Anzu The Great Destroyer's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Jul 16, 12

bookshelves: dropped-in-the-toilet, the-hate-it-burns, buddy-or-group-read, fat-kitty-judges-you, dafuq-did-i-just-read, is-it-just-me-goddammit, whiny-bitches, kill-it-with-fire, reviewed-2011, stabby-stabby, lust-at-first-sight, mary-sue, lit-for-the-chicks, romance-contemp, well-arent-you-mister-popularity, facepalm, blame-the-darksiders
Recommended to Anzu by: Aly and Dee
Recommended for: people who are into torture, creeps and whiny bitches
Read from October 24 to 25, 2011, read count: 1

I didn’t want to start this book. Many people are praising it but I’m simply not into erotica, it’s too cheap for me. But here I am in the mind of the innocent waiting to be devoured by the big bad wolf. Sounds pornographic, doesn’t it? That’s because it is…




Christian Grey. A hot dude that melts a woman’s panties off with just one look. The perfect sex toy set out to conquer an innocent girl. Grey (the sick f*ck) is considered one of the hottest characters out there but he doesn’t get to me. His dominance is too much for me to handle and his attitude tends to be annoying and slimy. Plus he’s just wrong in the head so there’s no need to add more about this creep.



Anastasia is an immature insecure desperate idiot who wants to become the whore of Babylon. She just wants to listen to her inner goddess (wtf?!) and have creepy monkey sex with Grey. She has no personality nor will whatsoever, she gets excited over the smallest and most idiotic things you can imagine and even though she sees how wrong Grey (the sick f*ck) is, she still goes for it. She’s always mooning over Grey like he’s some kind of god that she’s supposed to worship. He tells her that he doesn’t want a serious relationship just sex and she’s still ok with it. Why? Just because he’s hot? He’s a damn disgusting pervert. He hurt her the first time they made love, she was a virgin for Christ’s sake (and I don’t buy the crap with it being perfect, surely she had vaginal cracks after that), and is treating her like a slave. Even though he’s a successful businessman and he’s rich and famous he still can be a psychopath. Just watch American Psycho and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Now to pick on one of my biggest problems regarding this book: THE CONTRACT. WTF may I ask? Signing paperwork in order to have sex with him? Is he a natural hazard or what? I get the whole Hey look at me I’m badass, I have my own company and helicopter gig ‘cause the guy is stinking rich but the contract??? Isn’t anyone getting angry with this?



I guess not...
“Why would I do that?”
“To please me”

Wtf?? All women want to please him? Why? ‘Cause he’s hot? He’s a perverted assh*le that’s what he is. He’s acting like he owns everyone! Aren’t you guys angry?


“I have rules, and I want you to comply with them. They are for your benefit and for my pleasure. If you follow these rules to my satisfaction, I shall reward you. If you don’t, I shall punish you, and you will learn,”

Learn this! *kicks him in the groin* Creep!
“It’s about gaining your trust and your respect, so you’ll let me exert my will over you.”

Heh *right eye twitches* exert my will *eye twitches again*

Aren’t you guys angry with this yet??







Question for all the people who gave this book great scores. If Grey wasn’t so hot would you still have given it such great ratings? I doubt you would. So this means that the reason why you love the book is mainly Christian Grey being hot and an uber alpha? Shallow much? Or maybe you’re into all the Christian Grey induced monkey sex and torture. Psycho much?

But who am I to judge.

This book is just a desperate woman’s sick fantasy to be treated like a sex slave. I’m sorry but it doesn’t work for me. I DNF’d this because I find it disgusting and degrading.

P.S. (I have to mention this because some people are too smart to get it) MY REVIEW IS STRICTLY RELATED TO FIFTY SHADES OF GREY AND NOT BDSM IN GENERAL. So take a chill pill and GTFO.
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Reading Progress

10/24/2011
20.0% "Must keep calm... Breathe Anzu, breathe... Grey your end is near..." 40 comments
10/25/2011
24.0% "DNF - RCS" 6 comments

Comments (showing 278-327)





message 327: by Jaime (new) - rated it 3 stars

Jaime Brooks You're review was not that great. You shouldn't have read it If you knew you weren't into erotica.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Jaime wrote: "You're review was not that great. You shouldn't have read it If you knew you weren't into erotica."

So no one should try to read something outside of their comfort zone ever? I detest the idea of anyone forming an opinion of about erotica (or BDSM) from this monstrosity of a story, but to say someone shouldn't ever try giving something in a genre they don't often read or like a chance is ridiculous.


message 325: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer Jaime wrote: "You're review was not that great. You shouldn't have read it If you knew you weren't into erotica."

Alicia is right. How the hell are people supposed to know what they like and/or dislike if they don't try new things? They should wish upon a star to get a sign from an angel telling them "My dearest mortal, don't watch the horrid Twilight movie because you won't like it. Don't bother with Fifty Shades because it will only make you angry. Here are the numbers that will make you win the Lottery. Go buy yourself some ice cream." ಠ_ಠ

P.S. For all of you commenting on my review:

For those who liked my review and have the same opinion as me: Thank you so much. I don't reply everyone because trolls are around the corner and I really don't like to fight with everyone who just types comments without thinking.

For those who didn't like my review and loved the book: I do appreciate good arguments so please if you have any feel free to share. If you'll just post comments like "You're an asshole, the book is awesome because Grey is such a deep character, Anna is so mature and special and you're too stupid to see it" please stop wasting your time. I don't give a shit about nonsense like this. Why don't you go read some five star reviews and leave us "haters" have our party in peace.

For those who didn't like my review and hated the book: My respect *bows*


message 324: by [deleted user] (new)

loved your review......you took the words right out of my mouth.....


message 323: by Nila (new)

Nila I've only read an extract, but WHAT?! xD How does this book have a 3.8 average rating???!!!


message 322: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Nila wrote: "I've only read an extract, but WHAT?! xD How does this book have a 3.8 average rating???!!!"

It used to be 4.5 or over.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Nila wrote: "I've only read an extract, but WHAT?! xD How does this book have a 3.8 average rating???!!!"

I wish there was an answer to that question that doesn't terrify me on every conceivable level.


message 320: by Anu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anu oh my.... firstly, totally hilarious review!! secondly, i must read this book as i din't think any book could be more ridiculous than twilight.... thirdly, thank you for making my day.. this review had me laughing a long time!!


message 319: by Dayana (new)

Dayana Hernandez First of all if you stoped for a second and put yourself in his shoes than maybe you could see why he does what he does. FYI he changes as the book goes along. It just goes to show you that we need to have faith on other people. She fell in love with him not because of his beauty and money but because of what he really is a scared man looking for a better future for himself one that included him being able to love and appreciate himself. When I starte the book I thought like you did, I thought the book was degrading to women and disgusting. My opinion changed because as I mention he changed and their relationship matured. And btw when you love someone you love them including their defects and past not just the best of them!


Synesthesia (SPIDERS!) Oh for the love of milk. Wanting to control every aspect of someone's life isn't some sort of flaw you can just get over. It's something to run from very fast! Where's that Twilight Sparkle going backwards picture that says nopenopenopenopenope?


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Dayana wrote: "First of all if you stoped for a second and put yourself in his shoes than maybe you could see why he does what he does. FYI he changes as the book goes along. It just goes to show you that we need..."

It's hilarious the stories people make up for this PWP. Especially when it's trying go justify love for a an unrepentant abuser. Just admit that's what you want in a man instead of trying to romanticize it. Because acting like what they had was anything more than sex and that it was anything more than Bella's magic virgin vagina that healed Edward's offensively-used-to-make-him-"sexy" psychological damage is ridiculous.


message 316: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Dayana wrote: "First of all if you stoped for a second and put yourself in his shoes than maybe you could see why he does what he does. FYI he changes as the book goes along. It just goes to show you that we need..."

This isn't about empathy or sympathy. Can I sympathize with a man who was horribly traumatized in his early years? Yes. Does this mean I think it's OK for a woman to stick around and endure his abuse, putting her physical and emotional well-being at stake to act as some sort of de facto therapy tool? Oh, hell no.

Whether you wish to believe it or not, men like Christian Grey are dangerous. He's unbalanced and lacks the ability to empathize. Yes, he has issues, and yes, he needs to work those out. Until he does, it would probably be wise if he were kept away from young, naive morons like Anastasia. Naive morons who think that with a few hugs and some sex, they too can change their horribly abusive boyfriends in as little as 30 days (or your money back).

Redemption is fine, therapy is fine, an awakening is fine, but this story is about a man who is horribly abusive to other human beings. More often than not, these kinds of relationships in the real world result in serious physical and emotional harm to the otherwise innocent half of the couple. "Stand by your man no matter how he treats you because he's emotionally damaged and just needs love" is not the kind of message we should be sending to our daughters.


message 315: by Katrina (last edited Jun 08, 2012 02:11PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Synesthesia wrote: "Oh for the love of milk. Wanting to control every aspect of someone's life isn't some sort of flaw you can just get over. It's something to run from very fast! Where's that Twilight Sparkle going b..."

Photobucket

My deepest thanks, I'd never seen this one before. Will be looking for a way to incorporate it into my review of the third book, hehehe.


message 314: by Katrina (last edited Jun 08, 2012 02:14PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Alicia wrote: "Dayana wrote: "First of all if you stoped for a second and put yourself in his shoes than maybe you could see why he does what he does. FYI he changes as the book goes along. It just goes to show y..."

I'm convinced the women who defend the behavior of the characters are the kinds of women who date abusers themselves.

My sister was in an abusive marriage for over 10 years, and she had some rather bitter things to say about this book. With good reason. She recognizes the pathology and was completely turned off by Christian, even though she still tends to date Alpha males. Alpha male - abusive prick - not always one and the same. She stuck by her husband for far too long, dreaming that dream of abused women the world-over; my love can change him.

Guess what? It didn't.


message 313: by EvaS (new) - rated it 1 star

EvaS LOL. Great review...


Synesthesia (SPIDERS!) So true. If I was her I'd say, no way will I have sex with you until you see a psychologist for like 20 years. But I'll be seeing other men so maybe we won't have sex. You can't SAVE a man, dang it.


message 311: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Word.


message 310: by EvaS (last edited Jun 09, 2012 06:55PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

EvaS Katrina wrote: "She recognizes the pathology and was completely turned off by Christian, even though she still tends to date Alpha males. Alpha male - abusive prick - not always one and the same...."

I completely agree, and that is a huge reason I was also turned off by him - too many echoes of the past and things that would have sent me running! I love Alpha males, but I would not classify Christian as one. No. way. Some readers call him a flawed but wonderful man... what I don't understand is how wanting to (no, needing to) hurt her makes him so amazing? Whether he changes later in the series or not... he is simply a damaged, abusive man. Period.


message 309: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden EvaS wrote: "Katrina wrote: "She recognizes the pathology and was completely turned off by Christian, even though she still tends to date Alpha males. Alpha male - abusive prick - not always one and the same......"

Well, I can tell you that he does change, but not really for the better. I'm a little more than halfway through the third book, and he's still abusive, just not physically. He emotionally manipulates the hell out of Ana over and over again, and even tortures her sexually at one point, doing something her refers to as "orgasm denial". It's twisted. He is so definitely not a wonderful man. He's not a man at all. Not in my book.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) It's fascinating and unsurprising a former abuse victim recognizes the pathology exhibited by Edwstian. How the stans of this fic don't see the abuse I'll never understand. I hate that some people and authors have the idea in their head that to be an alpha male he has to be abusive (and/or rapey). And notice how the fans of Edwstian keep talking about Bellana ~changing~ him in that moony, stupid way they do. Even though she didn't do anything but fuck him. Talking and personalities would have been necessary for anything else.

I think I fuzzily remember that orgasm scene you're talking about. There's orgasm denial in BDSM, but again they weren't in a BDSM relationship. Wasn't it that she defied him again and he did that stopping the fight with sex thing? I think I remember reading that thinking that he was straight up torturing her cruelly because she wouldn't obey him. Or maybe it was another scene because I think I stopped reading not too far into third "book" territory.

There is something seriously wrong with the world today.


message 307: by Katrina (last edited Jun 09, 2012 09:57PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Alicia wrote: "There's orgasm denial in BDSM, but again they weren't in a BDSM relationship. Wasn't it that she defied him again and he did that stopping the fight with sex thing?"

Exactly. If they were in a BDSM relationship and she was fully aware that this kind of thing were possible, and if he were doing it merely in terms of their sexual relationship, I wouldn't have a problem. But you're right, he employs it to punish her for "defying" him. She has absolutely zero idea what's going on, she thinks he's using sex to work out his demons again and she doesn't even comprehend what he's doing until he's driven her nearly to the point of tears. To give her some credit, she at least recognizes it for what it is; "This isn't love. It's vengeance." But she doesn't take a stand. She safewords and cries and he feels bad and they talk (as little as possible), then have more sex, then they're OK again.

::facepalm::


message 306: by Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) (last edited Jun 10, 2012 01:19PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Katrina wrote: "Alicia wrote: "There's orgasm denial in BDSM, but again they weren't in a BDSM relationship. Wasn't it that she defied him again and he did that stopping the fight with sex thing?"

Exactly. If the..."


Yeah, dude, weren't they on the boat during their honeymoon? I totally remember him reducing her to tears with that now. God, it's like my brain was trying to protect me from remembering just how fucking awful this story is.


message 305: by Emily (new) - rated it 1 star

Emily The most accurate review ever. I'm having trouble finishing this rubbish because I hate the characters so much. It should have stayed online as a fanfiction to say the least.


message 304: by Leela (new)

Leela Your review had me in stitches ;) this is exactly what I imagined this series would be like & I've steered clear of it. Not my cup of tea at all. Thanks for the laugh!


message 303: by Katrina (last edited Jun 11, 2012 01:07AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Alicia wrote: "Katrina wrote: "Alicia wrote: "There's orgasm denial in BDSM, but again they weren't in a BDSM relationship. Wasn't it that she defied him again and he did that stopping the fight with sex thing?"
..."


No, the boat scene was when he handcuffed her wrists and ankles together, then marked her boobs all up with hickies to get back at her for going topless on the beach. She gave him a pass for that one, too, citing the fact that his shrink told her Christian is basically an adolescent. I don't know too many teenage boys who are vicious enough to mar up their girl's tatas. If we ever find one that is that vicious, we call him a sociopath.

ARGH!

I hope my brain similarly pads my recollections when this is all over. I wish I had brain bleach.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Ugh, what an animal. Seriously. It's hard to even consider him human. I truly worry about all these woman talking about him being a perfect man.

Perfect.

Man.

Women say that. Honestly, it's things like this that make me so happy that it appears the zombie apocalypse is upon us. Humanity is a failed experiment.


message 301: by Helen (last edited Jun 11, 2012 02:42AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Helen Alicia wrote: "Ugh, what an animal. Seriously. It's hard to even consider him human. I truly worry about all these woman talking about him being a perfect man.

Perfect.

Man.

Women say that. Honestly, it's thi..."


Ironically, his codependence and control issues scare me more than his sadism. Where does this desire to be completely controlled and treated as incompetent to take care of oneself stem from anyway? I know I'd want to choke a man, no matter how wonderful, if he stuck to me 24/7 without giving me a space to breathe.


*Carissmatik* wow, this review has sparked controversy ;) or maybe it is just the book haha. When I read your review I got a little mad I gotta say because I did like the series. But then I kept reading the comments and realized that yes while I was reading the book (first time BDSM erotica mind you) I really couldn't understand Anna. I wanted to slap her that tell Christian to fuck off! After I got over the shock I did like the book, but it is true that it sends a wrong message. Readers, specially young girls, need to remember that this is fiction, that Christian Grey doesn't really exist and so if in real life you meet a man that wants to control every aspect of your life you need to run away! Unfortunately, women have to realize that our love for a man that has this type of issues, can only do so much. We are not all powerful and we need to realize that we CAN'T CHANGE THEM! I liked this series because Anna was able to change Christian, but if I met a Christian in real life I would run the other way. Keep in mind that this is FICTION! and a love story that has a happy ending! In real life, this kind of situations do not have a happy endings. That said, I think that people need to respect each others opinion and I respect Anzu's even though I don't agree with her ;)


message 299: by Dija (new) - rated it 1 star

Dija I is speechless, Anzu.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Helen wrote: "Ironically, his codependence and control issues scare me more than his sadism. Where does this desire to be completely controlled and treated as incompetent to take care of oneself stem from anyway? I know I'd want to choke a man, no matter how wonderful, if he stuck to me 24/7 without giving me a space to breathe."

No, that's definitely a huge point of concern, too. That's part of why he's so abusive. He completely isolates her from everyone else with that. Like when he couldn't even let her be alone with her mother. Ugh. But I guess women across the country dream of being able to cure a man with their magic pussy. Since Bella cured Edward in this fic by doing absolutely nothing but fucking him anytime, anyplace, whenever he wanted. No, talking, no actual relationship or plot and she does what over a decade of psychiatry couldn't. If only we were all blessed with a cure-all vagina.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) You have a review space. Put your review in your own review space, not the comments of a one-star review.

Why is that so hard for people to understand? People act like you have to be a freaking Mensa candidate to use this site properly.


Charlotte I agree about how this book is sick and degrading, in fact the main reason i kept reading was because i wanted to see if they would break up. God knows why I read the second book -I think i was hoping for her to move on with her life away from that creep. Anyway I am glad I did, because it is so much better, he's actually likable and he deals with some of his issues.


message 295: by Angie (new)

Angie sutphin i have held out this long, and plan on holding out much longer. and my reasoning is everything you wrote here. he is a hot (sick F*ck), twisted, demented jerk and she is a wuss. i thank you for answering all my questions and helping me not waste my time on trivial crap. thank you!


message 294: by Traveller (new) - added it

Traveller If I haven't said so before, best review ever.


message 293: by Valia (new) - rated it 1 star

Valia Malkia wa vitabu Well,I am one of those people who fall under Anastacia's age group and I would have run away.Christian is creepy and that is definately not hot.Life is too short to waste time on the Christians of the world(Thank God I haven't met any and hope never to).


message 292: by Charley (new) - rated it 1 star

Charley You are so right with this review!!


Bellicoseandra I get the relationship and see the good in Christian.


Bellicoseandra Charlotte wrote: "I agree about how this book is sick and degrading, in fact the main reason i kept reading was because i wanted to see if they would break up. God knows why I read the second book -I think i was hoping for her to move on with her life away from that creep. Anyway I am glad I did, because it is so much better, he's actually likable and he deals with some of his issues."

I don't know how you just started to see that in the second book, but I saw it in the first. The book still kinda of sucked though.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Ariel wrote: "I get the relationship and see the good in Christian."




Bellicoseandra I'd enjoyed that cookie.


message 287: by Meg (new)

Meg Ha ha, wow, found this review through one of my friends and it made me laugh. Mainly for the expectations versus reality image, but it's all awesome. Thank you for this!


message 286: by Krista (new)

Krista I do not know you but I think your ranting review of this book is just fucking great!


message 285: by Dylan *Rocket-Raj* (last edited Jun 15, 2012 11:48PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Dylan *Rocket-Raj* I thank you so very much. So very much. I died after I read this. I read three reviews of my friends, who felt EXACTLY like you did, and I was like: "Ah, what the hell? It can't be worse than [insert crappy generic paranormal YA romance novel here]." ...But, it was. I was so much worse. You didn't even finish it? I feel left out. Seriously, this book...well... For a direct aid, look below:

BEFORE I READ THIS BOOK

I Was Like, Well, I Have Survived Worse. MUCH Worse. ...Such As:

1.) Girls Thinking That THIS Was Okay



2.) THIS



3.) And, THIS

[image error]

...HOWEVER, AFTER I READ THIS BOOK

At First, I Was Like:



Then, I Was Like:



Now, I'm All (In Reference To My Eyes):



...Yeah. My girlfriend almost killed me (using her copy of the book), because we read EVERYTHING TOGETHER, and she was like, well, since we read SUPER-FAST (like, a series in a day), let's just share a copy. ...I'll buy it... ...Yeah, she almost left me...

I must repress the bad memories... ...AHHHHHH...

FML


message 284: by Jenn (new) - rated it 1 star

Jenn I loved your review!! It's exactly how I feel! I also believe that most of the women who enjoyed this book do not have enough self respect to understand how a man should treat a women. Grey in this book is a boy, not a man.


message 283: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer Dylan "Rocket-Raj" wrote: "I thank you so very much. So very much. I died after I read this. I read three reviews of my friends, who felt EXACTLY like you did, and I was like: "Ah, what the hell? It can't be worse than [..."

Are you serious?? Your gf and you read this together? Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool I can't even process the idea, it's too much =))))))


message 282: by [deleted user] (new)

I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who is angry with the premise of this book. I mean, hey if you like it, you like it. I just can't bring myself, a self-respecting, independent, adult woman to read something that marginalizes, manipulates , and degrades women. And yes, I KNOW she agreed to the contract, but really how many women, no- not women, PEOPLE would do that? To me its the same mindset that enables all those insane cults to exist with hundreds of followers. And don't most people think those are too extreme? Just saying.


message 281: by Denise (new) - rated it 2 stars

Denise Roman I'm a little more than half way done and I'm not feeling it. I don't think it was written well. It's a lot of back and fourth and back and fourth.


message 280: by Audrey (new)

Audrey It's just entertaining, just as we watch rated R or X.


message 279: by Jodi (new) - rated it 5 stars

Jodi Dolbel I totally enjoyed reading your review and agree 100% with 99% of it!! lol I rated this book 5, not because Christian Grey is hot!! Hey Im with you, f@cker and his sick perverted ways!! And Ana, OMG get a Fri%%in clue!! The reason I rated this book so high, is because regardless of ones opinion on the book content, it gets you in!!!! We want to know WHY this sick arsehole has become this sick arsehole! Well that's why I rated it a 5! And as for Christian Grey, I dont care how hot he is, the guy is a total controlling arse and I too would have given him a quick knee to the nuts for even suggesting such a ridiculous idea in the first place!!!


message 278: by Mel (new) - rated it 2 stars

Mel Take out the sex and there is zero plot. I have read better prose on a weetbix packet.


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