Jeanette "Astute Crabbist"'s Reviews > Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir

Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny  Lawson
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Sep 26, 12

bookshelves: biography-memoir, giggles, nonfiction, five-star-nonfiction
Read in May, 2012

Skull and crossbones on this one if you're easily offended. So no whiners, okay? I mean it. Just....no whining.

This is the most hilarious vagina memoir ever written. Okay, so technically it's not just about vaginas, but she mentions hers more often than anyone I've ever known who actually owns one. And besides, I had to throw that out there right at the start, so if you're going to get all upset you can just get it overwith and stay. away. from. the. book. Should you choose to read it anyway, don't come back to me all complainy about how crass she is.

Oh, and also? This book is not suitable for people who dislike frequent interjections of words beginning with "f" and ending with "u-c-k." And I mean with no letters in between the "f" and the "u-c-k," so "firetruck" doesn't count.
So just to be clear: To my knowledge there is no use of the word "firetruck" in this memoir. You've been warned.

NB: Jenny's dad is a taxidermist, so there are also a lot of dead animals in this memoir. But there are some adorable live ones, too. Especially if you like robertcats. (I know, most people call them bobcats, but I prefer to use robertcat until we get to know each other better.)

So be impressed. This book is chock full of curse words, and I managed to write my review without officially using any of them.
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Comments (showing 1-36)




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message 36: by Charisse (new)

Charisse Bwahaaaaaaaaaaa :) LOVE IT!!!! Firetruck.. You crack me up :)


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" :D :D


Sherri This has to be on of my favorite reviews ever!


Rachel Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I seriously need to read this.


ilovebakedgoods (Teresa) I love her blog! So happy to see your review here, Jeanette! I hope my library gets this book.


ilovebakedgoods (Teresa) I think I've found a new word to use when I'm trying not to say that other f and u-c-k word around my son -- firetruck, it is!


message 30: by Jeanette (last edited May 06, 2012 10:05AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Sherri aka SDMomChef wrote: "This has to be on of my favorite reviews ever!"
Thank you, kind Sherri! A wacky book deserves a wacky review.

Chelsea and Teresa, she's a lifelong Texan, so you two should find even more to laugh about than I did.
And Teresa, if your library doesn't get the book, you can march right down there and yell, "What the firetruck?! She's a Texan! How dare you not support a Texan?!"


ilovebakedgoods (Teresa) Hehehe, good plan! As of now, the library here does not carry the book, boo hoo!


message 28: by Julie (new)

Julie Brilliant review, J!


message 27: by Mikki (new)

Mikki Too funny! Firetruck is the new profanity of 2012. Thank you, I was smiling all the way through.


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Thanks, Julie and Mikki.
So I wonder what it says about me that this is hands down the funniest book I have ever read. SCARY! I mean hysterical laughter leading to near-incontinence. I hope some of my friends do read it so I'll know I'm not alone in finding her badness so hilarious.


message 25: by Carol (new)

Carol You are such a natural at this book reviewing stuff. Authors should pay you...


message 24: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Forget the book - - your review was hilarious! Robertcats and firetruck are entering my vocabulary on a regular basis from now on.


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Thank you, Carol. Why pay us when they can get us to do it for free, just for love of books? :-) I just wish I could have received a review copy of this one, because I'd like to read it again in the future.

Stephanie, I'm glad to have added to your vocabulary. ;-) Just be prepared for some funny looks. Soon your kids will be running around saying, "Oh, firetruck!" Heh heh.


message 22: by Mikki (new)

Mikki Jeanette wrote: "I hope some of my friends do read it so I'll know I'm not alone in finding her badness so hilarious..."

Jeanette, even if all of your friends do read the smut-filled vagina memoir and find it just as enjoyable as you did, that still does not validate you as being completely sane. It simply tells you what kind of friends you have. Just sayin'.

Now let me get back to my firetrucking book.


message 21: by Jeanette (last edited May 09, 2012 01:32PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Mikki wrote: "Jeanette, even if all of your friends do read the smut-filled vagina memoir and find it just as enjoyable as you did, that still does not validate you as being completely sane. It simply tells you what kind of friends you have. Just sayin'.

Now let me get back to my firetrucking book."


Haaaaa! Mikki, you crack me up! But I think the best kind of friends to have are the ones who share your insanity.


message 20: by Mikki (new)

Mikki I agree! :)


Sherri Jeanette wrote:
So I wonder what it says about me that this is hands down the funniest book I have ever read. SCARY! I mean hysterical laughter leading to near-incontinence. I hope some o..."


I agree with you - it was one of the funniest books that I have ever read. David Sedaris previously held that title. I haven't laughed so hard reading a book before - and even thinking about certain chapters can still make me smile - if not laugh.


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Yes, Sherri, hard to believe, but she really is funnier than Sedaris. And the funniest stuff is the stuff that should be really stupid but you can't stop laughing.


message 17: by Monique (new) - added it

Monique I love the review. You are hilarious. Your review alone makes wanna buy this book right away. And thanks for the warning...I won't be complain-y.


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Thanks, Monique. If you loved my review, you're going to adore the book.


Janet Just got the book tonight from my library. The librarian said they just got it in today but she is awaiting my review. I am firetrucking excited to read this!!! I may not sleep tonight. Thanks for an enjoyable review!


Michelle Wynne A EFFING MEN, sister!


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Janet, You'll have to give your librarian a censored review. ;-)


message 12: by Laura (new)

Laura Seriously, firetruck is the new f**k. You're great. Sometimes your reviews are better than the books! :D love it.


Michele "robertcats" *snerk*


message 10: by ☯Bettie☯ (new)

☯Bettie☯ brilliant - again!


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Thanks. ;-)


Kelly H. (Maybedog) I love you Jeanette! This review is AWESOME.


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Kelly - Maybedog wrote: "I love you Jeanette! This review is AWESOME."

Thank you, darlin'. I have to cast all modesty aside and say it's one of my personal best. Just watch out for those firetrucking robertcats.


message 6: by Scribble (last edited Oct 04, 2012 03:56PM) (new)

Scribble Orca Kelly - Maybedog wrote: "I love you Jeanette! This review is AWESOME."

+1 Firetruck


message 5: by MaryAnn (new) - added it

MaryAnn Absolutely 1st class review. Thanks for the warning regarding firetrucking robertcats. Those suckers are everywhere.


message 4: by Katy (new) - added it

Katy H Best. review. ever. And I haven't even read the book! It must move up my list immedately!


message 3: by Shirley (new) - added it

Shirley I'm adding it to my list. sounds like a good read


Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist" Katy wrote: "Best. review. ever. And I haven't even read the book! It must move up my list immedately!"

MaryAnn wrote: "Absolutely 1st class review. Thanks for the warning regarding firetrucking robertcats. Those suckers are everywhere."

I don't know why I'm just now finding these comments, but thank you both, belatedly, for your kind words. I hope you do get a chance to read the book eventually.


message 1: by Monica (new) - added it

Monica Mccaffery Great review! I was a little on the fence on if I was going to read this or not. No question after your review. I'm excited even to get started!


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