Francois Jabbour's Reviews > The Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
4987609
's review
Feb 04, 12


Now the book starts off with a single mother and her two kids. Immediately, we realise the mother is single as there is no mention of a father. Perhaps the father is dead? Maybe they divorced? Either way, that's no excuse for the mother to be running off during a dark and stormy night (the perfect setting for some freaky horror movie) to go out with her gals and get her drink on.

Anyways, the mother leaves the kids alone, at home. We can assume they are both under the age of 10. They have no adult supervision whatsoever and sit there staring at the window and the rain. If this were a movie, then some freaky alien creature would jump in through the window and bite off their faces.

So the second the mother leaves, a freakish cat humanoid creature busts through the door. Now we were already worried about the kids, but the second a cat being enters the house, you know they're in some deep trouble. What do they do though? Yell? Scream? Run? Defend themselves? No. They gape in amazement.

If this broke into my house I would promptly crap my pants, curl up in a ball and die: http://www.google.com.lb/imgres?q=hum...

So anyways, the thing busts into the house looking like it just stole a hat off a patient in a mental asylum. No one knows what it is or where it came from, but the kids seem totally cool with it.
The creature's first words are basically "Look, I wiped my feet, woop woop" At the age of 4 I was wiping my feet. This thing wants some sort of award for it. I don't understand. He then proceeds to casually stroll on in.

Now if I were in their position, I would've assaulted the creature or called the police. But no, these children who we assume have never been in the outside world (they're watching the rain rather than a TV or Gameboy or something) seem totes fine with it coming into their home.

Why? We don't know.

Now if you look at the depiction of the fish they own, you'll notice it is too large for it's bowl. This is otherwise known as "animal abuse". So not only is the mother a raging alcoholic with a complete lack of disregard for her children who she somehow won in the battle for custody, but she likes to screw with tiny animals. Is it wrong to want to hit a woman so badly?

One also wonders why the kids distinguish the cat based on his hat. He also wears a bowtie. Perhaps they have some deep dark history with bowties. Their abusive father or freaky uncle used to wear one so now they completely ignore them and act as if there's nothing there? Maybe their mother used to crossdress as a man for lols and wear one? I don't know. None of us do. Dr Seuss has issues.

As the story progresses, the cat gets freakier and freakier. He begins to show us his true...disgusting nature. As most child kidnappers do, they offer the children something fun or nice in a kindly voice. Exactly what the cat does. He tells them that he knows a few games to play, but this brings about another thought.

According to my English teacher, although Hamlet was hundreds of years before Freud, there are allusions to Freud. So, I've discovered that in the cat in the hat, there are allusions to soulja boy. I youtubed the book just to make certain, and if you listen closely, he tells them he "knows a few games for YOUUUUUU and YOUUUUU"

This is not the only connection to Soulja Boy. Their rhymes are equally retarded. Perhaps Dr Seuss is Soulja Boy, just taking on a new persona in order to achieve fame and riches? Let's take a look at some samples of their rhymes:

"SOULJA BOY UP IN DAT HOOOOO, WATCH ME CRANK IT WATCH ME ROOOOOLLL, WATCH ME CRANK DAT SOULJA BOY DEN SUPER MAN DAT HOE NOW WATCH ME YOOOOOUUUU"

"The news just came in from the County of Keck, that a very small bug by the name of Van Vleck, is yawning so wide you can look down his neck."

My mind is made up. Dr Seuss is Soulja Boy. It's impossible they are not one and the same.

After the demon-cat offers the minors to play a few "games" (like he's Jigsaw from Saw or something. Damn this book keeps getting freakier and freakier in the first few pages) all of a sudden, someone objects:

The fish.

Now, here's a few thoughts that come to mind when the fish begins to talk:
1) OMG TALKING FISH
2) OMG TALKING FISH
3) OMGWTFBBQKITTYMAIMAI A TALKING FISH WERE THOSE BROWNIES HASH BROWNIES THEY MUST'VE BEEN BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON

The fish turns out to be more responsible than the alcoholic mother. Although confined to a tiny bowl that is basically his world, he attempts to stop the lunatic feline.

Alas, it is of no avail.

Unfortunately, Carlos K Crinklebine the fish tells the cat to get out. Why the cat doesn't eat Carlos I don't know. Why anyone would name their fish Carlos I don't know. Maybe the family was a bunch of white supremists, part of the KKK and they felt like paying their Mexican gardener 4$ an hour wasn't enough humiliation so they named the fish after him.

So finally the fish kicks him out with the children's assent and it looks like the deed is done.

But then the cat thing runs back in accusing the children of stealing something. A moss covered three handled gredenza. Or something.
He was just there without anything in hand and thinks he lost something. Either he's a pro troll, or has the memory of a Carlos. But Carlos seems to remember more than this lunatic.

The cat then breaks into song and begins accusing the fish of stealing his aslkhdjgkals. Not bothered to retype it.

Honestly, I'm done reviewing this book. It's clear Dr Seuss was a meth addict who wrote books while on shrooms. I don't know why he's so famous. I'm not saying I'd rather read Indian books about mothers marrying their sons, but this guy's got some issues too.

8 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read The Cat in the Hat.
Sign In »

Comments (showing 1-2)




dateUp arrow    newest »

message 2: by Tariq (new)

Tariq Keblaoui Hilolrious


Rasha  Mansour All of this in Dr. Seuss :/ oh my gosh, thats a lot to take in.


back to top