Donna's Reviews > A Long, Long Sleep

A Long, Long Sleep by Anna Sheehan
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's review
Dec 04, 12

bookshelves: lulz, dnf, yackers, re-telling, sci-fi, young-adult
Read from October 11 to 13, 2011

DN to the mofo F.

I am going to make a plea to publishers: for the love of whatever god you may or may not worship, can you PLEASE stop publishing such hackneyed, lazily-built books and forcing them upon us simply to continue riding the wave of better-written books? PLEASE? Getting jazzed up by a blurb and then falling face first into a steaming pile of horse shit is not something I like doing repeatedly.

The "science" was drawn out of a text book from 1956 that was gang-raped by lobotomized chimps before hand, getting donkey-kicked by an actual donkey is less painful than the contrived romance, I've seen better worlds built by 6-year-olds with finger paints and I've been able to make more sense out of a wet Rorschach test than I have of the actual plot.

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

To see our entire review, check out this month's Keeper of the Book, Sya at The Mountains of Instead. She holds the words.
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Reading Progress

10/11/2011 page 18
5.0% "My suspension of disbelief was raped in the first chapter. If I make it to the halfway point it'll be a miracle."
10/11/2011 page 49
14.0% "Oh dear. We have a serial chagrinner here. About the only thing that makes sense to me right now is the absurdity of chagrin in this story." 2 comments
10/12/2011 page 62
18.0% "So this girl went into a vault with Disney's head every time her parents left like it was a baby sitter? Really? What a way to minimize the effects of absentee parenting. I'm sure the side effects of chronic comas are minimal…" 13 comments
10/12/2011 page 68
19.0% "Normally plague was only spread by blood contact, huh? Really? Looks like someone missed the memo about all of that newer evidence pointing to it being able to go airborne well before the random scary Outbreakish element was inserted into the story. 1/3 of the population certainly didn't die by bleeding on each other all those moons ago."
10/12/2011 page 70
20.0% "Holy fuck. The gene of a seed mutating the cells of sperm simply by consuming the plant and causing infertility??? I want to punch a baby in the face right now. Will I get brown spots if I eat overripe bananas too??? Or will I start to photosynthesize if I eat too much spinach?"
10/12/2011 page 72
20.0% "Killer Korn from Outer Space! The cause of rampant incest, apparently."
10/12/2011 page 74
21.0% "Apparently UniCorp is Monsanto. There isn't a thinly veiled message here or anything."
10/12/2011 page 78
22.0% "I know what the robot guy is doing there: he's there to serve the plot! So much for a high security gated community. There are a few fails going on here."
10/12/2011 page 80
23.0% "You were just attacked by some random robot guy that breached high security. Why would you tell the parental figures about that? That's just silly."
10/12/2011 page 93
26.0% "Book, you and your TSTL MC and your plotless story are going back to the library unfinished. I can't stand the brain bleeds you give me anymore." 2 comments

Comments (showing 1-5 of 5) (5 new)

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Kerry *Soulcaster* AWWWW! It looked so promising. I was getting a lot of good feedback on this one. My reading resolution for 2013 is to be more discriminating. There are so many good books out there and I need to listen to reviewers who aren't afraid of revealing the COLD HARD TRUTH.

Kerry *Soulcaster* Hahahaha! I just finished reading the review at TMOI. It was a bit tamer than the one above, yet the message remained clear. Donna, I have a background in science and I agree with most of your points (but not all!) Didn't you at least get a bit of enjoyment from the dog?!! BY the way, I loved the Patrick Ness review. He is AWESOME.

message 3: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna It is rather tiring when authors can be arsed to research anything AND THEN THEY GET THAT SHIT PUBLISHED. I had similar issues with WITHER and people were salivating over it and I'm looking at it going NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE. It bothers me that more people don't pick up on this stuff. But I'm glad you did, Kerry! :)

What Ness review? A Monster Calls? Talk about bawling your eyes out at the end of that one.

Kerry *Soulcaster* Donna wrote: "It is rather tiring when authors can be arsed to research anything AND THEN THEY GET THAT SHIT PUBLISHED. I had similar issues with WITHER and people were salivating over it and I'm looking at it ..."

The Ness review at TMOI. I believe he was reviewed when A MONSTER CALLS was released. I haven't read it yet, but I am a HUGE fan of his Chaos Walking Trilogy.
A lot of readers are initially put off by the MC's voice (he is illiterate), but in my humble opinion it is one of the things that make the books original and special. The themes are AMAZING, but I won't go into them in case you haven't read this slice of awesomeNESS. Sorry, I couldn;t resist :D

message 5: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Haha! Nope, I haven't read THE CHAOS WALKING series yet. :)

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