Melissa's Reviews > Sugar in My Bowl: Real Women Write About Real Sex

Sugar in My Bowl by Erica Jong
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's review
Oct 07, 2011

it was ok
bookshelves: feminism, essays
Read from October 07 to 16, 2011

This is an abridged version of my review. To read the full thing, click here.

This book. Arrrrgh. This book.

I was initially intrigued by Sugar in My Bowl, a collection of essays edited by Erica Jong, because of its premise. In her introduction, Jong raises a lot of great points about the gender-based double standards when it comes to writing about sex. Jong was surprised that even now, women were hesitant to write about the subject; she was even more surprised at how many contributors felt the need to consult their significant others before agreeing to participate in this project. Still, it sounded like her main goal was to have an honest discussion about female desire. Sounds awesome, right?

Unfortunately, that wasn’t entirely the case. As with most collections, some essays were stronger than others. The subtitle is also a misnomer: while most of the essays were about “real sex,” there was also quite a bit of erotica. This wouldn’t be a problem had the book been marketed differently–I have nothing against erotica–but I do feel that the inclusion of fiction altered the intended purpose of the book.

Sugar in My Bowl started out strong, and I was really enjoying myself for a while. But then there was Linda Gray Sexton’s “Absolutely Dangerous,” which basically made me want to throw my book at the nearest wall. It actually started out great: she wrote about dangerous sex she had–the best sex of her life. She fictionalized the experience in her writing, and because of its violent nature, was forced to water it down. The years went by, the sex she had mellowed some, but her thoughts always came back to that one intense sexual experience she had with that lover, Steven. Fair enough. Until we get to the end of the essay: her former lover found her information, called her, and informed her that she’d had a sex reassignment surgery and now went by Stephanie. She was in town and wanted to meet with Sexton to catch up and go shopping. At which point, Sexton blows her off, moves to another city, and purposely doesn’t leave a forwarding address or phone number in case Stephanie tries to contact her again. Sexton writes:

What upset me most? The fact that he was now a woman? Or the fact that though he’d once again come within reach, I’d never ever have that indescribable sex again?

Sexton then spent the final two paragraphs referring to Stephanie as “he” and acting like a selfish ass. It was disgustingly transphobic.

As if that weren’t bad enough, Molly Jong-Fast made ableist remarks in her essay, “They Had Sex So I Didn’t Have To,” in which she talks about growing up in a hypersexual environment. Toward the end of the essay, she recalls how her teachers tried to be proactive about sex education in response to the AIDS crisis: their eighth grade class had to walk to CVS to buy condoms, then come back to class and learn to put them on bananas (the teachers figured that if the students could buy condoms, they wouldn’t be ashamed to buy them later when they actually needed them). Could’ve been a great essay. Except then she writes:

Even at the tender age of twelve we understood how profoundly misguided our teachers were. We weren’t stupid idiots. We knew how to go into a store and buy things. Most of us smoked at least a few cigarettes a day by twelve years old. We weren’t short bus riders.

Short bus riders. I think I had to read that about three times because when I first came across it, I went, “Did she just…?” I mean, really. WHAT THE HELL, Erica Jong?! How could you allow that? It’s so unbelievably offensive.

I want to like Sugar in My Bowl because it has some truly fantastic essays. But when you mix transphobia and ableism into an already uneven collection, there’s really no recovering from it. Those two essays single-handedly sunk the book for me.
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