Steph Sinclair's Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!


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Fifty Shades of Shit


Haters, please exit stage left.

I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.

Recently I discovered one of my favorite publishers, Random House, has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statement:
"An orig­i­nal work, and said to us that James had war­ranted the books were, indeed orig­i­nal. Mes­sitte added she was “aware of the nar­ra­tive that [50 SHADES] started as dif­fer­ently titled piece of fic­tion, but that they were and are two dis­tinctly sep­a­rate pieces of work."

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to call bull shit on that. Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe (the original fan fic) are essentially the same thing. The biggest difference being Edward and Bella's name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively. And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading, I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two without difficulty. I'd go through and give you examples myself, but other people have done it already here and here. So if you must read this book, do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online. You even get the second book too!

I know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and got dammit, I'm allergic to all the bull shit. Do I really need to point this all out? Because it looks pretty obvious to me. The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same. They even say similar things the original characters say. The whole "dazzle" line and Edward asking Bella to trust him. Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen. Bella is still trying to save Edward from himself due to his troubled past. Edward still stalks and controls Bella, only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of line.


*facepalm* Shall I beat them both? Yes?

I struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn't figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one. And then I figured it out. I was left so disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind. With a rusty nail. Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike, yelling obscenities at me.  Anyway, I thought Bella and Edward's relationship couldn't get anymore fucked up than Twilight. I stand corrected. If I were to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be this: Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids, high on ecstasy, in a dirty little corner. A very dirty corner. With badly written sex. Lots.

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful (but of course she doesn't know it), naive virgin, Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god, Christian Grey. Of course, sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can't seem to stay away from this incredibly, unremarkable girl.  Ana discovers Christian is into BDSM and desires her as his submissive fuck buddy.

There are a myriad of problems with this novel, many of which ironically can be found in Twilight. Never saw that one coming! Christian/Edward is still a controlling bastard, only now he hides behind his BDSM practices to camouflage his abusive tendencies. However, Ana doesn't see it that way. She thinks of him as a broken person and it's her duty to fix him. Even when he says things like this:
"I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take."

Can you believe she let's him beat her after that? And please don't even bother to tell me that it's just BDSM. No, just fucking no. Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the "punishment" aspect of their relationship. But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship. And that's what really gets me. I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight, because that is exactly what happens. When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that "situation" before they could continue. What?! Since when is your virginity a "situation?" But, that's not really the kicker. Oh, no, because that is when we are introduced to Ana's two best friends. Everyone say hi to:

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Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

Anna's inner goddess, who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her. She's also quite annoying, doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related. Simmer down. Where did she come from exactly? Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chains?!

And... Ana's sub-conscious, who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating. When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian, well, her sub-conscious only has one thing to say,

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So after the "situation" is handled, Ana has to sign a "contract" agreeing to his sexual demands and also outlining things she won't do. It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed the damn thing. He exploits her, stalks her and abuses her! She cries after sex. She is afraid of him being angry! Even when he is angry at something else, she thinks it's her. Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she's afraid to lose him. That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle! In fact, that's not even really "consent!" These quotes just scream domestic abuse to me:
"Please don't be angry with me," I whisper.

"Please don't hit me," I whisper, pleading.
His brow furrows, his eyes widening. He blinks twice.
"I don't want you to spank me. Not here. Not now. Please don't."

Yeah, he's a real catch, that one. Barf. No, excuse me. That's not right. The barfing came when the little ass-wipe PULLED HER TAMPON OUT AND RAMMED HIMSELF INSIDE OF HER. OMFG. Yes, the caps were totally necessary because that was the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading. That is not sexy, that's foul.

Whenever Ana thinks about leaving him, he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her (literally) and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance, forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb. They fight, they breakup. They kiss, they sex up.

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

Christian: "Do you still want me gone Ana?"

Inner goddess: *growl*

Sub-conscious: ...

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Dance, puppet. Dance.

The writing is a shitty mess too. I mean, if I had to sit and read Ana saying "Holy, shit!" or "Holy, Fuck!" or "Oh, my!" one more time, I was going to lose it. I wanted to take my red pen and have at this "book" so badly. It was the little things like Ana's roommate saying over and over, "You never cry Ana," and what do we find Ana always doing? Crying. I'm not sure where the hell the plot was. *smacks forehead* How silly of me! Didn't I mention this was a Twilight retelling? Why was I expecting a plot? And another example of poor writing: for these characters to be American, they sounded very British to me. They used phrases that Americans don't use.

And now I'm trying to figure out why this book is so popular. Why do so many women love this book? I get the appeal of the bondage even though it's not my usual cup of tea. Whips? Chains? Sounds exciting!

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex....oh......sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

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Abuse? Not so much.

Fuck my life! Zero stars!

Eh, I'm off to read a good book now and possibly to bleach my brain.

More reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.
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Quotes Steph Liked

E.L. James
“- "Why don't you like to be touched?"
- "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia”
E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey


Reading Progress

03/14/2012
14.0% "Who brushes their teeth with someone else's tooth brush and calls it "a thrill?" This is dumb. So dumb." 12 comments
03/14/2012
18.0% "What is the appropriate response to finding out a potential lover is a complete freaky sadist or masochist? I don't know. Maybe... Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 18 comments
03/14/2012
30.0% "This book has no plot. What is the point? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, annnnnnndddd seeeeeeexxxxxx!" 48 comments
03/15/2012
50.0% "So she fears him. Do NOT like." 3 comments
03/15/2012
55.0% "Okay, this relationship is borderline abuse. She's afraid of him hitting her and cries after sex. She's does not want him to hit her, but agrees because SHE IS AFRAID HE WILL DUMP HER. Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 58 comments
03/16/2012
77.0% "Is it just me, or does Ana never wear her own clothes?" 5 comments
03/17/2012
80.0% "WTH! Ana goes to Georgia to visit her mom and Christian has followed her. To another state. Creeper! Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 8 comments
03/17/2012
83.0% "Omg, did her really just do that?! The tampon!! What motherfuckery is this?! What has been read, cannot be unread. O.O Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 69 comments
03/18/2012
97.0% ""I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take." Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" 16 comments

Comments (showing 1225-1274)





message 1274: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Or you could google Master of the Universe and search and replace the names of Bella and Edward with Anastasia and Christian. It's what the author did.


message 1273: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair rameau wrote: "Or you could google Master of the Universe and search and replace the names of Bella and Edward with Anastasia and Christian. It's what the author did."

Omg, really?? I read the sample on the website and my mind screamed BELLA!!! I knew it was a Twi-fan fic, but people say it doesnt resemble it too much. Well, we will see about that. XD


message 1272: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Stephanie wrote: "Omg, really?? I read the sample on the website and my mind screamed BELLA!!! I knew it was a Twi-fan fic, but people say it doesnt resemble it too much. Well, we will see about that. XD "

Yes, really. I'm abusing this link today, but someone must since people outside the fandom don't seem to care.


message 1271: by Kali (new)

Kali is this what you're talking about? http://www.popculturejunkie.net/profi...


message 1270: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair rameau wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Omg, really?? I read the sample on the website and my mind screamed BELLA!!! I knew it was a Twi-fan fic, but people say it doesnt resemble it too much. Well, we will see about th..."

D:

What is this madness?!? First Clare, now this?

#make money off popular series!

D:

It's trending!


message 1269: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Stephanie wrote: "rameau wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Omg, really?? I read the sample on the website and my mind screamed BELLA!!! I knew it was a Twi-fan fic, but people say it doesnt resemble it too much. Well, we wi..."

Yes. Unfortunately. Greed is killing all the fun in the fans' world.

Kali wrote: "is this what you're talking about? http://www.popculturejunkie.net/profi..."

Super freaking fast is code for not edited or reworked. It's a search and replace job.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Omg, really?? I read the sample on the website and my mind screamed BELLA!!! I knew it was a Twi-fan fic, but people say it doesnt resemble it too much. Well, we will see about th..."

Can you abuse it by posting it in my review, too? I can't believe how much the media is trying to gloss over what this really is and what it means.


message 1267: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Alicia wrote: "Can you abuse it by posting it in my review, too? I can't believe how much the media is trying to gloss over what this really is and what it means. "

Thy will be done.

Of course the media is trying to gloss over the origins of it. The woman works in media and knows how to play the publicity game. I hate to think that her outing is just another step on her road to fame, but it's starting to look like it.


message 1266: by Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) (last edited Mar 11, 2012 02:02PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Thy will be done.

Of course the media is trying to gloss over the origins of it. The woman works in media and knows how to play the publicity game. I hate to think that her outing is just another step on her road to fame, but it's starting to look like it."


Her being in media or not, it's irresponsible journalism. It being a fanfic isn't a secret, and would take five seconds of searching to get all the information.


message 1265: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Alicia wrote: "Her being in media or not, it's irresponsible journalism. It being a fanfic isn't a secret, and would take five seconds of searching to get all the information. "

That too, but my hatred and continued disappointment with journalists is well documented. I pretty much expect them to fail in research.

Stephanie, I'm so sorry we're highjacking your thread. Let's just say we're passionate about the subject.


message 1264: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair It reminds me of Clare to the T. You can't even bring up her past anymore. Try putting it on the Wiki page and they'll delete your account. It's really pathetic how they try and hide things that aren't exactly a secret.

I knew this was a fan-fic, but after hearing it's being published by Random House, I need to check this out.

Don't worry about the high jacking! It's totally fine with me. :)


message 1263: by Kate (new)

Kate Copeseeley rameau wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "rameau wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Omg, really?? I read the sample on the website and my mind screamed BELLA!!! I knew it was a Twi-fan fic, but people say it doesnt resemble it too..."

Now, now, it is edited a BIT. hahaha


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Hah, that's why I held back on my last response I saw us completely taking over going back and forth.

God, I want so badly to boycott Random House now. This is all entirely unacceptable.


message 1261: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair I really don't understand how anyone could justify selling fan-fic. Smh.


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard If it worked with Clare then why not try it again? You know how crazy popular she is.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) It's abhorrent. I'm offended for all authors who bother to write their own characters and plots.

With Clare, didn't she at least rewrite hers? (I really don't know, I've seen everything from 'it's the same' to 'she just used the themes.') I don't think rewriting it is justification either (I'm unyielding like that), but it's still much better than doing a simple name/physical description change. (Well, and I guess they got rid of a million ellipses, still about three million left though.)


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard I've heard that passages are nearly verbatim, particularly the beginning.


message 1257: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "It's abhorrent. I'm offended for all authors who bother to write their own characters and plots.

With Clare, didn't she at least rewrite hers? (I really don't know, I've seen everything from 'it's..."


Some things are changed, while others have direct passages from the fan-fic. But in any case she had to change things up since she *did* plagiarize dialogue and descriptions from TV shows and other books. I didn't read her original fan-fic, but someone has a review on GRs talking about the similarities between them.


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard It's the original plagiarism that turned me off of her novels, but someone told me if I'd read Draco Veritas I'd read the books. Don't know how accurate that is since I won't read them.


message 1255: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair And I hear it's hard to find the original fan fic online. I haven't tried to search it out because it's longer than the entire Harry Potter series. So if you think about it, Clare has quite a bit of material to work with.


message 1254: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Cassi aka Snow White wrote: "It's the original plagiarism that turned me off of her novels, but someone told me if I'd read Draco Veritas I'd read the books. Don't know how accurate that is since I won't read them."

I've heard the same thing from a bunch of people. I think it's Palice's review that had shown a direct passage from both texts, and they were exactly the same.


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard When the plagiarism came out it was removed from most of the reputable fanfiction sites. I think when she got a publishing contract she tried to make it disappear further. I think you have to know someone who has downloaded it to find it. I wonder if illegal download sites would have it?


message 1252: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair No clue, but it was Palice's review that showed a passage rip: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/....

As far as Fifty Shades of Gray goes, I'm curious to see what the hubbub is about.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Sigh. Dammit. That is so disgusting. I've never tried to go looking for the fics. I'm not interested in reading her stuff in the first place, thankfully.

MOTU will never disappear from the Internet, because if it does I'll start putting it up in places.


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard I found what appears to be a download of Draco Veritas fairly quickly. Going to download and see if it seems familiar or if its crap.


message 1249: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "Sigh. Dammit. That is so disgusting. I've never tried to go looking for the fics. I'm not interested in reading her stuff in the first place, thankfully.

MOTU will never disappear from the Interne..."


So it's exactly the same ad the fan fic? Word for word with the exception of the name change?


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) That review was awesome. But ugh, my red haze may have grown worse.

Stephanie wrote: "So it's exactly the same ad the fan fic? Word for word with the exception of the name change?"

Everything I've seen from people who have read both (I have both, but I still can't bring myself to open the "book") have said it's just names and physical descriptions changed (green eyes to gray eyes, etc). They're even still in Seattle, which was the dumbest thing to leave them there, not just because of the setting similarity to Twilight but since they sound British, why not just move them there? Duh. But if you look at the side by side comparison Rameau commented with it's just minor editing fixes (so to speak). I think she changed Bella's school, still don't know if either exists. Stuff like that.


message 1247: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "That review was awesome. But ugh, my red haze may have grown worse.

Stephanie wrote: "So it's exactly the same ad the fan fic? Word for word with the exception of the name change?"

Everything I'v..."


That is just... Shameless. Shame on Random House.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Stephanie wrote: "Alicia wrote: "That review was awesome. But ugh, my red haze may have grown worse.

Stephanie wrote: "So it's exactly the same ad the fan fic? Word for word with the exception of the name change?"
..."


Absolutely. I'm utterly disgusted with them.


message 1245: by Steph (last edited Mar 11, 2012 06:14PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Alicia wrote: "That review was awesome. But ugh, my red haze may have grown worse.

Stephanie wrote: "So it's exactly the same ad the fan fic? Word for word with the exception of ..."


Well, I've taken this straight off my to-buy shelf. I have the original fan fic, so I'll read that instead since its the same thing. Side note: why in the hell is the ebook $10 and the paperback $20?! Highway robbery!


Cassi aka Snow White Haggard Supposedly this website has the Draco trilogy. I tried to skim but honestly I cannot remember enough to know if it's actually the trilogy or not. Its been since high school http://thedracotrilogy.xanga.com/


message 1243: by Kali (new)

Kali Wow. I read a while back about Cassandra Clare ripping stuff off from Buffy, but I never knew the full extent of it. I already am not super into her MI series, but I was going to pick up the next book in it just cause it's a decent read..Probably not anymore!

That's really disappointing on both authors here, and I don't understand how this is acceptable ://

Thanks for the enlightenment.


message 1242: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Kali wrote: "Wow. I read a while back about Cassandra Clare ripping stuff off from Buffy, but I never knew the full extent of it. I already am not super into her MI series, but I was going to pick up the next b..."

It's all about the money, unfortunately. I'm not a fan of the MI series either and really have no desire to continue with the series.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Stephanie wrote: "Well, I've taken this straight off my to-buy shelf. I have the original fan fic, so I'll read that instead since its the same thing. Side note: why in the hell is the ebook $10 and the paperback $20?! Highway robbery! "

I think the physical copies are for the ~hardcore fans, and not a regular printing, you know? It's mostly an ebook. So they cost a lot to print in such small increments? That's my best guess.


message 1240: by Kali (new)

Kali Stephanie wrote: "Kali wrote: "Wow. I read a while back about Cassandra Clare ripping stuff off from Buffy, but I never knew the full extent of it. I already am not super into her MI series, but I was going to pick ..."

I felt obligated to read them since everyone and their mother is obsessed (and I am super behind on YA books.) So I slowly read all the ones out, and I still didn't understand the obsession. Now I don't even want to. On to better books written by authors who have some dignity!


message 1238: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: "http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/..."

Shameless. Smh.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) I'm beyond words at this point.


message 1236: by MrsJoseph (new)

MrsJoseph I need to create a "not in this lifetime" shelf just for this series.


message 1235: by Brandi (new)

Brandi I guess I live under a really big rock, because I had no idea about Fifty, and only a tiny idea about Clare. I had read 3 of the books a while back (I automatically give 3 stars to books I read forever ago and dont remember), but now I'm feeling pretty dumb for it.


message 1234: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Kali wrote: "Wow. I read a while back about Cassandra Clare ripping stuff off from Buffy, but I never knew the full extent of it. I already am not super into her MI series, but I was going to pick up the next b..."

I may or may not have a shelf dedicated to the works Cassandra Clare has plagiarised from according to the longwinded LJ post found on the internets.

Cassi aka Snow White wrote: "It's the original plagiarism that turned me off of her novels, but someone told me if I'd read Draco Veritas I'd read the books. Don't know how accurate that is since I won't read them."

I believe there exists a comparison. I can't be bothered to find the links though.

Kate wrote: "Now, now, it is edited a BIT. hahaha ."

I'll believe it when I see it. No, wait. I won't because I won't read it.


message 1233: by [deleted user] (new)

That link... I can barely believe it. Please tell me it's the same author that just decided to change the names and publish it.
Still, Twilight fanfiction *grimace*


message 1232: by Amanda (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amanda The Book Slayer Hey Random but have you read any of the Masters of the Shadowlands by Cherise Sinclair? I am hooked on them.

By the way, Twilight was great but we only need one. Lol


message 1231: by [deleted user] (new)

Mmmmh... I read them so... hungrily, feverishly I guess would be and apt description. The saga was so addictive. Like drug, not good but undropable, and the haze felt good. And then you get the cold turkey and you can't believe you didn't notice the guy was a real creep and the gal a maniac wimp right away.
The bad part of Twilight fan fiction is that they are all the bad without any of the feel good haze. I've read some pretty good fiction based on other works. It's just crappy fics are like a general malaise for Twilight. Or maybe it's just a very bad case of Sturgeon's Law. In any case, I'm not drinking from that pool.


Howdy YAL Seems like this one is a cross between Twilight and that old James Spader movie, Secretary. The combination of the two makes me shake my head.


message 1229: by [deleted user] (new)

Lol lol lol. I thought the same reading the blurb! Except knowing the base twifan, I bet it's a very watered, vanilla, silly version, the more to confound you about the true issues.


message 1228: by Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) (last edited Mar 14, 2012 01:36PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) YAL Book Briefs wrote: "Seems like this one is a cross between Twilight and that old James Spader movie, Secretary. The combination of the two makes me shake my head."

Hahahaha, from my commentary when I read Twilight in 2008:

And why is she so comfortable being commanded around by this guy?
"I think you should eat something." Edward's voice was low, but full of authority. Oh really?
"He walked to the door of the restaurant and held it open with an obstinate expression. Obviously, there would be no further discussion." Uhm, 'kay?
"Drink," he ordered. I sipped at my soda obediently, and then drank more deeply, surprised by how thirsty I was. I realized I had finished the whole thing when he pushed his glass toward me. WTF? Is this like the movie Secretary where she realizes she's totally into being a sub?


This is why when people try to argue that this fic is in any way original and divorced from Twilight I side-eye them so hard. There are a ton of BDSM Twifics, and MOTU wasn't even close to the first. It's not coincidental.


Howdy YAL LOL, Alicia. You know, I never thought of comparing the actual Twilight to the Secretary, but you're totally right. It's sort of funny though in hindsight considering that the librarians at my library (which is ultra conservative) recommend Twilight to teens because of it's apparently chaste message. I seriously saw an eight year old's mother getting her a copy of Eclipse and Lauren Kate's Torment the other day there and it just made me shake my head.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) I hate when people say Twilight has a chaste message. I feel like they read an entirely different book than I did. Edward's concern for their ~virtue was brought up after he couldn't convince her that he'd kill her. And after he used sex as leverage for marriage. She made it clear she didn't want to get married, especially so young, but she wanted the sex so badly (and transformation) she bartered marriage to get both. So the message becomes 'don't have sex before marriage kids, but getting married at 18 solely to get what you want – sex – is a-okay!'

How is that chaste?


message 1225: by Steph (new) - rated it 1 star

Steph Sinclair Alicia wrote: " YAL Book Briefs wrote: "Seems like this one is a cross between Twilight and that old James Spader movie, Secretary. The combination of the two makes me shake my head."

Hahahaha, from my commenta..."


Omg, this ordering around. @@


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