Marvin's Reviews > The Slackers Guide to U.S. History: The Bare Minimum on Discovering America, the Boston Tea Party, the California Gold Rush, and Lots of Other Stuff Dead White Guys Did

The Slackers Guide to U.S. History by Don Stewart
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Sep 04, 11

bookshelves: humor
Read from August 17 to 18, 2011

My name is Marvin and I'm a Kindle-holic

Hi Marvin!

I'm a little embarrassed to be here. Julie at the bookstore warned me about the evils of the Kindle but I didn't listen. What could be wrong about reading more books? And the darn thing can hold over 1500 books! That sounded like heaven to me. But little did I know how Amazon would suck me into more and more books that I didn't need to read. Instead of having to wait for Julie's Book Store to open at 10AM for my fix, all I had to do was push that Kindle button any time of the day or night and less than a minute later, there was my book!

But that wasn't the worse. I discovered how many books could be bought for a dollar or less. Books with irresistible titles like Hello Kitty Must Die, The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island, and Bible Camp Bloodbath. By the time I was reading Ass Goblins of Auschwitz I should have realized the trouble I was in but I was already in denial.

And then I discovered free books on the Kindle and I was swept up in a orgy of bodice rippers, mediocre Christian fiction, and kindle smut. There's even a group on Goodreads called Kindle Smut. Blast those perverted Goodreads people!

I finally hit bottom when I downloaded The Slacker's Guide to U.S. History. I should have known it was a scam. Slackers don't read! What I received was a very unfunny book that thinks U.S. History is a one punch line joke. With scores of inaccuracies, the authors ridicule everything in the United States with unfunny jokes and stupid celebrity digs. They seemed particularly obsessed with tasteless Michael Jackson lines and anyone they could make fun of sexually. Titling the chapter on Martin Luther King as "A Black Man's Wet Dream" is offensive in too many ways to count and endless sex jokes about Richard Nixon such as "The tapes show a crooked dick" aren't even imaginative. Over 200 pages of this was more than I could handle. I looked up the nearest Kindle Anonymous meeting and here I am. I'm not ready to give up my Kindle but perhaps I should keep my freebies to the classics like Pride and Prejudice. That's what I will do, but not before I download that new free Zombie paranormal romance novel.

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Comments (showing 1-15 of 15) (15 new)

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message 1: by Stephen (new)

Stephen You've taken the first step and admitted you have a problem. That is a great start. Remember that you're among friends here. One day at a time.

Personally, I don't have a kindle problem. I can stop anytime I want. I only use it socially. I mean it. It's true. I don't care what anyone else says, I know me.


Marvin :)


message 3: by ivana18 (new)

ivana18 roflmao!!!!
Amazing review free smileys


message 4: by Sandra (new)

Sandra This was hilarious!! haven't read the book and doubt I will but the review itself is perfect.

On another note, I'm a Nookaholic but I don't see that as a problem. Reading is good for the soul, right? :)


message 5: by Kaethe (new) - added it

Kaethe Bravo!

I try to limit myself to downloading freebies that are already on my list to read, but, well, all that storage is *awfully* tempting.


message 6: by Morrigan (new)

Morrigan I am Charleen, and I also have a problem. Really doesn't help that I subscribe to a daily blog that lists free books.


message 7: by Kaethe (new) - added it

Kaethe Snerk.


Marvin Hi everyone. Glad you all liked the review.


message 9: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn There's a new zombie paranormal romance?

I spent over an hour last night cleaning out much of the free crap I've accumulated on my kindle. It's amazing what we download simply because it is free. I deleted over 100 books last night alone.


Marvin I should start deleting too, I'll never get to half of what I downloaded free. I going to start with those PNRs you chuckled about when I downloaded them:)


message 11: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Oh Marvin, I did not know you were a masochist. I really did not think you would get around to reading any of them. I do not think you will be a happy camper but I am looking forward to the reviews. ;)


message 12: by Marvin (last edited Sep 06, 2011 08:49PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Marvin Actually I meant to say I'm going to start deleting them:)

BTW, yes there was a zombie paranormal romance but I was to late to get it for free. Kind of sorry because it may have made for a very funny if slightly kinky review.


message 13: by Wendy (new) - rated it 1 star

Wendy Preach it Marvin! This book is a waste of Kindle memory and/or paper!


message 14: by Michelle (new)

Michelle Hahahahaha...I can see Julie grinning now...just look at yourself. Shame... ;)


message 15: by Lilo (new)

Lilo Thanks for the warning. As a bargain hunter, I am always tempted to download freebies.


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