Beth's Reviews > Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble by H.P. Mallory
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's review
Dec 29, 11

bookshelves: couldn-t-bring-myself-to-finish
Read from December 08 to 28, 2011

I used to be one who forced herself to finish every book she started even if she didn't like it - and that was fine when the book I was reading was Moby Dick or some other classic that I felt I should have under my belt. But for 99 cents, and a book about sexy warlocks, I give up.

I like chick-lit (I'm a big fan of the Shopaholic series), and I like paranormal romance (I liked Twilight and I liked Amanda Hocking's vampire series). I think what completely irritates me is when the two are combined. Maybe it's me, but after the first 250 times of hearing the main character say how hot and drool-worthy the warlock is (who basically made her give up her whole life and move to England against her will), I just wished I was reading Moby Dick again. And I HATED Moby Dick. And really, is a vampire who retracts his fangs in and out while you're talking to him really all that sexy? And why is this woman so damn horny? Another pet peeve of mine is too many pop culture references. Check that one off the list as well.

The part that finally made me put down my Big Mac and say "what the f#ck" was when Jolie was on a double date with her friend Christa and out of nowhere freaks out that her date likes her friend better than her. She runs outside and starts hyperventilating. Did I mention the dates were with two werewolves, which was proceeded by a page of conversation in which Christa asked if they did it doggie style? Ah yes, women's fiction at its finest. And then there was the totally unexpected masturbation scene, in which a ghost named Pelham shows up and rips the covers off of her while she's in the middle of it. I'm sorry, but all I could think of when I met the ghost named Pelham was Peeves the poltergeist from Harry Potter. Once I got that idea into my head, the whole scenario became even more disturbing.

After deciding to quit this book I went straight to Amazon and downloaded Lord of the Rings. I need to clear my head and remind myself why it is that I love to read.
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Reading Progress

12/28/2011 "I don't know if I can take any more of this main character drooling over a warlock, then a vampire, then a werewolf, then....who the hell knows. God is it dragging on and on and nothing is happening, NOTHING. All we've learned in the past few chapters is how badly this girl needs to get laid. And how else would I know how "hot" these creatures are if the main character didn't tell me every other paragraph?"

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