Tamara's Reviews > How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age

How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie
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Dec 04, 11

bookshelves: being-human, flipped-through, non-fiction, web
Read in December, 2011

Simple advice: Listen. Remember people's names. Smile. And yet, I forget.

My only criticism: I would have liked more examples that related to the digital realm. If I'd read the original "How to Win Friends", I may not have found enough new information to be satisfied.

Favorite Tidbits

You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

The two highest levels of influence are achieved when (1) people follow you because of what you've done for them and (2) people follow you because of who you are.

Fae-to-face was the expectation. Today it is the exception.

It thus seems to be the case, online as well as offline, that when you smile, the world smiles with you.

Outside of emoticons...there is only one medium in which you can convey a digital smile - your voice, whether it is written or spoken. How you write an email, the tone you use, and the words you choose are critical tools of friendliness and subsequent influence.

Always begin an end the message on a positive note rather than a pessimistic or detached one. [i.e. compliment sandwich]

[T]he size of our brains limits our ability to manage social circles to around 150 friends, regardless of our sociability.

So much of our time online is spent arguing or feeding arguments...Few of these arguments change people's minds. Because the arguments are digitally veiled and lack the clear-cut consequences of tangible confrontations, both parties can get away with devolving into snarky personal attacks and passive ambiguity - the least effective tools of human relations.

All effective problem solving...begins with an emptying of the mind - of what we know or what we think we should know.

Admit that you may be wrong. Concede that the other person may be right. Be agreeable. Ask questions. And above all, consider the situation from the other's perspective and show that person respect.

When we recognize and admit our errors, the response from others is typically forgiveness and generosity.

We are more inclined to agree with another person or see things from his perspective when we have friendly feelings toward him.

If you believe building a friendly rapport will be critical to achieving a certain outcome, using texts, chats, or other short forms of communication isn't likely to get you very far.

Either you can seek success for those who are already friends or you can seek success for those who are already friends.

When your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.

[Three-for-one rule: You must write down three positive things about a person before you can attempt to address any behavior that you perceive as negative.]

When we talk about our mistakes, it makes us human. It becomes easier for people to relate to us...By admitting your own mistakes, you direct the other person's attention away from his own; you soften the approach and avoid raising his defenses immediately.

The leader understands that mistakes and failures surface from all corners of life and, therefore, should be treated as isolated and redeemable instances rather than fatal flaws.

It is to your advantage to pull people out of their dejected state as quickly as possibly. Do so by calling out their mistakes quietly and returning them to a place of confidence and strength.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
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message 1: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca "You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you." -- I like this!


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