Ian Heidin-Seek's Reviews > Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
5022264
's review
Dec 14, 11

bookshelves: hugh-ma, cul-poli-phil-art, read-2011, reviews
Read in December, 2011

Lighten Up

Twilight: the brief period between light and darkness, when the sun sinks beneath the horizon.

During this period, the sun is not the direct source of light. What we see is refracted or broken light.

Vampires: mythological beings that occupy the space between life and death, the undead who live between the living and the dead.

They venture out into our darkness or twilight, have their fill of human blood and return to the comfort of darkness, leaving us refracted, broken and captive to our own darkness.

Bullshit.

What I Think about When I Think about Vampires

Vampire mythology is a surreptitious and concerted attempt to warn children about premature sexual activity that will lure them to the dark side of full-on sexual intercourse.

And what sexual activity am I talking about?

Yes, that allegedly disgusting practice of sucking, biting or chewing on your partner.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, the HICKEY.

The Proper Consumption of Tasty Morsels

A select few believe that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with a love bite, if shared between two consenting adults in a beautiful and mutually respectful monogamous relationship.

But an adolescent hickey, borne out of the mouths of babes (so to speak), is an entrée to a promiscuous main course that should be reserved to adults only.

Love bites can lead to harder stuff.

This is why society feels it must use all of the powers of enchantment to scare the hell out of sucking, biting, chewing infants.

Leave it to us adults.

Crepuscule with Stephanie

Well, how hypocritical of us adults.

Ultimately, this is the true message of Stephenie Meyer's “Twilight”.

It's a message of openness and tolerance and acceptance.

It’s OK to suck and bite and chew.

It’s not a transgression.

A Heartfelt Plea for Indiscrimination

"Twilight" argues that we should pull down the walls of discrimination.

Your age group should not be an impediment.

Nor should any other characteristic.

You can do it with a person of a different hair colour, a different hair do, a different complexion, a different gender, a different race, a different creed, a different life form, a different life state, the undead, the dead.

It’s all OK.

Consuming Passions

Sucking, biting and chewing should not be reserved for the consumption and enjoyment of food.

They are important devices in the consumption and enjoyment of each other.

The hickey must be liberated.

Free love bites today.



Next week: Love Bites II (The Correct Use of Condoms)
26 likes · likeflag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Twilight.
sign in »

Comments (showing 1-27 of 27) (27 new)

dateDown_arrow    newest »

Richard Reviles Censorship Always in All Ways You...you...reviewed this, this, this...codswallop...and actually GAVE IT A STAR?! What, good sir, were you *thinking*?


message 2: by Ian (last edited Dec 14, 2011 03:30PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek Two stars. I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.

Also, you were very quick off the mark. I'm not sure whether I had finished the review when you liked it.


message 3: by Sue (new) - rated it 4 stars

Sue Now I wonder what your girls have rated this book?


message 4: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek Ha ha, thanks. At least I said I read it. I can't remember now. I think I read it when it first came out, by osmosis.


message 5: by Sue (new) - rated it 4 stars

Sue I have girls and they helped me read them all LOL I havent watched the last couple movies they are only a delight to watch Edward.
I tried Harry Potter but he's just not my thing, I didnt finish book 2. The movies didnt do anything at all for me. But I also couldnt read The Hobbit or the Lord of the Rings, I loved the movies!!


message 6: by Sue (new) - rated it 4 stars

Sue your girls are not Edward/or Jacob fans?


message 7: by Ian (last edited Dec 14, 2011 04:58PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek At the moment, I'm proud to say that they're obsessive about "30 Rock".

Though I think they're embarrassed by my laughter.

Mind you, I'd flog them with a piece of wet lettuce if they ever agreed with my "views" about hickeys.


message 8: by Sue (new) - rated it 4 stars

Sue 30ROCK!!!!!!!???????????? you dont get real tv over there do you LOL I get to watch Gossip Girl , Pretty Little Liars and still lots of spongebob thank goodness we dont have to watch Miley Cirus anymore hahaha


message 9: by Sue (last edited Dec 14, 2011 05:05PM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Sue My daughter is 22 and she grew up with Harry and re reads and re reads those books over and over and over again and watches the movies over and over again.

I dont know what Harry has but hes got all those kids hook line and sinker.


message 10: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek I read about five or six Harries.

I enjoyed them from the point of view of plot, just as I enjoyed The Tattoo with the Girl Dragon.

I was just happy that our girls were reading something, anything (without the intervention of parents).

Sue, don't you like "30 Rock"?

The girls have been into Pretty Little Liars, not so much Gossip Girl.

They also love NCIS, after watching all of Law and Order over two years.

We saw them filming Law and Order on the street in Manhattan there last year.


message 11: by Sue (new) - rated it 4 stars

Sue I dont like alot of the sit coms anymore, Im a Survivor Girl! Hockey is either on the TV or I have audio books going during the day. TV has totally lost interest for me.
My girls read all the Pretty Little Liars Series and I tried the show but Im lost LOL didnt read those books
Im having a hard time finding book for my 13 y/o, she doesnt like her kindle and wants BOOKS!


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

LOL I know i hate it when England gets all the show late
well and every thing else too


message 13: by Anita (new)

Anita I give you credit for reading it... I pre judged it as complete twaddle, and I stand by that not even bothering to pick it up. Once I saw 40 something mothers of girls having flop sweat over it I decided to bow out. I have heard grown women go on and on about how these are the best books they ever read. I feel sorry for them, they obviously only just learned to read.


Traveller Okay. This one you get full credit for. Very nice!


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

They venture out into our darkness or twilight, have their fill of human blood and return to the comfort of darkness, leaving us refracted, broken and captive to our own darkness.

Bullshit.


I spat my coffee all over the screen. I think I even peed a little, too.
Excellent review.


message 16: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek Thanks, Genesis. There's nothing like a good satironic rant!


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Hah, we like that one, and you sure wear it well.


message 18: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek If you've got time and the inclination, check out my 50 Shades of Grey review. I also have an erotica folder where I think I've put some more parodies. Finish your coffee first though! Thanks for posting. Sorry I can't check out your reviews.


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Ian wrote: "If you've got time and the inclination, check out my 50 Shades of Grey review. I also have an erotica folder where I think I've put some more parodies. Finish your coffee first though! Thanks for p..."

Ian. I already checked your review of Fifty Shits of Grey.
(Oh, my coffee drinking will never end, I have en endless supply.)
I read the review, only that time I snorted it out, but then I felt guilty. It was awfully insensitive of me to enjoy and entertain myself with your review without sparing a single second of sympathy for your basil and lavender mishaps.
I feel bad now.

Sorry I can't check out your reviews.
Don't be, unless you're prone to welcome disappointment.


message 20: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek Never mind the basil and lavender, here, take this olive branch.


message 21: by Riku (new) - rated it 1 star

Riku Sayuj Twilight reviews creeping up on my timeline... hmmm.


message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

Riku wrote: "Twilight reviews creeping up on my timeline... hmmm."

It could always be worse. Soon you'll have your feed flodded with Outlander reviews/discussions.
Take my word for it.

Ian wrote: "Never mind the basil and lavender, here, take this olive branch."

Why, you shouldn't have! How did you know it's my favourite?
Double 'hmm'


message 23: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek My fig tree died, too, but my persimmon survives, sort of.


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

Persimmons for figs?
What a disadvantageous trade!


message 25: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek Genesis wrote: "Persimmons for figs?
What a disadvantageous trade!"


I had both, but the fig felt neglected. It was further to walk.


message 26: by [deleted user] (new)

How did you manage to kill a fig tree? You have to work really hard at killing one of those and neglect is not enough to do it.
I had one, years ago. I don't think I ever tended to it.


message 27: by Ian (new) - rated it 2 stars

Ian Heidin-Seek During the drought, the possums killed my favourite trees including two mangoes.


back to top