John Egbert's Reviews > Harry Potter: The Prequel

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
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I did read this one!

AND I HATED IT.

Review later :3

Editing time:

The speeding motorcycle took the sharp corner so fast in the darkness that both policemen in the pursuing car shouted 'whoa!' Sergeant Fisher slammed his large foot on the brake, thinking that the boy who was riding pillion was sure to be flung under his wheels; however, the motorbike made the turn without unseating either of its riders, and with a wink of its red tail light, vanished up the narrow side street. Rather awkward, I found myself re-reading this paragraph a couple of times. While I like being thrown into the action, being thrown this hard with little to no explanation of what's going on is a little weird.

'We've got 'em now!' cried PC Anderson cried excitedly. 'That's a dead end!'

Leaning hard over on the steering wheel and crashing his gears, Fisher scraped half the paint off the flank of the car as he forced it up rode up the alleyway in pursuit. Forced it up? Was he outside the car pushing it or was he in it pressing his foot down on the gas?

There in the headlights sat their quarry, stationary at last after a quarter of an hour's chase. The two riders were trapped between a towering brick wall and the police car, which was now crashing towards them like some growling, luminous-eyed predator.

There was so little space between the car doors and the walls of the alley that Fisher and Anderson had difficulty extricating themselves from the vehicle. It injured their dignity to have to inch, crab-like, towards the miscreants. Fisher dragged his generous belly along the wall, tearing buttons off his shirt as he went, and finally snapping off the wing mirror with his backside.

'Get off the bike!' he bellowed at the smirking youths, who sat basking in the flashing blue light as though enjoying it.

They did as they were told. Finally pulling free from the broken wind mirror, Fisher glared at them. They seemed to be in their late teens. The one who had been driving had long black hair; his insolent Good looks can show a rude or arrogant lack of respect? Because that's what "insolent" means. good looks reminded Fisher unpleasantly of his daughter's guitar-playing, layabout boyfriend. The second boy also had black hair, though his was short and stuck up in all directions; he wore glasses and a broad grin. Both were dressed in T-shirts emblazoned with a large golden bird; the emblem, no doubt, of some deafening, tuneless rock band.

'No helmets!' Fisher yelled, pointing from one uncovered head to the other. 'Exceeding the speed limit by - by a considerable amount!' (In fact, the speed registered had been greater than Fisher was prepared to accept that any motorcycle could travel.) 'Failing to stop for the police!'

'We'd have loved to stop for a chat,' said the boy in glasses, 'only we were trying -'

'Don't get smart - you two are in a heap of trouble!' snarled Anderson. 'Names!'

'Names?' repeated the long-haired driver. 'Er - well, let's see. There's Wilberforce... Bathsheba... Elvendork...'

'And what's nice about that one is, you can use it for a boy or a girl,' said the boy in glasses.

'Oh, OUR names, did you mean?' asked the first, as Anderson spluttered with rage. 'You should've said! This here is James Potter, and I'm Sirius Black!'

'Things'll be seriously black for you in a minute, you cheeky little -'

But neither James nor Sirius was paying attention. They were suddenly as alert as gundogs, staring past Fisher and Anderson, over the roof of the police car, at the dark mouth of the alley. Then, with identical fluid movements, they reached into their back pockets.

For the space of a heartbeat a moment both policemen imagined guns gleaming at them, but a second later they saw that the motorcyclists had drawn nothing more than -

'Drumsticks?' jeered Anderson. 'Right pair of jokers, aren't you? Right, we're arresting you on a charge of -'

But Anderson never got to name the charge. James and Sirius had shouted something incomprehensible, and the beams from the headlights had moved.

The policemen wheeled around, then staggered backwards. Three men were flying - actually FLYING - up the alley on broomsticks - and at the same moment, the police car was rearing up on its back wheels.

Fisher's knees bucked; he sat down hard; Anderson tripped over Fisher's legs and fell on top of him, as FLUMP - BANG - CRUNCH - they heard the men on brooms slam into the upended car and fall, apparently insensible, to the ground, while broken bits of broomstick clattered down around them.

The motorbike had roared into life again. His mouth hanging open, Fisher mustered the strength to look back at the two teenagers.

'Thanks very much!' called Sirius over the throb of the engine. 'We owe you one!'

'Yeah, nice meeting you!' said James. 'And don't forget: Elvendork! It's unisex!'

There was a n earth-shattering crash, and Fisher and Anderson threw their arms around each other in fright; their car had just fallen back to the ground. Now it was the motorcycle's turn to rear. Then, before the policemen's disbelieving eyes, it the motorcycle took off into the air: James and Sirius zoomed away into the night sky, their tail light twinkling behind them. like a vanishing ruby.


Review:

This was, apparently, written on a napkin in a coffee shop.

Boy, I believe it, too.

The writing is quite awkward and at times even confusing. JK Rowling uses quite a few of unnecessary adjectives in the Harry Potter series, so it's no surprise they'd be here as well.

Also, James and Sirius were quite witty in this, were they not?

Yet, I find myself thinking that if these were two random Slytherins in their place it would seem as some cruel act of taunting Muggles rather than just being "cheeky". In fact, I know so.

That's why I always find myself not liking Sirius and James. The things they do would be simply unacceptable if they were anyone else, but because they are Sirius and James and Great Holy Gryffindors (capitalized on purpose) they are given free passes as "just being funny". It's the same reason why I'll never be able to fully like the Weaslys, or even Harry Potter himself towards the end of the books. In fact, I can't really say I like any Gryffindors minus like, three.

(Dean, Hermione, Neville.)

Perhaps I'll expand later (or in an essay, later still) but for now I'm done.

Honhonhonhonhon...(Palice, you should get this reference. Also note it will become my signature evil laugh.)

(Not as big of a rant as I promised, I know. Aw, well, sorry. I'm not much in a ranting mood right now.)
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 96) (96 new)


message 1: by Dinjolina (new)

Dinjolina Ugh, why did she do this?
Bad, huh? :/


Choco *tiny voice*
Umm...I thought...it was...notsobad.

But then again, I'm Harry Potter fan.


message 3: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Oh, Palice, I can understand why you'd like it.

But like I said, I'll explain later. Dina, Archer, hold onto your hats. In an hour or so I'll begin the rant of all rants again.


Steph Sinclair Mello wrote: "Oh, Palice, I can understand why you'd like it.

But like I said, I'll explain later. Dina, Archer, hold onto your hats. In an hour or so I'll begin the rant of all rants again."


Oh, dear!


message 5: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Moorchild wrote: "Because Mello hates James Potter. :)"

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllya, but not just that!

I'm deeper than that, Moorchild!


message 6: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Stephanie wrote: "Mello wrote: "Oh, Palice, I can understand why you'd like it.

But like I said, I'll explain later. Dina, Archer, hold onto your hats. In an hour or so I'll begin the rant of all rants again."

Oh,..."


"Oh dear" is quite mild of an exclamation...*evil grin*


Choco Oh no! I'm scared to read this!
Are we going to start arguing again and write essay responses?


message 8: by John (last edited Oct 05, 2011 10:08AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Ahaha!

Oh, of course we will! no we won't! It depends on how much you disagree and how much I feel I need to refute your points lol.


Choco *bites fingernails*


message 10: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Don't be afraid...


Choco Ummm, excuse me? Look at this:

AND I HATED IT.

Review later :3

"Oh dear" is quite mild of an exclamation...*evil grin*



message 12: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert That's still no reason to be frightened!


Choco *recoils in fright*

There are MORE James Potter haters? Am I gonna have to pack my bags and leave GR forever?


message 14: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Moorchild wrote: "Mello wrote: "Moorchild wrote: "Because Mello hates James Potter. :)"

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllya, but not just that!

I'm deeper than that, Moorchild!"

I know you are! I haz f..."


FAITH!

You haz it.


message 15: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Palice wrote: "*recoils in fright*

There are MORE James Potter haters? Am I gonna have to pack my bags and leave GR forever?"


Oh, Palice, don't leave!

(Although, yes, there are more.)


message 16: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "*raises hands* I'm not a big fan of Jimmy Potter either"

Welcome, dear sir, to the club.We have sunglasses. And cake!

(What reasons do you not like him for? *is halfway planning on turning this into an anti-James thread*)


message 17: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Moorchild wrote: "Wow, that voice is PASSIVE."

I'm not really following...

You mean the voice in the review or the voice of the story?


Steph Sinclair Was that the entire essay?


Choco HONHONHON would suit you quite well, I think.

I'll be back for revenge some discussion, but now I have to head to class. *packs Harry Potter books into bag so she can look for back up points on the way*


Steph Sinclair Archer wrote: "Mello wrote: "Archer wrote: "*raises hands* I'm not a big fan of Jimmy Potter either"

Welcome, dear sir, to the club.We have sunglasses. And cake!

(What reasons do you not like him for? *is half..."



I don't ever remember hating or liking James. I'm indifferent. As a teen he's portrayed as a trouble maker and a douche bag to Snape. He's also said to be smart, I think? (It's been a long time since I've read any of the books.) But I did love Sirius.


Steph Sinclair Yeah, I don't think that it was actually shown. Wasn't it more of a thing where Harry's teachers just mentioned it? Or maybe that was just Lily they talked about. Ah, the hell if I remember. Lol.


Steph Sinclair Archer wrote: "Lily was a brain. Jimmy was average, but excelled in quidditch... and after the actual review... I don't know if I want to read this lol"

*snaps fingers* Oh, that's right. I'm generally not a fan of short stories or essays. So, I usually rate them low anyway. If what Mello posted is the entire essay, well then, let me go on a give it 2 stars. Lol. It doesn't really do much for me. *shrug*


message 23: by Cory (new) - rated it 1 star

Cory God I hate James. Sirius, I didn't mind. After all, he's inbred and he was never taught better. I kind of liked Lupin before he went stupid over Tonks. But James? I HATE HIM!


message 24: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "Mello wrote: "Archer wrote: "*raises hands* I'm not a big fan of Jimmy Potter either"

Welcome, dear sir, to the club.We have sunglasses. And cake!

(What reasons do you not like him for? *is half..."


MY REASONS EXACTLY.

He's held up on this pedestal by so many other wizards, but when we finally see him in action he is such a prick!


message 25: by John (last edited Oct 05, 2011 01:10PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Stephanie wrote: "Was that the entire essay?"

Eh? No way.

I was going to see if anyone was interested in whether or not to write a full one of it, but that's not nearly enough...besides, my essays are more of rants and you didn't get much of that here lol

OH YOU MEANT THE STORY IN THE BEGINNING I CORRECTED!

But yes, that's the whole thing if that's what you meant. It's only 8000 or something words, she wrote it on a bunch of napkins in a coffee shop.


message 26: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Cory wrote: "God I hate James. Sirius, I didn't mind. After all, he's inbred and he was never taught better. I kind of liked Lupin before he went stupid over Tonks. But James? I HATE HIM!"

So we are related after all! I was doubting for a moment, but...


message 27: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer: I love how you call him Jimmy.


message 28: by Steph (last edited Oct 05, 2011 01:22PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Steph Sinclair Mello wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "Was that the entire essay?"

Eh? No way.

I was going to see if anyone was interested in whether or not to write a full one of it, but that's not nearly enough...besides, my essay..."


Ah, ok. Two stars it is. Lol. Thanks for posting it. I kept trying to open it on my iPhone, and it kept crashing my browser. :(


message 29: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "Mello wrote: "Archer wrote: "Mello wrote: "Archer wrote: "*raises hands* I'm not a big fan of Jimmy Potter either"

Welcome, dear sir, to the club.We have sunglasses. And cake!

(What reasons do y..."


Well, I flat out hate him lol


message 30: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "Mello wrote: "Archer: I love how you call him Jimmy."

He doesn't deserve to have Bonds name... He is a Jimmy, or Jim if he behaves."


True, true. But Jimmy isn't bad. After all, it could be worse. He could be a Chester.


message 31: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Moorchild wrote: "Mello wrote: "Moorchild wrote: "Wow, that voice is PASSIVE."

I'm not really following...

You mean the voice in the review or the voice of the story?"

The story, not you, my dear. :D"


Ahaha, I should have known XD


message 32: by Cory (new) - rated it 1 star

Cory But think about it Archer, Chester the Molester. It's perfect. (no, I don't think James is that bad)

How about Bubba? Or Duncan? I don't like either of those names.


message 33: by Cory (new) - rated it 1 star

Cory But think about it Archer, Chester the Molester. It's perfect. (no, I don't think James is that bad)

How about Bubba? Or Duncan? I don't like either of those names.


message 34: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "Or how about Twattycake? Cuntwaffle? Jizzstain?"

Those are actually pretty bad.

Alright, those are really really bad.

And they leave absolutely horrible mental images, THANKYOUVERYMUCHFORTHATBYTHEWAY.


message 35: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Do I want to know what that is?


message 36: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert I ate almost an hour ago so I think it'll be okay lol.

It can't be that bad.


message 37: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Um...I'm afraid to click on the link...

Very afraid...


message 38: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARCHER YOU COULD WARN SOMEONE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING...WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, DUDE, I MEAN, REALLY.

YOU'RE MAKING ME TYPE IN CAPS!

I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

WHAAAAAAAT THE SHIT.

WHAT. THE. FUCKING. SHIT.

NOBODY BETTER FUCKING CLICK ON THAT LINK FOR YOUR OWN SANITY! I DEMAND IT TO BE REMOVED FROM MY THREAD THIS INSTANT! I DEMAND!

*goes to cry alone for hours on end*


Anila Well this is an interesting thing to observe after the fact.


message 40: by Circus Princess (new)

Circus Princess Mello wrote: "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARCHER YOU COULD WARN SOMEONE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING...WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, DUDE, I MEAN, REALLY.

YOU'RE MAKING ME TYPE IN CAPS!

I WILL NEV..."


Ooohhh what is it?


message 41: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Anila wrote: "Well this is an interesting thing to observe after the fact."

It probably is.


message 42: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Demolition-Lover wrote: "Mello wrote: "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARCHER YOU COULD WARN SOMEONE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING...WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, DUDE, I MEAN, REALLY.

YOU'RE MAKING ME TYPE IN CAP..."


NO DON'T DO IT!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


message 43: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "I did warn you. I'm sorry. Here have a cute kitty gif



and a free brownie



*Hugs* I'm sorry"


*sour look*

Do you think I can be bribed with...*takes look at brownie*

What were we talking about again?


message 44: by Circus Princess (new)

Circus Princess Mello wrote: "Demolition-Lover wrote: "Mello wrote: "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARCHER YOU COULD WARN SOMEONE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING...WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, DUDE, I MEAN, REALLY.

YOU..."




The link's gone anyway. I'm just curious. Besides, after watching all of Salad Fingers on YouTube and acidentally reading TrueBlood, nothing scares me anymore :)


message 45: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Demolition-Lover wrote: "Mello wrote: "Demolition-Lover wrote: "Mello wrote: "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARCHER YOU COULD WARN SOMEONE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING...WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, DUDE, I MEAN..."


*checks*

You really removed the link, Archer? I was half kidding, but how considerate of you!

It was for your own good, Demolition. You don't want to know...


message 46: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Archer wrote: "Hehehehehe. Not bribed, consoled"

Consolation does sound much nicer than bribery....


Steph Sinclair Anila wrote: "Well this is an interesting thing to observe after the fact."

I was just thinking the same thing.


message 48: by Circus Princess (last edited Oct 05, 2011 03:06PM) (new)

Circus Princess Mello wrote: "It was for your own good, Demolition. You don't want to know..."

Aww... *sits in the corner and pouts*


message 49: by Cory (new) - rated it 1 star

Cory ?

Do I even want to know.


message 50: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Cory wrote: "?

Do I even want to know."


NO NO YOU DON'T DON'T DO IT!


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