Ian Paganus's Reviews > Gods of the Jungle Planet

Gods of the Jungle Planet by Vernon D. Burns
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May 23, 12

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Can I Have Just One More Look?

DJ Ian in the studio with Professor Murray Jay Siskind, Dean of the Popular Culture Faculty and Head of the Elvis Studies Department, College-on-the-Hill:



DJ Ian: A summary of "Gods of the Jungle Planet" might make it sound like trash fiction.

Prof. Murray Jay Siskind: It's much more than that.

I read it in one day, and it was a great and humbling experience, let me tell you. Close to mystical.

Modern day society is suffering brain fade. We need an occasional catastrophe to break up the incessant bombardment of information.

"Gods of the Jungle Planet" is just the catastrophe we need.

DJ Ian: There are a lot of boobs in the novel. And every time they appear, somebody dies.

Prof. Murray Jay Siskind: Usually, the bearer of the boobs.

DJ Ian: If not the barer of the boobs.

Prof. Murray Jay Siskind: But that's it. The key take away point of the novel.

Boobs are the Portent of Catastrophe.

Boobs have preceded every catastrophe in the history of mankind.

Only, nobody was looking at them properly. We need to be taught how to read boobs and divine their real meaning.

"Gods of the Jungle Planet" is just the book we need to help us learn how to look. With an appropriate insight and sensibility.

Everybody who reads it will look at boobs in a different light, from a different perspective, um, from an, um,...

DJ Ian: Acute angle?

Prof. Murray Jay Siskind: That's right. A cute angle.

DJ Ian: You've previously criticised David Foster Wallace for lacking the presence of women nearer the center of the narration. Do you think Vernon D. Burns remedies this flaw? Does he elevate women to their proper place in fiction?

Prof. Murray Jay Siskind: Very much so, and in a way that could almost compensate for or balance Wallace.

I admit that I've always been partial to women.

To quote myself, I fall apart at the sight of long legs, striding, briskly, as a breeze carries up from the river, on a weekday, in the play of morning light.

And what fun it is to talk to an intelligent woman wearing nylon stockings as she crosses her legs.

Vernon Burns, I suspect, shares these predilections and can write wonderfully complicated women.
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Comments (showing 1-46 of 46) (46 new)

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Manny As The Sun would put it, this is the breast review of the book so far.


message 2: by Joshua Nomen-Mutatio (last edited Jan 19, 2012 11:55AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio I think Murray would make a great Goodreads reviewer.


message 3: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Thanks, Mammary, I was hoping it would garner just one little titter and I'm glad it was you.

Your insight into chesticles is without peer.

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message 4: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus MyFleshSingsOut wrote: "I think Murray would make a great Goodreads reviewer."

When not watching TV or perusing "The Sun", Murray likes to write for "Modernism/Modernity", "American Transvestite" and "Ufology".

Amongst academic peers, he is known as the broom that sweeps the system.


Joshua Nomen-Mutatio DeLillo's handmaiden.


message 6: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus MyFleshSingsOut wrote: "DeLillo's handmaiden."

MFSO, you win a free Sun iPad app, provided you accept the offer within 30 days.

That's only part of the story, of course. (I've added some clues to the review.)


message 7: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Bird Brian wrote: "Ian wrote: "I admit that I've always been partial to women..."

I've always been completely to women."


If you could be cut into slices, you might be a better layer.


message 8: by Ian (last edited Jan 19, 2012 01:38PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Does that make a serial slasher cumulo-stratispherical?


message 9: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus I thought this thread was heading in the direction of a Cloud Atlas, but you seem to have nudged it back in the direction of the pathology of procuring Heads and Tails from Topographic Motions.


message 10: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus ((((Dagny Taggart))))


Michael In other news, Goodreads members around the world die simultaneously due to overexposure to puns, leading to fatal pun clots.


message 12: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus The pun is mightier than the sordid.


message 13: by Jenn(ifer) (new)

Jenn(ifer) you crack me up.


message 14: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus you're a good egg.


message 15: by Jenn(ifer) (new)

Jenn(ifer) better stop cracking me up then. I'm like humpty dumpty over here


message 16: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus I'm like the humpty dumpty that had a great flaw.


message 17: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Thanks, Shan. I think our main man might reappear from time to time.


message 18: by David (new)

David Lentz Boobs are proof that God loves man.


message 19: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny David wrote: "Boobs are proof that God loves man."

What does it say about God's attitude to women? Did Eve have boobs before she and Adam were expelled from the Garden of Eden? I've been looking through Genesis 2-3 and find nothing that helps me answer this important question. But I've never been very good at theology.


message 20: by David (new)

David Lentz God knows, it is far more important for every man to understand women than theology. I want to wish you all the luck in the world in both worthy endeavors.


message 21: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny That reminds me of a certain well known joke...


message 22: by David (new)

David Lentz Yes, that Mrs. God certainly is an enigma.


message 23: by Ian (last edited Apr 02, 2012 02:37PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Wow, while I've been sleeping, I wasn't able to keep abreast of developments on this thread: that there had been a meeting of David, the author of "Boobsday" and Manny Boober, the grand-son of the author of "Ich und Du2".

David, Manny recently put me up to writing an Ode to Norks called 34DD Haiku.

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

(Someone to Watch Over) Kat's 34DD (Haiku)

That I may see thee
Slip Manny twixt lip and cup
34DD.

Strangely, it hasn't elicited any responses on the other thread.


message 24: by David (last edited Apr 02, 2012 11:29AM) (new)

David Lentz I'm getting a writer's high from all this low humor. But I find it simply Pantagrueling. Methinks thou dost slow text too much. I'll also have you know that I and Thou, Manny, shall not be made a Boober of. Ah, I-It's too late.


message 25: by Ian (last edited Apr 02, 2012 11:36AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus An extract from Wikiboobia:

Ich-Du2 is the lesser known sequel to Ich-Du.

In it, Boober was forced to qualify many of the concepts he had explored in the abstract in Ich-Du.

Ich-Du2 ("I-Thou-Two" or "I-You-Two") is a relationship that stresses the mutual, holistic existence of one being and two sub-beings or aspects of one being.

It is a concrete encounter, because these beings and sub-beings meet one another in their authentic existence, without any qualification or objectification of one another. (Boober later realised there was more objectification occurring than he originally thought, though it occurred only in one direction.)

Imagination and ideas play a role in this relation. (Professor Murray Jay Siskind later explored the role of the male imagination with respect to the two sub-beings in his seminal work, "A Bra Full of Expectations".)

In an I-Thou-Two encounter, infinity and universality are made actual (rather than being merely concepts).

Infinity is the expectation of the male being, and universality describes the universal appeal (at least, to males) of the two sub-beings.

Boober stressed that an Ich-Du relationship lacks any composition (e.g. structure) and communicates no content (e.g. information).

In contrast, an Ich-Du-Two relationship is all composition (e.g. complementarity and structure, sometimes supported by an uplifting bra) and communicates content (e.g. information in the form of the implication of maternity, sustenance, reassurance and comfort).

Unlike an Ich-Du event, an Ich-Du-Two experience can be proven to happen as an event, e.g. it can be measured, in particular in bra size, scoping with hands or symbolically by emoticon, e.g.:

((((0))))((((0))))

Boober concluded that it is even more intrinsically real and perceivable than an Ich-Du event.

A variety of examples are used to illustrate Ich-Du-Two relationships in daily life – a man and the two breasts of a woman, a man and the two legs of a woman, a man and the two eyes of a woman, a man and the two buttocks of a woman, a man and his own two balls (Professor Siskind questions whether the latter example is actually an example of "Ich-mich").

Common English words used to describe the Ich-Du-Two relationship include fondle, grope and scratch.


message 26: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny I can't believe it, an extended smutty Martin Buber joke! Truly, everything exists on Goodreads if you only know where to look. I hope you have posted this as a review in the appropriate (or to be more exact, inappropriate) place? If so, I'll go there at once and vote for it.

By the way, I never put you up to writing that haiku, it was your idea.


message 27: by David (last edited Apr 02, 2012 12:37PM) (new)

David Lentz Dear Ian,
I was hoping that I wouldn't have to travel down this smutty and even nutty road but I am afraid that intellectually you have just gone off the deep end on all this Boober stuff and thrown down the ever-loving gauntlet catch-as-catch-can. Anyone with even an ounce, nay a modicum, of common sense and even a Sunday School grammarian's weak handle on the German, not Mrs. Boober, knows that when the objectification of the subjective of the pluperfect (pluparfait as the French ice cream vendors refer to it in the vernacular) its subjunctive tense becomes ipso facto objectified, ob-jerk-tified, vivified and even villified in matters of the conjunctive and sometimes the conjugal analysis not be be confused, if you can see your way clear, with conjunctivitis, then the second half of Martin's algebra-ic equation, if you can get a rough handle on all this fungible matter, as it pertains to Boober's configuration, God's finest creation, and godless Nietzsche's "birth of tragedy" as surely this must be, then certainly you must -- I repeat -- MUSS, as Goethe so wisely advised, use the ICH-DICH personal pronoun objectification configuration in reference to Boobers. I sincerely hope that I have made myself perfectly clear and please don't let it happen, again.


message 28: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus David wrote: "I sincerely hope that I have made myself perfectly clear and please don't let it happen, again."

Als ob.


message 29: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Manny, this time I have a witness that you put me up to it:

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

David, you don't have to read the next bit...

This reminds me of the old joke about the koala that made love to an elephant. His friends put him up to it.


message 30: by David (last edited Apr 02, 2012 01:46PM) (new)

David Lentz Dear Ian,
I would recommend the Proustian configuration: "Comme si, comme ca," which Mae West made famous in her taciturn but serendipidous translation: "Come up and see me sometime." Or, if you insist, the "als wenn" which in the sheer naked pulchritude of Bavarian Schwytzer-Deutsche means the outhouse is available. I simply want to add that many of the women in the streets of New York can't stop talking about your steamy new novel, "69 Shades of Ian Graye." I have no idea what all the fuss is about but assume it has something to do with sunglasses or maybe Hades in the works of Homer or Virgil. But well done, old man. Good show.


message 31: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Please excuse my French, but my favourite Mae West quote goes something like this:

"Je n'oublie jamais un visage, surtout si je me suis assis sur elle"


message 32: by David (new)

David Lentz Profanity will not be tolerated on this thread.


message 33: by David (new)

David Lentz Manny wrote: "That reminds me of a certain well known joke..."

Manny, I almost busted a gut on this one.


message 34: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus David wrote: "Profanity will not be tolerated on this thread."

Winston Churchill, obviously inspired by Mae West, said, "Just because my initials are W.C., doesn't mean I can be sat upon."


message 35: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus David, please see here, if you haven't already:

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...


message 36: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus David wrote: "I'm getting a writer's high from all this low humor. But I find it simply Pantagrueling. "

I have to go for my morning walk. I'll leave you two to put down this gargantuan rabble of ideas.


message 37: by David (new)

David Lentz Ian wrote: "David, please see here, if you haven't already:

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/..."


Ian, I hadn't read it. Good stuff. Really.


message 38: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Thanks, David. I put it there this morning so I could scrounge a second vote from Manny.


message 39: by L.H. (new)

L.H. Thomson Ian wrote: "Wow, while I've been sleeping, I wasn't able to keep abreast of developments on this thread: that there had been a meeting of David, the author of "Boobsday" and Manny Boober, the grand-son of the ..."

A booby haiku
at midnight on friday just
proves I need a life

then again it did
almost make me shoot my diet
sprite out of my nose


message 40: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Nice work, L.H. I haven't explored the multiple stanza haiku yet.


message 41: by Madeleine (new)

Madeleine I feel like a boob for not reading this sooner.


(And not the fun-bags kind.)


message 42: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus While you're feeling like a boob, I have put some more of my "reviews" of "erotica" in my "erotica" folder.


Michael I thought "erotica" was supposed to get you "hot and bothered." GOJP just got me "bothered."


message 44: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Haha, one man's beefcake is another man's cheesecake. Or not.


Michael Or meatloaf, perhaps.


message 46: by Ian (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ian Paganus Haha, don't get me started on meatloaf.


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