John Egbert's Reviews > Heaven

Heaven by Alexandra Adornetto
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As of 7/9/2012

So I finally got around to reading (and trying to make sense of) the synopsis.

Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat,

You see, this is the obvious bait. I'm not going to take it. I'm going to walk away and move on to the next sentence, because if I were to even get started on how much of an insult this is to teenagers (and really every human being on the planet) I wouldn't be able to stop. And none of us want that.

So instead I'm going to take this the literal way and say that I hope Adornetto knows about the blood pumping processes of the heart, teenage or otherwise. Because that would at least ensure that she has the basic biological knowledge of a third grader.

Bethany, an angel sent to Earth, and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier, have been to Hell and back. But now their love will be put to its highest test yet, as they defy Heavenly law and marry.

I mean, really, this is literally the stupidest thing I've read all week. It just, I can't, I can't do it. It hurts when I think about this for too long.

I really can't understand why

I just don't

help

Okay, I'm going to try to make logic out of this.

So I guess Adornetto is trying to go for the Nephilim thing here?

But the problem is, and I'm not positive, the reason why God didn't want any angels marrying humans is because they always had kids and those kids were... Nephilim.

So, to me at least, it seems that as long as Bethie and Xavier agree to adopt nobody should really give a shit.

And it's not like, even in the bible, you saw God getting all flustered about the whole thing. I mean he kind of let them do it anyway, right, so it must not have been that big of a deal.

They don’t tell Beth’s archangel siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, but the angels know soon enough, and punishment comes in a terrifying form: the Sevens, who are rogue angels bent on keeping Beth and Xavier apart, destroying Gabriel and Ivy, and darkening angelic power in the heavens.

Wait, okay, what, this is the part where it really starts to not make sense.

If the Sevens are rogue.

And the rogue are, like, not with God. (I assume that's why they're labelled as rogue.)

And God is not with Xavier and Bethie getting married.

Shouldn't the Sevens not care?

And even if I've got it all wrong, and the Sevens are really with God, there is still no reason as to why it's such a big deal. Who cares? Oh god, no pun intended, I just can't understand why anyone gives a fuck. It's just so hard for me to care, why would they? Don't they have more important things to do with their time than dabble in the lives of two very annoying brats?

AND IF THE SEVEN ARE BENT ON 'DARKENING ANGELIC POWER' THEN, UH, DISOBEYING GOD WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD PLACE TO START WITH THAT.

The only way Bethany and Xavier can elude the Sevens is to hide in the open

What the fuck? HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE??!!?!??!

The only way they can evade the Sevens is to HIDE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT????

AOGJ;LERABIVAP;,O;KJETHAJO,O I DON'T UNDERSTAND HELP

Gabriel and Ivy set them up at college, where they can’t reveal their relationship,

HUH? WHY?

Look if there are a group of dangerous angels on your tail then NOT MAKING KISSY FACES AT EACH OTHER EVERY FIVE SECONDS ISN'T GOING TO HELP THEM FROM FIGURING OUT WHO YOU ARE.

And they could very, very easily just have a relationship

IN

PRIVATE

LIKE OTHER PEOPLE WHO CAN'T BE TOGETHER IN PUBLIC DO

EVERY DAY

WHY AM I EVEN ARGUING LOGIC WITH THIS BOOK

AND WHY AM I TALKING IN CAPS AND NOT USING ANY PUNCTUATION

UGH

SORRY

Will Bethany be called back to Heaven – forever – and face leaving the love of her life?

OH MY GOD WHO GIVES A SHIT.

First of all we built the entire fucking synopsis up to this pathetic ending and sad excuse for a conflict (trust me, I know it's hard to write conflict, but this just sucks). Second of all every single problem Bethie and Xavier face could be simply enough solved or doesn't make any logical sense.

Third of all... THAT ISN'T ANY REAL CONFLICT.

I mean okay look

It's like either she's called back to Heaven... or she isn't.

Either God tells her to bring her feathery tail back up to the clouds... or he doesn't.

THAT ISN'T CONFLICT.

THAT ISN'T EVEN A CHOICE THAT BETHANY HAS TO MAKE, HOW IS THAT CONFLICT.

WHY AM I STILL TRYING TO ARGUE LOGIC INTO THIS BOOK.

WHY AM I ANGRY THAT THIS WHOLE SERIES IS A HUGE GLOP OF BORING BULLSHIT WRITTEN BY AN UNINTELLIGENT UNEDUCATED PERSON WHO'S PRESENTED AS A SPOKESPERSON FOR ALL TEENAGERS

I MEAN I WENT THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING

WHEN I READ HADES

AND NOW I'M DOING IT AGAIN

LIKE A SICK CYCLE

UGH


As of 4/10/2012 EXTRA EXTRA BIG WARNING DUE TO EXCESS OF TROLLS: THE FOLLOWING CONSISTS OF SWEARING, HATE DIRECTED TOWARDS THE HALO SERIES BY ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO, GENERAL DISTASTE FOR PEOPLE WHO RATED THE BOOK FIVE STARS BEFORE THE COVER HAD EVEN CAME OUT YET, GIFS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY SWEARING AND ANGER.

IF YOU LIKE THE HALO SERIES IN ANY WAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NOT CONTINUE. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A TASTEFUL, CLEAN PRE-REVIEW OF THIS BOOK THEN YOU SHOULD NOT PROCEED. IF YOU ARE UNDER 12 THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NOT PROCEED.

(Not like I can stop you if you are under 12 and decide to proceed anyway, though.)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THE HALO SERIES DO. NOT. PROCEED. AT ALL. AND IF YOU DO PROCEED ANYWAY, NO LECTURING ON HOW GREAT OF A WRITER ADDIE IS AND HOW I NEED TO STFU, M'KAY? M'KAY!





Warning: Will be flipping out. Halo...does things to me...












HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WHAT THE FUCKEDY FUCK.

Why, why, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IS THIS MONSTER RATED SO HIGH?

THE SHIT HASN'T EVEN COME OUT YET!

To combat all of the morons rating this book five or so stars before the motherfucking cover is even released, I'll be rating this bastard one, one, A SINGULAR star even though I wish I could give it NOTHING.

description
"You get NOTHING! You LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!"

STOP RATING BOOKS YOU HAVEN'T READ, PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY BOOKS IN CRAPPY, PREACHY, NASTY SERIES'S LIKE THIS.

*cries*

description

In this bloody creature of a series, I wish the average rating was fucking ONE STAR so there would be TRUTH about this THING everywhere on the planet!

*more crying*

description

*even more crying*

description

...


...


...
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 260) (260 new)


message 1: by Lisa (new)

Lisa I like that you've already rated this. :)


message 2: by John (last edited Oct 17, 2011 08:38PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Lisa wrote: "I like that you've already rated this. :)"

It's already a 4.24 star average...I couldn't take it...*bursts out into tears*

I had to do something...


message 3: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Mello wrote: "Lisa wrote: "I like that you've already rated this. :)"

It's already a 4.24 star average...I couldn't take it...*bursts out into tears*

I had to do something..."


Sometimes the ratings on this site are depressing. I believe that all three Hush, Hush books are over 4 stars. I just don't understand.


message 4: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Lisa wrote: "Mello wrote: "Lisa wrote: "I like that you've already rated this. :)"

It's already a 4.24 star average...I couldn't take it...*bursts out into tears*

I had to do something..."

Sometimes the rat..."


T-they're what?!

IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?!


message 5: by Choco (new)

Choco Yup, I've rated it one star too. We have to do something.


message 6: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert LET US UNITE!


message 7: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Mello wrote: "Lisa wrote: "Mello wrote: "Lisa wrote: "I like that you've already rated this. :)"

It's already a 4.24 star average...I couldn't take it...*bursts out into tears*

I had to do something..."

Some..."


I know, I know. I weep for humanity.


message 8: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert We can weep together ;-;


Alyssa Dude you have problems, sorry your so ticked off but ttheres no reason to be a hater.


message 10: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert AlyssaEve wrote: "Dude you have problems, sorry your so ticked off but ttheres no reason to be a hater."

Alyssa...just go eat some ice cream :)

And if you're lactose intolerant there's always sherbet or fruit pops!


Alyssa And you go commit yourself. Getting that upset about a book review shows you have mental problems. I will pray for you. Bye :)


message 12: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Alyssaaaa!~ You're back :))))

Good thing, too. I almost forgot to tell you to put some whipped creme on that ice cream. And please don't forget the strawberries lol, the flavor will go down without those. Happy eating :)


Jada {Tired of the Drama} THAT IS SUCH BS REALLY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS BOOK EVRN IF IT HAD ALOT TO DO WIYH GOD AND OTHER THINGS I REALLY DONT CARE IT EWAS A REALLY GOOD BOOK!


Jada {Tired of the Drama} GRR NOW U MADE Me SLEEP POST IM SO MAD I HATE SLEEP POSTING BECAUSE I MIGHT BE REALY TIRD AND TYPE FUNNY UNGH LAY OFF THE BOOK KAY ITS NKMB AND UR JEALOUS THAT U KANT WRITE AS GOOD AS.THE AUTHOR CAN!!!


Zero vi Britannia There there, Mello
*gives Mello chocolate*
Now, it's 4.11


K. Shizz™  {Turkish Delight}  ℂ⋆ It's rated so high because it's a good book for a 18year old and some..no actually ALLOT of people like this book. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but dont go critisizing it and the people who like it. Thats just plain rude. Some people like it and some people dont.


Jada {Tired of the Drama} Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't think there was or is gonna be one that.I can say I truly didn't like


K. Shizz™  {Turkish Delight}  ℂ⋆ Ive read all her books (and i must say i can pin point out quiet a few LARGE mistakes) but oither than that it was fabtastic and i cant wait to read this one! :)


message 19: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "GRR NOW U MADE Me SLEEP POST IM SO MAD I HATE SLEEP POSTING BECAUSE I MIGHT BE REALY TIRD AND TYPE FUNNY UNGH LAY OFF THE BOOK KAY ITS NKMB AND UR JEALOUS THAT U KANT WRITE AS GOOD AS.THE AUTHOR CA..."

Jada wrote: "THAT IS SUCH BS REALLY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS BOOK EVRN IF IT HAD ALOT TO DO WIYH GOD AND OTHER THINGS I REALLY DONT CARE IT EWAS A REALLY GOOD BOOK!"

Holy crap. Maybe it's for the best I stopped getting updates on the comments for this review >.>

You seriously need to calm down. And if me, queen of angry, is telling you that, maybe you should re-think some things about your life.

You'd best be glad your comment was a while ago, or I would totally be trolling you back with Homestuck gifs right now.


message 20: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Zero vi Britannia wrote: "There there, Mello
*gives Mello chocolate*
Now, it's 4.11"


Ah, thank you. These peeps just don't know.


message 21: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert K. Shizz Babiee {Sexxy Beast} ℂ⋆ wrote: "It's rated so high because it's a good book for a 18year old and some..no actually ALLOT of people like this book. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but dont go critisizing it and the people who like it. Thats just plain rude. Some people like it and some people dont."

And I'm one of the people that don't.

Deal wit it.


message 22: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't think there was or is gonna be one that.I can say I truly didn't like"

WAIT WAIT HOLD THE METAPHORICAL PHONE.

I have an idea!

Why don't you go spread this lovely, lovely information... in your own review of the book, where I'm oh so positive someone will care much more than I do. Thanks.


message 23: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert K. Shizz Babiee {Sexxy Beast} ℂ⋆ wrote: "Ive read all her books (and i must say i can pin point out quiet a few LARGE mistakes) but oither than that it was fabtastic and i cant wait to read this one! :)"

What is the point of saying this on a review written by a reviewer who clearly has a psychopathic hate against the series? Please, go write your own review of the friggin thing!


message 24: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Gert wrote: "I haven't read this. I have, however, witnessed my dear, sweet wife attempting to read Halo. She did make it through, and the (one-star) review she wrote was epic.

I suspect the high rating is due..."


I was unbelievably flabbergasted by the rating at first, but now it all makes sense now. But I don't have to like the overwhelming popularity of people ready and able to rate it "OH GOD AWESOME 5 STARS!!!! :DDD" do I?

(Do you, perhaps, have a link to your wife's review? I would love to read it.)


message 25: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Gert wrote: "Here it is: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

I think you may have read it already though. :-)"


Yep, I think I did, actually. It was awesome.


Jada {Tired of the Drama} John wrote: "Jada wrote: "GRR NOW U MADE Me SLEEP POST IM SO MAD I HATE SLEEP POSTING BECAUSE I MIGHT BE REALY TIRD AND TYPE FUNNY UNGH LAY OFF THE BOOK KAY ITS NKMB AND UR JEALOUS THAT U KANT WRITE AS GOOD AS...."
geez calm down i was just kiddin take a joke


Jada {Tired of the Drama} John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't think there was or is gonna be one that.I can say I t..."

and if u didnt want people to comment on ur review u shouldnt have wrote one anyway


message 28: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "GRR NOW U MADE Me SLEEP POST IM SO MAD I HATE SLEEP POSTING BECAUSE I MIGHT BE REALY TIRD AND TYPE FUNNY UNGH LAY OFF THE BOOK KAY ITS NKMB AND UR JEALOUS THAT U KANT WRIT..."

Hey, I'm calm.


message 29: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't think there was or is gonna be one that...."

I didn't say I didn't want people to comment. Whether or not I want my review comments used as a space for fans to review the book is another matter entirely. But whateverrr.


Jada {Tired of the Drama} John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't think there was or is gonna..."

No what u want is for people to agree with your review and some people might but others may have a different opinion than u now if u want a review i will give u one but i garantee u wont like what i have to say so u cant get mad if i dont!!!!!!!!!!!


message 31: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't think there wa..."

No, Jada, I don't think you understand. You can agree or not, clearly I have no problem with the nots because I didn't block you and delete all of your comments.

I don't *want* a review. It was a suggestion, because you seemed so fine venting your thoughts to me why not vent them in your own review, where people who actually care can read and like it?

And lastly, most importantly, I don't care. I. Don't. Care. You can have any opinion you want, you can write a review or not, you can go suck on an egg while sticking a lamp up your buttocks and humming the star spangled banner for all I care. Really.

description
And they all lived happily ever after in the land of no-fucks-given.


Jada {Tired of the Drama} John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them and I don't t..."

dude u know i could report u right for using that kinda language against me and u know for ur information u a hole i will right my own review and see how u like that and fine delete the messages i dont care be a sore loser if u want so people wont see how u treat a thirteen year old girl!!!!!


message 33: by Choco (new)

Choco Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them ..."

Jada, love, I think it's time you got lost.


Jada {Tired of the Drama} wow thats stupid whatevs hes the one cussin me out but fine see how he likes gettin reported


message 35: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series and loved them ..."

I don't care how old you are, nor do I care about your gender. Dude, you know GR says Please don't flag items for having foul language, as Goodreads does not believe in censoring content and will not delete anything for foul language alone. I suppose you don't actually read into things before you say them, though, huh?

In addition, if I am an asshole it's not because I happen not to give a fuck about what you choose to do with your time. Ironic though you say that you could flag me for using language against you and yet turn right around and call me an a-hole. Real ironic.

Sore loser...? I didn't lose anything. But regardless,

description

Not many, Jada, dear, not many.


message 36: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Palice wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for this series an..."

Thank you Palice, thank you.


message 37: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "wow thats stupid whatevs hes the one cussin me out but fine see how he likes gettin reported"

description


message 38: by Choco (new)

Choco John wrote: "Palice wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come out so far for..."

(view spoiler)


Jada {Tired of the Drama} dude an a hole is not cussing actually an ass is donkey retard so check ur facts also when r u gonna get that no one like u!!! stop freaking cussing me out dude


Jada {Tired of the Drama} and bt dubs i bet u just looked up that rule because u were just scared of what wouls happen


message 41: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Palice wrote: "John wrote: "Palice wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "John wrote: "Jada wrote: "Look everyone don't know bout u but I have read all the books that have come o..."

(view spoiler)


message 42: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "dude an a hole is not cussing actually an ass is donkey retard so check ur facts also when r u gonna get that no one like u!!! stop freaking cussing me out dude"

Right. If I was cussing you out, you would know, trust. And "asshole" is considered a swear by anyone who can read. When you add the "hole" part you are no longer referring to a donkey, but instead to a human's anus. Just thought I should let you know.

Also, yep, nobody likes me. 26 people seemed to like this review, though...so that's good. Hey, if nobody likes me the least they can do is like my reviews.

And, because you seem to like my gifs/jpgs -so- much,

description


message 43: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "and bt dubs i bet u just looked up that rule because u were just scared of what wouls happen"

lol, no, I can actually read so I guess I read it when I was reporting someone else's comments. What can I say? I joined goodreads with reading abilities.


message 44: by Anila (new) - added it

Anila Jada wrote: "and bt dubs i bet u just looked up that rule because u were just scared of what wouls happen"

It's actually because there's been some trouble with GR deleting legitimate reviews in the past, so a bunch of us did the research so that we could protect ourselves.

Now. Please leave the internet and come back when you've learned how to spell. This is agonizing on the eyes.


message 45: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Anila wrote: "Jada wrote: "and bt dubs i bet u just looked up that rule because u were just scared of what wouls happen"

It's actually because there's been some trouble with GR deleting legitimate reviews in th..."


This is a person who spells "would" as "wouls". What can you really expect?


Jada {Tired of the Drama} Whatever you love my spelling and everyone knows it and i dont care if adding the hole makes it mean a swear word u can call yourself an anus all u want just know u did it first dumbass


Jada {Tired of the Drama} And FYI its called making a mistake im typing on a kindle fire what do u expect from me not that its any of your business


message 48: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "Whatever you love my spelling and everyone knows it and i dont care if adding the hole makes it mean a swear word u can call yourself an anus all u want just know u did it first dumbass"

Of course I love your spelling! That's why I haven't blocked you yet. You're amusing me.

I figured you wouldn't care about the "a-hole" technicalities, considering you spell "you" as "u". But right. I will, however, refrain from calling myself an anus as my self esteem hasn't yet plummeted that low.

But that last part confuses me. "Just know you did it first"...? Of course if I were, hypothetically, to call myself an anus I would have done it first. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard into this.

(Quesiton, though: do you consider 'dumbass' a swear? Because you just used it. By your own logic, doesn't this mean I could report one of your posts *now*?)


message 49: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Jada wrote: "And FYI its called making a mistake im typing on a kindle fire what do u expect from me not that its any of your business"

description

Funny you added the "it's not any of your business" when I explicitly state how much I do not give a fuck about you or anything related to you. You could be typing on a flying refrigerator and I would still never, ever give a fuck.


message 50: by Choco (new)

Choco Oh my god, Jada, don't you have something better to do?


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