Tammy Walton Grant's Reviews > A Week of Pleasure

A Week of Pleasure by Christie Kelley
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Sep 17, 2011

it was ok
bookshelves: calibre, kindle-or-ebook, 2011-october, erotica-romantica, hr-regency, romance-historical, snarky-troll-lives-here
Read on October 01, 2011 — I own a copy , read count: 1

Okey dokey folks, this novella was dumb. And porny. And a one-handed historical smutfest if ever I've read one. And implausible, both in terms of the sex and the story. Even for a Regency, which this one purports to be. And did I say porny? An orgy, complete with a 3-on-1 (with buttseks!!) on the second page. Heroines furiously fingering themselves after they've watched said orgy from keyhole, then stripping naked and doing more of that furious fingering then a circle jerk of sorts with the "rake" she's trying to sell her virginity to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL6NY5...

Sometimes, I'm thinking, after an author gets established, they should make sure that early crappy smutty stuff like this doesn't make its way onto the internet. That way snarky folks like me can't find it and mock it on sites like GoodReads.

And another thing. The heroine's name is KENDRA. What the fuck. I looked, this name wasn't used much before 1960. It had a brief flash of fame in 1880 but before that I couldn't find anything. Kendra makes me think of scrunchies and pompoms and I was hard-pressed to think of her as anything other than a Saved By the Bell type teen.

So back to the story. Ahem. Kendra's family is on the verge of ruin. Daddy is on his deathbed, creditors are banging on the door and she can't find her betrothed. Well, she wrote him one letter a month ago and he hasn't responded, so I guess that's what the synopsis meant about the exhaustive search. Anyhoo, she goes off to stay with her "slutty" friend (again, did they use this term in 1813?? I know it's been around forever but it seemed anachronistic to me), who teaches her all about fellatio, three-ways and buttseks, not to mention how much she herself "likes the cock" (Jay and Silent Bob reference here, I'm having way too much fun). She helpfully confirms for our intrepid heroine that you canNOT get pregnant by swallowing that stuff, but neglects to share the mechanics of the withdrawal method with her.

So Kendra and her slutty friend hatch a scheme for her to get some cash to pay the bills, which involves her selling her virginity to this manwhore named Derrick Thornton. Of course, at no time does this dim bulb seem to realize that he has the SAME LAST NAME as her betrothed. To whom she has been betrothed since she was one. year. old. Apparently she only knows him as The Earl of Blackpool, and it's pretty obvious no one in her family has read Debret's Peerage.

Eddie? Cue the response: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL6NY5...

To make things even more fun, Derrick, when he's not being a huge slut is also some type of spy. Kinda like a Regency James Bond -- I was thinking Roger Moore era. Now, Derrick is actually away shagging spying for the Home Office. So while he's gone, his identical twin Devlin is pretending to be him. Living in his house, trying really hard not to have any sex. Oh yeah, and having guilty feelings about having just received a month old letter from his intended, Kendra Smythe, begging him to save her family from financial ruin.

Enter his betrothed, using the name "Kate Smith", offering up her virginity to him/his brother for the fire-sale sum of 5,000 pounds. He cannot ruin her that way, he thinks (although he'd really like to tap that luscious piece) so instead he doubles the money, offers her a week of nights and promises her virginity will remain intact. Well! How's a girl to turn that down?

Lots of porny sex action follows, where Kendra discovers that she REALLY "likes the cock" and even better, falls in love with Devlin. In the meantime, Dev has unleashed his uppity manservant to find out who she is, and said uppity manservant is quite happy to let the cat out of the bag. Then a bunch of silliness happens so that the author can finagle the mistaken identity finale (how's that for alliteration!).

Here's how THAT played out:

Kendra tricks Devlin/Derrick into actually having intercourse with her - she just wants that very large cock inside her, he thinks she's trying to trick Derrick into marriage. Tears, she leaves. Kendra cries to her slutty friend about her dilemma, which is when we discover that she knows beans about contraception. We also find out that slutty friend (a devious wench if I ever saw one) knew all along that Derrick was Devlin's brother when she sent Kendra to him. Her reasoning was that Derrick was perfect to break her in, so to speak, because (1) he was good at it; and (2) his get would look just like his brother's, so no one would know if he knocked her up. Fucking brilliant, I thought.

Devlin, as himself, then discovers her true identity and figures this solves his conundrum of how to have his cake and eat it too. "What? My porny fuckbuddy is actually my fiancee? Capital!" So he writes her a letter saying he's coming to marry her ASAP. Off he goes to her house in the country.

They meet, she CAN'T FIGURE OUT HE'S NOT THE SAME GUY SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH LAST WEEK (even when he's standing right beside his identical twin, who she was supposed to have been fucking the week before) and marry, what seems like the next day. Then, still not having figured out that this is the same guy, she does a bunch of dirty talk, oral sex and more of that furious fingering with her new husband.

And there's a nifty little switcheroo with an emerald necklace, that ties all the mistaken identities up nicely. Or conveniently, depending which way you look at it.

Well, now I've spent more time writing this review than I spent reading the novella. And for sure I've had more fun with the former.

I'm not writing this author off; she has some more recent stuff that I'm looking forward to trying. But other than for the smutty parts, I can't really recommend this one.

2 stars.

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Comments (showing 1-4 of 4) (4 new)

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message 1: by Karla (new)

Karla Oooh, nice one-hand read & two-hand snark review. ;)

She didn't even think the last name sounded familiar?? I think we've reached new heights of TSTLdom.


Tammy Walton Grant Ah, snark is surprisingly easy, depending on the material. ;D Thanks!

I couldn't freaking believe it when she didn't recognize the names. (To be fair I should say that it seemed that she never knew her betrothed's last name. But that doesn't work either - I mean REALLY - it's supposed to be a Regency, those people memorized Debret's fer crissake.)


message 3: by Chrisolu (new)

Chrisolu omg it's so trashy it's good.


Tammy Walton Grant LOL, I think I liked it better after having written the review. :D


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