Steph Sinclair's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!


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Fifty Shades of Shit


Haters, please exit stage left.

I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.

Recently I discovered one of my favorite publishers, Random House, has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statement:
"An orig­i­nal work, and said to us that James had war­ranted the books were, indeed orig­i­nal. Mes­sitte added she was “aware of the nar­ra­tive that [50 SHADES] started as dif­fer­ently titled piece of fic­tion, but that they were and are two dis­tinctly sep­a­rate pieces of work."

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to call bull shit on that. Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe (the original fan fic) are essentially the same thing. The biggest difference being Edward and Bella's name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively. And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading, I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two without difficulty. I'd go through and give you examples myself, but other people have done it already here and here. So if you must read this book, do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online. You even get the second book too!

I know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and got dammit, I'm allergic to all the bull shit. Do I really need to point this all out? Because it looks pretty obvious to me. The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same. They even say similar things the original characters say. The whole "dazzle" line and Edward asking Bella to trust him. Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen. Bella is still trying to save Edward from himself due to his troubled past. Edward still stalks and controls Bella, only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of line.


*facepalm* Shall I beat them both? Yes?

I struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn't figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one. And then I figured it out. I was left so disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind. With a rusty nail. Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike, yelling obscenities at me.  Anyway, I thought Bella and Edward's relationship couldn't get anymore fucked up than Twilight. I stand corrected. If I were to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be this: Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids, high on ecstasy, in a dirty little corner. A very dirty corner. With badly written sex. Lots.

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful (but of course she doesn't know it), naive virgin, Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god, Christian Grey. Of course, sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can't seem to stay away from this incredibly, unremarkable girl.  Ana discovers Christian is into BDSM and desires her as his submissive fuck buddy.

There are a myriad of problems with this novel, many of which ironically can be found in Twilight. Never saw that one coming! Christian/Edward is still a controlling bastard, only now he hides behind his BDSM practices to camouflage his abusive tendencies. However, Ana doesn't see it that way. She thinks of him as a broken person and it's her duty to fix him. Even when he says things like this:
"I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take."

Can you believe she let's him beat her after that? And please don't even bother to tell me that it's just BDSM. No, just fucking no. Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the "punishment" aspect of their relationship. But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship. And that's what really gets me. I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight, because that is exactly what happens. When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that "situation" before they could continue. What?! Since when is your virginity a "situation?" But, that's not really the kicker. Oh, no, because that is when we are introduced to Ana's two best friends. Everyone say hi to:

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Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

Anna's inner goddess, who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her. She's also quite annoying, doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related. Simmer down. Where did she come from exactly? Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chains?!

And... Ana's sub-conscious, who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating. When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian, well, her sub-conscious only has one thing to say,

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So after the "situation" is handled, Ana has to sign a "contract" agreeing to his sexual demands and also outlining things she won't do. It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed the damn thing. He exploits her, stalks her and abuses her! She cries after sex. She is afraid of him being angry! Even when he is angry at something else, she thinks it's her. Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she's afraid to lose him. That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle! In fact, that's not even really "consent!" These quotes just scream domestic abuse to me:
"Please don't be angry with me," I whisper.

"Please don't hit me," I whisper, pleading.
His brow furrows, his eyes widening. He blinks twice.
"I don't want you to spank me. Not here. Not now. Please don't."

Yeah, he's a real catch, that one. Barf. No, excuse me. That's not right. The barfing came when the little ass-wipe PULLED HER TAMPON OUT AND RAMMED HIMSELF INSIDE OF HER. OMFG. Yes, the caps were totally necessary because that was the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading. That is not sexy, that's foul.

Whenever Ana thinks about leaving him, he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her (literally) and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance, forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb. They fight, they breakup. They kiss, they sex up.

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

Christian: "Do you still want me gone Ana?"

Inner goddess: *growl*

Sub-conscious: ...

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Dance, puppet. Dance.

The writing is a shitty mess too. I mean, if I had to sit and read Ana saying "Holy, shit!" or "Holy, Fuck!" or "Oh, my!" one more time, I was going to lose it. I wanted to take my red pen and have at this "book" so badly. It was the little things like Ana's roommate saying over and over, "You never cry Ana," and what do we find Ana always doing? Crying. I'm not sure where the hell the plot was. *smacks forehead* How silly of me! Didn't I mention this was a Twilight retelling? Why was I expecting a plot? And another example of poor writing: for these characters to be American, they sounded very British to me. They used phrases that Americans don't use.

And now I'm trying to figure out why this book is so popular. Why do so many women love this book? I get the appeal of the bondage even though it's not my usual cup of tea. Whips? Chains? Sounds exciting!

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

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Abuse? Not so much.

Fuck my life! Zero stars!

Eh, I'm off to read a good book now and possibly to bleach my brain.

More reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.
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Quotes Steph Liked

E.L. James
“- "Why don't you like to be touched?"
- "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia”
E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey


Reading Progress

03/14
14.0% "Who brushes their teeth with someone else's tooth brush and calls it "a thrill?" This is dumb. So dumb." 12 comments
03/14
18.0% "What is the appropriate response to finding out a potential lover is a complete freaky sadist or masochist? I don't know. Maybe... Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 18 comments
03/14
30.0% "This book has no plot. What is the point? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, annnnnnndddd seeeeeeexxxxxx!" 48 comments
03/15
50.0% "So she fears him. Do NOT like." 3 comments
03/15
55.0% "Okay, this relationship is borderline abuse. She's afraid of him hitting her and cries after sex. She's does not want him to hit her, but agrees because SHE IS AFRAID HE WILL DUMP HER. Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 57 comments
03/16
77.0% "Is it just me, or does Ana never wear her own clothes?" 5 comments
03/17
80.0% "WTH! Ana goes to Georgia to visit her mom and Christian has followed her. To another state. Creeper! Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 8 comments
03/17
83.0% "Omg, did her really just do that?! The tampon!! What motherfuckery is this?! What has been read, cannot be unread. O.O Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 69 comments
03/18
97.0% ""I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take." Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 16 comments
01/29 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1249-1298)





message 1298: by Karen (new)

Karen I can't believe how popular this book is. There was an article on Yahoo about how a lot moms love it which I think is disturbing.


message 1297: by Cyndy (new) - rated it 1 star

Cyndy Aleo a) I love you
b) can't wait


message 1296: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Lyndi, I agree it's not solely Twilight's fault either. Twilight was one of the first Paranormal YA novels I read. Actually, it may have been the first. Before then, I read contemporary or whatever books were assigned in school.


message 1295: by Merary (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary Oh man!
And it looked so GOOD!!!
(The cover is so . . . seductive . . . )
But, I can't wait for your review! :D


message 1294: by [deleted user] (new)

Great prelude. BTW, is it disturbing that I kinda want those shoes for myself?


message 1293: by Merary (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary Zanahoria (Taly) wrote: "Great prelude. BTW, is it disturbing that I kinda want those shoes for myself?"

*whispers creepily* I don't think so . . . :3


message 1292: by Lyndi (new) - added it

Lyndi Those are HOT shoes! I'd think it was disturbing if you didn't want them.


message 1291: by [deleted user] (new)

Aren't they? They look painful though. I feel like a fashion victim, lol


message 1290: by Lyndi (last edited Mar 18, 2012 06:17PM) (new) - added it

Lyndi Those are like 2 inch heels! You don't get into 'painful' until the 4+ inches territory.


Hubba hubba

Those are 7 inches, by the way.


message 1289: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair O_O

My feet are crying just by looking at those shoes, Lyndi!


message 1288: by Lyndi (new) - added it

Lyndi I'm surprised they aren't mentioned in this book, since they're BDSM fetishist shoes used for edge play or suspension bondage (hanging so you're forced to stand on your toes on rest your weight on...whatever you may have hooked up o.O).

But I have a feeling the author of this "book" doesn't have a firm grasp on the BDSM lifestyle or this would be an entirely different story.


message 1287: by [deleted user] (last edited Mar 18, 2012 06:53PM) (new)

Who wanted to be a ballerina as a child? Well, lookie here now baby girl, that's how momma does it.


message 1286: by Cyndy (last edited Mar 18, 2012 06:50PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Cyndy Aleo Lyndi wrote: "But I have a feeling the author of this "book" doesn't have a firm grasp on the BDSM lifestyle or this would be an entirely different story. "

Amen.


message 1285: by C.S. (new)

C.S. Einfeld EEEK! Just: EEEEEK! :o)


message 1284: by Jenna (last edited Mar 18, 2012 08:10PM) (new) - added it

Jenna description


message 1283: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Tiffani wrote: "I didn't even think about picking this up especially when BDSM was right there screaming at me!I can tell this is going to be quiet an interesting review."

Hahahaha! No pressure, right? Lol.


message 1282: by Yesenia (new) - rated it 1 star

Yesenia Belle wrote: ""

Haha, good one! I was thinking something similar



Howdy YAL Dear lord it's on People.com now deemed the hottest book around I kid you not: http://www.people.com/people/article/...


message 1280: by Merary (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary YAL Book Briefs wrote: "Dear lord it's on People.com now deemed the hottest book around I kid you not: http://www.people.com/people/article/..."

People? Oh no, if People like these books, then everyone will follow. And it will become EVEN more popular. >.>


message 1279: by Cyndy (new) - rated it 1 star

Cyndy Aleo I fear people who pick books to read from People reviews. Man, she has some good PR people.


message 1278: by Lyndi (new) - added it

Lyndi Tiffani wrote: "They are making a movie...how is that going to work..."

I'd rather see a Human Centipede Quadrilogy.


message 1277: by Elizabeth (new)

Elizabeth May Tiffani wrote: "They are making a movie...how is that going to work..."

It could work. Though it might look a great deal like the movie Secretary.


message 1276: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Oh, boy. A movie? Smh.


message 1274: by Amber J. (new)

Amber J. Elizabeth wrote: "It could work. Though it might look a great deal like the movie Secretary."

nooo, Secretary is waaay better than this book; that film actually shows how someone who doesn't realize they have all the qualities of a sub can be led in that direction and find happiness with a Dom (a Dom who may have been a sub at one point, if I remember correctly lol)


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard Mandy Hubbard is tweeting as she reads the book and it's kinda funny. https://twitter.com/#!/MandyHubbard


message 1272: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert I will be sitting here with my bowl of popcorn.


[image error]


message 1271: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Mello wrote: "I will be sitting here with my bowl of popcorn.


[image error]"


Lol, it's halfway done! Hopefully I'll have time to finish it sometime today.


message 1270: by Elizabeth (new)

Elizabeth May Amber J. wrote: "nooo, Secretary is waaay better than this book; that film actually shows how someone who doesn't realize they have all the qualities of a sub can be led in that direction and find happiness with a Dom (a Dom who may have been a sub at one point, if I remember correctly lol) "

I do always wonder about how book to movie translations will work. It's possible to expand beyond the source material and do well with it; after all, they're not required to follow the book exactly. Though I have the feeling that FSoG would require a very good screenwriter who knows a thing or two about BDSM to do it justice on screen.


message 1269: by Cyndy (new) - rated it 1 star

Cyndy Aleo Elizabeth wrote: "Amber J. wrote: "nooo, Secretary is waaay better than this book; that film actually shows how someone who doesn't realize they have all the qualities of a sub can be led in that direction and find ..."

Ain't no helping that source material. The whole point is that she "cures" him from his need to beat her. Not to mention, according to Hollywood Reporter, she wants complete creative control. She doesn't think anything NEEDS improvement. I predict a repeat of Exit to Eden.


message 1268: by Lyndi (new) - added it

Lyndi Cyndy wrote: "I predict a repeat of Exit to Eden."


Heeeeelllllllz yeaaaah!


message 1267: by Elizabeth (new)

Elizabeth May OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT!


Katie(babs) Oh my. snicker.


message 1265: by Merary (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary AHH!! Can't wait! X)


message 1264: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair It's up.


message 1263: by Dakota (new)

Dakota You paid money for this? You poor thing. It does suck that the BDSM aspect was inaccurate. I am a little bit curious about that lifestyle.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) *applauds* Love it. That was so worth the wait!

So, according to Vintage/Random House's logic, if I download one of their books and change the names it wouldn't be theft because it's a distinctly separate work?

I could work with that...


message 1261: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Dakota wrote: "You paid money for this? You poor thing. It does suck that the BDSM aspect was inaccurate. I am a little bit curious about that lifestyle."

Yeah, I wasn't at first, but I didn't want to review the fan fic and put it under "Fifty Shades of Grey," but obviously that wouldn't have made much a difference. So, for anyone doubting its not the same, it totally is.


message 1260: by Steph (last edited Mar 24, 2012 09:08PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "*applauds* Love it. That was so worth the wait!

So, according to Vintage/Random House's logic, if I download one of their books and change the names it wouldn't be theft because it's a distinctly..."


Thanks! Apparently. I'm not sure how they can claim that. It makes no sense and I'm disgusted at them right now. But it's all about the money.


message 1259: by Syahira (new) - rated it 1 star

Syahira Sharif oh gosh... I've just realized its in trilogy... DIEEEE


message 1258: by Blythe (new) - added it

Blythe Excellent review! I can now move this onto my "will not read" shelf without feeling like I'm missing out on something. Now I won't look back, especially after the whole tampon incident you mentioned... That's repulsive, as is the fact that some people think that type of stuff is charming...

"I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take."

Oh yeah.. So charming.


message 1257: by Blythe (new) - added it

Blythe Syahira wrote: "oh gosh... I've just realized its in trilogy... DIEEEE"

Of course it is. Everything is in trilogies nowadays.


message 1256: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Syahira wrote: "oh gosh... I've just realized its in trilogy... DIEEEE"

Kill it with FIRE!


message 1255: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Blythe wrote: "Excellent review! I can now move this onto my "will not read" shelf without feeling like I'm missing out on something. Now I won't look back, especially after the whole tampon incident you mentione..."

You aren't missing anything. It really was a piece of shit! At least I thought so.


message 1254: by Experiment BL626 (new)

Experiment BL626 Love your review... said my Inner Goddess. LOL! BTW, I think you mean genuinely not "gineuelly."

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex.

Sex. =D


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Stephanie wrote: "Thanks! Apparently. I'm not sure how they can claim that. It makes no sense and I'm disgusted at them right now. But it's all about the money."

Siiigh. Exactly. I don't know how I'll ever be able to purchase another book from them, or if I will. I also really don't want to know the others involved in the "bidding war" because I'd lose respect for them, too.


message 1252: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Experiment BL626 wrote: "Love your review... said my Inner Goddess. LOL! BTW, I think you mean genuinely not "gineuelly."

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex.

Sex. =D"


Thanks! Ahhhh!! Typo! Must correct! That's what happens when you write a review on your iPad. Lol.


message 1251: by Amber J. (new)

Amber J. Stephanie...

I'm not worthy


(and thanks for including those 2 links)


message 1250: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Thanks! Apparently. I'm not sure how they can claim that. It makes no sense and I'm disgusted at them right now. But it's all about the money."

Siiigh. Exactly. I don't know how ..."


Just think about all the movie studios putting together their presentations! Ugh.


message 1249: by Merary (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary For some reason the "sexsexsex . . .oh . . .sexsexsex" reminds me of Rihanna's song "Birthday Cake". XDDDD


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