George's Reviews > Holy Bible: King James Version

Holy Bible by Anonymous
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's review
Apr 29, 2008

did not like it
Read in January, 1990

What to say about this one?

Firstly, it is much longer than it needs to be to get the point across. I mean, do we really need a few thousand pages to basically communicate the ten commandments and how God is scary, and a few thousand more to communicate that Jesus is good? I think the problem here is that there wasn't enough editing over the years. Editing was only performed by popes and kings to rewrite history the way they wanted it to go. Today a publisher would scoff at any author wanting to publish a book that long. Its just not economically feasible. And who would read the entire thing?

Secondly, its confusing. So many characters and towns. I think the addition of family trees and maps would greatly enhance the readability. 100 years of solitude has a family tree in the beginning, and its a much shorter book with far fewer characters. The Hobbit has a map, and Middle Earth is much smaller than the Middle East.

Thirdly, historical fiction is not my favorite genre. I admit I find Asia Minor more interesting than Victorian England, but this one just drags on. And for historical fiction, it misses the mark in a key category - feasibility.

In closing, I just don't think that it lives up to the hype.
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03/20/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-34 of 34) (34 new)

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Robert Read it more like a text book, less like entertainment fiction. You'll actually get the point, then. Ever read Aesop's fables? They weren't meant to be entertaining. You want a map? Do some research and pull up an area of the world called "The Middle East". You may have heard of it once or twice.

message 2: by Matt (new)

Matt Walker Sarcasm. You may have heard of it once or twice.

message 3: by Patrick (new)

Patrick Most of the names of towns have changed and some of the towns no longer exist. Why should one have to do research in addition to a 1000 page "text". I think it is pretty reasonable to want tools with in the covers to help clarify things.

message 4: by Georg (new)

Georg I liked this review and I felt the same. I just would add that the author-team missed to develop the characters in a plausible way, that some of the stories are (redundantly) repeated (one story three times[!:]), that the ending is disappointing and above all: lack of credibility.

message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

"Today a publisher would scoff at any author wanting to publish a book that long. Its just not economically feasible."

That would be true of any other book, but not the Bible. It's one of the top grossing books in the world.

"I think the addition of family trees and maps would greatly enhance the readability."

"The Hobbit has a map, and Middle Earth is much smaller than the Middle East."

"I think the problem here is that there wasn't enough editing over the years.

George, why don't you just make your own compilation of the book? That would be fun, and could be shelved for more than a few age groups.Plus, I like maps. XD

"historical fiction is not my favorite genre."

George, you can consider a book in a certain genre without it actually being officially classified in that genre. Just because you think it's historical fiction, it doesn't make it so. Plus, as a joke (i.e: the old, haha, it's not real--shelf joke) it's not really that creative. I mean, sure, it will instill some rage among others, but it's really not a high caliber joke with a bang. You know? It's been done.

I liked your closing statement though, that was nice.

message 6: by marleeze (new)

marleeze Haha, nice review. It made me laugh.

Savannah You know if you were a Christian you would understand it's meaning. And God
Uses those towns & people to get a point across about his works. take the story of ahab & Jezebel. The prophet Elijah told ahab this. Ahab ran from Gods wrath & was killed; Jezebel killed the man who owned the vinyard. She was punnished by being eatin by dogs after her death. This is only a slight example of Gods wrath

message 8: by Emily (new)

Emily It's not meant to be used for entertainment. And it wasn't written by an "author-team" it was written by prophets. it's main purpose is for truth and knowledge. and to go and edit it is taking someone's interpretation of it and call that truth. it's much more meaningful if you interpret it for yourself. it's not like a novel or storybook. it's more like a combination of journals and records of prophets who lived a long time ago.

message 9: by John (new)

John Hilarious review!

message 10: by Ilovefreshbooks (new)

Ilovefreshbooks Huh?!? What the heck is the Bible doing on "The Most Disturbing Book Ever Written" list?? Besides... ahhh, nevermind, I'll just end here.

message 11: by Harold (new)

Harold This review reads like a George Carlin monologue. A pretty good George Carlin monologue. The reviewer may not have intended to do much more than that, so give the guy a break.

message 12: by Matt79 (new)

Matt79 Not sure what made me smile more. The review, or the authors of the comments who clearly have no concept of humour or sarcasm!

message 13: by Harold (new)

Harold Fethe Oh my, a tongue-in-cheek review of the Bible, expanding on some Tom Lehrer comedy routine from the 1950's, or some such thing. And giving it only one star--devilishly clever. If you're Mark Twain, maybe you'll get some attention for ripping the Bible, if you write a pretty good book, and instruct your heirs not to publish it for a hundred years. But if you're George Edwards, and only have time for five paragraphs, well, maybe you should have aimed higher, or lower.

This doesn't work as a review, or as satire, or as a nihilistic rant. If you're gonna take on the Bible, you may think you're dealing with a big, overweight has-been who's far past his prime, but your subject is still a heavyweight. If you don't bring it, you're just gonna look like you didn't even earn your 15 minutes of fame.

message 14: by Bug (new) - rated it 4 stars

Bug Well George I am 10 years old and I think that it is confusing but it's has amazing stories that are true

Chipper The Bible is not historical fiction. It is the word of God and it is 100% true. The king James version is hard to understand sometimes, but I don't think God intended for it to be totally straight forward. He wants us to study it and try to figure it out. You learn more that way. And what bible have you read? Most of my bibles have maps and some bibles are study bibles that tell you what the verses are saying.

Daniel The Bible is not fiction it's all true. Because you aren't a christian you don't see it but, believers do know that the Bible is true.
I hope you still learn to know God and that you may truly believe.
And you wanna map? Take a world map. And as Chipper said wich sort of Bible have you? I have a King James Version and it has a map in it.

Eduardo Reading your comment shows up that you did not read it. I do believe it was manipulated not only by people in the middle ages but also by ancient people as well, but to say that someone came up with the story when it is a collection of books that you can refer to from different times and from different writers made your comment seem not as intelligent than it sounded. You need more than to just assume someone sat and wrote a very long story when there are ancient scrolls to show that it was not the case. Manipulated? To this very day. I agree with you.

Melissa The Bible wasn't edited enough?
Have you ANY idea how often it has been edited?
Many of the original 72 scrolls burnt away in 586 B.C.E when the Babylonians destroyed Jerusalem. The surviving scrolls were taken with Jerusalem's exiles to Babylonia.
They were then edited and compiled by many different people (Though the person credited with it was the Scribe and Priest Ezra.
He then brought the documents back to Jerusalem after it was rebuilt. Ezra instigated religious reform based the documents and then added additional works during this time.
This is resulted in a "Complete" jewish bible.
Around 330 B.C.E fewer Jews could read and understand Hebrew (This was just After Alexander the Great's Conquests) so they translated the Hebrew Bible to Greek (around 250 B.C.E) It was called the Septuagint.
The Septuagint came to include Jewish Historical and religious writings that were not part of Ezra's bible. As a result, the Septuagint was rejected for not being "divinely inspired" by a group of Jewish scholars (around 90 C.E.)
Early Christians used the Greek Septuagint though, and they also embraced these additional works. despite their unoriginal quality.
Between the translation of the Septuagint and the rejection Ezra's additional works; Church Father Jerome translated the Bible into Latin and gave the rejected works the title “Hidden” or “Apocrypha.”
Jerome believed the books were valuable but believed the Apocrypha works should not be included in the Holy Bible. Unfortunately many Christian leaders disagreed (I know, what a surprise).
And so Ezra’s works remained until the Protestant Reformation in the 16th century when they were removed from the Old testament, but ONLY from Protestant Bibles and even that wasn’t universal.
The New Testament was written in a period of 50-75 years, which is short in comparison to the 1,000 years it took to complete the Hebrew Bible. The New Testament is hugely different from the old testament.
So as you can see, the Bible has been tampered with, edited, composed, burnt, rewritten, re-imagined…etcetcetc ever since the discovery of the 72 scrolls.
Now, I am No Christian (the fact that people still FOLLOW the bible to this day infuriates me).
However, if you are going to bash the Bible; do it right.

Melissa In addition. To the infuriating Christians who sit there believing the bible is %100 truth; read it, study it and you may actually learn something from it.
Like I said, I’m not a Christian… but I’m not against Christianity or religion as a whole. I actually find it very fascinating because there are many strange unexplained coincidences today which actually match up quite well to religious texts.
However, the bible is not a collection of history or of true events that happened long before time was documented. It is a collection of STORIES meant to teach us how to be humane.
The Bible is not there to refer to as actual fact, it is there to regard with philosophical intent.
It is there to learn from.
I have no respect for any uneducated brat who says “the bible is true, the bible is real. Read it and you’ll believe.” STUDY it and you’ll realize it’s not real at all. Live in the real world for two days and you’ll grasp that concept pretty quick.
However, I am not here to bash the Bible (merely the people worshipping it)…(and when I say “merely the people worshipping it” I mean, the people believing in and worshipping the bible as a Historical Text as opposed to simply believing in a higher power.) I am here to applaud it for being the world’s most successful, well written and well executed book. It is a work of art to be studied and enjoyed, not an obsession to be coddled and worshipped.
Like I said, if you’re going to believe in a God or Gods or God OF gods (:O)… do it, but I don’t suggest worshipping a man-made book

Eduardo Melissa wrote: "The Bible wasn't edited enough?
Have you ANY idea how often it has been edited?
Many of the original 72 scrolls burnt away in 586 B.C.E when the Babylonians destroyed Jerusalem. The surviving scrol..."

My point is that it has been manipulated. I believe God talked with the prophets of the past and that is how He intended his dealings with men should be. People, modern Christians, worship the Bible, not God. If they did, they would look for prophets not manipulated books. You are so obsessed with the fact that the Bible was manipulated that you write off the fact that God once talked to men to do His work. It is the obsession with this flawed book that infuriates me. God did not write the Bible like they say, He was dealing with men, men wrote the scrolls, other men manipulated it and put them in the order they wanted. At least some of the words of God were kept through thousands of years which proves He dealt with people but we should stop worshiping a flawed book. That was my point.

Eduardo Melissa wrote: "In addition. To the infuriating Christians who sit there believing the bible is %100 truth; read it, study it and you may actually learn something from it.
Like I said, I’m not a Christian… but I’m..."

I agree with you 100%!!! I sat next to a "born again Christian" on the plane and for 3 hours she was telling me that God wrote the Bible and it had not mistakes, not errors, not one single contradiction in it. I was very upset but had to not try to tell her any of the contrary because she would not listen. I am pretty sure she never read it from cover to cover, I mean, read it and compared the things she read at the beginning with the things she read later. I admire the people that went into lengths to have it in English alone, not even considering the ancient people trying to preserve those stories. Check out Fires of Faith on the It is an amazing work to honor people that thought others should read the Bible until the publishing of the King James Version. The show does not say it is perfect, it just shows how the powers to be would kill anyone who would think of letting people read the book (probably because they knew what they did to it.) I think you will enjoy. Nice comments.

Melissa Eduardo wrote: "Melissa wrote: "The Bible wasn't edited enough?
Have you ANY idea how often it has been edited?
Many of the original 72 scrolls burnt away in 586 B.C.E when the Babylonians destroyed Jerusalem. The..."

My responses were in response to the original person who wrote the review and the people supporting truth within the bible.
I agree with you.
I believe, if there is or was a God or Gods, that they/it passed their wisdom onto humans. But not through a book. The book, I believe, was written so that the wisdom could be passed on.
However, the Bible should not be taken as the wisdom of God.
I believe god speaks in his own way, not through a book. So to me, the people worshiping the book are not followers of god, they are followers of man.
So while I have yet to receive the gift of a focused and specific faith, I still accept and try to understand the faiths of others.
What people often fail to conceive is: the Bible contradicts itself in order to display a true reality.
Life itself constantly contradicts itself.
The Bible to me is a work of Philosophy. A work that should be seriously considered and studied as the first recorded philosophical words. Written to inspire "goodness." Not as a text bearing the truthful fruits of god's labor.
I will definitely check out Fires of Faith, thank you for recommending it.
It's nice to see another rational human being making sense out of the world rather than muddying it up.

Malachi Dude. That's not fiction.

Eduardo Anonymous Homeschooler wrote: "Dude. That's not fiction."

I don't think it is fiction. Some parts maybe fiction though... if you think that God would make a deal with the devil to heart a righteous person just to see if he gets really mad or not, let the devil kill his children and make all that he got because he was righteous go away. Hummm... I hope the Lord does not meet with the devil very often like it is described at the beginning of that book. But then, maybe He does, because He is God and if He wants to make deals with Satan He can. If you believe that God created everything, than He created an angel called The Morning Star and there was a war in Heaven and that angel, his son, like we are all His sons, was cast out. Maybe He who created everything, the angels that stayed loyal to Him and those who fell (the demons) still talks to demons and let them hurt us to prove us and see if we will stand firm loyal to Him. Am I talking fiction or truth? You judge. Go to Job and see God talking to the devil and tell me what you think.

Now, what I say is that the Bible is the record of actual events of dealings of God with His children. People say that God wrote the book, but as far as I know, God actually writing stuff, that was the 10 commandments on two pieces of stone (front and back) and once he wrote on a wall. Other than that it was prophets and scribes (Ezra was a scribe but he also was a prophet - although he never did any miracle or saw God like Moses). These men left scrolls behind that had to be copied over the centuries. Sometime you read a story and you can tell things are out of sequence. That happens a lot in Chronicles and Kings. It is like the scrolls fell and someone put then together in the order they thought sounded better. Then some manipulated history (Ezra retelling Kings with some extra reference removing important stuff about David and Solomon to make them seem more perfect than they were) and we go from there.

But all that time they did not have a Bible. There was no Bible until 3 centuries passed after the last prophet spoke. Men who were not prophets put this book together to the best of their knowledge removing things they did not agree with because it did not match their belief system then far away from the original Jewish and then Gentile writers who had contact with God more closely. What we have is this book. Not fiction, but not perfect. There are perfect teachings and blunt contradictions.

No, it is not fiction and it kills me to know that the reality of what God did back when, recorded in that book, is denied for our time. Ask any people out there around you if they believed that God actually talked to those men and did those miracles. Then ask them if they believe that God is still around and why He does not do the same. Times are tough? The Bible should be a lot larger than that and God should be the same today as He was in the past. I say it was a bunch of men that closed the mouth of God, close the last page of the Bible and said that He could not speak anymore. Men put together the Bible. There was no Bible before because God was always speaking. Let Him speak again and let us REALLY think that the Bible is true in that way. The moment we think it is fiction then there is no God to talk to us in our days.

Melissa I understand what you're saying but you contradict yourself a lot.
You say the bible is not fiction yet you agree to the FACT that it has been manipulated hundreds of times.
It being manipulated, and you noticing inconsistencies within the book should assure you in the sense that we should not put our faith in the bible. We should put our faith in our beliefs. Read the bible... take morals from it, but don't look upon it as though it is truth or a godsend. Maybe it was once, but it is no longer and therefor can no longer be credited.
Also, there are many many instances which prove the ignorance of the bible.
For instance, when god was "speaking" as you say, people still believed the world was flat. Why?
God being a perfectionist would want to take time explaining that fact, along with evolution and its effect.
There are far too many things the bible doesn't bother to cover, though many refer to it as a complete work.
Would God not inform or even TEACH his children properly before allowing the 72 scrolls to be written.
I understand the need for the 10 commandments, so obviously the rules would get set first. However, a negligent God is just as bad as the Devil.
I'm not talking negligence in terms of the sick, poor or weather. I'm talking about truthful information that actually makes sense without contracting itself 1000 times before the end of the paragraph.
The bible is not straight up about anything. It skirts around ideals, beats around the bush and sort of kind of explains itself to a small degree. However it used contradictions to prove itself.
The contradictions are the most truthful part of the bible.
Life is made from contradiction, we see contradiction every day in natural things.
But the sheer inconsistent nature of the bible and the fantastical nature of the story renders it fiction.
Like I said. Read the book, it full of lessons and much more. But don't take it to be "truth." It's not, just as you said.
It may have been truth at one point (though improbable) but it isn't anymore.

Eduardo I think we agree in terms on how we see the book. There are many inconsistencies which make Bible worshipers sound silly to say the least. Like you said, there are things that are still true in it, like the 10 commandments, and many good Psalms and Proverbs with prayers and songs that are nice to frame or live by. I say the Bible has the word of God in it. Why God did not say slavery was wrong or that all men were created equal beats me. I guess it is what you said yourself: the evolution of human society. God works with people in different times in different ways. If advanced aliens came here and tried to tell us that money is not a good way to deal with goods we would not know how to switch to whatever they do (I am referring to Stark Trek theory that in that time they do not use money anymore but my brain cannot see the world without money, just can't.) Anyway, I am not here to find excuses for God. I just think He is out there and I believe He reveals His word to prophets like He did anciently so the fact that the Bible was corrupted and is corrupted in many versions and in many ways does not bother me much. I do what you say: I read the book, it is full of lessons and much more and many things are simply not true in it... but I can find some that are. Honor your father and mother is a true principle and I think it came from God and so on.

Just an example of how far fanatics and Bible worshipers go, in the previous a Presidential debate they showed this crazy guy holding the Bible and his question was "Do you believe in every single word of this book, the Bible, I am not talking about any other book and I want to know if you believe in every single word in it."

I thought it was the stupidest question of the whole presidential debate that put Obama in power in the end. The Republican candidates had to be careful because the question came from the Christian fanatics of America and they wanted the votes. Some were honest and said that did not. Some went around the bush, but the question was all around inappropriate. The constitution says that "no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States" and yet these people keep using the Bible (of all books) to test the qualifications of a candidate for President. Of course no one believes in every single word because if they did they would have to believe in unicorns, and in slavery, polygamy, genocide, incest when it is convenient, all things approved by God at certain points in the history of the Bible.

I do believe in God and I don't understand why He did what He did at this and that point in time. I like to see flashes of His communications with men, these fragments we find in the Bible and other books considered Holy. I wish this one did not have so many contradictions and so many versions but I still believe some words from God are there. I don't thin I contradict myself when I say that. I have faith in my beliefs and I use the Bible as a reference. I don't believe in it word by word because only people with very narrow thinking can do that. I read the whole thing word by word once and this is the second time. What I see is very clear. I cannot be fooled. That guy that was holding it on TV most likely never, ever, read the whole thing or when he was reading he stopped to think - hey, but it said something different back there!, or hey, why is it not saying this here?, and hey, would God really say or do this? and so on. If you just move your eyes and don't think you probably will hold it to the face of a Presidential candidate with threats that he is a heretic or something. But I know millions of people that can use what is there cautiously and yet respectfully. I just have no respect for the blind because they don't want to see the Bible for what it is today: it has some truths in it but it cannot be the measuring stick for all truth.

message 27: by Hazel (new)

Hazel Chipper wrote: "The Bible is not historical fiction. It is the word of God and it is 100% true. "

So you think unicorns once existed? And you think its right that unruly children should be stoned to death? And that raped women should be forced to marry their rapists? If you state the bible as true, and as the word of god, that can't be argued with, then you have to accept the moral laws placed down in there. I hope you don't wear cotton-polyester blends, and have never had a haircut.

Its been shown that Exodus never happened, as there's no archaeological evidence to support it. It would have involved a drop of Egypts population by about 50%, yet the Egyptians, who kept good records, never recorded such an event.

message 28: by Melissa (new)

Melissa omg. I love this book but your review I love more! Great! I love a critic when it is reasonable like yours. Did you read "a crossing or the drop's history" by Anatoliy Obraztsov?

Chris Bailey This is a historical document. It's not suppose to tickle our ears. Sometimes it's brutal but it's still the truth. Glad you gave it a shot though!

Sariah the Authoress I would read it. It took me four years (literally), but I would read it.

message 31: by Elizabeth (new) - added it

Elizabeth I'd just like to say one thing. I think there was enough editing, just in all the wrong places. We could have had a little more character and plot development instead of towns being destroyed, and some more of the adventures that Jesus went on as a baby that was left out of the translations, instead of some of the incest, and maybe some reason or even an explanation, in the place of a little of the cold-blooded murder

message 32: by Hannah (new) - added it

Hannah Gilbert Genesis 5

message 33: by Hannah (new) - added it

Hannah Gilbert Genesis 5

message 34: by Gabriel (new)

Gabriel Sanchez TERMINATOR GENYSIS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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