Denys L.H.'s Reviews > Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
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May 25, 2008

did not like it
Recommended for: crackheads
Read in August, 2008

The last book of the series. You would think this would all get better, eh? It hasn't for the most part. But yeah, there is a happy ending (no doubt about it). Yeah, they DO IT (Bitchface and Edtard). Yeah, Bella turns into a vampire. How come I'm not surprised? The novel ended all too neat and too predictable. But in the middle of the book, there was a whole load of unfortunate and turning events going on. And no, I didn't see THAT one coming...

In the beginning of the book, Bella is bitching (of course) about this really awesome car Edward brought for her that many people are asking about (good way to start, amirite?). She and the Cullens are planning the big wedding day, and she's also bitching about that. She just wants everything to get over with it so she can DO IT with her beloved vampire 'lover.' However, she hasn't told her father or her mother that she's getting married yet. When she finally does, she tells her father first (with Edward along her side). His reaction was just unbelievable. He wasn't comfortable with the idea, but he accepted it. WHAT!? YOUR DAUGHTER'S MARRYING SOME SPARKLY BOY THAT SHE'S ONLY KNOWN FOR A YEAR. SHE ONLY WANTS TO DO IT WITH HIM BADLY. The once, strict Charlie that wasn't too crazy about Edward has vanished into thin air. And then Bella tells her mother she's getting married. Her mother assumes that it's right for Bella because she's always making "good" choices for herself. If only you knew, Renee. If only you knew.

So then, we speed things up to the wedding. I admit, I was dazzled when I was reading it, but it's only because I ignored the fact it was Bella and Edward's and made them change positions with my boyfriend and I (silly, I know). The wedding starts to get more interesting when Jacob comes (yaaay). He dances with Bella and she casually tells him she will be having a honeymoon. Jacob worries about Bella, because she might get killed by Edward when they're DOING IT. Alas, she doesn't listen. Edward the meanie had to escort Jacob away. >( All in all, I had only one complaint for this. The wedding was written very short.

Next, we go to the honeymoon. Finally, Bella can fulfill her wishes and have dreamy sex with her new husband. But that's all she cares about though. That's the reason why she's even married to him, just to have her lustful, selfish ways with him. Edward refuses to have sex with her at first, since he thinks he'll hurt her, but Bella the sex-obsessed puppy doesn't care. She acts like a friggin' horn dog for crying out loud. They finally do it, but we never get the details on it (sorry for all you erotica fans out there). In the morning, Bella's awoken with bruises everywhere courtesy of Edward. He even ate a pillow because the sex was so immense. LOL.

Bella wants to do it again (hormonal, much?), but Edward does not. Bella practically cries and begs to have Edward make rough love to her. D; They do it again. This time, Edward breaks the bed. And an amount of days later, Bella starts vomiting and getting her period late. She also has a big bump on her stomach. This probably means she has cancer, or Edward has super mutant sperm after all those years of being a virgin.

Bella is pregnant. Their honeymoon is over. They go back to the Cullens to get an abortion, but Bella doesn't want one. Edward thinks the little freak inside her will kill her, since it's half vampire. Bella doesn't want to hear the fact that her little precious bundle of a monster might be "killed." It's giving a secret pro-life message, I tell ya! I thought vampires weren't suppose to have babies though. Stephenie Meyer has even broken her own rules in order to make this all go happy.

We got into Jacob's point-of-view now. His point-of-view isn't so great, infact, it's superlame. He talks to other werewolves telepathically and that gets very annoying after awhile. He gets news about Bella being killer pregnant and then he hurriedly comes by her side. We could see Bella isn't looking so good and that the little 'nudger' is doing more damage to her. Edward tells Jacob to try to convince Bella to get rid of it and have another baby, but this time, with Jacob. First of all, WHAT ARE YOU DOING EDWARD!? Shouldn't you be talking to this with Bella first, to see if she'll be okay with the idea!? AND JACOB, why are you agreeing to this!? I know Edward wants to protect her, but c'mon! Let Jacob move on already! He doesn't need this.

Of course, Bella doesn't agree to this. She clearly states to Jacob that she rather have Edward's baby, than some "stranger's" (he didn't clarify). So then, Bella's bones get broken by this baby. Y'know, at this point, I'm getting tired of everything revolving around Bella. It's making me feel sick just listening to everyone tend to that ungrateful, unappreciative broad. She's not a heroine, and never was. She's just a retard who can't make proper decisions for being an 18 year old.

So then more stuff happens about Jacob that really doesn't matter. And then Bella gives violent birth to a baby girl that she named "Renesmee" (how do you even pronounce that!?). Seriously, the birth scene was so disgusting to read about. She drinks blood for her baby, and she enjoyed it. BLEEEEEEH. Bella is then dying, but Edward finally turns her into a sexy vampire. They take Nessie (Jacob's nickname for Renesmee) away because they're afraid Bella might hurt her, since Nessie's half-human. But Bella's aware of this, so she doesn't have those side effects that newcomer vampires have when they're newcomers. Mary-Sue FOREVA. Those two don't even have a mother/daughter bond! They're not that into each other. Jacob and Rosalie are more caring of Nessie than Bella is. And what's worse is that Jacob IMPRINTED on Nessie. WHAT THE FUCK, JACOB!? That screams out pedophile. I don't care what the fangirls say. It's pedophilia.

We go back to Bella's point-of-view. More shit happens, like her first hunt, she has lame-ass powers, she does it with Edward again, and Nessie fully physically matures after 6 days. Again, what the fuck!? Bella loved it even more when she did it with Edward as a vampire. If you could've done and loved it more when you're a vampire, WHY DIDN'T YOU BEFORE TURN INTO ONE BEFORE!? I don't really care about the events going on with the Voultri because they're very unimportant. I just skipped towards the ending. And, oh yes, there's a happy ending. They continued peacefully into their small, but "perfect" piece of whatever.

The whole novel sucks. My love for Jacob totally went down 100 points, Nessie was just a plot device, and Bella and Edward live on forever. EVERYONE'S FUCKING HAPPY. I don't get why some twi-hard fans are in love with this book! They're only preoccupied with the happy ending! It went from a high-school romance,into a bloody-love fest. This whole Twilight series officially sucks ass. This was all to expected, and all too obvious. I hope Stephenie Meyer loses a lot of fans with this crap......
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01/29/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-28 of 28) (28 new)

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message 1: by Ever (new) - rated it 1 star

Ever Thank you - I thought this was hysterical.


Denys L.H. You're welcome! :)


Bresdin LOL ok i have to say... I like the book. However I love your review! :) I actually agree with you. However if you read my review I guess you would understand. But seriously I agree 100% with you all the same. Your review is so freaking funny and rings so true. Seriousy! THANKS! :D


Bresdin OH and yeah Bella is a Bitch and I HATE how everything revolves around her...like she is THAAT amazing...shes way to plain actually not amazing at all. OOOooo Edward can't read her thoughts... I forgot thats why she huh? dumb if you ask me.
I want her "cars" also. that damn complainer. thanks for throwing that in too



Seth Did you just say Fourth book in a trilogy? LOL. Sorry, I find that really funny. (Trilogy's are three book series, buddy.) Although I liked the book, I hate Bella. She has bugged me thoughout the whole seires, more in this one than ever.


Eleanor Oh god, that was hilarious. I agree with everything you said.

She also has a big bump on her stomach. This probably means she has cancer, or Edward has super mutant sperm after all those years of being a virgin. uhuh, definately. Unfortunately, it was a sprog called Renesmee.

It was appalling. But I still bought it, fool that I am.



message 7: by Shio (new)

Shio I have to say I haven't even read this book yet because I wanted feedback on it before reading it.

After reading this review I'm truly trying to figure out how it made it on the top of the Nw York Times Bestsellers List when it came out.

This review makes me not want to read it which isn't a bad thing. The pregnant part just told my mind to not bother buying the book.

The sex thing is simply hilarious. Edward is being smart by not wanting to have sex with her but instead of listening, Bella goes ahead and begs him to do it anyway. Not once, but twice during the honeymoon. That's terrible

I'll admit, the first three books were fine but I think three is enough for me


message 8: by Moonflower (new)

Moonflower You're review was amazing :)
Completely hysterical!
x


message 9: by [deleted user] (last edited Feb 25, 2009 02:16AM) (new)

I love your review, it's hilarious!!! But, seriously, I hate the Twilight series now because of Breaking Dawn. SM really stabbed her in the heart because of this book...


Nichole (Dirrty H) You guys are all right. I can't believe she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend! She's a total slut. And more than ONCE on her HONEYMOON? That's crazy!!!!!! Only someone who is a complete horn dog with out of control hormones would want to have sex with her husband on her honeymoon. What a terrible book.


Ailsa Lillywhite I didn't read past the first line, "The last book of the trilogy."

I just wanted to tell you, it's a tetralogy. Not a trilogy. Fix it. And then, learn to count.



Denys L.H. To all my adoring people- THANK YOU.

Ailsa- People make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. :/


message 13: by Madysen (new)

Madysen Ohmygosh, this is hilarious! Probably the best review I've read so far.

And Nichole Denys wasn't talking about the fact that Bella wanted to have sex with her husband--it was the fact that all she really wanted in Edward was the physical shit like the sex. And in addition, she wanted it even after Edward warned her she would be hurt, and even after she is hurt.

That, my friend, was the point of the sex ranting.


Crissy Is it unheard of for a girl to want to have sex with her boyfriend? Edward and Bella constantly talk about their devotion for each other (to the point of tedium.) I never at all got the impression that Bella only wanted Edward in a physical sense. And regarding their honeymoon, so what if she wanted to keep trying? The consummation of their relationship was long overdue.


message 15: by Qee (new)

Qee Qee Dear sweetheart


I would just like to say that by reading all your reviews on your twilight series we became your fan (DREAM ON). And by the way, your review clearly shows that you are unconditionally and irrevocably in love with the series. Tell me, who on earth would read the whole series even without liking the first book and write reviews for each book which is as long as an essay. You are obsessed with it rt? You recommend the books to crackheads which shows you yourself is one BIG crackhead! And we are so not looking forward for your “reply” at all. Thank you.





message 16: by Denys L.H. (last edited Nov 05, 2009 05:29PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Denys L.H. Dear Queer, I mean Qee,

Aww, did I touch a nerve? LOLOL. Someone's butthurt about a review. Get over yourself, Twilight sucked. I read it for the fun of it. It did entertain me, because I got to say horrible and honest things about it over the internet. Yeah, if I was sooo much in love with the series, why am I typing reviews saying it's shit? Look whose the smart one (I'll give you a hint, it's not you). Thank you for the lovely feedback. Now please, go jump off a cliff.


message 17: by Crystal (new)

Crystal I didn't read it yet my daughter wants to read it she is 11, should I let her or no?HELP!!!!!!



Natalie Lydia LMAO, i absolutely loved your review. Your mindset is very similar to mine.


Abigail Thank you. That was hilarious! I have never felt so irritated when finishing a book. What a waste of fucking time!


Ayanna I liked the book, but your review was just too HILARIOUS! i loved and agreed with a lot u said...especially "WHAT!? YOUR DAUGHTER'S MARRYING SOME SPARKLY BOY THAT SHE'S ONLY KNOWN FOR A YEAR. SHE ONLY WANTS TO DO IT WITH HIM BADLY"...that was a really funny review. =)


Mariana LOL! that was so much funny totally agree


message 22: by J.N. (new) - rated it 1 star

J.N. I enjoyed the series, and *hides face* even enjoyed this book, even though it was pretty insane and Bella definitely gets on my nerves. Your review is hilarious! Especially the way you describe Bella and Edward on their honeymoon. "This time Edward breaks the bed!"


Jessie "He even ate a pillow because the sex was so immense. LOL."

LOL such a great line.


Weiting Just tell me if the book is appropiate or not for some elementry kids.


message 25: by J.N. (new) - rated it 1 star

J.N. I wouldn't recommend it to elementary kids. It's a young adult book so that's typically, what, 14-early 20ish? It depends on the reader, but yeah, there's one really agonizing scene (the sex scene is pretty much glossed over) that I don't think most kids can handle at that age.


Cheryl Oh my god! I'm sure reading your review is 1000x more interesting than reading the book. Way to go!


message 27: by Kat (new) - rated it 5 stars

Kat Davis I like the book. The interactions between characters is fascinating. And the wedding,Renesmee, and Bella's transformation. So you haters have the right to your opinion, but guess what? I have the right to my opinion too. Go find something better to do with your time...


Angelee B I actually liked the movie, the second part. They made it SO much better than the book by adding one of Alice's visions as a "what if they had fought" scene. It was nice!


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