Brandi's Reviews > How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend

How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend by Gary Ghislain
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Oct 19, 11

bookshelves: 2011, favorites, teen, random-reads-column
Read from October 05 to 08, 2011

David’s dad has brought troubled teens to their house in the past. Having a psychologist for a father has opened David’s eyes to a variety of bizarre characters, but none of them have ever come close to Zelda. Not only does Zelda think she’s on a mission from outer space, she is freakishly strong. Having escaped twice, Zelda’s attempts left more than one grown man in need of serious medical care. David’s dad is concerned about Zelda’s dangerous outbursts and he bans David from any contact with her. Tell a teen boy to stay away from a beautiful possible alien? Talk about an impossible feat!

David disobeys his dad’s wishes and visits Zelda and, after watching her repeatedly use psychophysics to throw marbles at impossible targets, learns what Zelda believes is true. Zelda is from a planet called Vahalal, which is comprised primarily of women except for the men locked away in the tower. Zelda has been sent to Paris to find her chosen boyfriend using only his genetic code as an indication to his identity. After viewing a crude construct of Zelda’s future boyfriend does David learn that her chosen one is none other than the mega superstar, Johnny Depp. Zelda has a little less than five days to track down Johnny Depp and take him back to Vahalal or Zelda is trapped on Earth forever as only Johnny Depp can activate the key back home.

With the help of David’s chic stepsister, Malou, Zelda begins her mission to track down Johnny Depp. Obstacles threaten to halt Zelda’s progress including the deadly Eol-69 virus which can only be cured with Vahalalan songs, encounters with David’s trend-driven mother, and a group of rogue women from Vahalal known as Valks who want to steal Zelda’s key and go back home themselves.

Ghislain’s story is outrageous and hysterical. While space stories can be rare in recent Teen literature, humorous space stories are even more so. Ghislain pushes the limits in creating his story, making sure that the reader is prepared for the goofy and the unexpected. The description might indicate that the story is a one-dimensional, shallow tale, but Ghislain includes subtle references to Norse mythology, for instance the Valks can be compared to the Valkyries. How I Stole Johnny Depp’s Alien Girlfriend is a little-known comedic gem that you will want to tell your friends about when you are finished.
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