Vinaya's Reviews > Betrayal

Betrayal by Mayandree Michel
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Okay, I tried. I really, really did, but when Evan's liquid blue eyes practically leapt out at me, I couldn't take it any more.

Seriously, there are awful books, and awful self-pubbed books, and then there is Betrayal. It's truly in a league of its own. This is a book that should never have seen the light of day, let alone been given rave review after rave review. Think I'm being unnecessarily harsh? Why don't you try this on for size -

Something dashed right through me. Right through me! The vapor I’m composed of now, sensed the being that penetrated me. This person went through my phantom body, with only one desire, reaching my crushed and lifeless form. The person was wracked with agony yet it wasn’t the cries that demonstrated this fact, but the torment they left behind that mingled with my mist. Only one emotion could exude such grief, and it was love. I recognized the person the moment I saw her waver and then drop like a damp towel to her knees, on the asphalt beside my blanketed body.

"Drop like a damp towel"? Really? And I thought Nicole Ritchie's "puddle of funky juice" was the worst imagery I'd ever read! Obviously I was wrong. Michel's damp towels and "furrowed eyebrows in the center of her face" and "titanium eyes" and nauseating descriptions ad infinitum take the prize.

The first thing Mayandree Michel needs to do is take writing lessons. Or at the very least, google Writing 101. This book is chock-full of bad English, grammatical errors, typographical errors, overlong descriptions... you name it, it's probably in this 400-page atrocity. "Past" becomes "passed", "occupied" is used interchangeably with "preoccupied" "descent" has been substituted with "decent". I mean, seriously? Self-pubbed doesn't mean getting away with writing utter trash. I read about a hundred pages of this book, and about 85 of those pages could have been cut out without detracting from the storyline at all. There are pages and pages of description about the clothes every single character is wearing, their appearance (in minute, simile-laden detail), the freakin' weather...

And the writing. Oh the writing was so horrendous, I am left speechless. The tenses are all over the place, switching from past to present in the course of one sentence; massive snowball sentences run into one another; similes are tossed around like confetti.

I sobbed, wiped the tears away again, and went back into the cafeteria. I tried to look inconspicuous but met a few curious glances from the student body. I kept my eyes on the checkered linoleum. They saw the spectacle and wondered what happened. I prayed no one would ask me. No one did. Everyone reverted back to chatting. By the end of the day, I’m sure the tale will be tall and along the lines of hair pulling.

Say what?

As I approached the curb and waited for the light to change, I noticed him immediately. He stood motionless, like a mounted statue, on the curb directly across the street from where I stood. I’d never seen him before, and I was certain of that. If I had, I would’ve remembered those eyes, shimmering steel. When our eyes met, they locked for a brief moment. It had been brief because I was nervous and unsure, as usual, with having the unworthy attention of a good looking guy, so I shied away. But his presence tugged at me, with a luring gaze, for some unknown reason, and drew me in like a magnet. His eyes were unwavering, and my nerves were like a tangled mess of electrical wires with the awareness of this mysterious guy appraising me.

Yeah, that isn't even the love interest, by the way.

I'm not sure I can critique the plotline, if there exists one, since nothing remotely interesting or decipherable happens in the entire first quarter of the book, which is all I managed to get through. Unless you count the fact that the heroine supposedly dies, and then spends the next three pages bemoaning the fact that by dying, she has ruined her brand new white sundress. Cordelia (which, as we are told repeatedly, is her full first name), I salute you. Never in the history of Young Adult paranormals has there been a more useless piece of fluff passed off as a heroine.

Oh and Cordelia is in love with a mysterious handsome young man who appears to her in her dreams, and whose face she has never seen. Go figure.

I am not usually this harsh in my reviews, but this time I gotta say it. Betrayal is crap. Complete, utter, brain-numbing crap that barely even constitutes a book. I've read several thousand books in my lifetime, and I think I can confidently state that this is one of the worst things I've ever read, outside of a bored grade-schooler's "What I did Last Summer" essay. If I come off as being a hater, I am okay with that- because really, I hated this (book? Can it even be called that?) and I wasted several hours of a precious lifetime on it that I'll never get back. I can only thank god that it was free and I didn't have to lose money in addition to brain cells on this sad excuse for a novel. Amen.
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Reading Progress

0.0% "Prettiest cover dress EVER!"
2.0% "Oh my god, "his eyebrows were wrinkled in the center of his forehead"? [image error] I have a feeling I'm not going to be finishing this book..."
2.0% "This book is HILARIOUS! I am kind of rolling on the floor right now from how awful it is!"
3.0% "Oh shit, now "her eyebrows are furrowed in the center of her face"! I don't think even I could find a Google image that beats the one in my head right now!"
6.0% "This author is ridiculously obsessed with eyebrows."
10.0% "How can you "listen with a strangely calm tone"? This book is FULL of awkward similes like that- Help!!!" 2 comments
03/28 marked as: read

Comments (showing 51-67 of 67) (67 new)

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message 51: by Jennifer (new) - added it

Jennifer Maybe I am self-destructive, but I NEED to read this after reading your review haha. I guess I just have to see for myself!

message 52: by Mary (new) - added it

Mary Oh my goodness. I'm so happy I decided to read the comments before I read the book. Seeing even those small quotes made me shiver. Ugh!

message 53: by Sannie (new)

Sannie Hald Thanks for making this review! Those quotes made me not wanna read it. I just liked the cover. Do not judge the book by its cover, so glad I read this review

message 54: by Nikki (new)

Nikki (Fiction Freak) I know! I can't bbelieve I bought it!

message 55: by [deleted user] (new)

Oh wow. Those excerpts are awful. 400 pages? I was already in pain just by reading those little piece. Ugh.

Kenya Wright :-O

Wow! There's some cock burger eating on here. I just talked about how authors should not comment on bad reviews in my blog but....

I say to the Reviewer, Vinaya.... You are freakin hilarious! I have a few reviewers that I welcome bad reviews from for my book (although they havn't done it yet) but this is a reviewer where I think I could take her bad review... as long as she continues the jokes. Funny bad reviews are AWESOME! Throw a moving image in there and I might orgasm!

I say to the Author, Mayandree... Its a good thing that she put the quotes in the review. Some of the quotes I read and the book didn't turn me away... I have a greater tolerance for descriptive words, so as I'm reading the quotes and this review... I'm still interested in the book.

Now you both give each other a hug!!!

message 57: by Kat (new) - rated it 1 star

Kat I started reading this and got maybe 7 pages in.... Came to goodreads to figure what this book was all about (because it went down hill real fast) and I am thanking every god I know of that I found your review. You just saved me from reading this atrocity. I can't thank you enough.

message 58: by Liyana (new)

Liyana 'Yeah, that isn't even the love interest, by the way.'


message 59: by Cherie (new)

Cherie Thank you thank you thank you for the review! I saw the book cover and fell an love with it and the synopsis seemed so interesting I was going to run out and get it. Then I saw your reveiw. At first I thought, "How bad could the writing be?" Then i read the excerpts you posted.... yeah... so thank you. The covers to die for but there's a reason they tell us not to judge a book by it's cover. Happy reading!

message 60: by Danielle (new)

Danielle Thank you for the review. God I couldn't even get through one of your excerpts it was so bad! The writing is just awful! It feels like you're trying to wade through six feet of sewage in an attempt to find the point of the whole thing.

message 61: by [deleted user] (new)

I agree with this review. And I'm not even twenty pages into the book. I'm reading this on my kindle, and it says it's over 600 pages long. This book made Twilight seem really good.

message 62: by Tina (new) - added it

Tina Taylor Some authors ask for volunteers to post gushing reviews that they've written themselves and to generously attach five stars. I'm not saying that's the case here but it could explain some of the praise.
Personally, i want to praise your review, it's spot on, all of it, but you knew that.
I'm about a hundred pages in and I'm toiling, it's cringeworthy stuff, the only thing keeping me going now is finding the most ridiculous quote. I fear I may give in.

Aurora Bliss ok, of all the books i ever came across and not like, it was usually because of overuse plot and boring characters and not because of the technical part of writing. This book starting from the 3rd paragraph has topped the worst book i have ever read and seriously after a few sentences you get this part, "I cursed my cheap umbrella for succumbing to the foreful wind gust..." i have no idea what to say other than what the...???? usually the books i dislike are readable and writing is decent, this book has made hush,hush a masterpiece for me.

Hannah If you think it's so bad, shut up and get over it. If you hate it so much, why did u bother finishing it, or even taking the time to write a super long review about it?

message 65: by Bethany (new)

Bethany Mccurry I was flying from Alaska down to the lower 48 and this was the ONLY thing I had available to read. I abandoned it in favor of reading my cocktail napkin.

message 66: by Bethany (new)

Bethany Mccurry I was flying from Alaska down to the lower 48 and this was the ONLY thing I had available to read. I abandoned it in favor of reading my cocktail napkin.

message 67: by Bethany (new)

Bethany Mccurry I was flying from Alaska down to the lower 48 and this was the ONLY thing I had available to read. I abandoned it in favor of reading my cocktail napkin.

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