Nenia Campbell's Reviews > Demons Not Included

Demons Not Included by Cheyenne McCray
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Mar 06, 14

Read from December 29 to 30, 2011

I decided to make a list of all the things that made me LOL in disbelief at the utter ridiculousness of it all:
-Rodan. Her boss's name sounds like it came from a Japanese monster movie. His conflicts with the great guardian will henceforth be referred to as Gaurdzilla vs. Rodan.
-Wearing leather corsets and spiked boots are apparently great for running around and chasing monsters in. Who knew? I'm gonna have to change my workout wardrobe…
-I pity the fool… who messes with the T!
-Well, ExcuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuse ME, Princess!
-Oh shit! Adam said crap! Oh crap, Adam said shit! Fuck, you guys! Stop with the godsdamn cursing already!
-Olivia buys all her shirts at Hot Topic. Their slogans make her a very sagacious and profound individual.
-Nyx desperately wants to get her pussy out of her underwear — EW, you perverts! I'm talking about her CAT!
-What? A female warrior? Ho ho ho! You jest! Get back into your chainmail bikini, wench!
-Why do all the fight scenes involve backflips?
-Ugh, all these descriptions of glowing skin and flawless hairless chests and rumbly man-siren voices are giving me Twilight flashbacks.
-Gee, it's been several hours since I banged someone. Wouldn't want anyone thinking I'm a nun, now, would I?
-”Nobody said I was smart.” — Honey, you just said the most sensible thing in this whole book… err, how ironic.
-Purple people-eaters!!!
-Global warming is stupid. We should be focused on more important things, like the contents of the 75-percent off rack at Nordstrom's.
-Immortals are immune from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Yay for unprotected and irresponsible sex!
-”I thought you'd think I was ugly because I turn purple!” “Do you also turn fat like that girl in Willy Wonka?” “Um, no.” “Well, as long as the rest of you remains stunningly beautiful still I suppose -I can deal with purple skin…” “What about my blue hair?” “Blue h- You freak! You get your blue-hair-wearing ugly ass out of here! I wanna date somebody NORMAL — like a mime!”
-”Oh my Goddess! Look at these attacks plotted on the map! They… they spell out the number 23! It all comes down to the number twenty-three!” “What are you talking about? What other things?” “Twenty-three times ten is the number of Goddess invocations in this book. Twenty-three times one hundred is the number of neurons that shrivel up and die upon reading the sex scenes. Twenty-three is the number of times Pikachu threw the book into the wastebasket before sucking it up and reviewing the book.” “OK… OK… I get the point, already.” “Twenty-three is the number of letters in the sentence you just said!”

I give up. I just can't take this book seriously. It's too ridiculous. I keep finding things to laugh at, which is not good as I am pretty sure this is not supposed to be a Terry Pratchett-esque comedy. I liked the magic series because… I don't know. There aren't a lot of books about the fae — at least, not as many as there are about vampires and werewolves and witches (oh my!) and the like, so that made it stand out already. But I also liked the magic system and the fact that she kept the number of creatures involved to a minimum. Here, with about forty different kinds of beasties running amok, I felt bogged down by the supernatural menagerie and all the lengthy comparisons about interracial differences — usually pertaining to how hot they are. Bleh.
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