karen's Reviews > How to Cook Children: A Grisly Recipe Book

How to Cook Children by Martin Howard
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's review
Mar 07, 2012

really liked it
bookshelves: kiddiwinx, tastes-like-people, thanks-for-prezzies
Read on March 07, 2012

mike mullin recommended this book to me, i think because he's on to me and my gingerbread trap house etc. it is how i maintain my youthful glow.

i ordered it into the store, and then i felt obligated to buy it, even though it was a silly book for kids with pictures of witches and what have you.

so i bought it, cursing my stupid self the whole time, and then i actually sat down with it, and guess what? it's pretty great! i have to admire the author's commitment to detail. there is a way to write this book that is lazy and half-assed: just draw some witches and make some cutesy rhymes about eating kids maybe a poop joke and blah blah - done.

but this is a much more thoughtful book. each witch hails from a different region, and has their own method of kid-cuisine, and borderline offensive dialect and tone.

i particularly like the beginning instructions for making bratwurst and upset cabbage:

(weiner the whiner pictured below.)

the first thing to do is make your upset cabbage. it is not difficult, they are shy creatures and easy to frighten. i sneak up from behind and then throw myself on it screaming "achtung green swine." after weiner the whiner does his business on it i poke it with a stick. this makes a very upset cabbage. now hold weiner the whiner over a large saucepan until he does his toilet again and throw in the chopped cabbage. put the lid on and boil for six hours until the cabbage is furious.

i am not going to try this, obviously; i have a cat, not a dog, but i like knowing that cabbage has got a quick temper. does this make the irish cannibals? see? borderline offensive! i am learning!

it is a much more fun and detailed book than the cover and similar books on the market would lead you to expect, and it includes three pages of advertising for the restaurants of the featured witches, which is pretty cute. it is a very well-thought out book,with appeal for both kids and adults, and i am sorry i underestimated it.

also: looking at the illustrator's website, i found another book of his i want even more: The Poison Diaries

i will order it tomorrow. and buy it without regrets!

thanks, mike mullin!
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Comments (showing 1-17 of 17) (17 new)

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message 1: by K.D. (new)

K.D. Absolutely first! (at long last!)

karen hahahaah like a tiger you pounce!

message 3: by K.D. (new)

K.D. Absolutely Yes! whenever i see your review, there are so many likes already. now i made it! I was the first!!! wooohooo!

karen i had no idea! i'm glad you succeeded! congratulations and thank you!

message 5: by K.D. (new)

K.D. Absolutely no, methinks that this is now becoming a game. whoever makes it first liking your review is like a winner by putting "first!"

after i clicked on the like button? in just split second after? there were 2 other likes!!! (losers hahaha)

karen oooooh! smacktalk!!

fight it out!!

this is a very fighty day on goodreads.com threads!


message 7: by B0nnie (new)

B0nnie achtung green swine! lol, my style of cooking.
How to Cook Children - this sort of thing was popular in Edwardian times too

Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes 1901
BABY in the caldron fell,—
See the grief on Mother's brow;
Mother loved her darling well,—
Darling's quite hard-boiled by now.

karen that is great! i should have mentioned, eventually, that this one isn't in verse, which is another reason i liked it. each recipe has a background page about the chef, a testimonial from another witch-chef, a list of ingredients, and then the recipe. like a real book.

message 9: by Terry (new)

Terry Ninth!

karen hahaha what a fun game this is. i have over 900 reviews - go nuts, friends!

message 11: by Alicia (new) - added it

Alicia See, reviews like this are one of things that makes Goodreads so great. I would never have considered reading this book without your review and Goodreads. It looks like fun! Thanks!

karen silly vegetarian!

we should all thank mile mullin for this one.

message 13: by Miriam (last edited Mar 08, 2012 02:07PM) (new)

Miriam Elizabeth didn't think My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me was an appealing title, either. Weird. A chacun son goût, I guess.

karen she crazy.

karen hahaahaha

message 16: by Will (new)

Will Byrnes Tasty

message 17: by Becca (new)

Becca i have a baby nephew to try this on....

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