Manny's Reviews > Journey to the Center of the Earth

Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne
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Sep 12, 11

bookshelves: science-fiction
Read in January, 1967

Why does Jules Verne often remind me of Monty Python? I mean, it's not funny or anything. Perhaps I was struck by the fact that Robur-le-conquérant doesn't just feature a flying machine called the Albatross, but also gives you a precise figure for the speed of a swallow. Anyway, with further apologies:

Dead Parrot

Me: I wish to register a complaint about this novel, which I purchased not 45 years ago in this very boutique.

John Cleese: Oh yeah? What's wrong wiv it?

Me: The title is A Journey to the Center of the Earth.

Cleese: And?

Me: Well, they never get to the center of the Earth.

Cleese: They almost do.

Me: They don't.

Cleese: They get more than halfway there.

Me: Excuse me, what is the radius of the Earth?

Cleese: Well guv, couldn't say offhand...

Me: I'll tell you what it is. It's 6,378 kilometers.

Cleese: Could be.

Me: And do you know how far down they get?

Cleese: I'd have to look that up...

Me: Their maximum depth is about 320 kilometers.

Cleese: I don't see your point.

Me: They get about 4.7% of the way there.

Cleese: Look guv, there's dinosaurs...

Me: My good man, I don't care how many dinosaurs there are! The story simply doesn't correspond to the title, that's all. Here, let me give you an example. Take this DVD, Anal Gangbang Slut 8. If the only thing that happened was that the woman removed her gloves, would you say I'd got my money's worth?

Cleese: She takes her shoes off as well.

Me: She does?

Cleese: Yeah.

Me: Can I swap?

Cleese: If you like guv. No skin off my nose.

Me: Done.

[Huge animated foot comes down and squashes both actors. Silly music, followed by announcer's voice]

Announcer: And now for something completely different. The All-England Summarising Proust Competition.

Contestant: Proust in his first book, talked about, talked about...
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Comments (showing 1-5 of 5) (5 new)

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notgettingenough You've reminded me of the time I did take a porn movie back to the place from which it was rented and demanded my money back.

I was pretty irritated, not so much because the movie wasn't what its cover suggested it would be, but because I'd explained to the guy who wanted to rent it in the first place that this would happen and he hadn't believed me. Then he had the temerity to be embarrassed to complain.

Not me. I wanted our five bucks back, not just that five bucks, but to make a stand against the idea that they could rip off blokes at five bucks a time who wouldn't have the guts to complain.

The whole thing was pretty hilarious. The checkout chap was intent on getting me to fuck off. I was not to be moved. I did win in the end. A small victory on behalf all the prats who get ripped off in porn shops on a regular basis.


Manny There should be an ISO standard on porn. Then things like this wouldn't happen.


notgettingenough Manny wrote: "There should be an ISO standard on porn. Then things like this wouldn't happen."

Quite, quite.


Kerry Cleese is the customer, PALIN is the shopkeeper. Philistine.


Manny Thank you for the support, Edward! But I confess... I noticed this as soon as I'd written the review but somehow couldn't bring myself to change it. I wanted to co-star with John Cleese again.


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