Zero vi Britannia's Reviews > Halo

Halo by Alexandra Adornetto
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M 50x66
Everything I'm reading now
Is filled with stupid crap
And it was the same with Halo
I fell for Utter-shitto's trap
Everything that you said was true
This book was such a waste of time
After getting through with Halo
I want to commit a crime
Reading Halo. Halo. Halo.
Reading Halo. Halo. Halooooooo

Sorry, I couldn't resist.
It's sad that a book can be so bad that it doesn't even piss you off. I'm sorry, but I cannot take this book seriously. I gave it one hundred pages. More details later.

I should begin by saying that I did not finish this book. It was impossible for me to finish this book. Why?

Lack of Effort
As anyone who has read this book will notice, Alexandra Utter-shitto did not even attempt to try. She actually puts in contradictory information throughout.
Ex: The angels are supposed to be unfamiliar with life on Earth. However, it is revealed that both Gabriel and Ivy have been here before. Also, they didn't know that humans needed to eat. However, we later learn that they did various other types of research (Films and the like) Now, how did that get past the editors?
Even I noticed this! And I used to like TMI and HoN. I weep for my poor 16-year-old self.
This girl is incompetent. She always needs someone to help her. Even her human boyfriend. That's right: A human has to help an angel. She forgets her book. Xavier lets her use his and tells the teacher that he forgot his. She gets drunk at a partay! (Utter-shitto's did it! Not me) Xavier comes to her rescue.

Where was it? We readers are told that the Agents of Darkness(view spoiler) want to do something terrible to the world and the angels have to save it. One hundred pages in and Utter-shitto still doesn't delve any deeper. Instead, we are treated to school, Xavier, upcoming prom, Xavier, partays!, Xavier Woods, Mr. Xavier Woods, X Woody, and more Xavier.

She has no personality. As I was reading the scenes she had I was always wondering why was she even there? Then again, as long as it means less time is devoted to how perfect Ed-I mean Xavier is, Ivy is okay (not really).

The Archangel Gabriel
Pop Quiz: If you are writing a book about angels who have to save the world, and you include the angel who is famous for bring news of John the Baptist and Jesus' births, where would you send him?
A) War-torn Middle East
B) Posh first-world town.
C) Darfur

If you answered "B" then I suggest that you give up writing. Kidding.(view spoiler)

And finally:

Angel Names
As any of you with a passing familiarity with angels should know, angels have a set pattern with their names: "-el" or "-iel" (Except for Metatron but...)
Where the hell did Bethany and Ivy come from? Unless they're short for Iviel or Bethaniel, they don't belong!
Hey, Utter-shitto, do you know why this is so? Hmmm? It's because "el" means God in Hebrew. These angels have names that tie them to God, and you've just stomped all over that! I hope you're happy.

So concludes my review of Halo, a book so bad it's funny. But honestly, I don't blame Utter-shitto. I blame the editors, publishers, her parents, her teachers, and Twilight.

Yes, Twilight! Because of that book, we now have to deal with copy kneazles that are even worse than the original.

That being said, I probably will read Hades just for the lulz and to see how far i can get. The only upside to this was that I checked this book out from the library and didn't have to pay for it (not even in fines!)
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Reading Progress

02/02 "Masochism wins again!" 1 comment
02/20 "Shakespeare and Beyonce on the same page?
*shakes head*"
1.0% "I find it hard to believe that an angel has no idea about textures, colors, and other things."
02/20 ""I heard my own voice, which was as melodic as a flute."
Why do I have the feeling that out unnamed protagonist will be a mary sue?"
1.0% "Ivy was immediately charmed...
Ivy is short for Iviel or something like that, right? 'Cause if not, then I smell an rant on angel names in the near future."
1.0% ""Looking after the key to the house was the only job I had been emtrusted with."
I think we all know what I'm about to say: you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, Adornetto!"
2.0% ""Why does toothpaste make my head ache?" I asked.
I realize that AA wants bethany to seem like she's unfamiliar with the human world, but this just makes her look stuppid."
2.0% ""I returned shivering, realizing that I was inadequately clothed."
O.O WHAT!?!?"
2.0% ""We wondered why our bodies felt faint by midday, then realized that our bodies needed regualr meals."
Do they not have some sort of human training program in heaven?"
2.0% "[Gabriel] sounded like a character in one of the old Hollywood movies I'd watched as part of our research."
So you did do research and yet you didn't know that humans need to eat. Did they not eat in those old movies or make references to food?!?!?" 1 comment
2.0% ""Heaven was not easy to describe."
Then don't bring it up. she then goes on to describe heaven in useless abstract terms."
3.0% ""I had been chosen because I was more in tune with the human condition than other angels--I watched over humans..."
Then why didn't you know that humans needed to eat?" 3 comments
4.0% ""In his physical form, Gabriel might have been a classical sculpture come to life."
She didn't know that humans needed food, buyt she knows what classical art looked like?"
4.0% ""His body was perfectly proportioned and each muscle looked like it had been sculpted out of the purest marble."
If he sparkles, I think I may slap somebody."
4.0% ""There were several things that made us conspicuous. For starters human beings were flawed and we weren't"
4.0% ""If you saw us in a crowd, the first thing you would notice was our skin. It was so translucent you might be persuaded into believing that it contained actual particles of light."
Holy shit! They do sparkle." 1 comment
11.0% "This going slower than I had hoped."
11.0% ""She just wants to get things rolling."
Oh, the irony."
03/02 page 57
11.0% ""I like literature," [Bethany] said...W
What a shock.
"We started watching the film version of Romeo and Juliet."
Dear God, NOOOO!" 1 comment
03/02 page 57
11.0% "I didn't tell them this, but the love story fascinated me. The way the lovers fell so deepley in love after their first meeting
Calm down, Zero. Remember that wrath is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
R&J was not romantic you dumb twit! There is nothing romantic about suicide! Or a mother dying of grief at the death of her child! Or the fact the families share some responsibility in their children's deaths!"
03/02 page 61
12.0% "[Ivy] wrinkled her nose as the taste of salty, bitter tendrils filled her mouth.
How would Bethany know if the taste filled Ivy's mouth?"
03/02 page 65
13.0% "Again, How does Bethany know what these people are thinking?!"
03/02 page 66
13.0% "...It seemed to be shifting liquid that trickled down my throat....I swallowed as hard as could.
Yeah, I manipulated some dialogue a bit. But who cares?"
03/02 page 68
14.0% "Dammit! Enough with the Edward Cullenisms in YA fantasy!"
03/05 page 72
15.0% ""Bethany," [Gabriel] said, "do you know what happens when the human body isn't fuel properly?...It can't function...I don't think you want to faint on your second day of school..."
One: You don't need to lecture on what happens when you don't eat-we've seen what happens in previous chapters.
Two: Unless she has some serious illness, she's not going to faint from missing one meal."
03/05 page 75
15.0% "Some negihbor comes by and tries to converse with them. Then we have this line:
"Because of Dolly's 'pop in' I missed the first half of English..."
Ever heard of telling her that you have to go to school."
03/05 page 75
15.0% "BTW (this is from a few pages ago) who the hell cooks breakfast wearing only a towel?"
03/06 page 75
15.0% "Molly's eyes widened. "[Prom]'s a rite of passage, the one event you'l remember your whole life, apart from your wedding."
And getting a job...and getting divorced...and having children...and a funeral for a loved one...and retirement...and a bunch of other stuff." 9 comments
03/06 page 78
16.0% "His turquoise eyes...were flecked with streaks of copper and silver.
He sounds like a necklace."
03/06 page 80
16.0% "Really, Bethany, forgetting your book is not that big a deal."
03/06 page 81
16.0% ""You might be happier in the advanced class."
"No!" I said, not wanting to attract anymore attention.
Judging by that exclamation point, it sounds like you had shouted "no." Therefore, I feel as though that attracted some attention."
03/06 page 81
16.0% "Again, this time to Utter-shitto, forgetting your book is not that big of a deal. I doubt that a teacher would hold you after class. Then again, I went to public school." 1 comment
03/06 page 86
17.0% "One: Partay?!?!?! What kind of chapter title is that?
Two: Molly, get over the fact that Xavier turned you down. At least he was nice about it and thinks of you as a friend."
03/06 page 86
17.0% ""You might want to go easy on that stuff."
The face of Xavier Woods came slowly into focus.
I agree! And also, why does Xavier have to be everywhere?!?!"
03/07 page 100
20.0% "[Gabriel and Ivy's] mother-of-pearl skin was icandescent in the morning light.
At least they're angels and not vampires"
03/07 page 108
22.0% "So, Bethany can't have any attachments while on earth, but she can get a dog?"
03/07 page 112
23.0% ""I ha half hoped that Phantom would growl, so I'd have at least one reason not to think Xavier was completely flawless. But he seemed to be passing every test with flying colors."
God Fucking Dammit!!"
03/07 page 113
23.0% ""Was Xavier Woods, the most inaccessible boy at Bryce Hamilton, asking me out?"
Ding Dong! We found our Sue!
Who's the Sue? Bethany Sue!
Ding Dong! We found our Mary Sue!"
03/07 page 114
23.0% ""Humans were supposed to have physical flaws but Xavier didn't seem to."
Everyone has physical flaws because not everyone finds the same things attractive on every person." 2 comments
03/09 page 114
23.0% "It's sad that a book can be so bad that you can't even take it seriously enough to be pissed off." 3 comments
05/26 marked as: read
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Comments (showing 1-11 of 11) (11 new)

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the scarecrow Whilst this re-write of Beyonce's awful "song" is brilliant, please don't torture yourself. I'm only half way through and am already tempted to gouge out my eyes and cauterize the wound with a hot spoon.

Zero vi Britannia the scarecrow wrote: "Whilst this re-write of Beyonce's awful "song" is brilliant, please don't torture yourself. I'm only half way through and am already tempted to gouge out my eyes and cauterize the wound with a hot ..."

I like the torture.

the scarecrow May fortune be with you, good sir.

Zero vi Britannia Ebony wrote: "I thought about reading this, but then I just decided to go on living my life. A title that unimaginative doesn't bode well for the content."

It doesn't.

message 5: by John (new) - added it

John Egbert Where the hell did Bethany and Ivy come from?

Don't you know? Bethany means "stupid one" and Ivy means "personality less one" in Hebrew. Trufax.

That being said, I probably will read Hades just for the lulz and to see how far i can get.

OH MY GOD DUDE DON'T DO IT. I read it and now have a huge dent in my head from bashing my head into the wall so much.

Zero vi Britannia John wrote: OH MY GOD DUDE DON'T DO IT."
Now, John, when have been the type to avoid massive amounts of fail?

message 7: by John (new) - added it

John Egbert You have a point, but I had to try, didn't I?

Zero vi Britannia John wrote: "You have a point, but I had to try, didn't I?"

You're right. On to HoN (and this time I mean it!)

message 9: by John (new) - added it

John Egbert But House of Night is even WORSE!

Are you trying to put yourself in a book coma?!

Zero vi Britannia John wrote: "But House of Night is even WORSE!

Are you trying to put yourself in a book coma?!"

Book comas are fun!

message 11: by Bri (new)

Bri i sung it in my head when reading it!

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