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The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker
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Quotes Therese Liked

“While Catholics usually paint the Savior suffering, Mormon artists tend to depict Him as a rugged Idaho mountain man – the kind of Jesus you wouldn’t mind dating. In this particular picture he was healing a blonde child, because blondes were big in Jerusalen in 33 A.D. (131)”
Elna Baker, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance

“You know what your problem is?" he continued.
"What?"
"You believe a buncha different things, you've lived in a buncha different places, and now, nobody's like you."
"Thanks, Vinny. No one tells you what being unique actually means: that you'll die alone.”
Elna Baker, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance

“No sex?" He looked at me in disbelief. "Well if you can't have ze sex, what can you do?"

For the sake of simplicity I took my left arm and lined it up just under my collarbones. "Nothing below here," I said. I took my right arm and lined it up to my knees. "Nothing above here."

"What about your armpit?" he asked. "Can your boyfriend do anything he wants to your armpit?"

I thought about it. Armpits seemed pretty harmless. "Yeah," I said optimistically. "My boyfriend can do anything he wants to my armpit."

"This is good," the Frenchman said. "He can stick his penis in and out of your armpit, and if you grow hair there it is almost like vagine."

Is it too late to change my answer? I wondered, pulling a cardigan over my bare shoulders and covering any hint of an invitation.”
Elna Baker, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance


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