Al Gritten's Reviews > Aaron & Keja: Time Dragon

Aaron & Keja by Linda  Nelson
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's review
Nov 07, 2011

did not like it
Read in November, 2011

I received a free copy of this e-book in exchange for a review. The author has a vivid imagination and I believe she has a strong story line. However, her writing style is awkward and the story is not fully developed in its characterization.

She writes, in many places, in the passive voice which makes the writing awkward and difficult to read. She tends to switch between active and passive voice and while that is an issue, it is not the only issue. She also has several places where her verb tenses do not agree. For example, in one paragraph where she seeks to explain the background to the feud between the elves, she writes, "After Ky’debaul finished his studies, he challenged Sarkus to a battle. This turned out to be a turning of time for the elven population. Their peoples were entered into a time of evil under the new rule of Ky’debaul. All elves had to accept his rule or be executed. Shortly after which, humans entered into bondage in their kingdom. This caused the ending of centuries of comradeship between the two races." This would be a much stronger paragraph in the active voice.

Additionally, the characters dialogue is stilted and the narrative, at times, is forced. This adds to the difficulties for the reader. Also, the story would be more compelling if she offered additional plot details. For example, the two worlds will be destroyed if the dragon isn't returned and the rift closed, but she doesn't explain why. The prophecy of the human and the dog, title characters, is assumed by the other characters, but not really explained so that the reader can follow the interchanges between the various characters.

Finally, she muddies her metaphors, as in one example, "Like a ritual the leaves cross the floor of the forest like that of a colorful carpet..." creating a confusing analogy that is, unfortunately, repeated again and again. All of these issues inhibit the flow of the story.

I believe there is a great story here, but it is hindered by the linguistic problems and mistakes. A really good edit would help this book tremendously along with some added depth to the characters and their dialogue. Please note, that I would have given this only a 1/2 star, but don't seem to be able to do that on Goodreads.
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