. If the publisher had had an editor work on Fifty Shades of Grey, they would certainly have gotten their money's worth. But, note that I say "if." It's quite clear this went straight from self-publishing to mass distribution by a major publisher. That's the almighty dollar speaking. I need to stop now. I think I've made my point! I have to admit that I was glad to see Anastasia finally stand her ground (although who knows how long that will last)at the end. For me, though, it was too little too late. I won't be bothering to read the next two books. I created a special shelf just for this book: "the absolute worst book ever, ever, ever." If I read the other two books, I might have to add them to this shelf and then Fifty Shades of Grey just wouldn't be "special" anymore.
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