Shovelmonkey1's Reviews > Clouded Rainbow

Clouded Rainbow by Jonathan Sturak
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Mar 27, 12

did not like it
bookshelves: read-in-2012, you-are-twisting-my-melon-man
Recommended to Shovelmonkey1 by: kindle freeness
Recommended for: a proficient editor
Read from March 21 to 26, 2012 , read count: 1

Kindle.
What a thing of potential beauty you are. And yet also a double edged sword. Clouded Rainbow was imported directly into my thinky thing via the medium of Kindle. A free e-book? What could be nicer? I'll tell you. A free e-book that has been well edited. Kindle is a double edged sword for all writers as well, whether they have realised it or not. The note-taking and highlighting system means that reviewers, both kind and cruel, paid and unpaid can now make easy use of this facility, taking quick notes as they go along. This means the evidence of either genius or careless writing can be called up at a moments notice in a condensed form.

If you look through my back catalogue of reviews you will see that I am frequently, tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic, ironic but generally complimentary at least up to a point. I try not to be mean, overly critical or downright cruel. I've not written a fiction book so I can only guess how hard the process is. Admittedly cruelty and all of these other things are in my nature but the nice men in the uniforms said it was not good to torture authors. So I don't.

First off, I have to give a big thumbs up to anyone who will put in the time and effort, and go to great lengths to write a book. To then release it free to the baying book hounds on the internet clearly takes a lot of courage, and perhaps lady or man-balls the size of grapefruit, if not watermelon!

Clouded Rainbow has potential, at least where the plot is concerned: man and wife, deeply in love, go out to celebrate an anniversary and things are going swimmingly until a car accident on a bridge on the way home. Man is trapped in car while wife is ejected through the windscreen, over the bridge and into the watery depths of the river below. Both are then shipped to separate hospitals to recover and neither remember the accident. So begins Roger Belkin's one-man mission to find his wife and recover the pieces of life which has been shattered by one single incident. So, plot - check, yes there is definitely a clear plot line.

The delivery of the plot is let down by the obtuse and obfuscatory writing. Adjective and adverb heavy, unnecessary diversions and descriptions, misuse of words (brazen, transcend), bad grammar (the word is shone not shined for the love of god!).

Also the characters, particularly Roger and Lois seem to have a strange relationship with their body parts... frequently they seem to be described as if the part in question is independent from the character to whom they belong. For example, his brain felt confident in declaring that he was in the city last night P 136 Loc 2078. So the brain was there without Roger? And Roger rolled around on the hard pavement. He felt his bones yell. P169 Loc 2588.

Some of the prose made sense but was written in such a manner that it was necessary to take a moment to translate. I have 108 examples of this kind of thing highlighted within the book but here is an amuse-bouche;

Her words massaged his auditory nerve and further pushed him into serenity Sturak, J 2009 P32 Loc565
Does he feel calmed by listening to her voice?

In the entryway, a rhythm of bangs hit the front of the closed door Sturak, J 2009 P70 Loc 1127
Is someone knocking at the door then?

Detective Cleveland looked up the stairway before transcending Sturak, J 2009 P107 Loc 1656
Has Detective Cleveland died and passed over to the other side or is he climbing the staircase?

Then he had exercised the side of the bed as his resting place closest to the bottle P107 Loc 1666
Has someone slept on one side of the bed near a bottle?

Roger followed his sense of smell to the side of the building and then to the entrance of the tasty edifice Sturak, J 2009 P118 Loc 1811,
Is the building edible?

Then, in a sudden burst, the beeps from the microwave stabbed Carol's sensitive ears; her hand dropped the phone Sturak, J 2009 P133 Loc 2049
Someone else has already commented on this, but why is the microwave stabbing Carol's ears?

No one walked from the front of the restaurant which would spring the awaiting dogs to fetch a bone Sturak, J 2009 P163 Loc 2506
People in PA leave their pets at the front of restaurants?

He felt clobbered, beyond the breaking point of a tree branch used as a crutch Sturak, J 2009 P171 Loc 2625
I didn't understand this metaphor. Or is it a simile?

She remembered the feeling which was indescribable for anyone to receive Sturak, J 2009 P193 Loc 2959
Emotions are hard things to write about.

These two, however, were not mute as their opposite sex chromosome sparked a primitive flirtation Sturak, J 2009 P199 Loc 3044
Two people are flirting

and to close

The forgetful man could never be forgotten as he would always be just as she remembered him Sturak, J 2009 P235 Loc 3577
You have me there....



As a final note I would have to say that I have always been mistrustful of authors who rate their own books on this site... and give them five stars. Unless it is in an ironic way (I refer you to the Bizarro writers).











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Reading Progress

03/21/2012
15.0% "Already the possession of a Kindle has totally altered my way of reading and what I read and as a result my brain is taking on the consistency of corn beef brain hash."
03/24/2012
40.0% "brain...hurting...so...much. The compulsion to edit this text by scrawling over the kindle screen with a red biro is almost overwhelming"

Comments (showing 1-50 of 58) (58 new)


message 1: by Jonfaith (new)

Jonfaith One shouldn't overindulge in synopsis or the misdirections within. It is late, though I still wrestle "nights of intimacy in the sprawling city." It is prolly jus' me.


message 2: by Jonfaith (new)

Jonfaith read synopses.


message 3: by Mark (new)

Mark ouch, so ouch but really, really necessary from the read of it !!


Shovelmonkey1 I tried to present the data in an academic format rather than one which was totally subjective and cruel. Did I fail? Also any tips on how to get red pen off a kindle screen would be greatly appreciated at this point.


message 5: by Mark (new)

Mark No you didn't fail. It was very clinically done, and I mean that as no criticism. I too bought a kindle recently. If I was encountering that book on mine I would probably be asking for help removing dents. I am more of a Dorothy parker, You know
'this is not a book to be tossed aside lightly, it should be thrown away with great force '


Shovelmonkey1 Nice, that is an excellent quote. Delete is now a viable option, where "throwing" was once the way.


message 7: by Angela (new)

Angela Mark wrote: "No you didn't fail. It was very clinically done, and I mean that as no criticism. I too bought a kindle recently. If I was encountering that book on mine I would probably be asking for help removin..."

I've just added that quote, it sums up my feelings for a lot of books, thank you.


Shovelmonkey1 Mark is a fountain of knowledge. Or, in the spirit of Clouded Rainbow, his brain spewed forth quotes over which he had no control.


message 9: by Angela (new)

Angela Ha, those quotes were hilarious.
I may be mistaken but I believe that style of flouncy writing is also known as 'purple writing' in some circles. I *may* have my understanding of that phrase slightly wrong so don't quote me on that though.


Shovelmonkey1 Do you mean purple prose?


message 11: by Ian (new)

Ian GalaDali Monk, that's not a rant.

The first half sounded like a love story. The second half shows how accountable a Kindle can make an author.

Nobody can escape note-taking and highlighting.

This is a review that defines the future of, um, something important.


message 12: by Ian (new)

Ian GalaDali Yes. Good. Yes. I like it.


message 13: by Ian (new)

Ian GalaDali Graphic artists call it the "I love you big mummy" response.


Shovelmonkey1 mehhehehe.


message 15: by Ian (new)

Ian GalaDali "Her words massaged his auditory nerve; Roger followed his sense of smell to the side of the building; then to the entrance of the tasty edifice; she raised her hands to her throat and squeezed, tighter and tighter."

I think he must be an ear, nose, tongue and throat specialist.


Shovelmonkey1 Double heh (I refuse to use LOL or ROFLMAO).

Or my personal favourite:
"Roger glanced at his wife; her cleavage kneaded his optic nerve. His worries subsided."

Clearly he was not worried about having two breasts embedded in his skull.


message 17: by Shovelmonkey1 (last edited Mar 27, 2012 04:25AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Shovelmonkey1 I used the quotes above to illustrate points. Too many and we skate at the edge of the thin ice marked "author bullying". So no more from me!

* edited to remove my clumsy mixed metaphor. That's what happens when you read and type at the same time.


message 18: by Paul (last edited Mar 27, 2012 04:48AM) (new)

Paul Bryant Then, in a sudden burst, the beeps from the microwave stabbed Carol's sensitive ears; her hand dropped the phone

Great review and the quotes were great but the above one seemed almost reasonable... the beeps stabbed her ears and believing whatever was in the microwave was now done (could be soup, could be a trapped pet) she dropped the phone and rushed to extract it.

Beeps have stabbed my ears before now.


Shovelmonkey1 Fair cop guv. But why did her hand and not Carol herself drop the phone? Are the hand and Carol not one?
I included this as it's not the only example of angry technology in the book! Do people really react like this to such a basic event?


message 20: by Paul (new)

Paul Bryant if you believe your favourite pet has got inside the microwave, maybe


message 21: by Angela (new)

Angela Shovelmonkey1 wrote: "Do you mean purple prose?"

Eh, yes I believe so. That sounds correct. I've just come across that term if I'm honest.


Shovelmonkey1 Angela wrote: "Shovelmonkey1 wrote: "Do you mean purple prose?"

Eh, yes I believe so. That sounds correct. I've just come across that term if I'm honest."


Purple prose is florid and overly twiddly writing so you are correct.


message 23: by Mark (new)

Mark you do realize that this book, the more I read the thread, is starting to draw me in. Like some evil maniacal genius the kindle imp is doing its work.

'Mark eye's read and were astounded at the images released to dance and wrestle with his brain. His brain, being out for the day, had left its ansaphone on. His finger, deciding it wanted to try something new, moved towards the buy button. Mark was truly f**ked'


Shovelmonkey1 Go on, do it. Then review it.


message 25: by Mark (new)

Mark You wicked temptress you. In fact maybe even a cheeky monkey


Shovelmonkey1 If you do read it you might find an aspect to this book that I have overlooked. After all, many who read this book gave it 4 or even 5 stars. Sadly they did not proffer a reason why, in support of their rating.


Richard Derus Fairest of Monkeys, is there any recomposition that my heart can make unto your fair pancreas for the slightly unkindnessing of your review?

And the herds of locusts are on their way to your fair city's shores even as I am typing this message. I made it 11% into this Kindleing belch-inducing indigestibility before bulimia set in and I had to stop.


Shovelmonkey1 Don't be a quitter cher Richard!! And no amount of love can cancel out my bile (if that is the correct response?).


message 29: by Angela (new)

Angela This book is still free on amazon but after reading those quotes you put in the review, I just cannot bring myself to download it.


message 30: by ~Geektastic~ (new)

 ~Geektastic~ Based on those lovely little prose gems, it would seem he could use a ghostwriter more than an editor. That last one gives me the brain pain.


Shovelmonkey1 Amber ~Geektastic~ wrote: "Based on those lovely little prose gems, it would seem he could use a ghostwriter more than an editor. That last one gives me the brain pain."

It is a bit ouchy on the old brain box.


message 32: by Mark (new)

Mark well i have done the deed. It sounded so horrendously foul that I could not resist clogging up my dear little kindle with its free enticements. When i pop my clogs and someone finds the password into my kindle i hope they don't gauge my tastes on some of the stuff i have drawn down. I shall let you know shovel' once i have completed the deed and read it


Shovelmonkey1 Please do so sir, many people appear to have read this but offered no thoughts on it. I would hate people to find my review to be the only long winded offering.


Shovelmonkey1 ps reading and deleting immediately is a sure fire way to hide all shame-reading and ensure that should you suddenly go belly up, you will not be one of the baleful ghosts haunting your family and trying to justify your selection of e-books from the e-fterlife!


message 35: by Mark (new)

Mark lol


Richard Derus e-fterlife LOL ROFLMAO (snob!)

Y'all DO realize that deleting merely makes the Kindle *device* crap-free? Your Cloud is permanently besmirched with your freebie downloads, and it is unpossible to remove stuff from there.


Shovelmonkey1 Richard -we've already talked about this!! Or more specifically I think we have and I definitely told someone to watch this maybe.... and maybe it was not you... if not then apologies ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGz6Nd...


Richard Derus Hence my self-loathing, dear Monkey, hence my self-loathing.


message 39: by Noran (new)

Noran Miss Pumkin Not having much luck with your kindle thingie, are you? Try Angry Birds in Space-it is fun change of pace. I am reading about the history of Chicago Hangings on my nookie right now-2.99 i think. A lot of great history tidbits thrown in.
My problem with this book would have been that EMS and police on scene would have connected the the dots between the two victims. Two trauma patients - hard to miss the link, and only separate hospitals, if there were plenty in the area-like Chicago or NYC.


Shovelmonkey1 Richard wrote: "Hence my self-loathing, dear Monkey, hence my self-loathing."

Heh heh, maybe you'd make a good Hank Moody


Shovelmonkey1 Noran wrote: "Not having much luck with your kindle thingie, are you? Try Angry Birds in Space-it is fun change of pace. I am reading about the history of Chicago Hangings on my nookie right now-2.99 i think. ..."

It's a multiple pile up with about 15 people all getting smooshed in various non-comedy manners. it might have been good if Roger Belkin took a minute to ask what had happened to him and then maybe go to the police to ask for help before he ran crazily out of the hospital and into the night... but then there would be no story.


Richard Derus Shovelmonkey1 wrote: "Richard wrote: "Hence my self-loathing, dear Monkey, hence my self-loathing."

Heh heh, maybe you'd make a good Hank Moody"


I should only be so good-looking as Duchovny is. *wistful sigh*


Shovelmonkey1 ah yes. he is a lovely dirty man. and i mean that in a good way.


message 44: by Noran (new)

Noran Miss Pumkin Silly plot line-escaped patient with no resources runs into the night looking for wife..... My suspension of disbelief is gone in 60 seconds. LOL


Shovelmonkey1 that made me laugh but i'm still refusing to write LOL


Richard Derus ONOZ we have a non-troglodytic hostess WTF shall we do


message 47: by ~Geektastic~ (new)

 ~Geektastic~ STFU, I guess.

But where's the fun in that?


Shovelmonkey1 I'm so lost right now. Like Scott, up shit creek, without a paddle and a GPS.


message 49: by Mark (new)

Mark Angela wrote: "Mark wrote: "No you didn't fail. It was very clinically done, and I mean that as no criticism. I too bought a kindle recently. If I was encountering that book on mine I would probably be asking for..."

my pleasure, or rather Dorothy's


message 50: by Ian (new)

Ian GalaDali Shovelmonkey1 wrote: "you will not be one of the baleful ghosts haunting your family and trying to justify your selection of e-books from the e-fterlife!
"


There is no e-fterlife, only e-ternity.


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