Nandakishore Varma's Reviews > The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash

The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash by Ogden Nash
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Feb 23, 15

bookshelves: poetry

A sample of Ogden Nash (maybe not all from this book!)

A Word to Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

Children's Party

May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?
I wish to retire till the party's over.
Since three o'clock I've done my best
To entertain each tiny guest;
My conscience now I've left behind me,
And if they want me, let them find me.
I blew their bubbles, I sailed their boats,
I kept them from each other's throats.
I told them tales of magic lands,
I took them out to wash their hands.
I sorted their rubbers and tied their laces,
I wiped their noses and dried their faces.
Of similarities there's lots
Twixt tiny tots and Hottentots.
I've earned repose to heal the ravages
Of these angelic-looking savages.
Oh, progeny playing by itself
Is a lonely little elf,
But progeny in roistering batches
Would drive St. Francis from here to Natchez.
Shunned are the games a parent proposes;
They prefer to squirt each other with hoses,
Their playmates are their natural foemen
And they like to poke each other's abdomen.
Their joy needs another woe's to cushion it,
Say a puddle, and someone littler to push in it.
They observe with glee the ballistic results
Of ice cream with spoons for catapults,
And inform the assembly with tears and glares
That everyone's presents are better than theirs.
Oh, little women and little men,
Someday I hope to love you again,
But not till after the party's over,
So give me the key to the doghouse, Rover.

I Do, I Will, I Have

How wise I am to have instructed the butler
to instruct the first footman to instruct the second
footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.
Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,
I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered
into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a
woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between
flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam,
I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people
one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other
never forgetsam,
And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or
the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate
or drown,
And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the
windowsill, it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all right,
it's only raining straight down.

That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,
Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of
the immovable object and the irresistible force.
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and
combat over everything debatable and combatable,
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life,
particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

The Fly

The Lord in His wisdom made the fly,
And then forgot to tell us why.

The Turtle

The turtle lives twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.

I could go on and on.

His poetry is available all over the net, so whenever you are in a depressive mood, just google "Ogden Nash" and read a couple. Perfect antidote for the blues!
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Comments (showing 1-3 of 3) (3 new)

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message 1: by Badlydone (new)

Badlydone My son and I have Nash taped to our home office. My favorite is The Cow.

The cow is of bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

His favorite is The Eel

I don't mind eels
Except as meals.


Nandakishore Varma Badlydone wrote: "My son and I have Nash taped to our home office. My favorite is The Cow.

The cow is of bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

His favorite is The Eel

I don't mind eels
Except as meals."


There are many mini-gems like that, scattered throughout his poems.

What I like most about him is his total irreverence.


message 3: by Cecily (new)

Cecily I was about to relate the only Nash that comes immediately to mind - until I Googled it to check, and saw it was by Spike Milligan.


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