John Egbert's Reviews > Angel Star

Angel Star by Jennifer Murgia
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Sep 05, 11

bookshelves: boooored, never-will-finish, no-just-no, why-did-i-read-this, wtf-dude, wtf-is-this
Read from September 01 to 05, 2011

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I'm not going to torture myself any more with this, and I hope none of you choose to do the same. That's right, bitches -- I'M GOING TO REVIEW A BOOK WITH HAVING ONLY READ HALF OF IT.

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So, let us begin on our journey...

Prolouge

When people say "This is the worst book I have ever read" in their reviews, I used to think they were overreacting...

TEN REASONS WHY I STOPPED READING ANGEL STAR

1. The Plot

Or, more accurately, the lack of one.

Let me tell you two solid things I should see by page 100.

Firstly, the antagonist. The closest thing we have to an antagonist at this point is Brynn, the head cheerleader of the book who bullies Teagan. (I'll get into that and the idiocy behind it later.) Now, even if Brynn was the real antagonist she'd suck as one, but once again I'll get into that later. But Brynn isn't the antagonist. I know for a fact that some joker named Hadrian (lol, seriously? Hayden is cool, Adrian is cool, but Hadrian? Really?) is supposed to be the antagonist.

So...where the fuck is he?

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Secondly, I SHOULD SEE SOME HINT OF A PLOT THAT I CARE ABOUT. Let me tell you the plot of what I read of the book so you can see for yourself...

1. Teagan wakes up and goes to school for ten pages.

2. Teagan is bullied by Brynn.

3. Teagan meets a hot guy.

4. Teagan falls in love with the hot guy.

5. Teagan goes on a date with the hot guy.

6. Teagan haz psychic dreamz!

This, yes all of this, for 100 pages. This is me:

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I mean, really? WE WASTE 100 PAGES ON THIS? THAT'S ALMOST HALF OF THE BOOK. By now we should have had the inciting incident, the villain should have been introduced, the subplot should have been introduced, and you should be building to the midpoint of your story -- aka the false happiness. But what does Angel Star do?

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I spent a good three to four days of my life reading this. THOSE ARE DAYS I CAN NEVER GET BACK.

2. Claire

Well, there isn't really much you can say about Claire...

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Um, so maybe there is one thing you can say about her...

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Perhaps there's something that makes her stand out from any other YA herione's best friend...

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OH MY GOD I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!

YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? HUH? DO YOU?

THE TRUTH IS THAT CLAIRE IS THE MOST SEXIST BITCH I'VE EVER, EVER SEEN IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!

Teagan tries to tell us that Claire is a headstrong person and a wonderful best friend, but it is ALL LIES . Want me to show you? Want me to give you a peek into the book at the sheer fuckery that is Claire? Okay...hold on to your hats!

"

Claire smiled as she flicked my arm with her finger. She stared me up and down for a few seconds then said in a serious voice, “You need a boyfriend.”

I stuck out my jaw and sighed. Like that was going to happen anytime soon.

“You know, someone to save you from the evil witch who walks these halls.” Claire’s gaze drifted out into the traffic of students.

"

Let it sink it. Let is melt in. Reallyyy think about that for a while. You done? Okay.

Here are some of my thoughts on it:

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Okay, WHAT? WHAT? Okay Claire, are we cavemen now? Are we in the fucking dark ages? Is "U NED MENZ 2 PRTECT U" really something you can even think without recoiling in disgust from your own words?

Let me tell everyone just now the difference between a badass best friend and a punk ass bitch:

The badass will slap any idiot into next Tuesday who thinks it's a good idea to pick on her best friend.

The punk ass bitch will mildly snip to the idiot who thinks it's a good idea to pick on her best friend, and then she will tell her best friend to get a man to protect her.

We clear on that? Good :)

3. The Prose

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Let me give you an example...

The tall boy stood in front of me, his features soft, yet chiseled, and I couldn’t help but notice the way the sunlight played with his sandy hair. The way it curled loosely around his face, capturing the specks of light that fell onto us from between the branches. But…his eyes. They were the warmest, most endless aqua —and inhumanly hypnotic. Suddenly, I couldn’t recall any sort of discomfort in my head, just a soothing warmth flowing within me, and the panic of the morning -- the taunting, the winged mirage in the hall—simply melted away at the sight of him.

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Okay, what the hell. Is. That. I'm getting Twilight flashbacks. Here's a game! Re-read that whole passage three times without stopping for air! Then again...please don't! We don't want poor little ol' Sev to get sued by your family and friends once you go into a Angel Star induced coma, now would we?

Since the passage pretty much speaks for itself, I'll just say this : even ignoring the things such as...THE TENSE CONFUSION THROUGHOUT THE BOOK, Angel Star has some of the most horrific prose I've ever seen. I can't believe I was talking bad about Shiver's prose...ack...

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I-I'm sorry...just give me a minute before we continue....

....

....

Okay...I think I can move on now...

4. Brynn

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She is a fail in every sense of the word.

Her entire purpose is to be a bully so we feel sorry for Teagan! Well, it didn't work. I just didn't care.

Brynn has no motivation for her actions, no personality besides "bitchy" and no depth. Seriously, I don't even know what the author was trying to do with her.

Ick. Even typing her name makes my skin go all slimy.

5-6. Gareth and Gareth&Teagan's Epic True Love

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Oh my god, I don't think there has ever been a more boring person and couple in the history of the universe.

Gareth is nothing but a hot boy! He has no personality what so ever. My god, I was crying at the screen to make it stop. It's sort of obvious why Teagan is in "love" with him, but why is he in love with her? THERE IS NO REASON WHATSOEVER. He's just there to be her perfect boyfriend! She even admits she has no idea why he's interested in her!

Don't even get me started on their relationship. Well, okay, you want to know what it's like? Do you want to know? Look here:

Teagan(thinking): Oh my God. Hot boy. He is so hot.

Gareth: *talking about something*

Teagan: Huh? Oh. Hi.

Gareth: lol, *says something "dazzling"*

Teagan: *swoons*

Gareth: Can I randomly ask you out on a date even when we've only known each other for a hour and a half?

Teagan: I'm so desperate and you're so hot...

Gareth: What?

Teagan: I mean yes! *giggle*

Gareth: Bye!

Teagan: *swoons*

*later*

Teagan: The hot boy! I mean, Gareth! Hi!

Gareth: Let's go on that date!

Teagan: *swoons*

*at coffee shop*

Teagan: *swoons*

Gareth: *talking abo

Me: description

ACK, IT'S JUST SO BORING! I'm falling a sleep simply transcripting their conversations!

7-10. EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT THIS ATROCIOUS BOOK!

In Conclusion

Dear Angel Star,

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Fuck you, fuck your mother, your father, your brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles and aunts, grandparents, great grandparents and all of your friends.

Love,
Sev :)

Now time for plagiarizing Kira's reviews...
Bonus Time!

Let's play a guessing game!

Would I rather...!

Would I rather...
A. Make faces at myself in the mirror for 10 minutes...
Or...
B. Re-read Angel Star

Would I rather...
A. Drink a warm glass of Pine-Sol...
Or...
B. Re-read Angel Star

Would I rather...
A. Eat my own liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti...description
Or...
B. Re-read Angel Star

Think carefully now, darlings, and then tell me your answers in the comments :)

EDIT: Was too busy typing the review I forgot to give it the one star XD
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Reading Progress

09/01/2011 page 1
0.0% "Oh no. A prologue."
09/01/2011 page 3
1.0% ""My eyes closed to the haze that was now enveloping me, and I lay there as the rain quickly stained the weary sky and the heavens wept for me." Nope, not an awkward sentence at alllll." 4 comments
09/01/2011 page 3
1.0% ""It was from Brynn Hanson—the beautiful, pom-pom shaking, self-appointed queen of Carver High School. I, unfortunately, was her favorite poor soul to pick on." *rolls eyes* Evil blonde cheerleader. AGAIN? RLY?"
09/01/2011 page 14
6.0% "Her dad's an angel or something, right? (Anyone who's read the book is free to spoil me on this one.)" 4 comments
09/01/2011 page 16
6.0% "Wait wait wait BFF Claire...someone's picking on your best friend, and your first thought is that they need a boyfriend? How about you go kick some ass like an actual friend until the problem is solved, instead of the "U need manz 2 protct u!!1""
09/01/2011 page 17
7.0% "Um...why does Brynn hate them so much? You have to give an actual convincing reason for these things. She's gone out of her way to bully Teagan, and people don't do that just for the lawlz. Well, sometimes they do, but it doesn't make for an interesting read."
09/01/2011 page 18
7.0% "IF YOU ARE SEEING DELUSIONS AND FEELING AS IF YOU MIGHT PASS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOTHERFRICKEN HALLWAY, THE LAST THING YOU NEED IS A GODDAMN BOYFRIEND!!! You need psychological help!" 3 comments
09/01/2011 page 20
8.0% ""I must have jumped or shrieked because the look on his face mirrored the uncertain pounding I was now feeling in my chest." Firstly, how do you not know if you've jumped or shrieked? Secondly...what the hell? A facial expression that mirrors uncertain pounding in someone's chest? What is this I can't even..."
09/01/2011 page 20
8.0% ""The tall boy stood in front of me, his features soft, yet chiseled, and I couldn’t help but notice the way the sunlight played with his sandy hair. The way it curled loosely around his face, capturing the specks(...)" The full paragraph of description wouldn't even fit. Jesus H Christ. What is this thing?"
09/01/2011 page 20
8.0% ""He was staring at me and I quickly looked away, feeling panic rise in my chest. But it was a good panic. The nice kind." The department of redundancy department anyone?"
09/01/2011 page 23
9.0% ""I smiled back meekly and unwillingly turned to find my seat in the second row. I couldn’t help but notice the other girls gawk and whisper as Garreth took his seat at the back of the room. I felt the skin on my arms tingle protectively, as if the last few minutes had allowed me to lay some sort of claim on him." I think this passage speaks for itself."
09/01/2011 page 23
9.0% ""“From what I hear, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. You are so lucky!” Claire was practically bubbling over. “See, I said you needed a boyfriend. Who knew I would become an intellectual and a clairvoyant all in the same day?”" This bitch can't possibly be talking about herself. She's the exact opposite of intelligent and clairvoyant."
09/01/2011 page 31
12.0% "Stop being such a doormat to Brynn! Stand up for yourself, Teagen, and not in the way that I like you. In the way that I hate you're being such a boring doormat." 4 comments
09/03/2011 page 34
14.0% "I feel terrible for putting this off for so long. It's like I'm stretching it out for myself on purpose. *shudders*"
09/03/2011 page 35
14.0% ""Maybe a boyfriend wasn’t the answer. I needed protection. The truth was, I needed a life." *claps slowly* Finally! It took you long enough, bitch."
09/03/2011 page 35
14.0% "This is like, the fourth or fifth time her iPod was mentioned. I used to have an iPod, Teagen. I know they're great, but they're not THAT awesome. Please stop mentioning it. Also, why does every YA kid have an iPod? What happened to just an MP3 Player?"
09/03/2011 page 38
15.0% "O-kay. So apparently, everyone but Garreth in her High School is a jerky, self absorbed and immature slob. I see. How unpredictable that Garreth is the most perfect and lovely boy in that entire school! I never saw that one coming!"
09/03/2011 page 39
16.0% "At least Jennifer Murgia waited a while before going into the painful looking-in-mirror description of Teagan. Green eyes so light they were almost the color of water? We've been through this before, YA authors, water is CLEAR. Maybe you can get away with calling it blue without having too much stupidity on your head even though it ISN'T blue, but green? Really? Is this what the wonders of education are?"
09/03/2011 page 40
16.0% "She just rubbed random gels in her hair, threw some colored powder on her eyelids and smeared a red cream over her lips and she's suddenly beautiful? She even admitted she had no idea how to do makeup, and I'm supposed to believe she got it looking good the first time? These things do take practice, which is why makeup artists exist."
09/03/2011 page 40
16.0% ""I could feel her staring at me and I could sense her jaw must have dropped a mile at my attempt to look like a normal seventeen-year-old girl." (rest of status in comments section, it wouldn't fit)" 1 comment
09/03/2011 page 42
17.0% ""Aha! Madame Woo says makeup is good idea for landing hunky new boy at school." Aha! Madame Common Sense says any boy who wouldn't be interested in you if you weren't wearing makeup is hardly worth your time!"
09/03/2011 page 43
17.0% ""“I never understood why you never wore makeup. Hmm. I guess all it takes is a boy.”" As the book moves on, I become more and more insulted."
09/03/2011 page 43
17.0% "...what do vampire books have to do with dreams about wings and drafts? Claire's idiocy strikes again."
09/03/2011 page 44
18.0% ""Maybe I was a crutch to get him through his first day? No, no. He seemed so sincere. Could someone that gorgeous really be that nice?" And, the most important quote from this block of "thought"," Why am I such a moron?""
09/03/2011 page 45
18.0% "For fucks sake, how long as she known this guy? A day? Not even a full day, maybe an hour and a half!"
09/03/2011 page 46
18.0% "Oh my God! No more clothes descriptions! Please, I beg of you! No more!"
09/03/2011 page 47
19.0% "Okay Teagen, Claire may be a stupid bitch but you're being a douchebag. If your BFF gives you a ride and you accept, you can at least do is tell them you're cancelling before you skip off with some random guy. And ignoring her mother's rules about dating? If you don't want to follow your mum's rules, at 17 years old you have the option to move the fuck out. AND SHE'S ONLY KNOWN GARETH FOR A DAY."
09/03/2011 page 49
20.0% ""I wasn’t nervous to be seated where I was, in the unfamiliar car of a boy I had met only yesterday." We must kill her so she cannot multiply." 14 comments
09/03/2011 page 52
21.0% "I'm sorry everyone, but there is no fucking way I'll be able to finish this tonight :C Oh my God, I want to slaughter myself for having been so delusional to even think that...I'll settle for slaughtering Teagan and Claire instead :)"
09/03/2011 page 55
22.0% ""“Maybe I don’t want to make other friends. Maybe I’m happy with the one I already have.”" Okay, now I'm curious as to what Gareth really wants with her. There's no way anyone besides braindeaded Claire can stand being next to airheaded Teagan for ten minutes."
09/03/2011 page 59
24.0% "Please tell me there are no past lives here...please..."
09/03/2011 page 60
24.0% ""Our knees touched and nothing could prepare me for the shock waves that rolled through me. He smelled utterly delicious, as though he were surrounded by an ancient aura, something old and familiar...comforting. I was able to pick up a definite blend of vanilla and something more earthy, like teakwood, spicy and masculine." *stares blankly* Teagan, you need help."
09/03/2011 page 66
26.0% "Oh my God, stop describing how delicious Gareth smells! I'm going to puke!"
09/03/2011 page 68
27.0% "You know something's wrong when you don't care so much that you're humming the lyrics to "Friday" in your mind, trying to remember them all. Kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat Gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take...It's Friday, Friday..." 4 comments
09/03/2011 page 72
29.0% "WHY MUST ALL YA HEROINE'S HAVE THE PSYCHIC-TYPE DREAM? IT'S GETTING OLD PPL."
09/03/2011 page 73
29.0% "Um...Teagan...imagining a guy you went out with once in the dead of the night to sooth your bad dreams...that's kind of creepy. I'm putting this away for the night before I give myself nightmares :C"
09/04/2011 page 74
29.0% "PLOOOOOT! PLOOOOT WHERE ARE YOU?" 4 comments
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Comments (showing 1-26 of 26) (26 new)

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message 1: by Karen (new)

Karen BAD Mello... BAD


message 2: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert I know...I'm already regretting this :(

But alas, this is the point of no return.


message 3: by Kira (new) - added it

Kira Mello, you're fucking BRAVE. I started this piece of abysmal shit, and now I'm wishing I hadn't. It's furring my arteries.


message 4: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Kira wrote: "Mello, you're fucking BRAVE. I started this piece of abysmal shit, and now I'm wishing I hadn't. It's furring my arteries."

Thank you. I like to consider myself to have a higher tolerance level for bullshit than most :)

Furring your arter...Kira, maybe you should take a break. This sounds serious, and trust me, it only gets worse as you go along :C

I know it seems impossible for it to get worse now, but...it does.


message 5: by Choco (new) - added it

Choco I love you.


That's all I'm gonna say for now.


message 6: by Anila (new) - added it

Anila Wasn't Hadrian some Roman general?

Hadrian's Wall and all that?

Or am I confused?


Anyhow, great review. Copious gifs = excellent.


message 7: by Kelly (new) - added it

Kelly LOL!!!

And how is it possible to have soft yet chiseled features? Were they chiseled with a marshmallow?


message 8: by Rachel (new)

Rachel Hartman Anila wrote: "Wasn't Hadrian some Roman general?

Hadrian's Wall and all that?

Or am I confused?"


He was a Roman emperor. In fact, he was one of the most badass Roman emperors, due to being competent and minimally insane. When his lover Antinous died, Hadrian had him deified and forced people all over the empire to worship him. Seriously.

OK, that sounds kind of insane. But as far as Roman emperors go, it was small potatoes.


message 9: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Thank you everyone for your likes and support of my snarky gifs :)

Palice, I love you too. (This may be unrelated but:)Especially for reminding me about D Gray Man, girl you rock <3

Thanks for the info about Hadrian, Rachel! I suppose it's just that the name sounds very weird used in a shitty YA paranormal today. Severus worked for Snape because he's...well, Snape. This "dark angel" guy...well I mainly tripping on the name because I have a friend named Hayden and I was thinking of Adrian Ivaskov, truth be told. The two combined in my mind and I loled.

Kelly, ew. I keep getting the image of Teagan running a marshmallow over Gareth's shoulders....ack...

Paige, I've been meaning to add you as a friend after that troll on your status, but it slipped my mind. Since I kept seeing your feeds and reviews (after they were liked by my friends) and you showed up in the troll brigade so much I kind of assumed we were already friends -_-' But don't feel bad about only getting to page 84! Halo and Hades combined....so much fail...combined with even ten pages of this thing...I'm glad you got away *shudders*


message 10: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Ah yes. I've said this before, but trolls actually bring people together!

ACK NO NO NO! I didn't listen when I was warned against it, I didn't, but YOU MUST NOT! My god...it's terrible...*breaks down and cries*

Y-you'll never recover...

I won't say "worst than Twilight" anymore.

I won't say "worst that Cassandra Clare" anymore.

I'm going to say "worst than Angel Star".


message 11: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert *wipes sweat from forehead* Good, good! Just don't give in to the temptation!

Angel Star....I'd rather read literal shit, as in shit smeared on a sheet of paper before picking up Angel Star again.

That's really sad.


message 12: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert NEVVVEEEERRRRRRR!

Never will I condemn myself to such horror! NEVER! You can't maketh meh!


message 13: by Cait (last edited Sep 05, 2011 08:13PM) (new)

Cait bhahahahaahahahahah! :D Oh my God Mello I think I just peed my pants from laughing so hard! I love your gifs and that little conversation part reminds me of when I do the same thing, but for plot and it was fucking hilarious! Oh my God whoooooo I'm still trying to calm down. That awesome incarnate!


message 14: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Cait wrote: "bhahahahaahahahahah! :D Oh my God Mello I think I just peed my pants from laughing so hard! I love your gifs and that little conversation part reminds me of when I do the same thing, but for plot..."

Thanks so much Cait :)


message 15: by Sophia. (new)

Sophia. Oh my God, this is wonderful. I'm laughing so hard right now. Congrats!!!


Arianna 86 pages into it... I'm seeing your point.


Mel (who is deeply in love with herself) Ah, Mello! Your use of exclamation marks and gifs never cease to amaze me! This book is definitely never going to come into my hands. Until I cave in.


message 18: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Mel (Tattie Bogle #2!) wrote: "Ah, Mello! Your use of exclamation marks and gifs never cease to amaze me! This book is definitely never going to come into my hands. Until I cave in."

:D Thank you, thank you!

DON'T CAVE. Trust me, it's not worth it :[


message 19: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Sophia. wrote: "Oh my God, this is wonderful. I'm laughing so hard right now. Congrats!!!"

Thank you, ma'am :] Glad I made you laugh!


Mel (who is deeply in love with herself) Oh, Mello. "Don't cave"?

Dont you know me by now?

Don't I always cave in?


message 21: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Mel (Tattie Bogle #2!) wrote: "Oh, Mello. "Don't cave"?

Dont you know me by now?

Don't I always cave in?"


Resist! REEESIST!


Mel (who is deeply in love with herself) John wrote: "Mel (Tattie Bogle #2!) wrote: "Oh, Mello. "Don't cave"?

Dont you know me by now?

Don't I always cave in?"

Resist! REEESIST!"



I'll try! For you, m'dear, I'll try.
But dont kill me if you see this on my currently-reading shelf. Try and forgive my shitty-YA-weakness.



message 23: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert You can do it! Stay strong, Mel, stay strongggg!


Mel (who is deeply in love with herself) John wrote: "You can do it! Stay strong, Mel, stay strongggg!"

YESSSSSSSS! I WILL!!!!!



You have given me renewed strength, my friend. I SHALL resist. I shall!


message 25: by Christina (new)

Christina Wilder Mel (who is deeply in love with herself) wrote: "John wrote: "You can do it! Stay strong, Mel, stay strongggg!"

YESSSSSSSS! I WILL!!!!!



You have given me renewed strength, my friend. I SHALL resist. I shall!"


OH LORD IS THAT THE SUPERNATURAL GUYS IN THAT GIF?!? *squeeee*


♥★Julia That was disturbing.


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