Kate's Reviews > Sh*t My Dad Says

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
6386589
's review
Jan 11, 12

bookshelves: to-read


Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Sh*t My Dad Says.
sign in »

Quotes Kate Liked

Justin Halpern
“Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later it's because it fucked you.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“On Lego's

"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says
tags: humor

Justin Halpern
“You're ten years old now, you have to take a shower every day...I don't give a shit if you hate it. People hate smelly fuckers. I will not have a smelly fucker for a son.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“I don't give a shit how it happened, the window is broken... Wait, why is there syrup everywhere? Okay, you know what? Now I give a shit how it happened, Let's hear it.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumb shit. He knows how it works.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate

“Son, you're complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It's one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“There seem to be a lot of gay people there...Oh please, as if that's what I meant by that. Trust me, none of them would ever want to fuck you anyway. They're gay, not blind.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“My mind was quickly consumed with thoughts of my girlfriend and all the good times we had had, like one of those cheesy montages ni eighties movies, when the angsty protagonist envisions himself and his ex holding hands on the beach, feeding a small puppy, getting into some kind of zany wrestling match with whipped cream. I interrupted my cliché memories by saying aloud: "Ugh, I'm feeling pretty low about this whole thing."

"You just gotta try to put it out of your head," he said, folding the paper halfway down to look at me.

"I know, it's just hard. I mean, I still have stuff at her place. What am I going to do about that? I still have a TV...," I said.

"Fuck the TV. Leave the TV. Cut your ties."

"It's a fifteen-hundred-dollar TV," I insisted.

"Go get that fucking TV.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says


No comments have been added yet.