La Petite Américaine's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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's review
Mar 22, 2012

did not like it
bookshelves: rants, sucked, worst-garbage-i-ve-ever-read, i-want-my-money-back
Recommended to La Petite Américaine by: NY Stupid Effing Times (I've gotta stop listening to them)
Recommended for: Suburban Chicks Who Don't Get Laid
Read on March 22, 2012

I downloaded this because of the New York Times article claiming that this erotic novel "electrified women across the country." I just had to see what all the buzz was about. Erotic thriller? Hey, bring it on.


This is the best you can do? Seriously?

This book reads like the sexual fantasy of a virgin Twilight fan... oh wait, it IS the sexual fantasy of a virgin Twilight fan. Gotcha. That explains the crappy writing, the lack of character development, the slow as sludge plot, and the dullest sex in print. If this book is truly "relighting a fire under a lot of marriages" in America, I'm even more worried for the sate of our fair nation.

Jesus Christ.

Look. Real women read The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Or we find the good stuff in Ken Follett and pretend we read it for the plot. Or we go for old reliable: the bodice-ripper. But at least we know where to go for something we can friggin use.

Fifty shades of SUCKED!

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Comments (showing 1-33 of 33) (33 new)

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La Petite Américaine I have got to stop listening to the NY Times. It's getting to be an expensive mistake. Grrr.

La Petite Américaine I'm telling you guys, Anne Rice is where it's at. :)

La Petite Américaine it should come with the disclaimer that the girl who wrote the book has never f***** in her life. would have made my life easier.

La Petite Américaine Because they have some need to endorse every crappy book ever written. ::

message 5: by Renee (new)

Renee Oh yeah! Anne Rice is where its at!!

La Petite Américaine Renee wrote: "Oh yeah! Anne Rice is where its at!!"

Seriously. She takes care everything in the first five pages. :)

message 7: by K (new)

K La Petite, I live for your reviews! ;)

La Petite Américaine Khaya wrote: "La Petite, I live for your reviews! ;)"

you are too sweet :)

message 9: by Lin (new)

Lin The excerpts I read in a review somewhere...was it Jezebel? can't remember...made me gag. The writing was terrible.

La Petite Américaine Laterally godawful. I blame myself. I strayed from the good stuff and got garbage. I've been a fool.

message 11: by Nicole (new)

Nicole Ahh, the Ann Rice Claiming of Sleeping Beauty trilogy is such a lovely series. Thanks for the reminder. :)

La Petite Américaine I downloaded it again last night so now its on my kindle. :) easy access :)

message 13: by Jason (new)

Jason Your review is dead on. But the author is apparently a TV exec and mother of two from Britain who looks to be in early middle age. Speaking of which, I get frankly freaked out when middle aged women smile their waxy smile and tell me how my much they *heart* Twilight books. I generally reply "Wow-they are soooo popular. But I am a guy and I like my vampires murderous and amoral, like the ones Anne Rice wrote about. You should read....

message 14: by Mish (new) - rated it 2 stars

Mish Yeah, Elizabeth, "Mommy Porn".

The book and author is featured in today's Observer (Quality UK Sunday Paper). It doesn't get a good write up but is in the news because of the deal for the film rights for the first book in the trilogy.

'According to reports this weekend, $5m is already on the table from Sony Pictures'

'...but no-one is making claims for it's literary acheivement, a cross between a Harlequin romance, 9 1/2 weeks and the controversial Mama Liz Drinks Deep series.'

'"The material is really not very good," says one leading producer who was asked to get involved. "There are a lot of producers involved in the auction who you can't imagine having any passion for the material but see it as a pure business opportunity."'

There's also references to Twilight - '...a project that was initially aimed at 15-year-olds but soon found legions of fans in women of all ages.'

La Petite Américaine ”Hmm...he's soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty — salty and smooth...he's my own Christian Grey flavor popsicle.”


Nuff said.

La Petite Américaine The real question is how our author managed to get herself two kidsa and .pull off the marriage charade given that she's clearly never been laid in her life.

message 17: by Wendy (new)

Wendy Ijust saw yesterday that they are considering making this book into a tv series or possibly a movie. I haven't read the book and don't really plan on it -- and I probably wouldn't see the movie either (unless maybe Channing Tatum was in it ;-D).

La Petite Américaine I liked Secretary. And I still hated that book

message 19: by Emma (new)

Emma  Kaufmann Are there at least some sex scenes that are a bit out there? Or anything that redeems this?

La Petite Américaine Nope. Nothing.

La Petite Américaine Nice to see you again, Emma :)

message 23: by Renee (new)

Renee So.. I keep seeing legions of my friends reading this book (especially the over 30 crowd). They all are LOVING it. I just can't bring myself to read it though, after reading your review! I hate incredibly popular books.

message 24: by Mish (new) - rated it 2 stars

Mish The wave has hit the Facebook crowd I'm loosely connected with.

Déborah Adjadj Once again, thank you for this precious review of the book ;) haha I hate it too

Irina I read your review of The Book Thief , and wanted to thank you for saving me my precious time. Thanx!! So I also read some of your other reviews. In your review of 50 shades of shit you say that real women read The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty to get the effect desired.
I tried to read it...could not get past the second village from the start...that shit is so boring....even 50 shades had something more going for it...well I kept reading past the "oh my's" anyway. If you are seriously claiming that this book is a turn on....then I am now questioning your other reviews. I downloaded a few of your recommendations, but now I suspect your taste is not in line with the acidity of your scathing intellect.
Thanks anyway, I will try the other books you raved about :)

La Petite Américaine Oh. You mean you don't agree with 100% of what I say? As in, you have different tastes than I do?

I dare say.....

Irina yeah....sorry.....drunk commenting is never a good idea....sorry :)

Déborah Adjadj when u drunk you go to haha

Kristina The NYT recommended this book? Dear god. Personally, I thought it was hilarious. I laughed like a loon thru most of it. It was just too insanely dumb to take seriously. Whenever I want a good giggle, I load up my Nook and read a few of the dumbest and silliest scenes. Anyone who took this book seriously must be brain-damaged.

message 32: by Juan (new) - rated it 5 stars

Juan Yup

La Petite Américaine Clearly a book for girls who don't know how to fu(k.

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