Joanne Park's Reviews > New Moon

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
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Mar 13, 12


And I thought it couldn't get any worse from the first book.... *sighs*

So why I read the book: It was on a book challenge read. I can't resist a challenge. *sighs again*

Plot: Edward (oh how I've missed this sparkly vampire...can you hear my sarcasm?) ditches Bella, finally. Of course, Bella being Bella, gets all emo and tries to kill herself with her new best buddy, Jacob Black. (Cause we totally needed another love triangle in YA books.) And Edward, who was also feeling mopey and all suicidal-ly goes to the vampire rulers to kill him. And Bella comes to save the day. Except she actually doesn't while everyone else do all the work, because how could you forget? she's a total weaking, but basically, she goes all hero-y and saves Edward. Sort of. And then yeah. She whines some more about her boyfriend not letting her become a vampire. And then, the end.

I sincerely applaud Stephanie Meyers for stretching this plot for 563 pages. Seriously.

Oh Bella darling, what do we do with you? I'd feel pity for her, EXCEPT I STILL DON'T CARE ABOUT HER. Still stupid, vapid, whiney, and irritating as ever. Except it gets worse. Now she's mopey and suicidal. (Or would that be an improvment? In that case, Yay! Go Bella!) Her thoughts: MY SPARKLY VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND DITCHED ME AND SAID HE DIDN'T WANT ME ANYMORE BECUASE IM A USELESS PIECE OF JUNK. OH WELL. I HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM WHATSOEVER, SO I GUESS HE'S RIGHT. I'LL JUST SIT HERE AND MOPE LIKE A EVEN MORE USELESS PIECE OF JUNK. *MONTHS LATER* OMFG HE'S NOT COMING BACK. MY TRUE LOVE I KNEW LESS THAN A YEAR FOR. *WAILS* YOU KNOW WHAT? BRILLIANT IDEA. I'LL KILL MYSELF. *GOES ON MOTORCYCLE, DESPITE HITTING HER HEAD* ALMOST DYING ISN'T ENOUGH. SO I'M GONNA JUMP OFF A CLIFF WITH MY NEW BEST BUDDY! And so forth.

Edward: OMFG, MY STEP-BROTHER ALMOST KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND. PROBABLY BECAUSE HE'S A VAMPIRE AND SHE WAS A BLEEDING HUMAN, BUT SCREW THAT. I'LL JUST DITCH HER, MOPE FOR DAYS, AND GO KILL MYSELF BY EXPOSING MY SPARKLY-NESS TO THE WORLD. HURRAH! That is all.

Jacob: BELLA, OH MY TRUE LOVE BELLA! COME JOIN ME AND DITCH THAT UGLY VAMPIRE! COME BE MY MATE FOREVA! LALALA! ACTUALLY, I GUESS I'LL JUST DITCH YOU LIKE YOUR VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND CAUSE I'M ACTUALLY A WEREWOLF. RAWR! OH WAIT, YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF? BAD IDEA, BUT HEY! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU SO I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! OMFG VAMPIRES CAME BACK! *ANGER, ANGER* GRRR. I'M A MUTT. GET AWAY, VAMPIRE. YOU STINK! (literally. apparently vampires smell really bad to them.) And I swear. the only reason Jacob was a werewolf? So he can totally show off his badass, hottie abs to Bella. I'm not even kidding.

........did that show enough of my disgust with this book?
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