Manny's Reviews > Hamlet's Father

Hamlet's Father by Orson Scott Card
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For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament

Kermit Prince of Denmark

The Muppets Hamlet, Prince of Denmark Meets Winnie-the-Pooh (conclusion)

The story so far:

Hamlet (Kermit) is strangely unconcerned about multiple murders and Ophelia's suicide. What really bothers him is that he's thrown out his old Pooh Bear toy (Fozzy) and replaced it with a plush Piglet (Miss Piggy).

HAMLET:

[Pours himself a stiff drink, knocks it back, then pours another one]

My God, I need a glass or two of rye
Denmark is Denmark, that is, I am I

[Enter POOH'S GHOST]

STATLER:

Watch out! Behind you!

WALDORF:

As Orson Scott Card would say!

STATLER:

Har!

[HAMLET spins round and sees the GHOST. He recoils involuntarily, shielding his eyes]

POOH'S GHOST:

Tiddley-pom.

[HAMLET retreats further, until his back is to the wall]

HAMLET:

What man dare, I dare
Come to me not as red-besweatered bear
As armed rhinoceros, aye, or Hyrcan tiger
Take any shape but that, and my firm nerves
Shall never tremble!

POOH'S GHOST:

And I, of soft toys most deject and wretched,
That suck'd the honey of thy music vows --

HAMLET:

Silence! Silence I beg!

POOH'S GHOST:

Nay, but to live
In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,
Stew'd in corruption, honeying and cuddling up
Over a piglet's sty --

HAMLET:

O, speak no more;
Mine own words, daggers, enter in mine own ears;
No more, sweet Winnie!

[A NEW FORM has entered the shadows. It is as yet impossible to see what it is]

STATLER:

Watch out! Something from Down Under!

WALDORF:

As Orson Scott Card would say!

STATLER:

Har!

HAMLET:

Mercy! Another spectre, yet more monstrous!

ATTENDANT:

Liege, 'tis naught... aaaargh!

OMNES:

Aaaargh!!

HAMLET:

Aaaargh!!!

[Exit, pursued by a kangaroo]

STATLER:

Who won?

WALDORF:

Pooh!

STATLER:

Yeah, Hamlet stinks!

WALDORF:

As Orson Scott Card would say!

STATLER:

Har!

Match point: Bear and friends
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Comments (showing 1-10 of 10) (10 new)

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message 1: by Mariel (new)

Mariel Sheer genius. When I figure out how the like button works...


message 2: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny Well thank you anyway, Mariel :)


message 3: by Chris (new)

Chris Huzzah for the red-besweatered bear!


message 4: by Sandy (new)

Sandy Tjan Nay, but to live
In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,
Stew'd in corruption, honeying and cuddling up
Over a piglet's sty --


Your red-besweatered brilliance, sir
Is truly unsurpass'd!


message 5: by ·Karen· (new)

·Karen· A like and double like upon thee sir!


message 6: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny Thanks guys!

Until I started looking, I'd never realized how interested Shakespeare was in Pooh Bear. Only a few minor adjustments were needed...


message 7: by ☯Bettie☯ (new)

☯Bettie☯ scenic route for me, Manny; love the Kermy Hamlet picture


message 8: by Katy (new)

Katy My Goddess, man... what sort of drugs do you take and where can I acquire some? :-)


message 9: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny Katy wrote: "My Goddess, man... what sort of drugs do you take and where can I acquire some? :-)"

Alas, my stash of Celebrity Death Match has all been used up and I don't know where I'll find any more :(


message 10: by Jane (new)

Jane Har!


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