I look down at the ground and close my eyes.
After a moment, I open them. I see my bare toes on the road. I am here.
I am not dreaming. This is me. This is my life. But it doesn’t feel right.
It doesn’t feel like mine, it still feels like a dream I’m in, that I’ve been put in.

This is one of those books that will inspire a polarized reaction. Some of you will love it. Most of you will probably hate it. It’s odd in so many ways – not to everyone’s taste for sure – but here’s a small help: if you enjoyed Wake by Lisa McMann, you might enjoy As I Wake, too. I for one adore authors who are brave enough to write something completely different, especially in YA.

The most obvious thing that sets this book apart from others I’ve read recently is the writing style. It is very unusual, almost too bare at times. Parts of it read like poetry, and in those parts the author used not only words, but space as well. She often put each short sentence on a new line, thus giving her story a rhythm that is highly unusual in prose, but that makes it very easy to read.

The story is equally unusual: Ava suffers from complete memory loss, a condition the doctors attribute to a brain inflammation they somehow failed to notice. They decide she’s healthy enough to be sent home with a woman claiming to be her mother. Ava does her best to fit into her old life, but when her memories start coming back, they don’t make any sense at all. She remembers being a girl that looks like the Ava she is now, but not quite. She remembers living in a tightly controlled society, working for the State Antiterrorism Taskforce as a listener, spying on those who represent a potential threat to the government. The world she remembers is one where your every move is monitored, your every word is recorded, and you can get publicly executed for doing something as simple as falling in love, unless, of course, it’s government-approved. What’s more, she remembers the people around her, but as slightly different versions of themselves. She remembers seeing her friend Olivia clubbed to death for having an affair with another girl, but here Olivia is, alive and well and attending high school together with everyone else.
Then a boy shows up, and Ava starts remembering other parts of her previous life: a forbidden love, the constant danger and running from her past.

The Ava I’m supposed to be doesn’t know her.
But the Ava I am does.
I am here, in this world, in this life.
But I don’t think I’m from here.
I don’t think I belong here.
I close my eyes.

Books about memory loss seem to be very popular lately, but I do believe that Elizabeth Scott offered a story that is new and original. I’m not exactly sure what this novel is: dystopian, science fiction, a combination of both or something else entirely, but I know that I liked the end result a lot. It’s unlike any other book I’ve read this year. Besides, I finished it in no more than two hours, which I know some of you will appreciate.

Favorite quote:
He is nothing to look at, and yet I can’t stop looking at him. There is something beautiful in how his face is made, how all the tiny flaws blend together into something more perfect than perfection could ever be.

3.5 stars